Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Wednesday stuff that was put off until Friday

Okay, I wrote this on Wednesday, but I didn't feel like I could finish it that day. It seems like every time I try to bear my testimony on the computer (sorry - spoiler) the kiddos go nutsos and I end up grouching at them while trying to type. That doesn't work very good. Well, now it is quiet and I will try again. Also, just so you know, the dentist appointment went great. The hygienist said I have zero cavities and my teeth are beautiful. (That's three yearsage myleast visit!) She also happens to be in our ward. That was the most pleasant dentist visit I've had in a long time. Jeremy had two cavities and a failing root canal. :(

I have a dentist appointment today, and Jeremy has one tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it,  but Jeremy is. He says that being able to go to the dentist makes him feel taken care of. I just don't like going. It hurts, and I'm worried about getting the boys to Cub scouts on time afterwards. I have been a bad girl. I go to bed without brushing my teeth often. I get all the kids to bed and then the whole house is quiet and all I want is to go to bed . I definitely don't need one more thing to do. Maybe it's because I kind of rant the fact that everyone gets to sleep before I do. Either way, I would do well to remember the words Jeremy says to the kiddos: "Only brush the teeth you want to keep." o_O

Things are getting better. I guess the hurt is getting older. I still think odds it all the time. I can't quite get over this bump in the road, you know?  There are two things I keep coming back to in my mind. One is something my brother said in that letter. Well, I guess both kind of are. Anyway, I keep remembering how he didn't want to find out that the church wasn't true, but he said he was having doubts, so he started keeping track of them and ended up with twelve pages, single-spaced. There's an old saying that says, "What you focus on increases." Therefore, if you want to know that the church is true, it seems like it would be more productive to make a list of its goodness instead of what you see as faults. The more you look for things to be upset about, the more you'll find them. It's the same with people and life and anything else you can think of. But the opposite is also true, so it's probably time for me to stop nit-picking about what James said too. Time to focus on the goodness he brings regardless of differences in belief and on building good relationships.

The other thing I want to address, though, is something that I find pretty important, and that is that the Spirit testifies of truth. It has a distinct feel to it. There are things that make us happy, and then there's the warmth that the Spirit brings, and that warmth is how we know when something is true and from God. The Spirit also brings happiness, but there's a difference there, and it's important to know the difference. What we want is happiness that lasts, and that only comes from God.

So, yes, I've done some reevaluating. This craziness kind of shook me to my foundation. I haven't always agreed with James, especially lately, but I had always looked up to him because of his knowledge of the Gospel. Having him trash all of that made me stop in my tracks and say, "Oh my goodness! What if he's right?!" I think all of us did. Maybe? But I was really thankful to Jeremy for his steadfastness. He immediately knew what to do. He started calling my siblings to check on them. He's such a good guy. I've been so thankful for him!

Anyway, it didn't take long before I remembered when I first came to know that I knew the church was true. I was in college before I realized. And Jeremy actually helped me with that way back then. What I learned was that I already knew but just didn't quite recognize it. And now, looking back over the years, I realize more just how much I knew without realizing I knew it. And the way I see it now is through my actions. I think one reason why I spent so much effort worrying about finding my own testimony is that in church they would often tell us that we needed to find our own testimonies now that we were teenagers, and that we couldn't rely on our parents' testimonies forever. That combined with low self esteem and who knows what all else led me to believe that I didn't know yet. But I did! You could see it in my actions! And maybe I didn't quite understands what a testimony would feel like our look like. I'll tell you, though, that a testimony is a simple thing. All you do is figure out, "Do I believe that this is true?" And if your answer is yes, you're good. You've got a testimony. So I've resolved that with my own children maybe I don't need to call into question at all whether or not they have a testimony. They already do! All I need to do is encourage it and show them that that is what a testimony is.

Anyway, back from that derailment of my train of thought, I looked back at my life and how I knew all along while I was questioning whether I did know or not. I looked at the goodness the church brings to our lives. I went over all these things in my mind, and it didn't take me very long to be back on my feet. I know that the church is true. I know it. I know that God and Jesus live and that they love us. I know that they know and love us individually as well as collectively. I know that Jesus died for us and suffered for our sins and our hurts. I know that  Joseph Smith really saw God and Jesus like he said he did, and that he restored the true church with their help. And I know that Thomas S. Monson, our beloved prophet is truly a prophet of God.

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Lot on my mind


Oops! Looks like I forgot to publish this! I wrote it a week ago yesterday. It was supposed to got before that one I wrote about my brother.

Update: his cast comes off Thursday, and now when he crawls he lays it on the floor and scoots it along like a ski. Ha ha!

Brom has about a week and a half left until he can get his cast off. Thank heavens! He plays happily and is walking more, so it doesn't appear to bother him much. I know kids this age are pretty resilient, but it still amazes me. I feel he is destined for great things. :)
Another thing that has captured and held my attention (and I ably say this here because it's a private blog and only like three people read it) is that my brother and his wife left the church. I've done a lot of thinking in the few days since he told us. I've reaffirmed my own testimony. I've questioned how I'm doing as a mother and then thought about how you can be the best mother on the planet and still have children fall away. I've thought about what it means to my children to have all of these uncles and aunts losing their testimonies. I've thought about what position it puts me and my family in. I've thought about how even though we don't want division in our families it's there. There are clear boundaries that didn't used to be there.
Argh! I just lost a big chunk of what I wrote! Well, that just messes up my dramatic narrative. ;)
I've talked with my parents and with Jeremy and my children. I've talked with some of my siblings and felt glad about how this kind of brings us together even though it stinks. I've thought and thought. I've turned things over and over. I've come back multiple times to the words my brother wrote in that letter. And then I've thought a million times again about what position this puts us in and what is being given up. It has been really hard.
But one neat thing is that throughout this experience, God has been showing glimpses of His love. One of them happened right after I read the letter. I had promised the children I would take them to the library, so I did. And Jill picked a book about the fruits of the Spirit. It's been a blessing to me to read it to her. It leaves that lovely, delicious feeling. And another thing is that we watched the second Night at the Museum. I guess Abraham Lincoln's saying stuck with Joshua because he just handed me this picture. It made me think that even though there are clear divisions in our families, we can hold it together. We already have.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Just a warning

Do not under any circumstances shut your foot in a door. I just did that today. I was coming in the house carrying Brom, some stuff from the store, and my purse. I shut the door behind me a little too quickly, and it scraped the skin off the back of my ankle. Man! It sure bled, and it sure looked gross. (But definitely could have been a lot worse!) Jeremy happened to be home for a minute, and he got me a tub of Epsom salt water to soak it in. Thank heavens for him! I wouldn't have thought to do that. That is good stuff.

Also today, I lost a shoe, or rather, someone lost it for me. I had my tennis shoes set in a corner where I could find them, but when I went to put them on to go to the gym I only found one... in the doorway of Jill's room. What?! I don't understand why things can never stay where I put them! I never found the other shoe. I looked everywhere as I watched my gym time tick away. I was so bummed to miss it. :( I guess tomorrow we'll be taking the house apart completely until we find it. ;)

Also, I read somewhere about somebody who went to a healer, and the healer said that if you're feeling grouchy for no reason lately it's because the moon is too close to us right now, and it will be until like October. Interesting. Does that mean I have a free pass to grouchy until then? (Totally kidding, Mama!) :)

And guess what, guess what! Rachel is coming home from her mission to Russia tomorrow evening! I'm so excited! :D

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Hey-ey-ey

♫I said hey! What's goin' on?♬

I'll tell ya what's goin' on.  Lots of stuff!

We're starting school next week, and I'm feeling kind of lost trying to get things ready.  There are all these TJEd keys and things floating around in my head.  "We need to do this and this!  But inspire, not require!  We need to purge because we have too much stuff!  (Yes, that's one of the "ingredients" for TJEd.)  I need to figure out devotional and make it work every day!"  The good thing is that even though I've kind of stressed (not that much, though) about getting a schedule going (I'm working on overcoming my extreme aversion to following a schedule.  Schedules actually kind of freak me out.), I've actually been following something of a schedule while doing Personal Progress.  I've gotten back into reading my scriptures every day (Yes, I fell off that wagon for a while, but I'm back on!), and that gives me courage that I can actually follow some sort of schedule for school.  Positive thoughts!  Baby steps!  And I'm reminding myself that it's ok if things don't go according to the plan.  And, in fact, sometimes it works out for our good when things don't.  BREATHE!

Hyrum started Seminary last Monday.  He's going to the early morning class, and that means that we are dying from lack of sleep.  But it's been such a blessing to him.  I'm so thankful he can go.  The Globe Seminary is actually a converted house on a corner across from the high school.  It's small, but they don't need anything huge.  And one thing I really like is that Hyrum's friend Corrinn decided to go to Seminary too.  We offered to give her a ride or whatever.  We just really wanted to make sure she could do it!  Release Time is available, but she wasn't even thinking of Seminary when she planned her schedule, and then she wasn't pleased about coming at 6:00, but she's coming!  Hooray! Hopefully she'll keep coming!

Here's him on his first day of Seminary.
 
I'm sure some of you heard that Brom broke his arm.  That has been quite an experience.  Here's how it happened.  Brom resists napping just like Jill did.  They liked to wake up as soon as I put them down, but with both Brom and Jill I found that if I nurse them to sleep on my bed they'd stay asleep for a while.  I'd just put pillows all around and hope they'd stay put.  On Monday, August 4, Brom was napping on my bed.  The door was locked because Timmy likes to run in and jump on the bed and get stuff from Jeremy's dresser.  We heard him wake up, and during that time it took to find the unlocker and unlock the door we heard a thump - he'd fallen off the bed.  He cried, and I held him and nursed him.  He did seem fussy for the next couple of days, but I figured he was just teething.  The little guy has 7 teeth and has been popping out more all the time!  Well, on Wednesday morning he was sitting on the floor by me fussing.  I reached down and grabbed his right arm to help him stand, and he just howled!  I couldn't figure out why he was crying.  Hyrum said, "Maybe his arm is hurt."  So I picked him up and looked at his arm, and, by golly, it wasn't just chubby, it was swollen!  I hadn't noticed because his arms are naturally chubby, but the right one was definitely bigger.  And then as I watched him while frantically texting Jeremy and trying to reach our doctor, I noticed he was definitely favoring it.  Poor fella!
 
Well, the first Wednesday of every month is staff training at our doctor, so they couldn't be reached.  I could have taken him to the ER here, but man!  Every time we've been there we've sat in the waiting room for at least 2 hours before being seen.  I decided, like a lot of people here do, to take him down to the Urgent Care in Gold Canyon.  Michael went with us.  I was glad to have him!  We hurried down there and filled out papers and then waited for like a half hour, and then the doctor came and looked at him.  She felt it and didn't think it was broken, but she had him go get an x-ray.  I held him on my lap, and I held his arm in place for the two pictures they took.  The poor fella cried when we had to turn his hand with the thumb up for the first picture.  Here are those pictures.  You can see my hand holding his.  Kind of creepy!
 
 
 
You'll have to click on the picture and zoom in to see the break on the right.  It's slanted down to the right and very faint.  These pictures aren't as clear as the ones Jill got when she broke her arm.  The one on the left was easy to see, but the one on the right is a hairline fracture.  Thank heavens the bones are still aligned!  Anyway, the x-ray tech said she didn't think it was broken.  I didn't see the pictures until later when the doctor came back in.  So I texted Jeremy and told him that the tech didn't think it was broken.  But as soon as I finished the tech came and found us in our room and handed me a disc with the pictures and said, "Actually, I think it really is broken."  The doctor came in with her computer and confirmed that, and she zoomed in so I could see the smaller break.  Then she said they'd have to splint it and send us to a hospital to get it casted.  Darn!  So some guy came in and splinted it.  He used a small pad with fiberglass and wrapped it all in an ace bandage.
 
We got lunch on our way to the hospital because we were all starving!  We showed up at Cardon Children's Medical Center and didn't know where to go.  I figured we'd go in the general entrance because we'd already dealt with a kind of ER already.  So we went in and talked to the lady and she said she'd try to figure out where we were supposed to go.  While we waited we discovered a great big checker/chess board.  It had checkers all over it that were bigger around than a dinner plate.  Michael put those away and pulled out the chess pieces.  They were about knee high on him.  And then he played a quick game of chess against himself.  I was so proud that he knew where all the pieces went and how they all move. :)
 

 
We found out that we went to the wrong entrance after all, so we had to go back outside and around to the ER.  I kept thinking all through that hospital experience what a sad place that must be!  We saw a kid who'd obviously been through chemo, signing out in the lobby.  I thought of how many others must be coming and going all the time.  We saw a couple of girls that looked like they were in horrible pain, just trying to get through the registration process to be seen in the ER.  Michael saw vending machines on our way in, and he kept trying to get a quarter out from under it so he could buy something.  He had some coins in his pocket, but he figured that quarter would be just enough.  (He did get the quarter out eventually, but it wasn't enough for anything after all.  He was so disappointed.)  They called us back, so I went and found Michael and told him to come.  He came, but then he went back out the door to the vending machines while they weighed Brom.  And then we were ready to go to a room, but Michael was nowhere to be seen.  Yep, he went back to those silly machines!  Gave me a good freak-out.
 
The doctor came in and looked at it and said that it should take 4 weeks to heal since he's a baby.  I guess since they're growing so much anyway their bones heal faster.  He said they couldn't put a cast on right then, but they'd put a proper splint on, and then we'd have to come back to the valley to a pediatric bone doctor to get a cast in a week.  Apparently, the splint that guy at Urgent Care put on was too tight, so his fingers were swelling.  I liked the lady who came and put the splint on.  It also has fiberglass in it.  It looked like a long thick bandage, but she got it wet, and then rolled it in a towel to squeeze out the extra water, and then she pulled and stretched it and then wrapped it around the front and back of Brom's arm, bending it around his elbow.  She talked to Michael about how energy cannot be created.  It can only be transferred, so that's why it got hot when it got wet, but as it cooled it hardened.  Pretty cool.  She first wrapped his arm in some thin stuff that was like a sleeve, and then put the splint on, and then wrapped it in something that was like an ace bandage but a lot thinner, and she taped it on.  She brought him a sling too, saying the splint is too heavy for his little shoulder, so he should keep wearing the sling.  And he needs to keep it dry, just like a cast.
 
The hospital has a policy that if a baby comes in with broken bones and is under 2, the parents have to talk with a social worker before discharge.  So we talked with a social worker.  I was kind of worried.  A baby with a broken arm, and I homeschool too!  That ought to set off red flags, right?  I hear all sorts of horror stories about people who lose all their kids because of that exact set of circumstances.  But the social worker was really nice, and she said she homeschooled too.  That helped me feel better!
 
So then as we were being discharged a lady came in to make sure all the information they had was correct.  She had us down for AHCCCS.  Well, last month I got a letter saying we needed to do our twice-a-year application to recertify for AHCCCS, but I knew we wouldn't qualify with Jeremy's new job, so I rejoiced and didn't fill out an application.  But then I wished we had it as I took Brom down to the doctor and then the hospital!  I told the lady at the hospital that the information was correct except that we aren't on AHCCCS anymore, that my husband just got a job that has insurance.  She said, "Oh, well, I checked and it says you're still active for AHCCCS."  Holy cow!  That made me feel a whole lot better!  Our bank account was already low, and here we were having all these deductible payments to pay.  But it turned out we didn't need to after all!  I felt so thankful!  So on our way home we stopped at Urgent Care and fixed it so that AHCCCS will pay for that too.  I have to say, I'm so thankful to be going off AHCCCS and food stamps.  It is such a blessing!  But right now when we were basically in the red and having to pay bills anyway, I'm so thankful that they were there after all! 
 
One problem we've had with Brom's arm so far is that I have to take off the sling to nurse him, and then people run off with it and it gets lost.  And he doesn't like it.  It rubs his neck.  The other problem we've had is that he didn't like the splint.  That first couple of days he kept yanking his splint off.  There was one time he yanked it off before I could finish taping it!  Jeremy had just come home for lunch, and he took Brom and put the splint back on, but he didn't use the sleeve thing, which was getting pretty worn out, and he wrapped it in the ace bandage from Urgent Care instead of the one from the ER.  That has worked much better!  The splint still comes off, but it's a whole lot easier to put back on!  And the guy has gotten used to it.  I have to laugh a bit, though, because the way the people in the ER talked, they expected that splint to never come off until he got a cast.  I admit to being a little to lax at times with putting the splint back on.  I let it air out sometimes.  I need to stop doing that because one time he bumped his arm and it hurt.  But that was only once.  And most of the time I put it on fairly quickly.  But I think it's funny that they thought it'd be more or less permanent.  It's not.  It comes off all the time.  Maybe they don't have babies in splints at home, huh?
 
And, don't worry, Mama.  We have an appointment to get a cast on it tomorrow.  We tried to get our doctor to do it, and he said he could, but then he realized how little Brom is and said he couldn't do it.  So they referred us to a doctor in the valley.  I'm actually kind of relieved it's going to get done and that a specialist will do it.  He does it all the time and should know how to do it really good.  And now that the swelling has gone down they should be able to make it so it'll stay on.  Phew!
 
Here's a picture of Brom.  I took it while we were waiting in the billing office at Urgent Care when we went to switch our insurance.
 
 
I posted this on Facebook and commented how it looked so cute, but so sad!  Jeff commented on it and said it's not cute and that it's messed up that I should think so and that it's wrong that this could happen.  Thanks a lot, Jeff.  We actually catch a lot of negativity from Jeff in the last year or two.  It's frustrating!  I wasn't trying to say that I don't feel sad that it happened or that I don't wish I could go back and leave the door unlocked or the boy on the floor instead of the bed.  (I've been nursing him to sleep on a blanket nest on the floor now.)  I wasn't trying to say I don't feel like kind of a bad mom either.  I just didn't think I needed to spell that out.  I guess Jeff decided he needed to.  Ugh!  I deleted his comments, deciding that I don't need that negativity in my life.  But that doesn't change that he said it or that it hurts.
 

In other news, on Saturday I realized that Timmy is ready to learn to go potty on a tree, so Jeremy decided we should just go up the mountain.  We didn't really have anything pressing, so we went.  It was lovely!  It had rained, so there was actually green stuff on the ground!  It was a nice trip!  It was cooler, and it was good to let the kids an the dog run free.  Timmy took that liberty up a notch when we told him to try "twinkling" on a tree.  He took off all his clothes and his shoes and left them somewhere in the forest so he could try.  Thank heavens Hyrum found them!  Here are some of the pictures from that trip.



 
 
And on Sunday it was our turn for dinner.  I made tater tot casserole, and it came out so good!  And then it rained really hard, and we all went out and ran around in the rain.  It was fun. :)
 
Oh, and here's a picture Timmy drew of blue SpongeBob with two red Patricks.
 

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

It's a miracle!

Last year at scout camp Jeremy bought a rabbit skin and brought it home hoping Timmy would sleep on it instead of my hair. It didn't work last year. A couple weeks ago, though, he pulled it out again, and Timmy seemed to be more interested in it than last year. He held it and called it his bunny skin. :) On Sunday night I laid it on his pillow before putting him in bed. (He falls asleep on Jill's bed most nights while I nurse Brom on there and Jill falls asleep too.) We did the same at bedtime last night. And guess what! He stayed asleep all night in his own bed both nights! I didn't dare really hope it would work after only one night. I thought it was just a fluke. But two nights in a row! That's pretty darn amazing! He's never done that before! I'm so pleased! :)

Oh, and not only that, but he also is staying dry all night and making it to the potty in the morning! And he has been having way fewer accidents overall! And he takes himself to the potty most of the time! :D Yea, Timmy!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

2 Things

Two things I need to say:

1. We've discovered that Joshua is lactose intolerant. He's been having a lot of heartburn. He kept getting every time he ate. We discovered that he didn't get it when he didn't drink milk. Poor guy! He really loves milk a lot.

2. Hyrum got all registered for Seminary today! He starts tomorrow morning at 6:00 AM. He's going to Globe's Seminary. I feel a little bad for having him miss our ward's Seminary because we love that teacher. But Aaron is teaching in Globe! We've got to be part of that! We did get permission from the Bishop. If he had said to wait until next year I would have been ok with it. Hyrum will be 14 next month, though, so they're letting him do it. I'm excited for him! :) I loved Seminary!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

Saturday

Happy day today!  We had a guy come and fix our washer!  It stopped working when Jeremy was at scout camp.  It wouldn't spin.  It turns out that the hose was just clogged.  And Jeremy went and got a bulb for our van's taillight. That fixed not only the fact that the taillight wasn't blinking but the fact that our blinker was blinking fast.  Hooray!  We didn't need blinker fluid after all. ;) And then he went to take apart the boys' room light to see if he could get it working again, and guess what.  The bulb was unscrewed, sitting in the light shade.  What in the world?  Well, that explains things!  We had put a new fan in with a light about a year ago.  It worked good for a few weeks and then the light started flickering any time it was on, and after a while it stopped working at all.  And all that was wrong was that the bulb was unscrewed?!  We figured we'd have to crawl around in the attic and redo some wiring or something.  Whatever it was we figured it would be expensive, and we didn't have the money to fix it.  Well, hallelujah!  I feel silly for not looking all those months ago, but who in the world would have guessed?!

So anyway, less that $50 and we have 3 things working that weren't working before!  Hooray! :D I feel blessed.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Jill

I took this picture while Jeremy was at scout camp.  Jill got the umbrella and tutu for her birthday. :) This particular day she kept wandering around the house like this, insisting that she had to use my flowers too.

Little Jill is so fun!  She is such a little mommy to her dollies lately.  Her doll cradle that Grandpa Badger made is getting more use than ever.  She has two dolls that she loves the best, and I realized just recently that the reason why they're her favorites is that they both have braided hair.  One of these dolls Jill named Kaleela. Kaleela was made for Jill by a nice old lady in our ward.  I have no idea where she came up with the name Kaleela, but she sure reminds me of myself sometimes.  She gets all dramatic about naming things, just like I used to.  Anyway, the other doll is from the store.  She is named Sally, but Jill's s's often come out as ts's, so when Jill says her name it sounds more like Tsally.  Jill has noticed me nursing my baby, so she sometimes will say that she has to feed her baby at bedtime.  She even lifts up her shirt to do it.  I like that I'm passing this on to her, but it still kind of makes me say, "Gah!"  As far as I can remember I never pretended to nurse.  Well, it's all good, and I like watching her. She likes to make up things that happen to her dollies too.  Sometimes she'll tell me that Kaleela fell off the bed and got all bloody or something.  One day she told me that if one of those dolls misbehaved she would spank her and punch her in the belly.  What in the world?!  We had a little talk about how we don't do that to our babies.  My goodness! 

Here are Kaleela and Sally. Sally can't seem to keep track of her dress.



At night after lights are out I sit on Jill's bed nursing Brom with Jill on her pillows and Timmy at the foot of the bed, and Jill talks and talks and talks!  She talks about everything under the sun.  It's fun to listen to her cute little voice rattle on and on.  She often makes me laugh out loud, and then I intend to write down what she says, but I always forget it before I get around to writing. :P

 
Timmy likes it when I print him a coloring page with "Iron Ma'am" or "Hoke." That's Iron Man and The Incredible Hulk as Timmy says them.  He likes coloring and drawing a lot.  He's even written some ABCs on the wall. :D And he really likes this Iron Ma'am action figure.  It's Benji's.  Whenever he says, "Iron Ma'am," I can't help thinking, "That would be Pepper, right?" ;) I'm not sure why he pronounces it that way, but it tickles my gizzard.

And just a bit about Brom - he has been clapping and dancing. He will clap sometimes if we say, "Yea, Brom!"  And if he hears music playing he sticks his arms out to the side and turns his upper body side to side and grins really big.  It's so cute, even if he is sitting when he does it. ;)

Sometimes

I had an off day today. You know the kind. Low energy combined with sleepiness and a kind of delirious, hazy fog surrounding my brain and later punctuated by a headache and an upset stomach. The funny thing is that when this happens it takes me about half the day to realize I've spent half the day in a stupor. And then I wonder what in the world I've done all day and how in the world I'll ever get ANYTHING done. But the good thing is that when I came out of my stupor today I did realize that I had changed Brom when he needed it and everyone was fed and clothed. (Well, except that Timmy wasn't. Since he started potty training he's decided he doesn't need clothes. He undresses immediately after I get him dressed. I can't even keep underwear on him! Why do I try?!) Thank heavens for autopilot, right? Thank heavens.