Nice Day

Today my visiting teacher showed up and said, "I'm going to take your kids to the pool.  The Miami pool's open, right?"  My children wasted no time, and in about 2 minutes they were all out the door.  They've been aching to go swimming, so this is great!  Michael couldn't find his swimming suit at first, and Sister North said, "Oh, you can just go in your shorts if you want."  And then she said, "Oh, I shouldn't have said that.  I should have asked you first."  (I thought it was mighty funny that she said that about Michael's shorts and not about suddenly showing up to take all my kids.  But that is Sister North.  And for the record, I'm really glad they get to go.  Poor bored kiddos.)  I wasn't sure if I was going to send Jill with them, but before I knew it she had stripped down and had Sister North put her swimming suit on.  And she had her towel all ready too.  I decided she would be too sad if I made her stay, and at least the four older boys are good swimmers already.  Jill wouldn't be too much work by herself. 

I did keep Timmy home.  He doesn't seem phased at all by the fact that his siblings all left.  I got him ice cream and turned on Spongebob for him, but he quickly climbed up to the movie shelf and pulled down Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and started talking about it. "Choo-choo bang bang," he said over and over.  So now he is watching that.  I must admit I love that he likes it.  Not only is it about a car (Timmy is a huge car lover), but it used to be Hyrum's favorite movie when he was about Timmy's age.  It has won a place in my heart and I'm glad the children continue to enjoy it.

I've been working on my book again for the last couple of days.  This one goes from July 2011 to May 2012.  I've been putting it off because I've been so tired anyway, and I remember that editing always makes me sleepy.  But I finally felt excited and got going, and so far so good.  I'm glad.  I do have a good bit of book to read through, and then I have a few formatting details to work out, but a lot of the work is done.  The next book will run from May 2012 until sometime this summer.  I guess I'm waiting for a good ending spot.  But I'm excited to finish this book and get busy with the next one.

All this work on the book has me missing Cedar City quite a bit.  The problem with that is I was already missing it, but I can't avoid the fact that it would be different going back.  We have grown and changed in the 9 months since we left.  And as much as I may want to deny it, we had struggles there too.  But everywhere we go we will have troubles.  That is part of life.  And I also can't deny that it was a wonderful place for our children.  Cedar City definitely has my vote.  Now, if we can just find a job there...

Please know, though, that I will gladly go wherever God wants us to go.  I'll even gladly stay here as long as He wants us to, but I'm pretty sure He doesn't want us to stay through another springtime here.

Reading my book also has me missing running quite a bit.  I was so much happier when I was running regularly.  Right now with all the wheezing I've done I have been worried about exercising, but I've been missing it.  I've got to get back into it as soon as possible.

Why

Timmy does love to hug my head.

 

I've been thinking a lot lately about being a mom.  Maybe it's because we just had Mother's Day.  Maybe it's because I'm feeling very pregnant with our seventh child.  (I still have over 3 months to go.  Argh!)  Whatever the reason, I keep feeling like I need to justify myself to everyone around me.  All you who read my blog know that I feel insecure about my motherly abilities from time to time.  And we all know that six children are already a lot to handle.  But I also keep realizing that there is nobody out there demanding an explanation.  Nobody really seems to care that I will soon have 7 children.  (It's not that they're uncaring.  It's that it doesn't make a difference to them.)  They do comment that my hands are full, but I haven't received any negative reactions to the idea.  In that I feel pretty blessed.  (I have definitely heard stories...)  So maybe I should just calm myself down. ;)

 

At the same time, I find myself asking why.  It doesn't mean that I would change my choice to have all these children.  It doesn't mean that I doubt that they are gifts from God or that I don't want this many any more.  I guess the biggest reason why I keep asking that question is that not only is mothering a lot of children a lot of work, but my body has had a hard time getting these babies here.  Last week I was filling out a questionnaire for the cardiologist that asked for any major illnesses, surgeries, and the like.  All of the ones I listed were from pregnancies.  There simply aren't any others.  I wrote it all out and then sat back and looked at it and thought, "What in the world am I thinking being pregnant again?!  No wonder my mother thinks I'm crazy!"  (No, she doesn't really think I'm crazy.  She just worries because of the troubles I've had before.  I get it.) 

 

But then on Sunday morning I had quite a nerve-wracking dream.  I dreamed that I was hiking with some family out in the middle of nowhere.  We were just on a family trip.  My husband and children were there, and so were my parents-in-law, my sister-in-law Anne and her family, and another sister-in-law (Katie) and her family.  We were on our way back towards our cars when we came across a man standing around.  He offered us drinks, but insisted that the ladies must have theirs first.  He handed what looked like apple juice to Mom, Anne, Katie, and me and did a toast.  It was hot and we were thirsty, so we drank the juice.  Immediately we couldn't breathe and we all died.  (No laughing.  This was a very serious dream. ;)  Then I was looking at everyone else as they reacted.  I watched as the man was suddenly gone and as the families moved on down the trail.  The husbands carried their wives.  At one point Dan set Katie down to take a rest and one of their children was sitting next to her body.  It was so sad.  And Mom and I both appeared as angels to our husbands.  I told Jeremy that I was mad because I wanted to be there to raise our children.  In my head I knew that he'd eventually remarry and move on, and I knew I'd always be there watching out for all of them, but it's not the same.  My heart was so broken.

 

I woke up and couldn't shake that dream for quite a while.  I told Jeremy about it and cried.  I don't want to leave my husband and children like that.  Even with the eternal perspective that we know we regain after death, how do you cope with years of time you could have spent with your children that are just robbed from you?  I simply don't know.

 

But what I do know is that I am thankful for what I have.  I'm thankful to be the mother of all these wonderful children.  I'm thankful that our new baby is bouncing around in my belly and growing well.  I'm thankful for the time that I have to be with my husband.  He is truly a delight and I am a lucky girl to have him.

 

So why do I have all these children even though we've struggled?  Why am I pregnant again?  The reason is simple - it's time.  God wants us to add this child to our family, and the time to do it is now.  That makes it pretty easy to dismiss fears because when God asks us to do something He will always help us do it.  So I don't go around worrying all the time about what might happen because of what has happened before.  I press forward remembering how blessed I am.  That doesn't mean I never worry.  In fact, I did worry a bit when I answered yes on the OB doctor's questionnaire where it asked if I'm over 35.  And I have worried about my heart and my breathing and who knows what all else.  Any little hiccup has me worried because I know I'm about to be cut open again in a few months and I don't need any complications!  But I do remind myself eventually that God has always blessed us as we have pressed forward with faith, and He will continue to do so.

Heart Monitor Fun

Here's me holding up the stinking heart monitor.  You can see two of the stickies I'm wearing.  Fun times, I tell ya!

 

I have discovered a couple of really silly things about myself in the last couple of days.  These are things that I didn't really notice in the past, but when I stopped and pointed them out, of course they were true.  Here they are:

I don't like to have stuff hanging off my sandwich.  It bothers me.  The other day I was making an egg and cheese sandwich with bacon, and I was going to just be lazy and let the bacon hang off the bread because it was too long.  That's what a normal person would probably do.  I tried, but I couldn't take it.  I ended up breaking it to make it fit.  As I thought about this I realized that this is not an isolated incident.  I can think of several incidents where I've gotten a burger or something and the lettuce or bacon is hanging off.  I will actually rearrange the stuff inside to make it fit the bun before I eat it. 

I decided yesterday that I was not meant to be in the Tabernacle Choir.  Certainly, this is not one of my great aspirations, but I did always hope to be a good singer.  Well, maybe that's not for me either.  I was listening to the Saturday Afternoon session of Conference yesterday on my trip home from the doctor in the valley, and the choir came on singing "More Holiness Give Me."  Usually I sing along with the choir, but this time I suddenly realized I wasn't singing.  I puzzled about it for a minute, and then I realized that the reason was that they were singing too slowly!  I would join in for a few seconds here and there, but I simply cannot sing that slowly.  It makes me a little uncomfortable even just to listen to it.  Oh, well.  Goodbye, singing dreams! ;)  Ha ha!

So like I said, I went to a doctor in the valley yesterday.  It was the cardiologist this time.  This was my first time going to a cardiologist, and as soon as I got into the waiting room I kind of started freaking out.  I got really nervous.  I knew I shouldn't, especially because my OB thought what I've been experiencing is probably nothing to worry about.  I read my scriptures and waited.  The lady who took me to the exam room did an EKG on me right away.  I always thought that would be a complicated procedure with big equipment.  Nope.  She stuck some stickies all over me and then hooked them up to her computer.  Then she took about a six-second sample of my heart beating and removed all the stickies and we were done.

Then the doctor came in - Dr. Candipan.  He was really nice.  He listened to me and he asked a ton of questions.  He listened to my heart and said he heard what he thought was a premature heartbeat.  He said that if that's what it is, my heart beats early, and then it feels the need to reset, so it stops for a bit.  But then it's more full of blood than usual, so it beats hard.  I think that is what it is.  I never feel the premature beat.  I only ever feel the gap between beats and then the pounding.  It doesn't hurt.  It's just uncomfortable and annoying.  He said that premature heartbeats happen sometimes during pregnancy.  It's not really very common, but it's not uncommon either.  The two things I remember of his list of causes were stress and changes in physiology.  Yep, I've had those.  He also said if it is premature heartbeats it is not dangerous to me or the baby.  Phew!

So anyway, the only way to be sure that it is premature heartbeats is to record it with a monitor.  So now I've got 5 big stickies stuck in places around my torso, all attached to a little monitor that I wear around my neck.  It is really annoying and embarrassing.  And the stickies itch.  I only have to wear it for 24 hours.  Thank heavens!  That means I should be done at 3:30 today. 

I was embarrassed walking out of the doctor's office wearing that thing.  I got in the elevator and was joined by a Polynesian family - a man and his wife and teenage daughter.  The man turned to me and said, "How's your baby doing?"  I said, "Good."  He said, "Well, good.  My baby has to go to the bathroom."  To which his daughter exclaimed, "Dad!"  Of course, the dad just grinned.  Ha, ha!  It reminded me of Jeremy because he loves to tease, so I told him about it later, and he liked it.  He said, "Yeah, I don't feel much remorse for teenagers anymore." 

Last night I took the monitor off my neck and stuck it under my pillow so it wouldn't fall off my bed.  It worked out just fine.  I woke up at 4:00 when Jeremy got up needing to use his nebulizer.  (Apparently, that allergen remover works.  We forgot to turn it on at bedtime last night, and that's why he was up at 4:00 needing some breathing help.)  I rolled over and noticed one of the stickies shifting.  It kind of freaked me out.  What if they all fell off?  Anyway, when I finally fell back asleep I dreamed that they did all start falling off.  I didn't know what to do.  I knew the general area where they all were, but I wasn't quite sure.  I finally came up with a plan to stick them on with that super sticky tape you use to wrap your ankle or whatever, and I was going to look on the internet to try to find out where to stick them.  I was so glad to wake up and find all my stickies still firmly in place.  I can tell, though, that I'm going to have a hard time getting the residue off my skin! 

So now I'm all itchy with stickies to go with my usual tiredness and these weird waves of exhaustion where my muscles all feel like I've been working them hard and I just want to sit down.  And then I'll be ok after a bit until the next wave hits me.  Oh, and I'm still dealing with wheezing.  That's always fun.  I've found that I do strange things when I'm not breathing well.  Like yesterday evening I came home from dropping Hyrum off at scouts, picked up Timmy and started wheezing harder, changed his diaper, and then realized I still had my purse on my shoulder.  I am definitely ready to be done with all of this.

So there's where I stand.  As for everyone else - today is the boys' last day of school and it is senior ditch day at Globe High School.  We'll definitely have to celebrate somehow.  Jeremy is really hoping all his seniors will not come today.  Hyrum ran around everywhere this morning looking for his zipper binder.  (He isn't allowed to take a backpack to school.  Lame!  His binder is heavy and hard to hold on to, and it's now falling apart.)  He finally realized that he'd left it in Papa's car, and Papa had already left.  Hopefully he'll be fine going without it today.  I probably would have heard by now if he wasn't ok.  He and Benji both hopped on the bus carrying nothing today and looked delightfully free.  One thing that Joshua is looking forward to this summer is more time with Scratchy.  He also cannot wait for day camp the week after Jeremy's done with school.  Benji is excited for day camp too, and today his class is having a bubbles and ice cream festival.  They're going to play with bubbles and make ice cream in coffee cans.  He is pretty excited about that.  Michael has a water day today at school.  We weren't sure what he's supposed to wear, so he wore his swimming suit under his clothes, and he also brought an extra change of clothes.  He's got all his bases covered and is really excited. 

Jill didn't want to wear underwear after she had an accident yesterday, so she put on her swimming suit.  That's pretty common lately.  I didn't feel like fighting it, so she went to bed wearing it.  And Timmy is still his cute little self.  The day before yesterday he fell asleep before dinner was ready and woke up so, so sad.  That's pretty normal for him when he takes a nap.  He wanted me to hold him, but I was trying to cook.  I got him juice and handed him to his Papa, but he didn't stop crying.  He ended up sitting on the floor by Jeremy's feet and falling asleep.  Then he woke up sad again just as we were sitting down to eat.  I tried to feed him something, but he was too sad.  So I just held him while we ate.  Afterwards I offered him a sippy cup and turned on Spongebob.  That did the trick. :) He calmed right down. Here's the little guy asleep at Papa's feet:

Some More Videos

I thought I was done putting videos up on here, but then some things happened that I just had to share.

I told you that Hyrum and Benji like to do our Richard Simmons DVD, right?  Well, they were talking about doing it last night after home evening.  Jill caught on and started asking to do the "dancing girl movie."  We couldn't figure out what she was talking about until she found it in our collection.  Yep, apparently Richard Simmons is the dancing girl.  We had a good laugh about that. 

Well, after FHE it was getting too late, so we sent the older 4 boys to bed.  But Jeremy was up watching a show, and Jill and Timmy won't go to bed if there's a light on in the house.  So when Jill turned on the dancing girl movie I didn't object, especially because the volume was on low.  So I sat and watched Jill doing the moves, and she was following along pretty good!  And then Timmy came and started doing it too.  I about died of the cuteness!  They both did pretty good.  So there is that video.

Then this morning Michael said, "Mommy, I'm in the talent show today.  You have to bring my skates and then take them home after."  What?!  I had seen a note about a talent show, but he wanted to do it with someone, and I didn't know how we'd ever work that out.  I didn't give it a second thought.  Apparently, though, I didn't need to sign anything.  Michael just needed to talk to the lady in the library to sign up.  At first I kind of freaked out, but then I realized that this could be a very good thing.  So I went with it.  I got my little ones out of bed and in the car and we went to that talent show.  Michael was so glad to see us.  And he felt all fancy putting on his skates.  The kids in his class exclaimed at how cool they were.  (They are roller blades that I got at DI and gave him for Christmas.  Good golly, I thought I wrote that story on the blog.  I guess not.  We can just say that our bishop pretty much made Christmas possible for us this year by giving us money to shop at DI.) He went on up there and when it was his turn he skated around and around on the stage until they closed the curtain.  And then he came to sit by us again and the kids in his class told him he did awesome. :) I liked that.  And I hugged him and told him I was proud of him.  He still wished that Alanna would have done it with him, but he was still pretty pleased.  His teacher was surprised when she learned that I didn't know he was going to be in it until this morning.  She apologized over and over and said that he's been coming out of his shell more lately and it's been fun for her to see.  "I guess we'll just see what he does," she said. 

Anyway, we were at the school for about two hours in all.  It was pretty enjoyable.  There were lots of kids who danced, with and without music.  There were a bunch of little girls who sang.  One of them sang with her dad while he played the guitar.  It was pretty sweet.  Overall, the show was pretty entertaining.  (Yes, I admit that I laughed.  That was some pretty... uh... amazing talent. ;)  Jill climbed all over the tables behind and in front of us and ate her Cheerios.  She and her brothers finished off my TicTacs.  And Timmy stayed put on my lap for the entire show.  I was impressed!

I was glad that we went.  I think Michael felt special, and he really enjoyed sitting with me.  That is always worth it.  And Jill and Timmy seemed to enjoy themselves too.

Weekend News (I guess)

It thrills me to no end to see my children plastered right there at the top of my blog.  They are all such good-looking people and I love them all so much.  I'm thankful to have them in my life.

And here is a picture of Timmy, just for kicks.  He was counting the blocks as he stacked them.  I took some video too.  If there's one thing Timmy loves to do it's count.  Lots of times he'll just bust out counting just for fun.  Usually it goes something like, "One, two, twee, one, two, two, six, semen, one, two, twee, five, four."  And his little voice dips and rises with each number so he ends on a higher pitch.  It is so darn cute!  And, yes, that is paint on his shirt.  I'll bet to that in a minute.

We'll see if I can stick that video in here too...  Cute!

Alas, it's 10 MB too big.  I'll embed it above.

The school year is really winding down now.  After today the boys will only have 3 more school days.  Today Benji has a field trip to Taco Bell and Michael has one to the movies. They're excited. Jeremy still has to teach school until the first week of June, but I think this week is his last week teaching 7th hour.  Hooray for that!  See, this semester he was assigned to teach a 7th hour class, and it has been nothing but a pain.  Nobody wants to be there.  It is a complete waste of time. 

I keep feeling so happy that the boys are all going to be home all the time soon.  Jill is going to be one happy little girl.  But I also wonder what in the world I'm going to feed all these boys all summer.  It seems like they're constantly hungry over the weekends.  I try to keep their eating schedule pretty strict because I don't want them eating out of boredom, but man!  Sometimes eating is all they can think about.  I know that is not a good sign.  I'm not sure at all what to do about it.  But being home also means they'll be exercising with Richard Simmons more.  That's what it always means - at least for Hyrum and Benji.  They love it.

On Friday we were supposed to be getting ready for Fathers and Sons, but Jeremy was feeling worried about things, which always makes him indecisive.  He wanted to go camping, but he didn't want to get ready, and he didn't want to go without me.  But he felt like he should go.  But Aaron couldn't go and his dad might not have made it either.  Poor guy.  All I can do in such situations is plan for everything and wait for him to decide.  While we were waiting Jeremy decided he'd better do some work, so he got a can of paint and painted all of the living room that he could with it.  He got most of 3 walls covered.  Yes, that means that red wall is mostly white now.  Hooray!  And we got real white, not this cream color we've had.  I guess the guy who painted for us after we moved out used whatever paint he had left from other projects.  It honestly looked better painted than not, but I don't like the color.  I love having that red wall white.  I did like how the red looked with the fall leaves I hung up there, but mostly I just despised that wall and wondered why those stinking renters painted it without asking.  But then again they flushed paper towels down the master bathroom toilet and tore up the other bathroom floor.  And they broke light fixtures and ripped up tiles in the kitchen, all without asking.  Can you believe it?!  I would definitely ask my landlord before tearing up the bathroom floor. ;)

How is that for a derailed train of thought?

Anyway, so Jeremy was painting, and Michael and Timmy kept getting painted.  I finally decided I'd better get my buns up and take at least the little ones to the store.  It turned out that all six of the children wanted to go.  I haven't taken them all shopping without Jeremy in a long time.  It actually went pretty well this time.  I think that they have matured a lot in the last year or so.  It's not as much of a struggle anymore.  The ones I do struggle with nowadays are Jill and Timmy.  Jill has learned from Michael to just run off wherever she feels like (grrr!!), and Timmy, Mr. Independent, likes to decide on his own where in the cart he is going to be.  So he is constantly climbing in and out of the seat and buckling the strap himself.  If I try to put him in the seat myself he fights with all his strength, and then it doesn't matter how tight the strap is.  He still gets out.  So I just try to keep a hand on him the whole time - while loading and unloading the cart.  It's way fun.

And on top of the chaos that is a regular old shopping trip, I was so... dang... sleepy.  We have all been super sleepy the last few days.  I'm not sure why.  It really stinks, though.  But we got our shopping trip done.  I came home prepared to send the boys out, pack us up and all go camping somewhere, or stay home with Jill and have a girl party.  In the end it was just too late, so everyone stayed home.  I honestly wasn't very surprised.  We had hot dogs, chips, and juice, and then we watched movies and ate Milk Duds and Whoppers.  I was kind of sad to not have a girl party with Jill.  She was excited about it and we've never really had one before.  Last year Jeremy was in Paris when they had Fathers and Sons, and the year before that we went to Laurie's graduation instead.  So maybe we'd better have something of a party the last day of school while the older brothers are at school.  Timmy can party with us.

Maybe I should tell you something of what Jeremy's worried about.  Surprisingly, Elizabeth isn't very high on the list.  The two biggies right now are actually health-related.  I've been avoiding talking about it, but I think I'm going to talk about it now.  Here's the run-down:

Jeremy went to the doctor a couple of months ago to get prescriptions for asthma medicine.  While he was there they asked him to come in for blood work.  It took about a month before he got in and got his blood drawn, and then a few weeks later they called him in to discuss the findings.  Apparently, they found that his kidneys are functioning a little too well, and they're not sure why.  If he was a drinking man that would probably explain it, but he's not, obviously.  Anyway, they had him come in for more blood work and now he has to schedule a bilateral kidney ultrasound with the hospital.  But every time he calls over there the line for scheduling is busy.  Ha ha.  Anyway he is kind of worried about it.  We're not sure what high-functioning kidneys could mean, but the doctor is sure set on figuring it out.

And then there's me.  I told you I was feeling wheezy this allergy season.  I still am feeling that way a little bit.  Mostly I feel it the worst at night, and especially when I am carrying or have carried my little ones around.  It is not cool at all.  When it happens it means I'm having a hard time breathing out, not in.  I find that pretty weird.  There have been nights when I went to bed wheezing.  Jeremy offers his inhaler, but I'm chicken about medication.  I really should talk to the doctor about it.  But then he'll tell me maybe I shouldn't be picking up those little ones.  The wheeziness also makes me afraid to exercise, and that is not cool at all.

And on top of my wheezing I've had an irregular heartbeat from time to time.  I first noticed it around the time that we were moving to Globe, so I wonder if it's stress-related.  I just kept noticing that my heart would skip a beat every so often.  After a month or two it stopped.  But about 3 weeks ago as I was driving down to see my OB doctor it started happening again.  It kind of freaked me out.  It's been happening off and on since then.  Sometimes it will do it like 8-10 times a minute, and sometimes just once or twice a minute.  Most of every day it doesn't do it at all, and sometimes I'll go for a few days without it happening.  Anway, I asked Dr. Joe about it.  He said that it sometimes happens during pregnancy because of hormones and should be ok, but he's sending me to a cardiologist just in case.  I finally got a call from them last week and am set up to see the cardiologist on Wednesday.  It freaks me out to be going to a cardiologist.  Surely they will find that it's just hormones and we'll be fine, but this is a heart doctor!  Dang!  And if you go to the doctor once you usually have to go back 2 or 3 or more times.  I'm not looking forward to that.  But oh, well.  Let's get it over with.  It will be nice to know either way, and I'm glad to know that other women do have this and come through it fine.

And since I was sort of on the subject of Elizabeth just a minute ago, for the record, I really want her to go get some mental help.  I have thought that maybe I should talk to the bishop about it, but how do you begin that conversation?  And what sort of awful position does that put him in?  Poor guy!  Anyway, I really worry about her because I don't think she knows what the truth is now that she's made up so many lies.  And I would be extremely surprised if her believing her own lies was an isolated incident.  That is scary.  I can't help but think of Korihor lately in connection with her.  His story is in Alma 30.  We all know what a sad end he came to.  I'm not saying Elizabeth is an anti-Christ, but if you see in verse 53, it says that Korihor taught his lies until he believed them, and he taught them because they were pleasing to the carnal mind.  That is what Elizabeth does.  She tells what is pleasing to her mind.  It is just sad that her reality is incorrect.  I don't understand how her mind must work.  Apparently, she's got memories of things that never happened, and not only that, but she's got multiple versions of these memories.  That is scary.  Please understand, I'm not saying these things to criticize.  I am saying them because I worry for her and I want her to be ok.  I want her to get the help she needs so she can function like a normal human being.  Also, I have decided that there is really no point in feeling hurt by someone who is mentally ill.  Really, we shouldn't be hurt anyway.  (When I figure out how to do that I'll let you know. ;)  But it really does no good sitting around feeling hurt by someone who has an upside-down view of reality.  Now I just need to remind myself of that about 50 times a day.

And now on to something happier.  I told you that Timmy has been talking more lately and that he's really been enjoying Spongebob.  One of Timmy's first sentences was, "A back here, Jill!"  (That's, "Come back here, Jill!")  He started saying that during our shopping trips whenever Jill would run away.  Well, thanks to Spongebob he now says, "A back here, a swine!"  ("Come back here, you swine!")  He is quoting Plankton there.  And he also says something along the lines of, "Give me the pizza!"  He's quoting Squidward there.  And he has learned to say pizza instead of petsa like he used to say.  It always makes me sad when they learn to say things correctly at this age. ;) I think that little guy is a thinker.  You can tell there is a lot more that goes on in his brain than the things he talks about.  And he is really good with his hands.  He loves to pull out the wooden train set and link all the track pieces together.  Those hill pieces really give him trouble because they don't link up right as far as he can tell.  So he has learned to steer clear of those.  He is also a very fast little guy.  He has definitely improved my reflexes.  Jeremy has been analyzing his running as well and has found that he has very good form.  Apparently, he naturally has skills that other runners have to learn.  This pleases Jeremy quite a bit.  I must admit it pleases me too.

And then there is Jill.  Somehow or other she and I are spending more time cuddling lately.  I love it.  I love how she likes to make me laugh and how she laughs right along with me.  I love how she lays in my lap and smiles up at me.  She doesn't like to keep anything in her hair, so she always looks like a little ragamuffin.  And she's constantly swiping the hair out of her eyes.  It's cute, though.  And her imagination is taking off.  She likes to come and tell me things that she finds amazing.  She opens her eyes wide and leans forward and gestures with her hands while she talks.  And she also loves to get up on Joshua's bed and visit Scratchy (on the dresser next to Joshua's bed) and play with Joshua's things.  Poor Joshua!  She keeps breaking his stuff.  It is a good thing she's cute.

I am 23 weeks today.  17 to go!  Jeremy finally felt the little guy move yesterday.  I'm so glad.  Brom seems to not like it when he gets a little squished or something.  Or maybe it just wakes him up.  If I lean my tummy up against the counter he'll start kicking that part of my tummy.  And if I lie down in bed he'll kick where my tummy is laying on the bed.  I love it.  He also likes to kick while I'm sitting in the recliner.  I guess my tummy flattens out a bit when I'm reclining.  And he seems to be staying awake longer because his little kicking sessions last longer.  Or maybe he's just big enough for me to notice.  He should be about a foot long.  It's amazing to think that he was microscopic just 20 or so weeks ago, and not he's getting so big.  And he'll be almost twice as long by the time he's born.  Amazing.  I'm thankful for him.  Sweet fella.

Oh, and before I forget, I need to tell you that yesterday evening we had pack meeting.  (Yes, it was on a Sunday, and, yes, I do think that's weird.  But really that is not out of character at all as our scout leaders kind of do things however they feel like.

Hyrum has been helping with Cub Scouts since we moved here. It has been a help to Sister Goutcher, the cub leader, but it has also been helpful to Hyrum. I had the distinct impression yesterday that that is one reason why we were here. Hyrum needed the experience of helping with Cub Scouts, and he also needed the experience of helping lead at this pack meeting. How cool is that?  I love finding out we're just where we should be.  I mean, we already knew.  But we always have little moments that solidify that.  In this picture Hyrum is waiting to instruct the Color Guard.  He also presented the awards.  Brother Goutcher explained what the boys were getting, and Hyrum handed them out and shook hands.

 

Benji got his Wolf.  Wahoo!  I wanted to take a picture, and Brother Goutcher had his hands full trying to get Hyrum and Benji to face the camera.  Ha, ha!  That's why he's pointing.  (Yes, I know these pictures are all kind of crummy.  Not only do I have little fingers who are always poking my camera lens whenever they get the chance, but my pictures in this room just never come out.  So I wasn't surprised.  Still, I'll take fuzzy pictures over no pictures!)

 

Joshua is 11 now, but he's been working on Webelos since he got here.  We really need to start him advancing in the Boy Scout book now.  We don't have an 11-year-old scout group here.  At this pack meeting Joshua received his Webelos badge, a compass patch with two points on it, his Arrow of Light, and a bunch of belt loops.  Oh, and he got a little emergency kit that they put together.  Hooray for Joshua!  I remember that when Joe got his Arrow of Light they had him walk across a bridge or something fancy.  This was nothing fancy, but still...  Arrow of Light is pretty darn great.  They say it's the highest award in Cub Scouts and most boys don't even get it.  All of our Webelos earned it, thanks to Brother Goutcher (the Webelos leader).  He has done a great job.

 

So there you go.  Hooray for these boys!  I'm so proud!

Sob Stories

Man! Sometimes I feel like I owe it to the world to blog often and to blog only happy things. The truth is, though, I am feeling overwhelmed and stuck a lot lately. I just have a lot on my plate right now.

For one thing, we are still dealing with Elizabeth, though not directly. (Yes, I said I wasn't going to talk about her. Maybe what I should have said is that I am not going to talk bad about her. I have no desire to do that.) She still drives by our house at least a few nights a week up to three times each of those nights. I hate it. It stresses me out. And we are dealing with the effects of her lies. Unfortunately, at this point there is not much we can do about that. Not cool.

And then there is stress over what we are going to do when Jeremy's contract ends in a couple of weeks. It seems like we need to stick around here for a few months, but whatever we do we are going to need money. Argh! It seems like we should have a plan, but we don't.

And I am also sad that Susie chose to go to the Temple when we couldn't go with her. I am really happy that she got to go. She was really excited and was waiting anxiously. But it would have meant a lot to me to be there and I couldn't. Plus, Jeremy has five sisters (all of whom are now endowed), and Jeremy only got to be at one of those endowment sessions. That is sad. There have been various circumstances, but all of them meant that we couldn't go. It honestly kind of breaks my heart.

So there you go. There is my sob story. I vented about all these things and now it is time to move on.

Benji

I've been thinking. Maybe I've outgrown C. Jane's blog. I hate to say it as I've been reading her blog for years, but I've noticed that I'm getting tired of it. She tries to be poetic about everything, and it just doesn't resonate with me anymore. We have different views on too many things lately. Plus, this time of year most of her posts are about the concert series that she sponsors in Provo. Yawn. I don't live in Provo and I do not care. Still, I'm sad. I liked that blog for a long time.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand...

Yes, yes, I have been neglecting to finish these posts about my children.  Well, here is #3, and then I'll be halfway done... for now... ;)

(Oh, and PS, I am still really excited about baby #7.  How could I possibly be otherwise?!  I've been working away at his afghan and thinking all the while about how he's going to love the colors.  They're so bright and happy!)

 

Oh, Benji!  How I love this boy!  (Keep in perspective, please, I love ALL my children.  I'm just talking about Benji today. ;)

 

When I think of Benji when he was little my heart just melts.  He was the perfect size for such a long time - perfect for carrying around and cuddling.  And the way he talked was so cute!  One of the things I liked best about his toddlerhood was his friendship with his cousin Tyler.  They were the cutest little friends I have ever seen.  One of my favorite of all our family video clips involves them spinning in circles and clapping.  It was just so darn cute.

 

Nowadays Benji is still pretty darn cute.  He is 9 years old.  He has an infectious, fun laugh.  I love making him laugh!  He still likes to be tickled and is a very physical guy.  He loves to pretend to be a baby with Michael and Jill, and is often quite loud doing it.  I realize that may sound kind of like a little kid thing to do, but you have to see Benji do it in order to understand that it's totally in keeping with who he is.  Another thing he likes to do is pull his pant legs all the way up his legs and yank them up and down while stomping his feet and saying repeatedly, "Naked baby!"  This activity works best when he's wearing sweats.  Oh, it drives me nuts!  Still, I can put that in my arsenal and tease him about it in front of his teenage friends someday.  Just kidding.



 

Benji's current job is to clean off the table and sweep under it.  Sometimes he hates that job, and sometimes he gets all excited and sweeps the whole kitchen.  Really, it needs done anyway, you know, but that's going above and beyond the call of duty.  I appreciate how quick he is to go get his jobs done when he's asked to, especially with the right bribe. ;) He's a really helpful guy, though, and I appreciate that.  He also likes to be first to the bathroom at night.  He runs in there and does his duty and brushes his teeth and then hurries back out to say his prayers with me before anybody else has even budged a bit.  (Speaking of which, we need another bathroom bad!)

 

Benji is on of those charismatic guys that you can't help but love.  Just ask his teacher at school.  Mrs. Ratcliff really loves him.  And not just a little bit.  He's one of those guys who always wants more homework and doesn't get it (just the opposite of Joshua).  A few weeks ago he came home so excited because he needed to do a shark report.  He picked the tiger shark, and I helped him get onto Encyclopedia Britannica online.  (Joshua got a free subscription for participating in the district spelling bee.  Joshua was really upset that Benji was using it, but when in the world do we ever use it?  I may have to assign some homework this summer.  Tee hee. ;)  Then he sat and wrote out a one-page report and was all pleased about it.  Unfortunately, he also has a habit of leaving his homework sitting out, and Timmy, the little artist, is passionate about coloring on any paper he can find (and any wall while he's at it).  So while Benji wasn't looking, Timmy wrote all over the report with pen.  Benji was so upset.  But he sat down and rewrote the whole report and put it in his backpack this time.  The sad thing is, when he got it to school he found out that not only were they supposed to do the reports at school, but they were supposed to draw a shark out of a hat at a later date, not just pick one.  Still, I don't think he was very sad because he really enjoyed doing some extra homework.

 

I know you all are going to think I am weird for going back and forth on this subject, but I am pretty positive that I'm going to homeschool at least Benji next school year.  You and I both know that our whole family is homesick for Cedar City and that we want to get our kids back into the same schools they were in before.  (In looking at the schools before we moved there, we found that the school we ended up with had the highest test scores.  Plus we ended up LOVING the school, and I actually cried the last time I walked out of it.  I'm telling you, it was a great school.)  But even so, I have a pretty strong feeling that we need to do some homeschooling this next school year, even if Benji's the only one.  I was surprised to discover this, but I do feel very strongly about it.  Benji is really self-motivated.  He gets along well with people and just does an all-around great job in school.  I think I could get him into one of those virtual academies like we did with Hyrum when he was in first grade, and I think he would love it and do really well.  But I kind of would rather do our own curriculum, though, so that he could participate in things like choir at a regular school.  I know you can't do dual enrollment with those virtual academies.  Anyway, we're thinking it over, but we do know that Benji will most likely do it.  I've thought about doing it with Joshua many, many times.  I think it's more likely now that we could be successful with him doing it now as he's learning to be more self-motivated and to just get things done.  And it would give me the opportunity to really focus on some of the gaps that he has.  But I can't decide if it would be to his detriment.  I feel like the social interaction at school is something he needs, especially in a place like Cedar City when it was all so positive.  I think Hyrum and Michael would also do well, but I just don't know.  I know Michael misses his Mommy every day, so for that reason he would like to do homeschool.  And Hyrum likes to get things done and be done with them.  He'd do well.  But once again, would it be to their detriment?  We'll have to pray about it.

 

Anyway, moving on from that tangent...

 

Benji likes to read, especially when he has new books from the library.  And just like his brothers, his favorite books to check out are Garfield books.  He's not as crazy about reading as Hyrum is, but he still likes it and is a good reader.  Another thing he likes is to put on his curly mullet wig that I gave him for Christmas.  (That was probably the best gift I gave this Christmas because I got a great laugh out of him over that and because he's enjoyed it so much.)  So he puts on his wig and turns on the Richard Simmons video that Jeremy got as a gag gift for Christmas, and he does the whole thing and loves it.  I love that!  He and Hyrum have done that video a lot, and it ebarrasses the heck out of Joshua, even when we don't have anybody over.  Ha, ha!

 

Benji has a big interest in cooking and always has.  Whenever I go into the kitchen to start cooking Benji runs in ready to help.  I feel bad because quite often at dinner time I'm too hungry to deal with helpers.  But I try to let him help anyway.  It always turns out to be a nice experience.  Yesterday he wanted to make chocolate cake, and he ended up doing most of it by himself.  Hyrum helped a little because I was kind of busy and Benji had never made a cake before.  He did it in the Bundt pan, which we all love because it's easier to just pick up and bite.  It came out good, if a little crumbly.  I was pretty proud of him.  He loves it when we make fry bread once every 3 months or so.  (Or are they sopapillas?  Jeremy knows all the definitions for all those types of fried bread, but I can never keep any of them straight - except for scones.)  He does really well rolling those out and enjoys it A LOT.  He and Michael are usually my best helpers with that.  They roll while I fry, and it works out good.

 

Benji really likes guns.  The scariest ones we have are BB guns, so nothing too serious, but he really likes them.  Each of the three oldest boys owns a BB gun.  Benji also has some of those pistols that take rolls of caps.  We have a hard time keeping caps because Wal-Mart doesn't keep them in stock.  They always have the ring ones, but they hardly ever have the roll ones.  He also has a marshmallow gun, a dart gun (which is currently missing all the darts), and a great big Nerf gun that shoots discs.  The disc gun was something he picked for Shop with a Cop, and he loves that thing.  I honestly like it pretty good myself.  It even has a scope that lights up, and it has two magazines.  I can't tell you how many times I've picked up discs and filled the magazines, but I do kind of like filling them.  That gun is just too big sometimes, though.  One day a few months ago I was trying to get the boys ready for school and somehow knocked the big gun off Benji's dresser onto my foot.  I've still got a little red spot on my foot from that.  Ouch!  Still, I must admit that I like all of Benji's guns.  And I think it's a little funny that all he asked for for his birthday was ammo and batteries for his guns. XD  Benji's always been easy to please like that, though.  He hardly ever asks for things that are very expensive at all. 

 

Another thing Benji likes is digging holes.  It's a good thing I don't mind that our front yard is full of holes.  He likes to find Papa's big shovel and see how far down he can dig.  I thought I had some photo documentation of this, but apparently I don't.  I'd better get busy!

 

I keep wanting to blog about Timmy lately, but he's not next on the list.  He's growing and learning so fast, though, and at this rate he'll be three by the time I get around to blogging about him.  Ha, ha!  Anyway, here are some quick tidbits about Timmy.

 

Timmy is a huge Spongebob fan lately.  Whenever we turn on a movie for him (which he still calls a moogie), he prefers Spongebob.  He talks all the time about Sbah-bob a Da-tick (short a in Da-tick, of course, because it's Patrick) or Sbah-bob a Swih-ward (Spongebog and Squidward).  He also likes Scooby Doo (Stoo Doo a ah you) (Scooby Doo, where are you, of course). And he still really likes to watch Cars.  He likes talking about Queen and Maner (long a).  That's Lightning McQueen and Mater.  And he still loves to play with toy cars.  He spends a good deal of time every day driving this or that car from his collection.  He also really likes to hammer things.  Somehow or other we've ended up with 3 toy hammers over the years, and he loves to find them and pound things.  He really started doing this after we watched Wreck-it Ralph.  One of the characters is Fix-it Felix, and he's always fixing things with his magic hammer.  I think Timmy really likes that.  And another character that Timmy really likes is Backpack Bear, a character from Starfall.com.  Jill and Timmy like to sit at the computer, and Jill navigates herself all around Starfall.  Timmy calls the bear Pack-ack a Bear, and he talks about him all the time.  In fact, every teddy bear he sees is Pack-ack a Bear.

 

Timmy has also started to use some sentences.  I tell ya, that boy's vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds lately.  He still babbles a lot, and overall he's mostly a pretty quiet boy.  You can see that the gears are turning in his head, though.  He's definitely a thinker.  One sentence he uses quite a bit now is, "Kwon.  Ess go." (Come on.  Let's go.)  And that makes me remember that lately he likes to pump his fists up and down while he's walking, kind of like he's marching.  Oh, so cute!  And one morning last week he was sitting and eating breakfast when Jill came out of the bedroom.  He actually greeted her!  He said, "Hi. A doin'?" (Hi.  How are you doing?)  He's used that sentence several times since.  I love it!  I also love that he's learning to interact more with people other than me.  What a cute boy.

 

Timmy punctuates a lot of his words and sentences with, "Uh."  Sometimes it reminds me of those Canadians who say "eh" (or at least the people who say that Canadians say that), and sometimes it makes me think of Navajo. 

 

And the new little guy is getting bigger!  I've got 18 weeks or so left.  He's really starting to kick now.  It's exciting!

uhhhh

Well, what do you know?  Here I am again.

Mother's Day is coming, and a hot topic all around is how wonderful everyone's mothers are.  I can't deny this topic has been on my mind as well.  I read a blog post this morning written by C. Jane.  It has left me feeling a bit frazzled.  Not only does it seem to have been written in a frazzled manner, but some of her ideas have left me a bit dumbfounded.  I'm not sure what to say to that, but I'm going to say something.

I must say, too, that this is not the first time I've disagreed with her.  And that's ok.  I'm sure she'd be ok with it.  We both agree that women are all different and we're going to have different life experiences and opinions.  That's ok.  And I guess what I don't agree with is how she insists that motherhood is not a separate life experience from being a woman.  She says it's not a calling.  It's just part of who she is.  I can kind of get what she's saying, but I don't feel that way.  I do feel that nurturing comes naturally to most women.  Yes, that is part of us.  That is our birthright as daughters of God.  And, yes, women who never give birth can still mother children.  But I also feel that it is indeed a calling in that it is a divine trust from God, a divine stewardship.  Perhaps the biggest reason why I feel that way is that getting my children here has been hard.  Maybe that makes me appreciate the fulfillment of my dreams more.  But I also look back and remember more than once or twice being told in blessings that Heavenly Father is pleased to send this baby to me, speaking of more than one of my children. 

But also in looking over the issue, I do feel that while I am the sum total of all my parts, each part by itself is a definition of me because it works together with the other parts.  My love for baking works well with my love for children.  And so does my love for music and my love for dancing.  In short, while I am indeed a mother, I celebrate the fact that I have all these facets of myself that I can experience individually or all together.  So yes, I do believe that motherhood is a calling, just like I believe that being a bishop is a calling.  And yes, it is a separate facet of myself than the rest of myself.  I am ok with that.

I also wonder what gets me so worked up about the subject of that blog post.  Perhaps it is because I want to believe that I'm more complex than just a simple sum total.  And perhaps it is because, once again, it is an idea I've run across that doesn't even quite make sense to me because it's so different from my own views.  Hmmm...

Well, moving on.  Here are a few things going on around here.

Yesterday I felt an urgent need to put up curtains in my living room.  I remembered I had some fabric that I bought like half our marriage ago, and I also remembered that I have two curtain panels that I made years ago.  I realized I could kill two birds with one stone and get curtains up in the living room and Jill and Timmy's room both.  (Now, please don't preach to me about how we are weirdos for not having curtains.  Just so you know, we are indeed getting back on our feet financially and I've been realizing I can actually consider curtains and such.)  So I did just that.  I cannot begin to tell you how good it feels to have those two sets of curtains up.  I still need curtains for the side windows in the living room, but I've been puzzled over how to do that since we first moved in way back in 2004.  There are three windows right in a row there.  It's like 160" across all of them.  I am just not sure.  They don't make curtain rods that long.  I refuse to put up blinds.  For one thing, I don't really like dealing with blinds, and for another thing, the cords are dangerous.  And since the couch sits right under those windows, the cords would get played with a lot.  Hmmmm...

Anyway, as I was saying, putting those curtains up made me feel a little more in control, and that is something I've really needed of late.  Plus, I like the curtains anyway, and so do the rest of the family.  And I had to get my sewing machine out to do it.  It's kind of stressful to get out the sewing machine because the peg that holds the thread got broken off while we were in Cedar City, and it seems like I have to figure out a new one every time.  I've bent paper clips to suit the purpose, and I've also used pencils stuck in the hole where the peg used to go.  But every time I put it away somebody messes with the machine and I have to figure something out the next time.  And also, every time I try to use the machine the little ones get way interested and cannot be distracted from pushing buttons and turning knobs as I try to sew.  Plus, my machine is threatening to give up the ghost completely.  It is quite unusual for me to get through a sewing project without multiple frustrations along the way.  It likes to get plugged up, and sometimes the bobbin will be loose and won't be fixed no matter how many tweaks I try.  So you can see it is an absolute miracle that I got all the way around the four edges of that curtain without any major hiccups.  Jill and Timmy weren't much trouble this time and the machine ran as fine as it could.  I still have to pull the fabric through, and then Timmy tried to help and the machine halted.  But it picked right back up again and I finished.  Hooray!

Ok, this is turning into more long-winded nothing.  I blame my fuzzy head.  Catch ya later.

Dreams

I remembered a quote this morning that I read a few days ago.  I remembered that Elder Jeffrey R. Holland of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said it, so I looked it up.  What I found was a beautiful talk that he gave at a CES Fireside in September 2004.  (Check it out.  It is awesome!)  Here is a part of that talk I would like to share.  The quote I read the other day is the last paragraph.

"We must never let fear and the father of fear (Satan himself) divert us from our faith and faithful living. Every person in every era has had to walk by faith into what has always been some uncertainty. This is the plan. Just be faithful. God is in charge. He knows your name and He knows your need.

"Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ—that is the first principle of the gospel. We must go forward. God expects you to have enough faith, determination, and trust in Him to keep moving, keep living, keep rejoicing. He expects you not simply to face the future; He expects you to embrace and shape the future—to love it, rejoice in it, and delight in your opportunities.

 

"God is eagerly waiting for the chance to answer your prayers and fulfill your dreams, just as He always has. But He can’t if you don’t pray, and He can’t if you don’t dream. In short, He can’t if you don’t believe."

 

Love that!  In this talk he was talking about how the last days are here.  He was speaking to students who were afraid, wondering if it was even worth it to dream.  Was it worth it to go to school or go on a mission?  Would they even be able to finish?  He answered yes to those questions.  He also pointed out that where some people think we shouldn't live as fully with doom and gloom on the horizon, we actually should be living more fully because this is the dispensation of the fullness of times.

 

Anyway, this talk has me thinking today.  Perhaps I should be dreaming and working toward those dreams.  Certainly I can be more valiant, and I can be more consistent in doing the little daily things that keep me on the correct path.  I know I'll be blessed if I do.  It's a happy prospect all 'round.

 

And now for a less serious matter.  That is the dreams I had last night and this morning. 

 

Ahem.  I dreamed that we went to visit my sister Jennifer.  I had promised to make pizza for dinner for all of us that night, but I kept getting distracted, having to take care of everyone.  By 9:30 PM or so I realized that not only was everyone starving, but I had forgotten some key ingredients.  I had no cheese or sauce.  I ended up stealing some sauce Jennifer had lying around, and the end result was spaghetti.  I realized it was funny of me to go any further in my pizza making when I already had spaghetti made.  It was too bad that I didn't realize that until the children were dropping like flies because it was so late.  I wonder how I was going to make pizza with spaghetti anyway...

 

And then I dreamed that I was at my parents' house.  I had promised to make breakfast.  Mama had already started, but because I had promised I decided to go through with it.  I ran out to the car to gather my supplies only to discover that I had brought everything but the kitchen sink - and the pancake mix I had made from scratch.  (To tell the truth, I do make some really good wheat pancake mix in real life!)  I even had clothes in there all folded that were too small for Timmy, along with the box I was supposed to put them in.  There were tons of boxes in there.  I'm sure why I insisted on bringing them all.  Anyway, I didn't ever figure out what to do for breakfast.  I realized I should have brought some bacon.  I woke up before I figured it out, though.

What's the deal?

So, what's the big deal, you might ask?  Why did I make the blog private?  The answer, of course, is Elizabeth.  No doubt about that.  There are lots of little details that I really don't want to rehash.  In short, though, she's been spreading lies about us and now has her family mad at us.  She has hurt my feelings pretty badly.  And every time we try to help her she screws things all around and makes herself look like a victim again.  I have been scared out of my mind that perhaps her family would retaliate in some way.  All of this combined together has, I guess, taught me an important lesson that I hope you guys can learn too and save your own hides: never, ever, ever, ever try to help people who fall into this category of stupidity.  To say it's not worth the effort is a serious understatement.

And so with all of this insecurity floating around in my life I found it necessary to close this blog to the public.  I am very sad to do it, and I wrestled with the decision for days.  This blog was never meant to be private.  But during those days I also hopped on the blog and took down some things I'd said about Elizabeth.  Maybe they weren't all nice but they were all true.  I realized, though, that, blast it all, this is my blog!  This is my place to say what I want to say!  I have no desire to turn this blog into a hate-fest.  Not only would that be counter-productive, but I need to remember the name of the blog and blog about that happy things.  It's not that bad things don't happen.  It's that I want to choose to remember the happy ones.  And so I think I may be done talking about Elizabeth here for quite a while.  And in the end, the decision to close the blog to the public was a no-brainer as it gave me some control in my life and a better sense of security.  Knowing Elizabeth and having a bit of experience with her family, even if I were to not talk about Elizabeth they'd still get mad because they all twist things around.  And really, that just, once again, makes me feel really sad for them.  They will never have happy or fulfilling lives unless they change.  And change does not seem very likely. It is just really sad.  They need help but they will not be helped.  And if you try to help they'll make it look like you're hurting them.

Anyway, I am moving on.  I am focusing on my family.  I'm going to replace those things that I said because I had a real purpose in saying them.  I'm fixing what I can fix.  I am even doing a few home improvement projects and dreaming up things to make for baby Brom.  I am talking through things and focusing on the fact that things get better and that Jesus really can heal my heart.  He's done it before, after all.  Thank you all for being my friends.  I've been so thankful for your friendship and your fresh perspectives on things in my life.  I love you all!

One more item of business

So, my friends, you probably knew this day was coming.  I am going to make this blog private.  I don't think I have done that with this particular blog before, but I did it off and on with the other blog.  I know I look crazy like I can't decide, but there are just times when I feel the need to have it private and other times when I don't.  And so, this blog will go private in a few days.  I am sad to do it, but, alas, it must be done.

And I know you are wondering why.  Well, the truth is, there is a set of circumstances and recent events that have given me the need to think first and foremost about my family.  And I myself need this security right now as well.  No, it is not so that I can talk bad about people behind their backs.  No, I'm not running away like a coward.  I am just securing my happy little happy land.

Of course, I still want all my friends and family to still have the option to read here.  I love you guys!  If you would like an invite to my blog once it's private, you have a few options for letting me know.  Ahem:

1. Comment with your email address here on the ol' blog.
2. Email me.
3. Send me a message on Facebook.

Please remember that if you have been invited to one of my private blogs before, I may have misplaced your email address since then. :O Sorry!  And also please note that my family members and guildies have an automatic invite, whether they like it or not.  Bwah-ha-ha!  (That's you Mama and Mom and all my brothers and sisters and also brothers- and sisters-in-law and guild family members.  You guys are covered already.)  And you can take it or ignore it.  It's all good.

Anyway, once again, thanks for reading and commenting.  Thanks for following my endless train of thought with all its maddeningly minute details.  I am thankful for your friendship and I value you a lot.