Soooo...
Every year the different churches in Globe get together at the Globe Stake Center for a Christmas Sing. There are all sorts of musical numbers, including some from one church's handbell group. Overall, it should be an amazing experience that we should want to go to every year. Right? Well, I feel bad about it, but every year I just don't want to go. I really should because Kenzie sings in it every year. But I don't. I always give the excuse that we have all these kids and wouldn't get to sit and listen anyway. Well, that is true. But I have been realizing that there is another reason too. And it appears that the reason is that my feelings are hurt. Good golly. Time to let go o' that, right?
See, the people who organize the Christmas Sing are kind of choosy. The people they pick are outgoing people, and the same people get picked every year. Some of them really leave a lot to be desired, to be honest. I wish they'd pick me! So why am I not good enough? I don't know.
I have actually performed in the Christmas Sing on two separate occasions. One time a lady in our ward needed a partner for a duet, so she asked Jeremy to sing with her. And then there was a flute part, so I got roped in to do that. How is that for sneaky and round-about? And the other time either Dad or Rachel or both were asked to sing. And somehow or other Jeremy and I ended up singing with them. Everything was fine and we had our parts learned. We were at the church for a dress rehearsal, and Rachel's piano teacher (one of the organizers) was there to give us pointers. At the end of the song she came and told me that I needed to sing quieter because Rachel needed the experience more than I did. What the what, now? I can understand her wanting to look out for her student, but who is she to say that I didn't need the experience? Did she see my whole life and who I was and where I had been and therefore just know? No. That just wasn't nice.
And I have never been asked back. It makes me sad. This is exactly the kind of thing I would be so happy to participate in. It's MUSIC! At CHRISTMAS! I really kind of thought that through my roped-in parts they would see I could do something and ask me the next time. (You know, actually ask ME by my own merits.) I don't have an ugly voice. I am not a horrible flutist. And I guess the big thing is that I feel like they judged me and found me lacking. I feel like I am not the only overlooked talent, either. And, yes, those words still sting. And I feel sad every year that nobody ever asks me. This is one of those "by invitation or roping-in" kind of deals. Nobody can just ask to be in it. And so I decided it is lame and hurtful and I don't need it in my life.
So there you go. And maybe now that it is written and fully recognized I can start to let it go. Phew!
I could also note I'm sure that lady wasn't meaning to hurt my feelings, and I'm sure the organizers aren't either. It really kind of makes me feel like a lame-o for holding onto these feelings when all typed out my reasons for being hurt just look lame. So that should help me let go, right? :P
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Sticker Earrings and Candy Corns
Surely, a cold, dreary day such as the one we just had begs for a sad, solemn story dug up from the past. Here is just the ticket.
When I was little I really wanted to get my ears pierced. I begged Mama to let me do it, but, of course, she said I couldn't get them pierced until I reached some obscure age far off in the distance that I probably would never reach. I would sometimes daydream about how awesome it would be to have pierced ears like a few other girls I knew. My sisters and I would even buy spiral bracelets and cut them apart to make tiny hoop earrings. They hurt, but, as Aunt Nancy said, "It hurts to be beautiful." And I got some really pretty clip-on earrings for one of my birthdays. They were yellow with crystals. I loved them, but I still wished my ears were pierced. Mama would tell us how her daddy told her something like, "You will never get your ears pierced. That is evil." (Surely, those were not his exact words, but you get the idea. It was a scandal when she finally did get her ears pierced. ;)
Well, in fifth grade I discovered another solution for my ringless ears. It was really quite ingenious. The solution was sticker earrings, and they were amazing. There were two of each design on what seemed to be endless sheets in chock-full books of stickers. You just peeled them off and stuck them to your ears, and they looked simply wonderful for about 5 minutes until they got lost in your hair or the oils in your skin made them unsticky.
This was quite an exciting discovery for me, as you might imagine, and one day, through the generosity of a friend, I found myself in possession of, not one, but two sheets of sticker earrings. I couldn't believe my luck. Well, neither could another girl in my class, it seems. She begged and begged me to please give her a sheet of those amazing, wonderful stickers. I finally told her that she could have one if she would bring me two packs of candy corns. She agreed, and I gave her the sheet of stickers.
I couldn't believe my luck! I had a whole sheet of sticker earrings, and soon would also be swimming in candy corns! You can bet I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning with visions of heart-stopping sweetness dancing in my head. However, when I got to school there were no candy corns. I was absolutely shocked. How could this be? I waited another day. Still no candy corns. I waited another day. STILL no candy corns. Yes, each new day came and went without any candy corns. I even reminded the girl that she owed me two packs of candy corns, but to no avail. She promised me she would remember this time, but the candy corns never appeared. I was down one whole endless sticker earring sheet and still had no candy corns. Woe is me!
Well, the years have passed by, and I must confess that if she were to finally let her conscience get to her and repay her debt (How does it not bother her?!), I would smile and thank her and eat a few before depositing the rest into file 13 while she was looking the other way. (That's the circular file, you know. *Wink, wink*) I must be getting old because candy corns just don't have the appeal that they used to.
And sadder still, though the years did come and go and I finally was old enough and got my ears pierced, I don't wear earrings more than once a year anymore. And by the time I get the notion to wear them again I've forgotten which ones I'm allergic to and which ones I'm not, so more often than not I come home from church with red, sore ears and promptly remove the silly things.
Indeed, these are sad, solemn days I live in.
When I was little I really wanted to get my ears pierced. I begged Mama to let me do it, but, of course, she said I couldn't get them pierced until I reached some obscure age far off in the distance that I probably would never reach. I would sometimes daydream about how awesome it would be to have pierced ears like a few other girls I knew. My sisters and I would even buy spiral bracelets and cut them apart to make tiny hoop earrings. They hurt, but, as Aunt Nancy said, "It hurts to be beautiful." And I got some really pretty clip-on earrings for one of my birthdays. They were yellow with crystals. I loved them, but I still wished my ears were pierced. Mama would tell us how her daddy told her something like, "You will never get your ears pierced. That is evil." (Surely, those were not his exact words, but you get the idea. It was a scandal when she finally did get her ears pierced. ;)
Well, in fifth grade I discovered another solution for my ringless ears. It was really quite ingenious. The solution was sticker earrings, and they were amazing. There were two of each design on what seemed to be endless sheets in chock-full books of stickers. You just peeled them off and stuck them to your ears, and they looked simply wonderful for about 5 minutes until they got lost in your hair or the oils in your skin made them unsticky.
This was quite an exciting discovery for me, as you might imagine, and one day, through the generosity of a friend, I found myself in possession of, not one, but two sheets of sticker earrings. I couldn't believe my luck. Well, neither could another girl in my class, it seems. She begged and begged me to please give her a sheet of those amazing, wonderful stickers. I finally told her that she could have one if she would bring me two packs of candy corns. She agreed, and I gave her the sheet of stickers.
I couldn't believe my luck! I had a whole sheet of sticker earrings, and soon would also be swimming in candy corns! You can bet I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning with visions of heart-stopping sweetness dancing in my head. However, when I got to school there were no candy corns. I was absolutely shocked. How could this be? I waited another day. Still no candy corns. I waited another day. STILL no candy corns. Yes, each new day came and went without any candy corns. I even reminded the girl that she owed me two packs of candy corns, but to no avail. She promised me she would remember this time, but the candy corns never appeared. I was down one whole endless sticker earring sheet and still had no candy corns. Woe is me!
Well, the years have passed by, and I must confess that if she were to finally let her conscience get to her and repay her debt (How does it not bother her?!), I would smile and thank her and eat a few before depositing the rest into file 13 while she was looking the other way. (That's the circular file, you know. *Wink, wink*) I must be getting old because candy corns just don't have the appeal that they used to.
And sadder still, though the years did come and go and I finally was old enough and got my ears pierced, I don't wear earrings more than once a year anymore. And by the time I get the notion to wear them again I've forgotten which ones I'm allergic to and which ones I'm not, so more often than not I come home from church with red, sore ears and promptly remove the silly things.
Indeed, these are sad, solemn days I live in.
Thursday, November 21, 2013
Monday, November 18, 2013
Sooooo.... (an update on our world)
This is going to be a busy week! We've got Grandma Burk's birthday today, Timmy's birthday tomorrow (3!), and then appointments for Joshua and Timmy at SEABHS, where Jeremy works. I'm actually excited about these happenings. (Of course. I mean, who doesn't love birthdays?!) But these appointments at SEABHS could mean good things for these two of our boys. I'm not sure what it will lead to, but it is a jumping-off point and should lead to some good help for both of them. They can refer us to whatever needs to happen next. It makes me feel excited to think that they can help us know what to do. Despite my research, I am clueless about what the process is, so I am thankful there is somebody who knows the process and can help us! Wahoo!
I know I mentioned before that we quite K12 and are doing our own thing for home school. To tell the truth, I am still working out what exactly that will mean, but I can tell you that our home is a lot happier and a lot less stressful. I am really thankful for my Cedar City friend Tia for sharing with me what home school is for her. It has kind of turned things upside down for me and made me feel like I have permission to follow the Spirit and also do what I want to in this area. I will have to do a blog post about home school, but for now you can just know that I've learned a lot and I'm excited and not stressed out about it. :)
I am loving the cooler weather! I come to my computer in the morning and sit cross-legged in my chair to keep my feet warm. Joshua has been using the tea pot every day to make cocoa or instant oatmeal. He much prefers it to heating up water in the microwave. It's somehow more exciting. :)
This is a random little detail but one I meant to record quite a while ago. Timmy used to knock on doors with the back of his fist. It was so cute! I really wish I had a video of it. :) Now he knocks/pounds with the pinky side of his fist. His knocks are slow and deliberate. We know who it is. He will sometimes sneak out the back door and run around to knock on the front door. He can't open the front door yet. He likes to sneak in my bedroom, and he prefers to have the door shut whenever he's in there.
I've found that at night I can get him to come and snuggle with Brom and me on the recliner that is in there if I lock the bedroom door. He hasn't figured out how to unlock it yet, so he sits and cries at the door for a few minutes before coming and climbing up by us. What he really does after he climbs up is stand on the arm of the chair and lean back, playing with and laying on my hair. He likes to fall asleep holding it. So he falls asleep while I nurse Brom. And then I burp Brom, who wakes back up and has to nurse on the other side before he'll go to sleep and stay asleep. (I'm serious. I have to nurse him until he falls asleep and then nurse him again because he always wakes up. But I will not complain because then he sleeps until 6:00 or 7:00.) So I stand up to put Brom in his bed, and Timmy (who by that point is usually quite literally is sleeping on my head - thank heavens that chair reclines!) slides down to lay on the recliner as it sits up. I put Brom in his bed and zip him up in his baby sleeping bag that Grandma McDermott made for Hyrum, and then I put Timmy to bed. Sometimes. Sometimes I just leave him sleeping on the chair because he looks comfy. I just put a blanket on him and leave him be. He usually crawls in bed with us later.
And speaking of Timmy's sleeping habits, recently Jeremy had me pick up some melatonin tablets at the store. When we remember to, we give Timmy half of one before bed time. The first time we did it I felt so bad watching him fall asleep. I felt like we were evil parents who had drugged our son to make him sleep (even though melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the body and not a drug). But I have decided I need to stop feeling bad and think more objectively about it. The truth is, we need sleep and so does he. He still wakes up at least twice every night without the melatonin, and he takes forever to go to sleep. He still doesn't nap unless we go shopping or something on a day when he is extra sleepy (he falls asleep in the car then). So anyway, I did a little research on melatonin, and it turns out that doctors sometimes recommend giving melatonin to kids with autism because they have trouble sleeping. And I realized, "Duh!" Joshua has always had a hard time getting to sleep at night, and so has Timmy! Did you know this about kids with autism? I didn't have any idea. It makes sense. So anyway, melatonin is good stuff. I hope we can be more consistent with it. They're supposed to take it an hour or two before bed time. We should be giving some to Joshua too, I think.
For a couple of weeks I was having a hard time getting things done because Brom would wake up as soon as I buckled him in his swing. It was frustrating! Then one day I just set him in there without buckling it, and voila! He stayed asleep! So I have been putting him in there without the buckles, and it works good. :) I just have to keep an eye on him so Jill and Timmy don't try to take him out! I love that little one, but I am sure happier when I can put him down for a while and accomplish something, even if I just pick up a few things or wash a few dishes. (As much as I hate washing dishes, it is indeed wonderful to have them done.)
Last week I tried a new recipe from The Girl Who Ate Everything (a food blog I like) called Pesto Chicken Pillows. It's kind of embarrassing to me to call them pillows. It makes me want to hide my head in a hole. But that is what the recipe is called. Basically, it's basil pesto with chicken and cream cheese baked inside those Pillsbury crescent rolls you buy in those cans you pop open. You wrap the rolls around the chicken stuff and then dip them in butter and panko crumbs. (I had no idea what panko crumbs were. I thought it must be a brand of bread crumbs. Nope! It is a style of bread crumbs. They use it to bread shrimp, and the only real difference between these and other bread crumbs is that they're not seasoned and the crust is removed.) Anyway, wow! These were super yummy! Jeremy loved them more than I thought he would, too. Score! It had been too long since I'd had basil. ;) Plus, those rolls are really good anyway! And maybe, just maybe, I feel a little less like hiding my head in a hole just because they were so good. :) Hyrum and Benji liked them too, and Timmy even ate half of one. (Yes, Timmy, the pickiest of all eaters, at a half! I was shocked.)
Last week we had a couple of meltdowns from Joshua about computers. I don't know where he gets the idea (because he's so good at a lot of other things), but he thinks the only thing he can do is play computer. That's the only thing that's any good, apparently. Well, last week there were a few times when he got kicked off the computer before he felt ready, and he launched into fits, yelling and crying about how he didn't understand why he was being punished. When he gets like this, all we can do is try to talk him down and reassure him that it'll be ok. Reasoning with him doesn't really work. If we answer his "why" questions he asks again and again anyway. One of these times happened on scout night (we've been sending him to scouts with Hyrum because we don't have an 11-year-old scout group), and he was still crying when we got to scouts. I patiently reassured him that it would be ok. Eventually he did get out and head inside the church. I felt so sad for him as I watched him stop and furiously wipe his eyes to try to hide that he was crying. I sat and prayed and prayed. I know he'll be ok, but it is kind of heartbreaking to deal with this. Dealing with his disappointments is a lot different from dealing with his brothers' disappointments. Anyway, we're going to figure out something different for computers in the near future, and hopefully we'll avoid future meltdowns. Thinking about it, though, Joshua's reaction is like what happens with Timmy 99% of the time when the iPad is taken from him. Abrupt changes are not their favorite thing. Poor fellas. They'll be ok, though.
On Saturday I finally got around to cutting the boys' hair. It was a good thing I did. I'd been putting it off because the last time I cut their hair I was third trimester and it killed my hip. I didn't want to spend forever cutting hair. I finally muscled my way past my whining and just did it. I cut hair off the 5 older boys. Joshua needed it the most. Mama cut Jeremy, Hyrum, and Benji's hair while she was here, but Joshua, Michael, and Timmy didn't need it as bad, so we didn't worry about it. Well, on Saturday, the hair I cut off Joshua's head was like 2 inches long. Crazy! I got all 5 of those heads of hair cut by 11:00, I believe. I was pretty pleased with myself. I still need to cut Jeremy's hair, but hooray for all I got done! And they all look so much better! I do have quite handsome sons. :)
Also on Saturday Hyrum had a youth trip. They went ice skating and then went to the Temple. I'm so glad Hyrum could go. I really wish Joshua could have gone! Well, he'll be 12 in March, and then he can go. That will be awesome! It was kind of funny because we got to the church right on time, and it turned out that a funeral was just ending right then. There were cars everywhere, but nobody to be seen of the Young Men or Young Women. We waited about a half hour before we found anybody. I was glad to know they hadn't already left! What a blessing that he can go! I really appreciate that the youth here go so often. And I am thankful that it gives him the opportunity to not only do service in the House of the Lord but also to associate with some good young people. :)
I know I mentioned before that we quite K12 and are doing our own thing for home school. To tell the truth, I am still working out what exactly that will mean, but I can tell you that our home is a lot happier and a lot less stressful. I am really thankful for my Cedar City friend Tia for sharing with me what home school is for her. It has kind of turned things upside down for me and made me feel like I have permission to follow the Spirit and also do what I want to in this area. I will have to do a blog post about home school, but for now you can just know that I've learned a lot and I'm excited and not stressed out about it. :)
I am loving the cooler weather! I come to my computer in the morning and sit cross-legged in my chair to keep my feet warm. Joshua has been using the tea pot every day to make cocoa or instant oatmeal. He much prefers it to heating up water in the microwave. It's somehow more exciting. :)
This is a random little detail but one I meant to record quite a while ago. Timmy used to knock on doors with the back of his fist. It was so cute! I really wish I had a video of it. :) Now he knocks/pounds with the pinky side of his fist. His knocks are slow and deliberate. We know who it is. He will sometimes sneak out the back door and run around to knock on the front door. He can't open the front door yet. He likes to sneak in my bedroom, and he prefers to have the door shut whenever he's in there.
I've found that at night I can get him to come and snuggle with Brom and me on the recliner that is in there if I lock the bedroom door. He hasn't figured out how to unlock it yet, so he sits and cries at the door for a few minutes before coming and climbing up by us. What he really does after he climbs up is stand on the arm of the chair and lean back, playing with and laying on my hair. He likes to fall asleep holding it. So he falls asleep while I nurse Brom. And then I burp Brom, who wakes back up and has to nurse on the other side before he'll go to sleep and stay asleep. (I'm serious. I have to nurse him until he falls asleep and then nurse him again because he always wakes up. But I will not complain because then he sleeps until 6:00 or 7:00.) So I stand up to put Brom in his bed, and Timmy (who by that point is usually quite literally is sleeping on my head - thank heavens that chair reclines!) slides down to lay on the recliner as it sits up. I put Brom in his bed and zip him up in his baby sleeping bag that Grandma McDermott made for Hyrum, and then I put Timmy to bed. Sometimes. Sometimes I just leave him sleeping on the chair because he looks comfy. I just put a blanket on him and leave him be. He usually crawls in bed with us later.
And speaking of Timmy's sleeping habits, recently Jeremy had me pick up some melatonin tablets at the store. When we remember to, we give Timmy half of one before bed time. The first time we did it I felt so bad watching him fall asleep. I felt like we were evil parents who had drugged our son to make him sleep (even though melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the body and not a drug). But I have decided I need to stop feeling bad and think more objectively about it. The truth is, we need sleep and so does he. He still wakes up at least twice every night without the melatonin, and he takes forever to go to sleep. He still doesn't nap unless we go shopping or something on a day when he is extra sleepy (he falls asleep in the car then). So anyway, I did a little research on melatonin, and it turns out that doctors sometimes recommend giving melatonin to kids with autism because they have trouble sleeping. And I realized, "Duh!" Joshua has always had a hard time getting to sleep at night, and so has Timmy! Did you know this about kids with autism? I didn't have any idea. It makes sense. So anyway, melatonin is good stuff. I hope we can be more consistent with it. They're supposed to take it an hour or two before bed time. We should be giving some to Joshua too, I think.
For a couple of weeks I was having a hard time getting things done because Brom would wake up as soon as I buckled him in his swing. It was frustrating! Then one day I just set him in there without buckling it, and voila! He stayed asleep! So I have been putting him in there without the buckles, and it works good. :) I just have to keep an eye on him so Jill and Timmy don't try to take him out! I love that little one, but I am sure happier when I can put him down for a while and accomplish something, even if I just pick up a few things or wash a few dishes. (As much as I hate washing dishes, it is indeed wonderful to have them done.)
Last week I tried a new recipe from The Girl Who Ate Everything (a food blog I like) called Pesto Chicken Pillows. It's kind of embarrassing to me to call them pillows. It makes me want to hide my head in a hole. But that is what the recipe is called. Basically, it's basil pesto with chicken and cream cheese baked inside those Pillsbury crescent rolls you buy in those cans you pop open. You wrap the rolls around the chicken stuff and then dip them in butter and panko crumbs. (I had no idea what panko crumbs were. I thought it must be a brand of bread crumbs. Nope! It is a style of bread crumbs. They use it to bread shrimp, and the only real difference between these and other bread crumbs is that they're not seasoned and the crust is removed.) Anyway, wow! These were super yummy! Jeremy loved them more than I thought he would, too. Score! It had been too long since I'd had basil. ;) Plus, those rolls are really good anyway! And maybe, just maybe, I feel a little less like hiding my head in a hole just because they were so good. :) Hyrum and Benji liked them too, and Timmy even ate half of one. (Yes, Timmy, the pickiest of all eaters, at a half! I was shocked.)
Last week we had a couple of meltdowns from Joshua about computers. I don't know where he gets the idea (because he's so good at a lot of other things), but he thinks the only thing he can do is play computer. That's the only thing that's any good, apparently. Well, last week there were a few times when he got kicked off the computer before he felt ready, and he launched into fits, yelling and crying about how he didn't understand why he was being punished. When he gets like this, all we can do is try to talk him down and reassure him that it'll be ok. Reasoning with him doesn't really work. If we answer his "why" questions he asks again and again anyway. One of these times happened on scout night (we've been sending him to scouts with Hyrum because we don't have an 11-year-old scout group), and he was still crying when we got to scouts. I patiently reassured him that it would be ok. Eventually he did get out and head inside the church. I felt so sad for him as I watched him stop and furiously wipe his eyes to try to hide that he was crying. I sat and prayed and prayed. I know he'll be ok, but it is kind of heartbreaking to deal with this. Dealing with his disappointments is a lot different from dealing with his brothers' disappointments. Anyway, we're going to figure out something different for computers in the near future, and hopefully we'll avoid future meltdowns. Thinking about it, though, Joshua's reaction is like what happens with Timmy 99% of the time when the iPad is taken from him. Abrupt changes are not their favorite thing. Poor fellas. They'll be ok, though.
On Saturday I finally got around to cutting the boys' hair. It was a good thing I did. I'd been putting it off because the last time I cut their hair I was third trimester and it killed my hip. I didn't want to spend forever cutting hair. I finally muscled my way past my whining and just did it. I cut hair off the 5 older boys. Joshua needed it the most. Mama cut Jeremy, Hyrum, and Benji's hair while she was here, but Joshua, Michael, and Timmy didn't need it as bad, so we didn't worry about it. Well, on Saturday, the hair I cut off Joshua's head was like 2 inches long. Crazy! I got all 5 of those heads of hair cut by 11:00, I believe. I was pretty pleased with myself. I still need to cut Jeremy's hair, but hooray for all I got done! And they all look so much better! I do have quite handsome sons. :)
Also on Saturday Hyrum had a youth trip. They went ice skating and then went to the Temple. I'm so glad Hyrum could go. I really wish Joshua could have gone! Well, he'll be 12 in March, and then he can go. That will be awesome! It was kind of funny because we got to the church right on time, and it turned out that a funeral was just ending right then. There were cars everywhere, but nobody to be seen of the Young Men or Young Women. We waited about a half hour before we found anybody. I was glad to know they hadn't already left! What a blessing that he can go! I really appreciate that the youth here go so often. And I am thankful that it gives him the opportunity to not only do service in the House of the Lord but also to associate with some good young people. :)
Monday, November 11, 2013
Quickie
We cut a hole in our living room wall on Saturday. I love it - except that I now need to try extra hard to keep the kitchen clean. XD Jeremy and Aaron did it. It is strange, but I felt a confirmation that that needed to happen that day. I am not sure why. Is it because Jeremy and Aaron needed to be together? Is it because Benji needed to help? (He got to use the belt sander.) I don't know. That's ok. It still needs some sanding, caulking, and trim, but it's mostly done. We ran out of sand paper on Saturday. Darn!
OK, one more thing. Today I was holding Brom. I laid him back so I could talk to him, and he stared straight up at the ceiling and started smiling and cooing. It was so sweet. It makes me wonder who he might have been smiling at. Heaven is probably closer than we think more often than we think. It is a neat thought.
OK, one more thing. Today I was holding Brom. I laid him back so I could talk to him, and he stared straight up at the ceiling and started smiling and cooing. It was so sweet. It makes me wonder who he might have been smiling at. Heaven is probably closer than we think more often than we think. It is a neat thought.
Monday, November 4, 2013
Timmy
I recently had a realization about Timmy, and I have been processing it in my head ever since. I realized that this little guy is probably on the autism spectrum.
In all my thought processes I keep arriving at the question, "How did I not see it before?!" I think I was focusing on all his little quirks one at a time rather than seeing the big picture. But now that I can kind of put the pieces together, it is pretty dang obvious.
For one thing, he has some sort of speech delay. He will be 3 this month and still isn't using many sentences. Most of the time he just babbles or uses one word, maybe two. And the sentences he does use are quotes and things. He will sit and count things or repeat back this or that that he has heard a million times. His favorite song is "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," and he will sit and quote the whole thing in a speaking voice. "Twinko, twinko, weedo star. How uh wonder uh oo are. Up abubb a world so high. Wike oo diamond imboo guy." I don't think he quite understands the words, but he knows and loves them.
He also has his little obsessions. One of them is my hair, and he doesn't understand that "OW!" is a bad thing. He also likes to line up his cars. (Oh, how he loves cars!) But lately what he loves almost more than my hair is the iPad and my computer. I've had to restrict his usage of both of those for a couple of reasons. For one thing, when his turn is done he gets really, really upset. That is not good. And for another thing, they keep him from being with me, and that leads to his feeling neglected, which more and more lately is a horrible thing. He has started trying to hurt me. He has thrown books at my head, and just yesterday he was trying to smack me with a block. It honestly scares me. He's also started tackling anybody he can when he's feeling that certain way. And maybe it isn't even just that he feels neglected. Maybe it's also when he's tired. But his poor little cousins and poor Jill are suffering because of it.
He doesn't really socialize with people at all. He doesn't interact with anybody most of the time, and if he does it's just Jeremy or me or Michael or Jill. And always it is pretty one-sided. He doesn't seem to understand that other people have feelings at all. And most of the time he just plays by himself. I guess they would call what he does "parallel playing." He plays near people but not with them very much.
I have tried over these few years (He's going to be 3 in 15 days!) to help him understand that "Ow" is a bad thing and that it's not ok to hurt people. Don't get me wrong, though. He is a good boy, and most of the time he does just play nicely. He just hasn't seemed to make age-appropriate realizations about other people. And when I do try to explain it is like talking to a brick wall. My words do not make much of an impact. Punishments don't really work either because he doesn't seem to understand that consequences are connected to his actions. He does what he does and moves on. If we try to punish him for it it doesn't make a dent because in his mind we are just being mean for no reason.
He also doesn't seem to understand some of my simple requests. Either that or he is ignoring them. Here's an example. Every night I nurse Brom in the recliner in my bedroom to get him to sleep. Timmy likes to climb up on the chair and lay on my hair. I am ok with that except that he seems to like going on the side where Brom's head is. And he doesn't hold still. It just seems like he's squirming and bouncing on Brom's head. I don't like that. I try to tell him, "Go around. Go to the other side." He just doesn't seem to get it. And I can't do much to help him understand because he's on the side with my arm that's supporting Brom's head. I can't do much else with that arm, so I can't help him move to the other side. Another thing is that he doesn't come when I call his name. He never has. That doesn't seem to be any sort of cue in his mind.
It is interesting watching him as I am figuring him out now. His case is so different from Joshua's. Joshua was an early talker, and when he started talking he almost immediately started using sentences. But he held off on walking for as long as he could. He isn't as coordinated as a lot of kids his age. (But of course, he is leaps and bounds beyond them in other things.) Timmy wasn't really early walking, but he has been really coordinated. Jeremy has watched him run and wrestle and has been amazed because he naturally has really good form in both. He naturally does things that Jeremy spent a lot of time and energy trying to teach to his track and wrestling students. Isn't that interesting? But his speech is delayed. There are other things that are really different too, but I think it is still pretty obvious that they are both on the spectrum.
So what's next, you say? Well, I'm hoping that we can get Timmy tested. If we can get him tested we can probably get him some help, which I would be so thankful for! Early intervention can make such a difference! Either way, it is kind of exciting to me to have something figured out. I am curious to see how things will go.
OK, so there's that all. There's just one more thing I want to record.
I discussed how school was going in the last post. It has been hugely frustrating, especially with Timmy feeling like he's not getting attention and wanting to hurt me. I have discussed that with the boys - that Timmy needs more attention and feels like he doesn't get enough when we're doing school. I hope the boys don't think I'm blaming them. We chose home school to help them, circumstances be danged. Anyway, one evening Joshua came to me and said, "Mommy, I would go back to Bejarano for Timmy." Oh, that just melted my heart. He would go back to the stupid kids who cuss and ask him stupid questions and make fun of him and his family, all for his little brother. It kind of makes me cry.
Oh, and one more thing about Joshua. He likes to talk about Brom and me using the words "Brommy and Mommy." Ha ha! He just thinks it's way fun.
Dang, I love my kiddos!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Happenings
I am so stinking frustrated! I go for days on end without getting to lay a finger on my own computer because the boys use it for school every day. And when I do get to get on my computer I am usually nursing a baby with Timmy climbing around behind me in the chair and 2 or 3 boys standing behind me saying, "What's that? Can I please play? When can I have a turn? I didn't play anything today." What the...
So there's a silly explanation about why I never blog anymore. I wish that blogging from my phone was a more viable solution. It just isn't. :P
I have a post about Timmy that I've been trying to work on. I've actually started it and tried to work on it a few times. It just hasn't worked out. I don't like typing one-handed with a boy climbing on me and yanking on my hair. I will see what I can do to get that done soon.
I should mention, though, that Jeremy received a part-time job offer from the local community college. He will be teaching 2 classes in the spring: Macroeconomics and AutoCAD. I am really nervous about the prospect of being here in the spring. It has been a really hard year for our allergies. But we will be looking into getting allergy shots, I believe. I am really proud of Jeremy, and I think he'll do a great job.
I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't break my heart to not be going back to Cedar City right now. I'm not going to pretend like I didn't have allergies there too. But I can't deny that the schools were so much better there. I don't feel comfortable with any of the school options here in Globe and Miami. But with homeschooling I worry every day about my little Timmy getting enough attention. I think one of the main reasons I put the children into Arizona Virtual Academy was so that they could help me to help Joshua. Well, guess what. We still don't have a 504 plan, and the first quarter is over. It's frustrating! That and staying on top of all the daily lessons in a billion subjects, weekly checkpoints, participation work, and monthly work samples for all four boys is too much. I honestly knew it would be, but really I expected AZVA to be a temporary solution. I honestly thought we would have moved somewhere by now, and then the boys would be back in regular school. Well, as AZVA was only going to be a temporary solution, I've decided I'm done with it. I'm going to withdraw the boys and just do my own thing. I feel really relieved at that thought.
Don't think I took that decision lightly either. I prayed and prayed, and I wrestled with my feelings. I felt like I was just being a quitter, but I finally had to realize that while AZVA did do us some good, the time has really past for it and I need to focus on more important things. I don't think school is supposed to be about all those things, and I'm tired of worrying about grades for these boys who are so smart and do so well already. Something's just got to change. So I comfort myself with those thoughts, and we will move forward.
Brom is growing like a weed. He doesn't look like he could possibly only be 7 weeks old, but he sure is. I love that boy so much, even if he does wake up every time I lay him down in the day time. Some days that is super frustrating for sure. I feel really stuck some days. But then I remember that right now while I'm not creating oodles of crafty things, I am creating a boy who knows he is loved, and that is pretty well worthwhile. So I'll try to keep my frustrations at bay and work on that for now. I love his smiles. He is so sweet. :) He smiles at me all the time, and with his eyesight improving (like babies' eyesight always does), he can see me and recognize me from further away, so I get even more smiles. It's awesome. :) It's amazing to see him growing and learning. He is working really hard on learning to move his arms and legs purposefully. He has learned to like bathies. And as always, he has 5 brothers and a sister who are all crazy for him. He is a pretty lucky guy.
Well, I have typed for too long. I will try to get Timmy's post done next week. I just needed to hurry and get this other stuff done before I forgot it. :)
So there's a silly explanation about why I never blog anymore. I wish that blogging from my phone was a more viable solution. It just isn't. :P
I have a post about Timmy that I've been trying to work on. I've actually started it and tried to work on it a few times. It just hasn't worked out. I don't like typing one-handed with a boy climbing on me and yanking on my hair. I will see what I can do to get that done soon.
I should mention, though, that Jeremy received a part-time job offer from the local community college. He will be teaching 2 classes in the spring: Macroeconomics and AutoCAD. I am really nervous about the prospect of being here in the spring. It has been a really hard year for our allergies. But we will be looking into getting allergy shots, I believe. I am really proud of Jeremy, and I think he'll do a great job.
I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't break my heart to not be going back to Cedar City right now. I'm not going to pretend like I didn't have allergies there too. But I can't deny that the schools were so much better there. I don't feel comfortable with any of the school options here in Globe and Miami. But with homeschooling I worry every day about my little Timmy getting enough attention. I think one of the main reasons I put the children into Arizona Virtual Academy was so that they could help me to help Joshua. Well, guess what. We still don't have a 504 plan, and the first quarter is over. It's frustrating! That and staying on top of all the daily lessons in a billion subjects, weekly checkpoints, participation work, and monthly work samples for all four boys is too much. I honestly knew it would be, but really I expected AZVA to be a temporary solution. I honestly thought we would have moved somewhere by now, and then the boys would be back in regular school. Well, as AZVA was only going to be a temporary solution, I've decided I'm done with it. I'm going to withdraw the boys and just do my own thing. I feel really relieved at that thought.
Don't think I took that decision lightly either. I prayed and prayed, and I wrestled with my feelings. I felt like I was just being a quitter, but I finally had to realize that while AZVA did do us some good, the time has really past for it and I need to focus on more important things. I don't think school is supposed to be about all those things, and I'm tired of worrying about grades for these boys who are so smart and do so well already. Something's just got to change. So I comfort myself with those thoughts, and we will move forward.
Brom is growing like a weed. He doesn't look like he could possibly only be 7 weeks old, but he sure is. I love that boy so much, even if he does wake up every time I lay him down in the day time. Some days that is super frustrating for sure. I feel really stuck some days. But then I remember that right now while I'm not creating oodles of crafty things, I am creating a boy who knows he is loved, and that is pretty well worthwhile. So I'll try to keep my frustrations at bay and work on that for now. I love his smiles. He is so sweet. :) He smiles at me all the time, and with his eyesight improving (like babies' eyesight always does), he can see me and recognize me from further away, so I get even more smiles. It's awesome. :) It's amazing to see him growing and learning. He is working really hard on learning to move his arms and legs purposefully. He has learned to like bathies. And as always, he has 5 brothers and a sister who are all crazy for him. He is a pretty lucky guy.
Well, I have typed for too long. I will try to get Timmy's post done next week. I just needed to hurry and get this other stuff done before I forgot it. :)
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