Random Ramblings

We have less than 2 weeks until Christmas, and our tree isn't even up.  For some reason I just have not been feeling Christmasy this year.  I think it's my lack of Christmas music, so I should fix that up ASAP.  Like today.  Last night, though, Jill was sad to not go with her Papa to get Hyrum from scouts, and I suddenly thought of something that would make her happy.  I could hang lights around our front door like last year.  So I did!  And in the process I found our wreath and hung that up too.  Jill was so pleased.  She gasped at the beauty of those little lights as soon as I plugged them in, and she was so pleased when she found the pink ones.  So now we have not one but two Christmas decorations up.  I'd better get on the ball!  Maybe the tree will go up tonight.  We'll see.

Yesterday on Facebook my friend Amy Durfee Zeigler posted something so nice about me.  Here's what she said: "Another Christmas memory. Well it wasn't Christmas but almost. Also at EAC. Even though I am not much if a singer, I decided to join my friend Christine Badger Burk in Dr. David Lunt's directed Handels Messiah. I remember feeling the spirit so strongly as we sang about our Lord. Christine has such a great voice. She hit every note so beautifully."

Awww!  Well, anyway, you know what I mean about singing at Christmas.  It is one of my favorite things about Christmas.  When we were in The Living Christmas Tree I wished I had a solo every year.  And when we did Messiah at EA I really wanted a solo and was too chicken to try out.  There were some amazing people who did, and I just didn't think I was nearly good enough.  I think my biggest insecurity about singing solos was that I didn't understand vibrato.  I figured I didn't have any because it didn't seem natural, and if I just made it up on my own it seemed fake.  And who could sing a solo without vibrato?  Plus, Messiah includes a lot of runs and things.  It is kind of scary. And there is a lot about music that people expected me to know that I just didn't.  (That's kind of like PE in St. Johns.  Everybody else in my class knew how to play this or that game, so the teacher expected me to know how too.  So we'd just start playing without any explanation, and I just kind of had to guess.  I had no idea.  Not fun.) Amy said I hit every note.  I always felt like I was just faking it the best I could.  But it was fun. :) Singing is different from PE, apparently. ;) Plus, being in Messiah made me feel so good.  I could indeed hit a lot of those notes in the runs, even though I couldn't quite hit all of them, and I do love singing about Jesus.  He is definitely my favorite song subject. :)

Anyway, I'm off on a tangent.  Or 5.  What I really mean to say is that I am thankful for experiences like those.  Singing at Christmas time means a lot to me.  This year I lost my voice just in time for Thanksgiving and was super bummed when after coaxing everybody to sing Christmas carols together at the Burk Thanksgiving dinner I suddenly realized I wouldn't be able to sing along anyway.  Drat!  Maybe that's why I'm a Scrooge this year! ;) So anyway, I am also very thankful for good friends.  Before James went on his mission I had no idea I would become friends with Amey.  I didn't even have the desire to become friends with her.  But she became a very dear friend to me, and I have been so very thankful!  She is one of those people who without fail build me up and make me feel good about life in general.  I wish she lived next door.  I can only hope that my friends like her will live next door in heaven. ;) And my children and extended family too!

And speaking of friends, do you realize that Lilly and Os (Stefanie and Mark Smith) are going to the Temple the day after tomorrow?!  They will receive their Endowments and be sealed!  Is that not the coolest thing ever?!  I am still completely amazed at how God blessed lives through a silly game.  If we hadn't played Warcraft, things would have been a lot different.  Here is what she said the other day:

"I just know we are on the right path because no matter what - it keeps working out. I mean I got mugged Friday - but Mark came home safe and we are going to the temple and it didn't stop a thing. And its all because of you that we are here. I went back to the church because you always listened. You were the gentle voice in my head telling me the path to turn to. So because of you Mark and I will be married in the temple - Thats a huge accomplishment. You really don't know just how genuinely fantastic you are. I tell everyone you are my sister, and I wish you really were. I am so glad that you thought Oz and I were worth saving and steering back to the church. I am so grateful that Marks heart was softened thru knowing Med and you that he listened when the spirit spoke. I am so grateful that the spirit witnessed to him in the form of viable career choices so that he saw the lord at work in our lives, and I am so so so grateful to count you as friend and sister.."

That is pretty darn cool, don't you think?  It absolutely breaks my heart that we can't be there when they go to the Temple.  They are going to the Oakland Temple, and they wanted us to be their escorts.  I was so excited about it.  But I am going to go to our Temple on Saturday anyway.  Jeremy will be sending me and watching everyone while I'm gone.  It'll be so nice.  And at least Lilly and I can kind of be in the Temple together.  Sort of.  Well, it will mean a little something extra this time, anyway. :) (And speaking of Temples, the children and I saw the new Gilbert Temple last week.  I am so excited!)

Please don't think I'm trying to whine.  I do tend to whine sometimes, and I don't mean to as much as I do, especially here.  Certainly, I do not think I'm as perfect as some people think I am (That is not at all to say I don't like myself.  I love myself!), and certainly I'm frustrated by certain things in my life, but I'm also thankful for the goodness that surrounds me, even when it doesn't sound like it.  And every time I am thankful in my heart my capacity for thankfulness grows, and that is just awesome.  Also, in that last post I was trying to sound victorious, like I conquered a beast, not like I was currently in the fiercest battle with the beast.  Part of getting over something is acknowledging it and also acknowledging that you're ready to move past it.  And that's where I am with that one.  I don't need to feel sad or upset because I know I'm good enough.  And I guess this post kind of reaffirms, through others' words, that I'm a good person and that I'm definitely worth something. :) And that is pretty darn awesome.

Merry Christmas, guys!  Only 13 more days! :O

Christmas Sing

Soooo...

Every year the different churches in Globe get together at the Globe Stake Center for a Christmas Sing. There are all sorts of musical numbers, including some from one church's handbell group. Overall, it should be an amazing experience that we should want to go to every year. Right? Well, I feel bad about it, but every year I just don't want to go. I really should because Kenzie sings in it every year. But I don't. I always give the excuse that we have all these kids and wouldn't get to sit and listen anyway. Well, that is true. But I have been realizing that there is another reason too. And it appears that the reason is that my feelings are hurt. Good golly. Time to let go o' that, right?

See, the people who organize the Christmas Sing are kind of choosy. The people they pick are outgoing people, and the same people get picked every year. Some of them really leave a lot to be desired, to be honest. I wish they'd pick me! So why am I not good enough? I don't know.

I have actually performed in the Christmas Sing on two separate occasions. One time a lady in our ward needed a partner for a duet, so she asked Jeremy to sing with her. And then there was a flute part, so I got roped in to do that. How is that for sneaky and round-about? And the other time either Dad or Rachel or both were asked to sing. And somehow or other Jeremy and I ended up singing with them. Everything was fine and we had our parts learned. We were at the church for a dress rehearsal, and Rachel's piano teacher (one of the organizers) was there to give us pointers. At the end of the song she came and told me that I needed to sing quieter because Rachel needed the experience more than I did. What the what, now? I can understand her wanting to look out for her student, but who is she to say that I didn't need the experience? Did she see my whole life and who I was and where I had been and therefore just know? No. That just wasn't nice.

And I have never been asked back. It makes me sad.  This is exactly the kind of thing I would be so happy to participate in.  It's MUSIC!  At CHRISTMAS! I really kind of thought that through my roped-in parts they would see I could do something and ask me the next time. (You know, actually ask ME by my own merits.) I don't have an ugly voice. I am not a horrible flutist. And I guess the big thing is that I feel like they judged me and found me lacking. I feel like I am not the only overlooked talent, either. And, yes, those words still sting. And I feel sad every year that nobody ever asks me. This is one of those "by invitation or roping-in" kind of deals. Nobody can just ask to be in it. And so I decided it is lame and hurtful and I don't need it in my life.

So there you go. And maybe now that it is written and fully recognized I can start to let it go. Phew!

I could also note I'm sure that lady wasn't meaning to hurt my feelings, and I'm sure the organizers aren't either.  It really kind of makes me feel like a lame-o for holding onto these feelings when all typed out my reasons for being hurt just look lame.  So that should help me let go, right? :P

Sticker Earrings and Candy Corns

Surely, a cold, dreary day such as the one we just had begs for a sad, solemn story dug up from the past.  Here is just the ticket.

When I was little I really wanted to get my ears pierced.  I begged Mama to let me do it, but, of course, she said I couldn't get them pierced until I reached some obscure age far off in the distance that I probably would never reach.  I would sometimes daydream about how awesome it would be to have pierced ears like a few other girls I knew.  My sisters and I would even buy spiral bracelets and cut them apart to make tiny hoop earrings.  They hurt, but, as Aunt Nancy said, "It hurts to be beautiful."  And I got some really pretty clip-on earrings for one of my birthdays.  They were yellow with crystals.  I loved them, but I still wished my ears were pierced.  Mama would tell us how her daddy told her something like, "You will never get your ears pierced.  That is evil."  (Surely, those were not his exact words, but you get the idea.  It was a scandal when she finally did get her ears pierced. ;)

Well, in fifth grade I discovered another solution for my ringless ears.  It was really quite ingenious.  The solution was sticker earrings, and they were amazing.  There were two of each design on what seemed to be endless sheets in chock-full books of stickers.  You just peeled them off and stuck them to your ears, and they looked simply wonderful for about 5 minutes until they got lost in your hair or the oils in your skin made them unsticky.

This was quite an exciting discovery for me, as you might imagine, and one day, through the generosity of a friend, I found myself in possession of, not one, but two sheets of sticker earrings.  I couldn't believe my luck.  Well, neither could another girl in my class, it seems.  She begged and begged me to please give her a sheet of those amazing, wonderful stickers.  I finally told her that she could have one if she would bring me two packs of candy corns.  She agreed, and I gave her the sheet of stickers. 

I couldn't believe my luck!  I had a whole sheet of sticker earrings, and soon would also be swimming in candy corns!  You can bet I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning with visions of heart-stopping sweetness dancing in my head.  However, when I got to school there were no candy corns.  I was absolutely shocked.  How could this be?  I waited another day.  Still no candy corns.  I waited another day.  STILL no candy corns.  Yes, each new day came and went without any candy corns.  I even reminded the girl that she owed me two packs of candy corns, but to no avail.  She promised me she would remember this time, but the candy corns never appeared.  I was down one whole endless sticker earring sheet and still had no candy corns.  Woe is me!

Well, the years have passed by, and I must confess that if she were to finally let her conscience get to her and repay her debt (How does it not bother her?!), I would smile and thank her and eat a few before depositing the rest into file 13 while she was looking the other way.  (That's the circular file, you know. *Wink, wink*)  I must be getting old because candy corns just don't have the appeal that they used to.

And sadder still, though the years did come and go and I finally was old enough and got my ears pierced, I don't wear earrings more than once a year anymore.  And by the time I get the notion to wear them again I've forgotten which ones I'm allergic to and which ones I'm not, so more often than not I come home from church with red, sore ears and promptly remove the silly things.

Indeed, these are sad, solemn days I live in.

:)

That is all. Thank you! :)

Sooooo.... (an update on our world)

This is going to be a busy week!  We've got Grandma Burk's birthday today, Timmy's birthday tomorrow (3!), and then appointments for Joshua and Timmy at SEABHS, where Jeremy works.  I'm actually excited about these happenings.  (Of course.  I mean, who doesn't love birthdays?!)  But these appointments at SEABHS could mean good things for these two of our boys.  I'm not sure what it will lead to, but it is a jumping-off point and should lead to some good help for both of them.  They can refer us to whatever needs to happen next.  It makes me feel excited to think that they can help us know what to do.  Despite my research, I am clueless about what the process is, so I am thankful there is somebody who knows the process and can help us!  Wahoo!

I know I mentioned before that we quite K12 and are doing our own thing for home school.  To tell the truth, I am still working out what exactly that will mean, but I can tell you that our home is a lot happier and a lot less stressful.  I am really thankful for my Cedar City friend Tia for sharing with me what home school is for her.  It has kind of turned things upside down for me and made me feel like I have permission to follow the Spirit and also do what I want to in this area.  I will have to do a blog post about home school, but for now you can just know that I've learned a lot and I'm excited and not stressed out about it. :)

I am loving the cooler weather!  I come to my computer in the morning and sit cross-legged in my chair to keep my feet warm.  Joshua has been using the tea pot every day to make cocoa or instant oatmeal.  He much prefers it to heating up water in the microwave.  It's somehow more exciting. :)

This is a random little detail but one I meant to record quite a while ago.  Timmy used to knock on doors with the back of his fist.  It was so cute!  I really wish I had a video of it. :) Now he knocks/pounds with the pinky side of his fist.  His knocks are slow and deliberate.  We know who it is.  He will sometimes sneak out the back door and run around to knock on the front door.  He can't open the front door yet.  He likes to sneak in my bedroom, and he prefers to have the door shut whenever he's in there. 

I've found that at night I can get him to come and snuggle with Brom and me on the recliner that is in there if I lock the bedroom door.  He hasn't figured out how to unlock it yet, so he sits and cries at the door for a few minutes before coming and climbing up by us.  What he really does after he climbs up is stand on the arm of the chair and lean back, playing with and laying on my hair.  He likes to fall asleep holding it.  So he falls asleep while I nurse Brom.  And then I burp Brom, who wakes back up and has to nurse on the other side before he'll go to sleep and stay asleep.  (I'm serious.  I have to nurse him until he falls asleep and then nurse him again because he always wakes up.  But I will not complain because then he sleeps until 6:00 or 7:00.)  So I stand up to put Brom in his bed, and Timmy (who by that point is usually quite literally is sleeping on my head - thank heavens that chair reclines!) slides down to lay on the recliner as it sits up.  I put Brom in his bed and zip him up in his baby sleeping bag that Grandma McDermott made for Hyrum, and then I put Timmy to bed.  Sometimes.  Sometimes I just leave him sleeping on the chair because he looks comfy.  I just put a blanket on him and leave him be.  He usually crawls in bed with us later.

And speaking of Timmy's sleeping habits, recently Jeremy had me pick up some melatonin tablets at the store.  When we remember to, we give Timmy half of one before bed time.  The first time we did it I felt so bad watching him fall asleep.  I felt like we were evil parents who had drugged our son to make him sleep (even though melatonin is a hormone naturally produced by the body and not a drug).  But I have decided I need to stop feeling bad and think more objectively about it.  The truth is, we need sleep and so does he.  He still wakes up at least twice every night without the melatonin, and he takes forever to go to sleep.  He still doesn't nap unless we go shopping or something on a day when he is extra sleepy (he falls asleep in the car then).  So anyway, I did a little research on melatonin, and it turns out that doctors sometimes recommend giving melatonin to kids with autism because they have trouble sleeping.  And I realized, "Duh!"  Joshua has always had a hard time getting to sleep at night, and so has Timmy!  Did you know this about kids with autism?  I didn't have any idea.  It makes sense.  So anyway, melatonin is good stuff.  I hope we can be more consistent with it.  They're supposed to take it an hour or two before bed time.  We should be giving some to Joshua too, I think.

For a couple of weeks I was having a hard time getting things done because Brom would wake up as soon as I buckled him in his swing.  It was frustrating!  Then one day I just set him in there without buckling it, and voila!  He stayed asleep!  So I have been putting him in there without the buckles, and it works good. :) I just have to keep an eye on him so Jill and Timmy don't try to take him out!  I love that little one, but I am sure happier when I can put him down for a while and accomplish something, even if I just pick up a few things or wash a few dishes.  (As much as I hate washing dishes, it is indeed wonderful to have them done.)

Last week I tried a new recipe from The Girl Who Ate Everything (a food blog I like) called Pesto Chicken Pillows.  It's kind of embarrassing to me to call them pillows.  It makes me want to hide my head in a hole.  But that is what the recipe is called.  Basically, it's basil pesto with chicken and cream cheese baked inside those Pillsbury crescent rolls you buy in those cans you pop open.  You wrap the rolls around the chicken stuff and then dip them in butter and panko crumbs.  (I had no idea what panko crumbs were.  I thought it must be a brand of bread crumbs.  Nope!  It is a style of bread crumbs.  They use it to bread shrimp, and the only real difference between these and other bread crumbs is that they're not seasoned and the crust is removed.)  Anyway, wow!  These were super yummy!  Jeremy loved them more than I thought he would, too.  Score!  It had been too long since I'd had basil. ;) Plus, those rolls are really good anyway!  And maybe, just maybe, I feel a little less like hiding my head in a hole just because they were so good. :) Hyrum and Benji liked them too, and Timmy even ate half of one.  (Yes, Timmy, the pickiest of all eaters, at a half!  I was shocked.)

Last week we had a couple of meltdowns from Joshua about computers.  I don't know where he gets the idea (because he's so good at a lot of other things), but he thinks the only thing he can do is play computer.  That's the only thing that's any good, apparently.  Well, last week there were a few times when he got kicked off the computer before he felt ready, and he launched into fits, yelling and crying about how he didn't understand why he was being punished.  When he gets like this, all we can do is try to talk him down and reassure him that it'll be ok.  Reasoning with him doesn't really work.  If we answer his "why" questions he asks again and again anyway.  One of these times happened on scout night (we've been sending him to scouts with Hyrum because we don't have an 11-year-old scout group), and he was still crying when we got to scouts.  I patiently reassured him that it would be ok.  Eventually he did get out and head inside the church.  I felt so sad for him as I watched him stop and furiously wipe his eyes to try to hide that he was crying.  I sat and prayed and prayed.  I know he'll be ok, but it is kind of heartbreaking to deal with this.  Dealing with his disappointments is a lot different from dealing with his brothers' disappointments.  Anyway, we're going to figure out something different for computers in the near future, and hopefully we'll avoid future meltdowns.  Thinking about it, though, Joshua's reaction is like what happens with Timmy 99% of the time when the iPad is taken from him.  Abrupt changes are not their favorite thing.  Poor fellas.  They'll be ok, though.

On Saturday I finally got around to cutting the boys' hair.  It was a good thing I did.  I'd been putting it off because the last time I cut their hair I was third trimester and it killed my hip.  I didn't want to spend forever cutting hair.  I finally muscled my way past my whining and just did it.  I cut hair off the 5 older boys.  Joshua needed it the most.  Mama cut Jeremy, Hyrum, and Benji's hair while she was here, but Joshua, Michael, and Timmy didn't need it as bad, so we didn't worry about it.  Well, on Saturday, the hair I cut off Joshua's head was like 2 inches long.  Crazy!  I got all 5 of those heads of hair cut by 11:00, I believe.  I was pretty pleased with myself.  I still need to cut Jeremy's hair, but hooray for all I got done!  And they all look so much better!  I do have quite handsome sons. :)

Also on Saturday Hyrum had a youth trip.  They went ice skating and then went to the Temple.  I'm so glad Hyrum could go.  I really wish Joshua could have gone!  Well, he'll be 12 in March, and then he can go.  That will be awesome!  It was kind of funny because we got to the church right on time, and it turned out that a funeral was just ending right then.  There were cars everywhere, but nobody to be seen of the Young Men or Young Women.  We waited about a half hour before we found anybody.  I was glad to know they hadn't already left!  What a blessing that he can go!  I really appreciate that the youth here go so often.  And I am thankful that it gives him the opportunity to not only do service in the House of the Lord but also to associate with some good young people. :)

Quickie

We cut a hole in our living room wall on Saturday.  I love it - except that I now need to try extra hard to keep the kitchen clean. XD Jeremy and Aaron did it.  It is strange, but I felt a confirmation that that needed to happen that day.  I am not sure why.  Is it because Jeremy and Aaron needed to be together?  Is it because Benji needed to help?  (He got to use the belt sander.)  I don't know.  That's ok.  It still needs some sanding, caulking, and trim, but it's mostly done.  We ran out of sand paper on Saturday.  Darn!

OK, one more thing.  Today I was holding Brom.  I laid him back so I could talk to him, and he stared straight up at the ceiling and started smiling and cooing.  It was so sweet.  It makes me wonder who he might have been smiling at.  Heaven is probably closer than we think more often than we think.  It is a neat thought.

Timmy

It's a miracle!  I've got a minute!  Timmy and Brom are both asleep!  I'd better write quickly!

I recently had a realization about Timmy, and I have been processing it in my head ever since.  I realized that this little guy is probably on the autism spectrum. 

In all my thought processes I keep arriving at the question, "How did I not see it before?!"  I think I was focusing on all his little quirks one at a time rather than seeing the big picture.  But now that I can kind of put the pieces together, it is pretty dang obvious.

For one thing, he has some sort of speech delay.  He will be 3 this month and still isn't using many sentences.  Most of the time he just babbles or uses one word, maybe two.  And the sentences he does use are quotes and things.  He will sit and count things or repeat back this or that that he has heard a million times.  His favorite song is "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star," and he will sit and quote the whole thing in a speaking voice.  "Twinko, twinko, weedo star. How uh wonder uh oo are.  Up abubb a world so high.  Wike oo diamond imboo guy."  I don't think he quite understands the words, but he knows and loves them.

He also has his little obsessions.  One of them is my hair, and he doesn't understand that "OW!" is a bad thing.  He also likes to line up his cars.  (Oh, how he loves cars!)  But lately what he loves almost more than my hair is the iPad and my computer.  I've had to restrict his usage of both of those for a couple of reasons.  For one thing, when his turn is done he gets really, really upset.  That is not good.  And for another thing, they keep him from being with me, and that leads to his feeling neglected, which more and more lately is a horrible thing.  He has started trying to hurt me.  He has thrown books at my head, and just yesterday he was trying to smack me with a block.  It honestly scares me.  He's also started tackling anybody he can when he's feeling that certain way.  And maybe it isn't even just that he feels neglected.  Maybe it's also when he's tired.  But his poor little cousins and poor Jill are suffering because of it.

He doesn't really socialize with people at all.  He doesn't interact with anybody most of the time, and if he does it's just Jeremy or me or Michael or Jill.  And always it is pretty one-sided.  He doesn't seem to understand that other people have feelings at all.  And most of the time he just plays by himself.  I guess they would call what he does "parallel playing."  He plays near people but not with them very much.

I have tried over these few years (He's going to be 3 in 15 days!) to help him understand that "Ow" is a bad thing and that it's not ok to hurt people.  Don't get me wrong, though.  He is a good boy, and most of the time he does just play nicely.  He just hasn't seemed to make age-appropriate realizations about other people.  And when I do try to explain it is like talking to a brick wall.  My words do not make much of an impact.  Punishments don't really work either because he doesn't seem to understand that consequences are connected to his actions.  He does what he does and moves on.  If we try to punish him for it it doesn't make a dent because in his mind we are just being mean for no reason.

He also doesn't seem to understand some of my simple requests.  Either that or he is ignoring them.  Here's an example.  Every night I nurse Brom in the recliner in my bedroom to get him to sleep.  Timmy likes to climb up on the chair and lay on my hair.  I am ok with that except that he seems to like going on the side where Brom's head is.  And he doesn't hold still.  It just seems like he's squirming and bouncing on Brom's head.  I don't like that.  I try to tell him, "Go around.  Go to the other side."  He just doesn't seem to get it.  And I can't do much to help him understand because he's on the side with my arm that's supporting Brom's head.  I can't do much else with that arm, so I can't help him move to the other side.  Another thing is that he doesn't come when I call his name.  He never has.  That doesn't seem to be any sort of cue in his mind.

It is interesting watching him as I am figuring him out now.  His case is so different from Joshua's.  Joshua was an early talker, and when he started talking he almost immediately started using sentences.  But he held off on walking for as long as he could.  He isn't as coordinated as a lot of kids his age.  (But of course, he is leaps and bounds beyond them in other things.)  Timmy wasn't really early walking, but he has been really coordinated.  Jeremy has watched him run and wrestle and has been amazed because he naturally has really good form in both.  He naturally does things that Jeremy spent a lot of time and energy trying to teach to his track and wrestling students.  Isn't that interesting?  But his speech is delayed.  There are other things that are really different too, but I think it is still pretty obvious that they are both on the spectrum.

So what's next, you say?  Well, I'm hoping that we can get Timmy tested.  If we can get him tested we can probably get him some help, which I would be so thankful for!  Early intervention can make such a difference!  Either way, it is kind of exciting to me to have something figured out.  I am curious to see how things will go. 

OK, so there's that all.  There's just one more thing I want to record.

I discussed how school was going in the last post.  It has been hugely frustrating, especially with Timmy feeling like he's not getting attention and wanting to hurt me.  I have discussed that with the boys - that Timmy needs more attention and feels like he doesn't get enough when we're doing school.  I hope the boys don't think I'm blaming them.  We chose home school to help them, circumstances be danged.  Anyway, one evening Joshua came to me and said, "Mommy, I would go back to Bejarano for Timmy."  Oh, that just melted my heart.  He would go back to the stupid kids who cuss and ask him stupid questions and make fun of him and his family, all for his little brother.  It kind of makes me cry.

Oh, and one more thing about Joshua.  He likes to talk about Brom and me using the words "Brommy and Mommy."  Ha ha!  He just thinks it's way fun.

Dang, I love my kiddos!

Happenings

I am so stinking frustrated!  I go for days on end without getting to lay a finger on my own computer because the boys use it for school every day.  And when I do get to get on my computer I am usually nursing a baby with Timmy climbing around behind me in the chair and 2 or 3 boys standing behind me saying, "What's that?  Can I please play?  When can I have a turn?  I didn't play anything today."  What the...

So there's a silly explanation about why I never blog anymore.  I wish that blogging from my phone was a more viable solution.  It just isn't. :P

I have a post about Timmy that I've been trying to work on.  I've actually started it and tried to work on it a few times.  It just hasn't worked out.  I don't like typing one-handed with a boy climbing on me and yanking on my hair.  I will see what I can do to get that done soon.

I should mention, though, that Jeremy received a part-time job offer from the local community college.  He will be teaching 2 classes in the spring: Macroeconomics and AutoCAD.  I am really nervous about the prospect of being here in the spring.  It has been a really hard year for our allergies.  But we will be looking into getting allergy shots, I believe.  I am really proud of Jeremy, and I think he'll do a great job. 

I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't break my heart to not be going back to Cedar City right now.  I'm not going to pretend like I didn't have allergies there too.  But I can't deny that the schools were so much better there.  I don't feel comfortable with any of the school options here in Globe and Miami.  But with homeschooling I worry every day about my little Timmy getting enough attention.  I think one of the main reasons I put the children into Arizona Virtual Academy was so that they could help me to help Joshua.  Well, guess what.  We still don't have a 504 plan, and the first quarter is over.  It's frustrating!  That and staying on top of all the daily lessons in a billion subjects, weekly checkpoints, participation work, and monthly work samples for all four boys is too much.  I honestly knew it would be, but really I expected AZVA to be a temporary solution.  I honestly thought we would have moved somewhere by now, and then the boys would be back in regular school.  Well, as AZVA was only going to be a temporary solution, I've decided I'm done with it.  I'm going to withdraw the boys and just do my own thing.  I feel really relieved at that thought.

Don't think I took that decision lightly either.  I prayed and prayed, and I wrestled with my feelings.  I felt like I was just being a quitter, but I finally had to realize that while AZVA did do us some good, the time has really past for it and I need to focus on more important things.  I don't think school is supposed to be about all those things, and I'm tired of worrying about grades for these boys who are so smart and do so well already.  Something's just got to change.  So I comfort myself with those thoughts, and we will move forward.

Brom is growing like a weed.  He doesn't look like he could possibly only be 7 weeks old, but he sure is.  I love that boy so much, even if he does wake up every time I lay him down in the day time.  Some days that is super frustrating for sure.  I feel really stuck some days.  But then I remember that right now while I'm not creating oodles of crafty things, I am creating a boy who knows he is loved, and that is pretty well worthwhile.  So I'll try to keep my frustrations at bay and work on that for now.  I love his smiles.  He is so sweet. :) He smiles at me all the time, and with his eyesight improving (like babies' eyesight always does), he can see me and recognize me from further away, so I get even more smiles.  It's awesome. :) It's amazing to see him growing and learning.  He is working really hard on learning to move his arms and legs purposefully.  He has learned to like bathies.  And as always, he has 5 brothers and a sister who are all crazy for him.  He is a pretty lucky guy.

Well, I have typed for too long.  I will try to get Timmy's post done next week.  I just needed to hurry and get this other stuff done before I forgot it. :)

Crafty

That crafty little fella has gotten me good!  I brought him in from the car and smelled that he needed changed.  I laid him on my lap after gathering the things I needed to change him, and he spit up on my pants.  Then before did up the straps done up he started pooping again.  He pooped for a long time, at least by his standards.  I gave him a good 5 minutes to finish up before attempting to change him again.  Lo and behold, it wasn't just regular poop, though.  It was diarrhea, and it quickly leaked out of his diaper onto my other pant leg.  I hurried to clean that and his bum, also cleaning the bit of poop he pooped onto his leg while I was getting a clean diaper in position.  Then before I got that diaper strapped on he wet on me, thereby spreading the third of 3 different bodily fluids across my lap in less than 10 minutes.  Crafty, I say!  (Shame on me for letting it happen, though!  What am I?  A novice?)

A Long Old Birth Story

Alrighty, guys. It is fall break and I am determined to get this thing written before fall break is over and we have to be doing school all day every day again. I did kind of write some notes about it the day before we came home from the hospital. I'm afraid it's going to be a lot about me, but I'm afraid that's the best I can do. And it may be a bit TMI. Oh, well. And not only do I only know my own perspective, but the little guy has done awesome. He is a good baby and doesn't complain much. Maybe it's also one of those “squeaky wheel gets the grease” kind of deals, but you can know that he is such a joy to have around! I like to wake up early in the morning sitting in my chair after falling asleep nursing him and just look down at his sweet face and watch him sleep. He is such a beautiful little one. And though he is growing and will be a whole month old on Sunday, I love feeling how tiny he is. I love hearing his little cry, even if it is changing. I love how he catches my eye and either smiles or starts waving his arms and legs and smacking his lips like he's trying to say, “Hey, I know you!” And he is getting to be quite good at burping. :D

So without further ado, here is Brom's birth story.

We showed up at the hospital at 10:30 for our 12:30 scheduled C-section. We let them know we were there and got all registered. Then we sat and waited. Laurie came and sat with us after a few minutes. That was fun. :) So we sat and chatted... and chatted... and chatted... I was getting horribly uncomfortable sitting in that chair all that time. I'm not sure why I didn't just get up and move around. It's probably because it is dang hard and painful to get up when you're 9 months pregnant! Anyway, after a whole hour had passed we went and asked if they'd forgotten us. It turned out that they had forgotten to call the people in the OR to tell them we were there. Meanwhile the people in the OR were waiting and wondering. Ha, ha! The sad thing is, that is not the first time I have been forgotten while sitting in that very waiting room. When I was pregnant with Timmy I went there for a level 2 ultrasound and got stuck sitting there for an hour. I asked them if they'd forgotten me, and it turned out that they had indeed. And nobody offered a word of apology. And one lady kind of grouched like it was my fault they forgot.

Anyway, moving on.

So the ladies from the OR came and got us. The last 2 times I have waited for delivery in triage before delivery, but this time and also with Michael they took us right into the OR recovery room to wait. I was afraid they'd make us wait another hour since we got started late, but they said, “We'll get you started and just hurry up.” We sat there and chatted some more. It was fun to have Laurie there. And Jeremy didn't have to go away to change since this time they just gave him a jumpsuit that went over his clothes. He painted my toenails while we waited. It was kind of funny. :) And Dr. Joe was early! I don't think he has ever been early! He was even like 45 minutes late for one of them. I think it was Jill.

After we had waited a while Jeremy needed food, so Laurie went and got him some ginger ale, apple juice, graham crackers, and peanut butter. He ate it all and felt better. The poor guy usually gets nauseous and ready to faint. Who can blame him? You take your wife in to get cut open and just hope it all works out. And you may or may not see your wife cut open. Not so cool. Well, I am glad the hospital takes care of the poor dads like that.

So they wheeled my bed to the operating room and had me skootch onto the table. I was glad that Laurie could stay and chat with Jeremy while he waited in the recovery room for them to get me all prepped. I was really nervous about getting anesthesia and getting cut open. It freaks me out. I kind of sit there anticipating what it will feel like. I wonder if that's why I often do the same right before my hands get wet. Weird, I know. Anyway, I sat on the table and hunched my back like a good girl. I was kind of freaking out, but I remembered that I had had Jeremy give me a blessing that morning before we left. I prayed and remembered that I would feel that one poke and then I wouldn't feel anything. The anesthesiologist scrubbed my back and jabbed me with that dang needle. And then I suddenly felt TERRIBLE. My chest felt tight and heavy and I felt like I couldn't breathe. And I felt nauseated as well. Man! I told them how I was feeling and they just kind of scratched their heads, wondering why, and moved on. Thank heavens it passed quickly. I've never had that happen before! And then after I laid down Richard, the guy who sits by my head to monitor me, brought me a blanket from the warmer for my arms and chest. It felt wonderful. (See, they have me lay on the table with my arms spread to the side. And they were cold.) They shaved my tummy (Gross!) and inserted the catheter. (Ew! But thank heavens they waited until after anesthesia. It's definitely better that way.) And they scrubbed my tummy with Betadine.

Dr. Joe came in and things started to get busy. And Jeremy came in just as they were putting up the blue paper that shields my view so I don't have to see anything. He sat down and kind of ducked down and started talking to me about how he was getting this and that arranged with the Relief Society. I think it really helped him because he didn't feel like fainting at all this time. He talked through most of the surgery and didn't look over the shield.

It wasn't long before Richard asked if I could feel something sharp on my tummy. Nope. (I think that Richard is actually the same guy I've had for at least the last 2 deliveries.) But soon I did feel lots of pressure as they pushed hard on my tummy to get Brom positioned right. And then suddenly my tummy felt lighter and Brom was out! He cried and Richard told us to look to our left to see him as he was taken to the warmer.   Of course, he was howling and dang cute!  Jeremy asked me if I was OK, and then he went over to the warmer too. I was crying, and Richard asked if I was OK too. I said, “Yeah. I'm just happy.” He grabbed a Kleenex and dabbed my eyes.

I liked that they had the warmer right where I could see it. I could look over and see his little legs going. He pooped all over the blankets as soon as they sent him in the warmer. (I knew he was ready to be born that day! I could just feel it. And he had been bumping around a lot that morning like he was saying, “Let me out!”)

I heard the nurses at the warmer talking about how they'd have to be sure to put a diaper on the guy before bringing him to see me, and pretty soon Jeremy brought him over by my head. He was all wrapped up in a blanket with a little hat too. The nurses took pictures of the three of us.

Dr. Joe was busy stitching me up. Usually around the time he gets done I feel suddenly nauseated, but this time I just felt like I had a burp stuck in my throat for a bit. That's not so bad. :)

Soon Brom was ready to go to the recovery room. Usually the nurse lets Jeremy carry him, but this one didn't. And then I think he said she carried him like a football while she carried a bunch of other stuff. What the...?

When I was all done, Dr. Joe said, “Well, you did good,” and then left like he was in a hurry. The OR people kind of rocked me side to side with this board thing to move me from the table to my bed, and they covered me up and took me back to the recovery room. I felt really tired! I definitely didn't sleep enough the night before! I was up late trying to get things cleaned up and ready at home, and then I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep for a while.

The nurses had weighed Brom in the operating room. He was 8 lbs. 13 oz. and 21.5 inches long. (And his official birth time was 12:52 PM.) In the recovery room, one of the nurses said, “He feels a lot heavier than that!” She weighed him again. That time it said 8 lbs. 13.4 oz. If we go by that weight, he weighs .1 oz. more than Timmy, who was our previous heaviest baby. I'm not sure which to go by. Hmmm...

Laurie stayed for a while longer, and then my parents came. :) I was glad they all were able to be there and meet the little guy! And Jeremy took a picture with his phone and texted it to people.

My blood oxygen thing kept beeping. Usually, the nurses just come and tell me to breathe deeper. This time they just turned it up or down so it wouldn’t be so sensitive. Yea! :D I kept wanting to sleep, but I couldn't. After a while the nurse told me it was time for skin-to-skin time, and she stuck Brom in my shirt. I actually like that little bonding time, and they have found that it is really beneficial for newborns.

I started feeling a bit of a stinging feeling in my tummy. They told me that I should get medicine as soon as I start to feel it because I wouldn't want to feel it full-force. They started me on morphine in my IV, and I got more of it off and on until the next day, I think. Oh, how I despised that stuff! It rushed into my system and made me feel funny.

Then we were moved upstairs to the room I would stay in for the rest of the time at the hospital. I was in room 211C.

I had a really hard time with pain the first couple of days. Looking back, I think it was probably mostly after-pains (those dreadful continuing contractions). They were absolutely dreadful this time! And the morphine did nothing for them. When I was able to take medicine by mouth they switched me to Percocet, and that helped a bit. It wasn't until sometime during day 2 that they started giving me Ibuprofen too, and that made me way more comfortable! I was so thankful! As long as I kept up with the medicine schedule I was relatively pain-free and could move a lot easier. That was nice. :)

Another thing that was hard this time was going to the bathroom. I know. TMI. But it's true. The anesthesia puts everything to sleep. A while after they pulled out the catheter I was supposed to get up and go to the bathroom and walk around. I felt like I really needed to go, but hardly anything came out. An hour or two later it was way worse, but still nothing would come out. They even brought in some peppermint to try to help me relax. It was a horrible ordeal. But it all worked out in the end. And just so you know, it takes like 5 days for one's bowels to follow the bladder's lead and get with the program after a C-section. Way fun! And they don't let you have anything with too much fiber until you can at least pass gas. Whee!

As usual, even though it kind of hurt it felt so good to get up and move around. At first I kind of shuffle around. It takes forever to get anywhere. But man, does it feel good to be up! I did a lot of laps while in the hospital. I was glad then I was unplugged from the IV and could push Brom's cart around instead of my IV tree. (For one thing, Brom is a lot more fun to look at as I shuffle around than the IV machine.) They found that I had a fever sometime on the second day, so they left my IV in extra long. They thought it might have been just my milk coming in (I think it was), but they wanted to be sure. After a while they unplugged the fluid drip and just left the port in my arm, just in case they would need it again, but they didn't. They also brought in a funny thing for me to suck on. I was supposed to do it like a game. It measures how high you get the thing each time, and then you're supposed to beat your record, sucking on it like 6 times an hour. Jeremy had a fun time playing with it too. :)

We found out that the TV in our room had not only regular TV but also some movies. That was fun. :) We watched one that was kind of dumb first and then some that were good. Jeremy had seen The Hunger Games and wanted me to see it too. I finally gave in and we watched it. It is pretty stressful! I didn't like feeling stressed over a movie. There are other movies that are suspense-filled without being stressful that I just like better. And we watched Snow White and the Huntsman. That was also Jeremy's idea. I didn't like it at all. It was nice to have movies to watch, though. Last time, not only was I dealing with a colicky baby, but I didn't have any sort of distraction, so I was BORED! This was better, even with the movies I didn't like so much.

But best of all was being with Jeremy and Brom. Jeremy is wonderful. He helped a lot. I love him, and I loved having some time with him. I loved walking those halls with him at my side. He is so fun to be with! And it was so nice getting to know Brom. He melts my heart. I like to keep him near and just look at him. I liked not having to put him down. We also found that he's a good eater and will take a pacifier. Yea!

When Brom was (I believe) about 12 hours old he had been gagging like he was trying to throw up for a while.  I kept hearing him in his bed during the night and worrying.  At one point our nurse came in and noticed it too.  She said he might have some mucus or something stuck inside his tummy that needed suctioned out.  She asked if we wanted her to try.  Yes, please!  So the poor fella got his stomach pumped before he was even a day old.  She wheeled him off and took care of him.  When she brought him back he was all swaddled and looked like he felt better.  Hooray!  She had a tube that was about 1/2 inch in diameter, and she showed us how much stuff she'd gotten out of there.  There was a good 3 inches or so of guck in there.  She said that with all that in his tummy he would be hungry but not be able to get full, and he would keep gagging because it was stuck.  Poor fella.  I am so very thankful she could help him out!  And he did eat better after that.

I think I am going to just quote directly from what I wrote now. My notes got less like notes and more detailed the longer I wrote, so I may as well. :)

“I loved watching people meet Brom. Yesterday (Saturday) Tom and Jennifer came. And then Jeff and Laurie came with their boys. Both groups brought Jeremy a bunch of food. Hooray! It was fun for me to watch Jeff talk to Brom. I loved that. And after they were gone, Grandma Burk came with our other children. Oh, how I miss them! And Anne came today. :)

“Today we read scriptures (well, listened on Jeremy's phone) and listened to the RS/Priesthood lesson. I was thankful to have that bit of church today. We did lots of laps and watched some movies. So far I haven't stayed awake through any except this last one. But I don't like it, so I'm writing instead. (That was Snow White.)

“I'm so happy that Brom is here, and I'm looking forward to going home tomorrow!

“About the kiddos coming here: The door opened and they all stood in the hallway just looking at me for a bit. Brom was laying in his bed fussing, and I didn't feel like I could get up and get him because the back of my gown was open. Ha, ha! I told them all, “Go see him!” Hyrum came in first. He gave me a hug and told me he missed me. Then Benji did the same. Then the rest. They are all such Mama's boys, whether they'd admit it or not. I like it. ;) They all loved the little guy and squabbled a bit over whose turn it was to hold him.

“Jill was the first to hold him after Grandma. She looked so pretty with her hair up in a ponytail. She was wearing her pink Badger shirt from the campout this summer. It's her favorite right now. She squeezed her little bum onto the recliner with Grandma, and Grandma helped her hold Brom. Joshua had something to tell me about what they’d been doing, as usual. Michael sneaked in and got to hold Brom right after Jill, I think. Maybe it was really Benji. Either way, Hyrum wasn't pleased. ;) And then there was Timmy. He would look at me and smile, but he would not come near me. I kind of expected that, but it is still very unlike him. He loves his mommy quite a bit. He did let Papa hold him, and he talked about the clock on the wall. And he talked a bit about baby, but he didn't want anything to do with me. Silly boy.”

The next day I wrote, “We're going home today! I cannot wait to have my whole family together and convince Timmy to cuddle with me and hear everything they all have to say.

“And just now the pediatrician declared Brom ready for discharge, and then he pooped on her jacket. Ha, ha! Good thing she has a sense of humor.”

We ended up waiting a lot longer than we thought we would on the day of discharge. We had to wait for my staples to come out and for Dr. Joe to check me and tell me I could go. In the afternoon (I want to say around 3:00), Dr. Joe called to say he wasn't going to make it in to see me that day. There was just too much going on. He said we could wait until the next day or just check out and pick up my prescription at his office on our way out of town. We decided to check out and pick up the prescription.

I don't know why, but it seems like I get all stressed out every time we go to check out of the hospital. Something always goes wrong or doesn't feel quite right. It is silly! This time was no exception. But I remembered that that was likely to happen and just tried to calm myself down. Poor Jeremy!

Well, I got my staples out and got my discharge papers. The nurse fudged a bit on medicine time and gave me some Percocet a little bit early. Thank heavens! I changed into real clothes and Jeremy got Brom dressed. He also brought in Brom's car seat, and we got him all buckled in after I nursed him one last time. Brom looked so cute and tiny all buckled in there in real clothes! And then we were on our way.

We stopped for the prescription and then we stopped for a bit of food at Bashas' in Gold Canyon. When we got into town we hurried to Fry's to drop off my prescription, but they said it was too late and sent us to Wal-Mart. Anyway, we did get that dropped off, and Jeremy picked it up later. Thank heavens!

Jeremy helped a lot with keeping medicine in me over the next few days. I was so thankful! And my mama came and stayed with us until Brom was 2 weeks old. She did lots of cleaning, and she helped me a lot by getting a bunch of clothes sorted and put away. She also spent a lot of time taking care of Jill and Timmy while I did school with the older boys. Thank heavens for her! And Grandma Burk and Becca watched all the kiddos for like 4 days. And my dad came and brought us some of their old cabinets from their kitchen that they're remodeling. Hooray! And the Relief Society brought us 9 dinners. Hooray! I've been so thankful for all this help, especially Mama's, Jeremy's, and Mom's. And I am thankful for my wonderful children, even when they are boogers sometimes about housework and schoolwork. I feel pretty blessed that my body has held up fine and that it is possible for me to have them all.

And there you go. Right now I'm doing great. By the time Brom was a week or a week and a half old I was pretty much pain free. It is fun to be shaped like a girl again and feel cute and like I can do so much. I still have some limits to what I'm allowed to do, but I love being able to move so freely. (That last month of that pregnancy was a killer.) I still get pain in my hip if I do a lot of running around. That is not fun. And now we have allergies that have been just awful. I spent a good part of the day on Saturday sleeping through Conference because I was too bowled over to keep my eyes open. And I spent a lot of Sunday wheezing and coughing. It was dreadful! I think we need to look into allergy shots one of these days. Jeremy's been wheezing way worse and way more often than I have, as usual. Poor guy.

But yeah. Overall we are doing good. I'm healing and the little guy is dang cute, and we are blessed!

Tidbits

Just wanna be quick here. 

The night before last I was rocking Brom at bed time, and Timmy joined in too.  I was holding them both on my lap and watching them sleep.  I kept thinking that some great mystery of life should be revealed to me at that sweet moment.  Wouldn't that be poetic?  Well, it didn't happen.  What I did feel was very thankful.  I have all these beautiful children, and being able to take care of them and help them have all they need is one of my greatest sources of satisfaction.  It is such a great gift.

Poor Brom had a hard afternoon yesterday.  The runs made its way through Jeremy and me over the weekend, and it seemed quite apparent that Brom now had it.  And to top it off, he had diaper rash again.  My tiny ones seem to get diaper rash like nobody's business.  You'd think I don't change them every second! ;) Anyway, the little guy cried and cried and cried.  When he finally calmed down and took a nap it was such a welcome relief!  I am thankful!  Now I just need to make sure that little bum heals up.  He's got a gooey belly button too, so I've been swabbing that.  All these little complications.  Poor fella.  Life's already rough enough just being such a new little guy!

I went to the doctor on Tuesday.  Jeremy took me, and Grandma Burk and Becca watched the kiddos except Brom.  It was nice to have a day out with Jeremy.  And the doctor told me I must have that "quick healing gene" because my incision looks like an old scar now.  I have noticed that there's a red part in the middle, and I wonder if it'll stay that way.  At least it's not an infection.  It definitely looks different after each kid.  And another nice thing about going to the doctor was finding out that I have lost about 18 lbs. since the little guy was born.  It is fun to wear regular clothes again, even if they are on the big side of regular.  And I have pockets!  Woo! 

And another great thing - I am allowed to lift up to 25 lbs. now and I can drive.  That still isn't enough lbs. for lifting Jill or Timmy.  It's hard to drive anywhere without having to lift Timmy because he likes to bounce around all over the car.  Argh!  Well, it won't last.  Brom will be 3 weeks tomorrow, and I think at 6 weeks everything will be healed enough for me to go about things as usual.  It's nice to be able to drive, though.  That meant that the boys were able to go to scouts yesterday.  And I was able to run to the store for milk in the morning.  And in the evening I was able to go get dinner after dropping Hyrum and Joshua off at scouts.  Somebody was supposed to bring us dinner last night, I thought, but we never heard anything from anybody about it.  We waited until 7:00 and decided they weren't coming, so I just grabbed dinner on the way home from dropping the boys off and felt thankful again that I could drive!  But I am glad today that I don't really have anywhere to go.  Phew!

Little Brom

Brom is two weeks old today.  I figured I ought to put something on here about his birth!  I want to officially record his birth story (I wrote down snippets at the hospital), but I don't think I'll have time today.  In fact, I'm not sure when I'll have time, but I will try.

 

For the record, though, Abraham Elijah Burk, who we call Brom, was born at Banner Desert Medical Center in Mesa, Arizona on Friday, September 13, 2013 at 12:52 PM.  (I like that it's 9-13-13.  I should be able to remember that pretty good. :) He weighed 8 lbs. 13 oz. when they weighed him in the operating room.  Then the nurse in the recovery room weighed him again, saying, "He feels a lot heavier than that!"  The second scale put him at 8 lbs. 13.4 oz., which makes him our heaviest baby if you go by that scale.  Hmmm...  I'm not sure which to believe.  Anyway, he was 21 1/2 inches long and cute as can be.  Here are some pictures.  I tried to put them in order.  They are from 3 different cameras. :O

 

Welcome to the world, little Brom!

 

 





Right after he was born they held him up to show Jeremy and me as they whisked him over here to the warmer.  As soon as they set him down he pooped!  I liked that in this room the warmer was in my line of sight, so I could watch him while I got sewed up.  Cute fella!

 

 

 

 

 

Back in the recovery room.  They call this something like "skin to skin time."  The nurses insist on doing it.  It's awesome how it calms my babies right down.  What a cute, sweet fella!

 

 

 

This one is my favorite!  He is so darn cute!

 

And here he is all dressed to go home.  It always feels strange to see them in real clothes and not just the white hospital shirt for the first time.  And it still surprises me every time I pick him up how little he is.  I like that this picture shows how little he is. :) It sure doesn't last.  His skinny little legs are already filling out and I think he's a little longer now too.

There is a lot that I could say about this experience.  It has been as otherworldly as our other births have been.  I could tell you that even the fifth time it is still terrifying to get poked in the back and cut open.  And I could tell you that the anesthesia I get being poked in the back shuts down pretty much everything below my chest.  That means that peeing for the first time after the catheter was removed was quite traumatic.  And it means that the first time I passed gas was a time to celebrate because it meant I could eat things that have fiber in them.  And it also means we had lots of tries with stool softeners and milk of magnesia and stuff, which, of course, didn't seem to do a thing until I'd been home something like between 24-48 hours.  Whee!  (Thank goodness that stage doesn't last forever!)

But it also means that I have a new guy to get to know, who I already love beyond all reason.  He is so like his brothers in looks and reminds me of this of that one of them on different days.  I think his hands are like Michael's, and he's looked like Benji, Michael, Timmy to me at different times.  But his little features are his own.  I love the little swirly cowlick on his forehead.  I love his little nose that seems so familiar yet I can't quite place it.  I love how his mouth looks small until he starts crying, and then it gets stretched into a wide line.  I love his dark eyes that sometimes look a different color every day pretty much.  It's a fun guessing game to try to think what color they'll end up.  I love his skinny little legs.  They remind me of Paul.  I just love everything about him, and I am thankful for all he has brought to our family.  I am overwhelmed by the love I feel, and I am so thankful that God trusted us with this new little one.  It is absolutely incredible.

Gah!  Always have to cry!

It has been quite an adjustment back here at home.  School has picked up where we left off.  We have our up days and our down days with it, but it's moving forward somehow every day.  My Mama has been here for all of this.  She is going home today after two weeks of chasing Jill and Timmy, washing clothes and dishes, and all the billion other things she did.  I'm going to miss her!  But I am really glad she can go back home to Dad.  Things are just better when you have your husband, ya know?

Everyone asks how Timmy is doing with Brom around.  Well, in true Timmy fashion he goes on with his life like nothing has happened.  Except that something really has happened and it kind of traumatizes him a bit.  He hasn't been able to sit with me and pull my hair as often as he would like.  And he acts out just like a little boy does who needs his mommy to pay more attention to him.  It is quite a juggling act for me, but, man, I love my little ones!  (Of course, some of my little ones are not so little anymore.  And one of them is now taller than me!)  I know it will all work out somehow.  It always does.

I know, I know.  I hear ya: "What are you doing here on Blogger today of all days?!"  Well, I should think the answer to that is pretty obvious.  I'm blogging.  Duh!

I feel like I should be writing a letter to my soon-to-be-born son, but for some reason I feel like waiting this time.  Maybe I'll do it in the hospital.  I think that's what I did with Timmy.

I keep thinking about how our world is going to be turned upside down again.  I have actually been feeling apprehensive about it.  In fact, I spent most of yesterday feeling apprehensive.  I'm not sure how it's going to be trying to take care of 7, let alone home school 4 while making sure the younger 3 are happy, fed, and clean diapered.  That and my house was a disaster.  It's a lot better now.

So yesterday morning I sat down and made a list of all the assignments the boys have that will fall due on Sunday.  (They have to do work samples once a month.)  It wasn't a huge list, but it sure took some doing!  And on top of work samples, Joshua had some testing for National Math Lab.  He protested pretty good about that.  (I'm not doing National Math Lab!)  I think he has a tendency to fear the unknown quite a bit sometimes.  He was way worried about those pretests, and he fussed about them for a good hour while getting them done at a snail's pace.  But then he suddenly realized that he knew how to do most of it, so he did.

Anyway, I am not kidding when I tell you that school took all day yesterday.  We were at it with Joshua and Benji until about 7:30 PM.  I really had planned to cut school short and make up later so that I could get some work done.  In the end, I did get some laundry done, and I did bathe the little ones because Timmy pooped up his back.  Of course, I didn't realize he'd pooped up his back until I laid him on my bed to change him.  We ended up with a nice, long poop stripe on the bottom sheet. Thanks, buddy! ;) Anyway, we did get school work done.  I made the boys clean up after dinner because I'm mean, but really it made me feel so much better.  And we got everyone packed.  It was midnight when I climbed into bed.  That wasn't how I pictured the day going at all, but, well, things often don't come out how you picture them.

I kept thinking all day yesterday, too, about how today I won't get food until who knows when.  I had to stop eating (can't even have water) at midnight.  My tummy is already gurgling.  We show up at the hospital at 10:30, and surgery is at 12:30.  No food all day really is in the forecast.  They will give me an IV, and that will help some, but sometimes it doesn't help all the way.  And after we show up I get to sit in a super hard triage bed for 2 hours before getting poked in the back and cut open.  Pretty disturbing.  Take it from me, guys - don't have a C-section if you don't have to.

So yeah, I was worried about all that.  And Jeremy came home happy and excited.  I didn't quite understand how he could be happy and excited with school still left to finish and dinner to figure out and the house to clean and the kiddos to pack and everything that will happen today.  But this morning I woke up and got in the shower and thought about how today I'm going to kiss my sweet new baby boy, and that made me cry.  I think I'm ready for this.  (Well, that and the last couple of nights have been kind of hard and left me pretty sore - just trying to sleep while being huge.)

I'm not sure what is going to happen.  Part of me suspects this may be my last baby, but part of me always suspects that since Michael.  I suppose we'll see.  But I do feel thankful for this opportunity. I feel at peace about the thought of maybe being done.  We will see what happens.  If I'm done, I may be kind of sad, but my body has done a pretty dang good job and I have a truckload of beautiful, wonderful children to show for it.

OK, last thing.  Last night I went to the store because we hadn't had dinner and I had nothing quick to make.  People keep being surprised seeing me out and about when I have such a short time left.  Well, last night was no different.  There was a lady standing by the ice cream (I just needed ice cream all day yesterday), and she said the usual:  "When are you due?  You look tired!"  She was surprised that I was out shopping right then, of course.  Then her friend came down the aisle and said, "Man!  That's a big baby!  Are you having twins?"  She said it in such an excited tone.  It made me laugh.  Then the first lady told her to get out of the way so I could get my ice cream.  It was awesome.  :) And the funny part is that I was feeling huge just before I left for the store, but then I took a picture because I hadn't taken a belly picture yet.  I looked at the picture and thought, "Well, maybe I'm not so big."  But then I went to the store and was informed.  Ha, ha!

Well, guys, catch ya later.  Gonna go have a baby.

Oops

It's really silly how often I forget to write about the big things and end up rambling on forever about the small things.

Here's one:  Jeremy started a new job last Friday. He is working for Southeastern Arizona Behavioral Health Services (SEABHS) here in Globe.  He'll be helping counsel people young and old who have behavioral health problems.  It sounds like a stressful job to me, and he's not allowed to talk to me about it for privacy reasons.  Poor guy.  He's going to have to rely on his coworkers for that - working around their schedules.  Another thing about this job is that it kinda pays peanuts.  But it's a job...  We are still praying that we can get out of Globe away from the allergies so Jeremy can breathe, so that means that, of course, we are praying to find a job somewheres else.  For now, though, we are thankful to have a job and to be taken care of here in Globe.  God knew what He was doing sending us here, and I'm thankful.

Then last weekend (I think it was Friday night) I was rocking Jill in my bedroom and Jeremy was in the bathroom with Timmy kicking away at the door.  Those stupid sliding doors!  They get a lot of abuse, and that makes them prone to getting stuck a bit.  Whoever thought that sliding doors were a good idea should be strung up by his toes.  (Because that person is the same person who did his own wiring and plumbing that all really needs replaced.  Thanks a lot!)  Anyway, Jeremy came out to get Timmy to stop, and in the process something on the floor gouged a deep trench in the ball of his foot.  We're still not sure what it was.  My guess is a carpet tack or something.  I've felt something poky there with my foot before, but I've never been able to find it when I go looking.  Either way, it has been horrible.  I thought I really should take him to get stitches, but he said no.  He bandaged it up with pads from the first-aid kit and all the sports tape we had.  A few hours later, blood had soaked through the pads and a bunch of layers of tape.  (He had bandaged a little too tightly and his pinky toe was going numb, so he had to rip it all off in the middle of the night.)  He bandaged it again and this time was a little better.  For a few days he and I both were hobbling around.  For me that is the norm of late due to this little guy who is getting huge inside me.  To have both of us hobbling was quite a change.  He is doing some better now.  He's been changing the bandages every day.  The cut is still pretty deep, he says (I still haven't seen it).  It helps to have it bandaged and keep his socks and shoes on.  It doesn't hurt nearly as much that way.  I just hope it'll be ok.  I still think I should have made him go get stitches!  Oh, well...  They probably would have given him a tetanus shot as well.  Wouldn't that be fun?

So there you go - 2 things going on with Jeremy that somehow I forgot to write up yesterday.  It's funny, too, because I've had this mental list going of all the things I needed to write about, and these were at the top of the list.  But then I sat down to write and my mind pretty much went blank.  I think there's even one more thing I am missing.  Hopefully I'll remember eventually. 

Life as I Know It

Man!  I've been thinking of so many things!  I'm not sure I can remember them all.

I thought maybe I should tell you what a typical day is like around here, just for posterity's sake.  Homeschooling has turned the world upside down, but it has been good.  There is a certain satisfaction that comes with sticking with it and getting things done.  And one thing I've noticed as well is that the boys haven't been fighting as often.  The two that still do the most are Hyrum and Joshua.  When Hyrum is bored he starts picking on Joshua, and Joshua gets mad super fast.  He often gets mad when Hyrum isn't even trying to bother him.  He just expects that all he'll get from Hyrum is negative.  There's a scripture somewhere that says that we should believe good of each other.  I've tried to instill that in my children.  We all need to calm down and not be so quick to think people are out to get us.  That's probably something most people need.

Phew!  Tangent!

Anyway, one thing that has been quite satisfying is to work with Joshua on algebra.  I always did like algebra.  It's fun to see the lights come on in his brain, even though sometimes I'm not sure if I've seen it or not.  He is just really good at making blank expressions. ;) I'm never sure if he's figuring or if he needs me to bring him to and repeat myself again.  Still, he is getting it, and it's fun. :)

Another thing that has been neat to see is how sometimes they learn things on their own.  Just in the last couple of days both Joshua and Benji have been learning that it's good to get at least 2 subjects done before lunch.  That's quite a good thing for them to learn.  I have been struggling with those two the worst, trying to keep them on-task.  Some days I just want to give up and send them all back to school.  For one thing, Joshua, Benji, and Michael are all behind in every one of their subjects, and I'm not sure how we'll get caught up.  And Joshua and Benji have been so easily distracted.  I know to expect that from Joshua, but Benji?  It seems like Benji was always one to hop right on his homework and get it done.  Anyway, I am hoping Joshua and Benji will keep working on that.  As for Michael, he likes to give me attitude and hide in the couch cushions every time I give him an assignment.  Not only does that mean that I have to put the couch together for the umpteenth time, but it means I have to coax him out of the cushions and somehow get him to get his work done.  It's not the difficulty that gets to him.  He's understanding things easy enough.  He just wants to do no work.  I am going to have to figure something out for him.  Bribing doesn't work consistently with him, so I'll have to see what I can come up with.

Anyway, so in the morning I get up at 6:00 or 7:00.  It depends on how tired I am.  If I'm too tired at 6:00 I set the alarm ahead.  Ha ha!  Anyway, I sit down and work on email and write out the schedule and anything extra we need to do for the day.  It all takes longer than I mean for it to.  Sometimes Timmy wakes up and just needs me to sit and hold him, so that means it'll be later when I get the boys up than I hoped.  Anyway, I get the boys up.  We have family prayers, breakfast, and scripture time.  Scripture time hasn't been working out how I pictured.  The boys get talking to each other or they get fighting.  Usually they just get talking and can't quit.  They've been doing that at night sometimes too.  Anyway, so finally I have to give up and tell them it's time for school.

I usually let them pick the order they do their subjects in.  They have a few subjects that have lessons every day, and the rest are rotated throughout the week.  So they just pick from their daily list what they'd like to do first.  Hyrum gets going on his own and just breezes through his subjects.  One thing he has had a lot of so far is writing essays, but that also means he's getting really good at it.  I like that. :) So mostly Hyrum needs help once or less every day.  And usually the help he needs is with vocabulary.  They have some tricky words!  But it's fun to learn them and demonstrate my knowledge about the big words I do know. ;) If the other boys have a hard time choosing I'll tell them they'd better pick or I'll pick for them.  Usually that gets them to hurry up and pick.  Sometimes they'll say, "Oh, no!  I don't want to do History!"  So I'll suggest that they do that first and get it done.  Usually they do, and that is a good thing.  I like it when they work on the longest lessons first.

So here are the subjects they have:

Hyrum has math, literature, history, composition, science, art, GUM (Grammar, usage, and mechanics), vocabulary, and Spanish.  Spanish is an elective, and so it's optional.  He hasn't been able to get his account on the Spanish website to work very good, but Jeremy's been working with him on Spanish a bit.

Joshua has the same subjects as Hyrum, but he's been learning Chinese instead of Spanish.  His account hasn't been working right either, and he actually hasn't worked on it at all in the last few weeks.

Benji has math, literature, test readiness, spelling, composition, history, art, GUM, vocabulary, science, state history, and German.  His German account works pretty well, but he hasn't had a lot of time to work on it.  Test readiness and state history are short courses.  He actually has only one test readiness lesson left.  It seems to be practice for AIMS testing.  I'm not sure why the other boys don't have it, but I'm glad they don't.  That would be just one more thing to do!

And Michael has math, handwriting, literature, spelling, vocabulary, writing, history, art, science, PE, and music.  Music is his elective.  They didn't let him choose his elective.  I remember this music course.  Michael turned on the first lesson and was so embarrassed he turned it right off and has never wanted to do it again.  I don't blame him.  I was always embarrassed doing it myself.  I really should sit them all down and really teach them music... and math facts...  I'm not sure when I'll ever have time for any of that.  And Michael's PE is not only embarrassing but stupid.  For our first lesson he had to walk to four or five word cards around the room and act like the animals written on the cards.  Dumb!  How is that PE?!  It took all of 1 or 2 minutes.

Next week Joshua is starting a new course.  I hate to add more when we struggle to get through things already, but this one should help something in the end.  I hope!  I did feel good about signing him up for it.  It's called National Math Labs.  He'll be working with a teacher and other students from around the country.  The students have all demonstrated a need for extra math help.  Joshua has some gaps in math that he's never been able to catch up on.  This should help.  Anyway, it's an hour a day, and all the work is done in class.  It's in an online classroom.  I guess we'll see what happens.  It's really going to change things up schedule-wise.

So we just drag ourselves through all these lessons every day and that's that.  It gets really stressful every once in a while.  I try to remind myself that it won't hurt them to wait for a few more minutes while I work with somebody else.  Sometimes I have 3 of them needing help at the same time. Often I'm working with at least two at once.  I sit on the couch with stacks of books and alternately sound off spelling words to Michael while explaining to somebody else about all the different kinds of verbs.  Sometimes I think I will explode if I have to enter my password one more time.  (I have to enter my password to enter grades for tests and things.)  It all gets really complicated, but somehow we seem to get something done every day.  I need to sit down and consolidate some of the units one of these days so we can breeze through them and catch up.  I know I can do it, and I'm certain the boys can as well.  And thank heavens Hyrum is pretty much spot on with all his lessons (as in not behind and getting good grades).  He is even way ahead in math.  If a subject is too easy he is allowed to just do all the assessments up to the point where he is feeling more challenged, as long as he can pass them. (80% or better his passing.)  So when he has extra hours left after his subjects are done, he'll sometimes take assessment after assessment to that end.

So that's a little of what it's like to do school here.  It's fun to see first-hand as the boys learn things, and I sometimes wish I could sit in on every one of their lessons.  They are learning a lot!

School means that we always have boxes strewn around the living room in the day time, and it means that I have a harder time getting around to housework.  But once lessons are done and I'm making dinner I try to get the boys to get their jobs done, and that helps a lot!  They are at a point where they really don't complain much about doing their jobs, and I've been thankful for that!  It is thanks to them that our sanity is preserved and that our house is ever presentable.  They are good boys. :) Jill's jobs are to make her bed and clean out the dryer's lint trap.  She is really good at keeping that lint trap clean.  She has fun seeing what color the lint is and how much there is.  I love it when she says out of the blue, "Oh!  I need to do my job!"  Then she'll hurry off to the laundry room and clean out that lint trap.  It's cute. :)

And school also means that Jill and Timmy are using the iPad a lot.  Not only does it keep them busy and happy, but there are some good educational games on there.  Jill has been learning numbers and letters.  It's fun. :) (Yes, we do work with her one-on-one to that end as well, but the iPad certainly helps too.)  She has learned to write her name, and now that's what she writes almost every time she has a pencil and paper.  She likes to draw people too.  Usually they are a face with arms and legs, and she may or may not draw a circle around the face.  Cute!  Timmy is still learning new words.  That's fun!  I often wonder if I should worry about his speech delay.  I know it isn't because he can't hear.  It's because he's busy thinking.  But I wonder if I should try to get him some help in that area or if he's just going to be fine.  I still love how he talks.  He kind of grunt/talks a lot of the time when he comes to babble to me.  He also grunt/talks "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" (his favorite song) too.  I love that.  When we cuddle at bedtime he'll start "singing" it as soon as he gets settled.  So I sing it with him a few times.

And, as always, every day all day I think about this new baby coming.  It still seems so surreal.  Tomorrow will be a regular day of school, and the next day we'll be at the hospital where I will get cut open again.  And then we'll have a new little guy to get to know.  I don't know why this time seems so different.  I know that since this is #7 I haven't thought about the upcoming birth as much.  That sounds horrible to say.  It doesn't in any way mean that I don't think about this sweet new little guy or that I don't already love him indescribably.  It just means that I have so much else on my mind and have been through pregnancy enough times to know that a pregnancy is waiting and waiting.  Maybe I am feeling impatient, so I don't let it dawn on me as often that I'm about to add another little one to the group.  Goodness, I just don't know what it is.  Either way, I am still feeling kind of floored by the fact that we're about to have another baby.  I've felt the full weight of this pregnancy, but it is just different this time.  I am really excited, though.  I've been counting down several times every day for months, and I'm always so happy that I'm as far as I am and not just back at the beginning!  It's kind of neat to see our bedroom rearranged with a cradle and recliner in it (even if it makes our bedroom feel really crowded) and a baby swing in the living room.  I keep thinking about nursing again.  It is just such a very nice thing.  I feel so thankful for the new guy coming.  God is so good to us.