Hyrum

One thing I've been wanting to do but have been kind of putting off is to write a little post about each of my children.  I feel I should record what they're up to and how they're doing.  So I'll do them one at a time as I get around to it.  It only makes sense to start with Hyrum! :)

 

 

Hyrum is 12.  I took this picture the night of his school science fair.  These bears represent the students of the month past and present.  I am pretty sure of that, anyway.  The white one behind his head is his.

And here is Hyrum with his science fair project.  He did a lot of it on his own.  Jeremy helped him do the experiments and take pictures, but he put the board together all on his own.  He was really disappointed that he didn't get a prize for his project.  So he decided it would be ok if he got at least a door prize.  Joshua got a door prize, and Hyrum was pretty sad.  Still, I think he had fun with his project, and I think he did a good job.  I'll post more science fair pictures on my photo site one of these days.

Hyrum  has mentioned quite a few times the fact that he is going to be a teenager this year.  He's feeling pretty grown up but a little nervous.  I look at these pictures and can't believe how my little boy has grown.  Wasn't he just born yesterday.  I am so proud of him, though.  He is a genuinely good person with a good heart. 

I think one of the biggest effects that Jeremy's being gone last summer had on Hyrum was that he felt the weight of being the man of the house.  He felt a lot of responsibility for helping with his siblings and keeping them in line.  He has always been that way, but having Jeremy gone made him feel it even more.  I think it has also been a help to him in ways that will be even more apparent as time goes on. 

Sometimes I worry because there are people who think we put too much on Hyrum's shoulders.  But then I take a good look at my boy.  No one can doubt that he is a caring, compassionate person.  He does like to pick on his brothers when he's bored, and he does get kind of bossy sometimes, but he's 12 and he is a big brother.  Papa's not always around to tease people, so somebody's got to pick up the slack. ;) But you can see in him how much he wants to be a help.  He's always looking out for somebody.  (Often that someone is me.)  He is a very loving person.  I think that is a God-given trait, and I'm proud of the way he uses it.

It is neat for me to see Hyrum in scouts and passing the sacrament.  And it is a delight to see him go to the Temple.  I think he understands just how neat that is.  It's awesome.  I have been thankful that Hyrum has been able to be in scouts with Aaron and Joe, since we do combined scout meetings with them a couple of times a month.  And I am a very proud mommy every Sunday, watching Hyrum fulfilling his Priesthood duties.  He takes that very seriously.  These things have been such a blessing in his life, too.  He has a place where he fits in and a work to do.  I think he is going to be just fine in life.

Hyrum loves video games - a lot.  I am sure he gets that from Jeremy and me.  He loves flying model helicopters and airplanes with Grandpa Badger.  He likes soft blankets and stuffed animals.  I must admit, I like feeling his soft dog, and I like how soft the underside is on that quilt of mine that he likes to steal.  We must be related. ;) Maybe he won't like me to tell you that, but everyone who knows him well knows he likes soft things.  He likes to cook, especially when I'll let him experiment.  Last year sometime while we were living in Cedar City he and I worked together to make a fancy cookie recipe.  It's pretty yummy.  It has chocolate, peanut butter, and coconut.  He used to tell us all the time that he wanted to be a chef someday.  I think that would be awesome!  I also like that he doesn't feel like it's his duty to cook.  It's just for fun. 

Another thing that Hyrum loves is reading.  It seems like every year in school until this year his teachers have mentioned that they sometimes can't get him to stop reading.  He gets all wrapped up in a good book and doesn't want to stop.  I admit that that delights me.  Do you know how many books we have around here?  We have a lot!  Most of them are still in boxes from when we moved to Cedar City, but someday we are going to have a library in our house again.  It will be so great!  We probably love books a little too much.  Oh, well.  Seeing my children enjoy a good book makes me really happy.

Hyrum is doing pretty well in school.  Last semester he struggled with getting all his assignments in because he misses some of them when he goes to band.  He just has to know what work to catch up on and do it.  He does really well getting his homework done quickly, though, and he did do better the second quarter.  Report cards come out Thursday, and I am sure he's doing just fine.  This school year has definitely brought an increase of personal responsibility.  I'm sure that Hyrum isn't the only one who has struggled a bit with that.  Still, it's a good thing to learn, and he's learning it.

So there you go.  There is a long old shpeel about Hyrum.  He is a great guy.  I'm immensely proud of him and I love him a lot.

In totally unrelated news, what in the world is up with Danni's hair on the Biggest Loser finale?!  I am so glad that she won, but I will feel like throwing up always and forever when they show her as this season's winner, and that hair is scary!  She is such a pretty girl!  Who destroyed her?!  It's slicked back on the sides and poofy on top.  It looks like all she's missing is the banana clip to hold her 'do in place.  Or maybe she's trying to be a horse.  I don't know.

Still, go, Danni!  I always liked her.  I was really glad to see David and Joe looking so good.  And Jackson.  I was way bummed that Gina won the at-home prize.  We were rooting for everyone but her.

Spring Has Sprung

I am ready to return to our regularly scheduled happiness, you know, about happy things here in Happy Land.

First up, check this out!

My grape flowers are back!  Hooray!  They are more sparse than in the other years we've lived here.  That is probably because of our lovely tenants, I imagine.  However, I'm so happy to see them return.  I believe their real name is grape hyacinth.  Welcome, springtime!

Also, we did a little project during spring break.  I didn't take pictures of the actual process because my hands were sticky, but here's what we did:

 

We wrapped balloons in string and coated them with sugar water to make Easter eggs.  Some of them turned out really good.

 

 

Some fell apart.  And one in particular makes me laugh (that middle one).  I had to keep it just for that reason.  What happened to that one was that after we got that balloon all wrapped it slowly deflated.  Up close it even kind of looks pretty.  It's like lace. :) The one in the middle I did for myself.  The one on the left I did for Jill, and the one on the right I did for Michael.

 



 And here are Benji's.  He was so excited about this project, and he kept wanting to make more.  He forgot to dip his balloon in the sugar water before he hung it out, but we were running out of it anyway.  I drizzled some of it on there as it hung outside, but it didn't help much.  It still looks kind of cool, though, and it is holding together.  Hyrum's didn't end up with much string at all.  He's the type that just wants to get it done and be done.  Anyway, it fell right apart.

 

And here is Joshua's.  He was pretty pleased with it and didn't want it hung up.  But his brothers were playing with it and it got a little floppy in a few spots, so he finally let me hang it with the others.

 



Addendum to My Last Post

I am quite aware that my last post was anything but complimentary.  Even so, I am not sorry for what I wrote.  It was time.  That was one post that I felt strongly needed to be written.  I didn't mention every little thing that I could have, and there's even one big thing that I left out entirely (ahem, flirting).  But overall, I am glad for what I wrote and that I was able to sit down and say exactly what I've been wanting to say.

With that being said, I would like to reiterate that one of the biggest reasons why Elizabeth has not been kicked out is that Jeremy and I have both felt very strongly that she needed to be here.  There is a reason why she's here.  So I do hope that we have done her some good.  I mean, I know that we have, but I feel like in this whole poopy business I have spent so much time being angry and hurt and frustrated (and trying to avoid her) that I'm not sure I could honestly say I did all I could.  I suppose time will tell.

And as I tried to say in that post, we have seen her making little improvements here and there.  I am thankful for that.  With that being said, I wish that meant that having her here was less trouble than it used to be.  Alas, it is not.  She is still just as stressful as ever.  But I still have high hopes for her future.  I still think she could be just fine someday.

It has also come to my attention that Elizabeth herself read that post.  I'm sure you could tell I didn't write it with any concern that she'd actually read it.  I was writing to say what needed said.  I'm still not sorry for what I said, and I'm not sorry she read it.  The truth has its way of coming out eventually.  I just helped it along.  In a big way.

And, no, Elizabeth has not talked to me about that post or anything else since.  In fact, Jeremy told her yesterday that she was supposed to decide where she was sleeping last night and then talk to me if she was going to be staying here.  Yep, you bet she still didn't talk to me.  Add that to the pile.

A Longie

This poor old blog.  It is suffering from lack of use.  It's not that I have nothing to say or that I never think about writing on it.  It's just that I'm too lazy to turn on my computer lately, and my phone just doesn't cut it when writing anything on the internet.

First of all, here is a little gem for ya.

Timmy's sleeping schedule has been a little off.  You all know that even as a newborn he didn't like to nap.  Well, he was extra tired on Sunday afternoon.  I cuddled him in my recliner and we both fell asleep.  Then I got up and put him in a bed and he slept on.  That meant that he didn't need as much sleep Sunday night.  So he got up with me yesterday morning (6:00).  That meant that by late afternoon he was wandering around the house sobbing inconsolably.  And the next thing I knew he was leaning against the little couch with his eyes closed, just about to fall over.  Cute boy!  I helped him onto the couch and he snoozed for a couple of hours before I tried to get him up for dinner.  Then he snoozed in my arms for another hour or so! 

About those boots - a few weeks ago it snowed, so I got out snow gear and Jill, Timmy, and I went to the track to play in the snow that was covering the football field.  These boots are too big for Timmy, but he wore them anyway and had a great time.  And ever since then he just loves it when he can find those boots.  If I have his regular shoes on, he'll strip them off at his earliest convenience and find some boots to wear.  He also really likes Michael's boots.  And if boots aren't to be found he will gladly steal anybody's shoes he can find.  He is just obsessed with big shoes lately. 

And, ah, what the hey.  Here is another gem:

Yes, I did censor this one.  His older brothers were horrified that I would take this picture, so I promised them I'd fix it.

On this particular evening Timmy stripped down to his diaper.  It's pretty normal for him to strip down.  It's not very normal for him to strip down and leave just a diaper.  I didn't bother getting him dressed because we were having spaghetti and it would just get all over his clothes.  So he happily ate his spaghetti in just a diaper.  But after dinner he ran and found these boots, and the next thing I knew he'd stripped off his diaper and wet on the living room floor.  (Yes, while wearing these boots.)  It made me laugh so hard I had to take a picture.  So there you go.  Spaghetti-covered boy wearing nothing but boots.  He gets so, so happy when he is naked.

In the last month Timmy has really been blossoming.  He's starting to use more real words.  His favorite is "no," but he never uses it in a mean voice.  He says it meaning no and yes.  If I say something and he means to agree he'll say, "No," and then repeat what I said the best he can.  This means a mixture of babbles and real words.  I love it!  He loves to talk about animals and the things he sees in the world around him.  Last night we were kneeling for family prayer.  Timmy came up behind Michael, lifted up the back of his shirt and said, "Oh.  Iss your dahper." (It's your diaper.)  Ha, ha!  I guess he figures everyone wears diapers.  His just look a little different. 

We have been loving this warm weather.  Timmy's been a lot better about staying inside the fence.  Yesterday I spent some time out there with him and ended up sweeping the carport.  He ran all over the yard exploring, and every once in a while he'd come and help me sweep.  He had a great time.  It's good that he stays in the gate better because he knows how to unlock the back door and open it.  He can even undo the deadbolt. :O I just have to keep an eye on him at all times!

And now for a more contemplative matter.  I've had a prayer in my heart as the scripture tells me to.  There is one particular thing that we've been needing help with, and so I've been praying, and so has Jeremy.  Well, this morning the toilet was stopped up.  Jeremy was running late and couldn't fix it, so the task fell on me.  It overflowed a bit and I plunged a lot.  I prayed and asked for help to fix it.  It didn't seem like my plunging was doing anything, but I knew that God could help me.  And guess what.  He did!  I just kept right on plunging, and after a while I could hear the pipes finally getting freed up from whatever clog there was, and then the toilet flushed like it should.  I was so thankful!  God did hear my prayer, and in my heart I felt that this was a confirmation that he heard my other prayer too.  I am thankful beyond words.  Everything is going to work out, and, I know that He knows our need.  I'm so glad.

And now for something I have been avoiding (through monumental effort): complaining about Elizabeth in detail in a public space. I resisted the urge numerous times to say on Facebook, "What in the world do you do when you can't stand somebody who is living in your house?" Maybe that's one reason why I haven't written on here. My thought process always leads there, but I couldn't do it. The obvious answer to the question above is obviously, "Kick her out. Show her the door. Dump her out on the street." However, it's not that simple for me. I am horribly non-confrontational (though she did get an earful for breaking the rules yesterday morning). And Jeremy and I both have had God tell us that she needed to be here. So we are waiting on Him for now.

So what's wrong with Elizabeth, you might ask? Plenty, I say. PLENTY. She grew up as the baby of a family that didn't really want her. So she was both neglected and spoiled. This has led to her being incredibly self-centered. At first we didn't see this. She can feign interest in other people's lives up to a point. But the longer she lived here the more we learned about her. We were able to see patterns in her behavior and in conversations with her. Every morning when she woke up she'd begin our first conversation with, "My tummy hurts." There was no, "How are you doing?" or anything of that sort. And then after a few weeks I noticed that she couldn't carry on a conversation without twisting it to be about her. If the conversation didn't include her she would suddenly change the subject to be about her. And every conversation meant that she had something that she wanted us to pity her for. Sometimes she was looking for praise for something she did, but usually she wanted us to pity her. It started to wear on me. Who can stand to feel sorry for someone that often?! It's exhausting. Then I suddenly realized that means she'd been manipulating us. That made me really mad. I also noticed that she'd change her story about horrible things that happened in her past. I don't doubt that horrible things did happen to her. She has the markings of them. But she can't keep her stories straight. And sometimes she would tell just enough truth that it was the truth without telling the parts that might make her look bad. Unfortunately this has happened a lot, and it still happens. I'm not sure that she actually knows how to tell the truth. All this made me feel like she manipulated us to get us to let her move in. That is true up to a point. Her dad really did say that she'd better get out and that he was going to throw away anything she left behind. But he didn't stick with that. He changed his mind later. And she probably knew he would.

Here are some other examples: one night she was talking to Jeremy about something while I was getting my last stragglers off to bed. He told her that I was probably trying to avoid her and that she should probably go to bed so that I could go to bed. Well, it was true. She didn't like that. She said, "Well, that makes me feel a lot better," and stormed off to bed. Jeremy knows me pretty darn well. Her story turned out to be different, though. The next morning she told me something quite different that anybody would be upset about. Still it left me shaking my head. I'm his wife, ya idjit.

Then there's the history she has with Aaron and Kenzie. Aaron was her teacher, and she worked for him for a summer. She got to really like him (she has a crush on him), so she'd text him all the time asking for help with her problems. She told me that Kenzie just never really gave her a chance, though. She said one day Kenzie texted her back instead of Aaron and basically told her to bug off and leave her husband alone. Well, according to Kenzie, she left out the part about how she'd ask Aaron to bring Brookie and meet her at the park or wherever so she could talk out her problems. Oh, goodness girl. *facepalm* She is so clueless.

And then there's the matter of her life full of drama. Oh, goodness. It has been absolutely MISERABLE! It's not that horrific things happen to her all the time. It's that she plays them up and augments them into huge monsters. Then she wants comfort and advice from everyone and their dog, though she doesn't take advice. And she will drag the drama on for days because her life is so miserable. She'll come and talk to Jeremy or to both of us and tell us how horrible things are and want us to help her fix it, but heaven forbid we should point out that she was in the wrong as well or offer advice on how to fix the problem. That also has been exhausting. We end up having these long old conversations that just leave me wiped out, just trying to talk her down and make her feel better or something. I don't see why she can't see that she is taking up all our time that we would be spending with our children. She has cost us both monumental amounts of energy and brain power, just trying to help her with her blown-up problems. And the real problem with that is that they are not our problems. They are hers. And she is 19 - old enough to be able to deal with them herself.

And the sad thing is, she's just completely oblivious to the huge burden she has been. She simply has no idea. But she does make me so very thankful for my own children. They are so much better-adjusted and more mature than she is. I think that comparatively they are going to do awesome in life.

I do have to mention one more incident that we've been dealing with in regards to Elizabeth. The missionary who baptized her is still in our area, and she has a major crush on him. And on top of that they've done a great job building a relationship. This missionary has not been a very good example in that he breaks many of the rules. He has given her rides to different places. He has her come over to his apartment to get things or help him with last-minute whatevers. (But she stays outside, so it's not really breaking the rules, they say. Oh, gimme a break.) He's picked up our children and held them. Just a few examples. And then there's the fact that for her new member discussions they would meet at the park and goof off. Well, as soon as this missionary was alerted to the fact that she was falling for him he tried to break things off right away. For Elizabeth that meant bawling in her car while talking to him on the phone for like three hours. And because she happened to be at my in-laws' house, she dragged her drama into their lives and ruined what would have been a nice evening. At least I thought it could be a nice evening. They could have had a girl party! I mean, it was just Mom, Rachel, and Susie. And Elizabeth with her baggage. Anyway, so now every time she sees this missionary she's just a wreck. I am sad about the situation because not only does it mean her heart is broken, but that he was a bad example to a new convert and to someone who wants to serve a mission. She has also demonstrated her belief that rules are conditional or just for when it's convenient or just for when she feels like it. She needs a better example than this.

Anyway, so in the meantime we've been trying to help her. We convinced her to go off to school at EAC in Thatcher in the fall. Score! That means a definite moving-out date, but it also means that she'll be surrounded by good LDS kids who can help her, and she'll also have the institute, which means that if she ever has questions (which she does all the time but thinks she's incapable of finding answers to herself and doesn't like to ask Jeremy or me) she can go find one of the teachers and ask away. I think it will be just plain awesome. She has a billion and one fears, and this will hopefully help her overcome some. That would be great. Also, we convinced her to go get a job. Hallelujah! That means she's beaten that fear and now can hopefully someday be a normal, functioning member of society. And she's enjoying it. I am very glad for that.

And lest you think that we wish her nothing but a poopy future, please know that despite the tons of poop she's shoveled into our lives and despite the fact that she's taken much and given infinitesimal specks of help in comparison, we hope she will go on to have a happy life. We hope that she will learn to converse normally with other people. (I actually think she's getting better.) We hope that she will learn to not blow things out of proportion. We hope that she will learn to pick herself up and be happy despite her challenges. We hope that she will serve that mission because we know it will help her as she serves the Lord by serving others. And we hope that someday she will be married in the Temple and have a bunch of cute little kiddos. I do think that she'll be a very loving mom someday. She loves kids and she does really well with Jill and Timmy. So there are our hopes. And now we're hoping that she will move out ASAP too. I don't think I can stand to live with her all through the summer, but I don't want to send her back to her parents' house. I'm glad that her relationship with them is better, but that doesn't mean it will stay better if she moves back in.

So there you go. And you bet your boots that the question of adopting her is absolutely out of the question and I will be laughing maniacally when she moves out. And happily. Happy maniacalness.

And in writing this post, I'm not sure how it's going to be taken. I'm not trying to whine. I'm trying to document. Our children don't understand why we want her gone. Someday they will understand. For now, though, I honestly have good hopes for the future. I'm not feeling mad at her today, even if I do feel kind of exasperated. I will no doubt roll my eyes again at something she does later, but I'm glad to not be wandering around feeling mad. And at this point I can feel the Spirit confirming that it's ok for me to want her gone in that she is proving detrimental to my well-being and Jeremy's as well. We can't go on feeling stressed out all the time about someone who was never supposed to be our problem. We have children to raise, and I hope, hope, hope that they have not learned from her bad example.