We have less than 2 weeks until Christmas, and our tree isn't even up. For some reason I just have not been feeling Christmasy this year. I think it's my lack of Christmas music, so I should fix that up ASAP. Like today. Last night, though, Jill was sad to not go with her Papa to get Hyrum from scouts, and I suddenly thought of something that would make her happy. I could hang lights around our front door like last year. So I did! And in the process I found our wreath and hung that up too. Jill was so pleased. She gasped at the beauty of those little lights as soon as I plugged them in, and she was so pleased when she found the pink ones. So now we have not one but two Christmas decorations up. I'd better get on the ball! Maybe the tree will go up tonight. We'll see.
Yesterday on Facebook my friend Amy Durfee Zeigler posted something so nice about me. Here's what she said: "Another Christmas memory. Well it wasn't Christmas but almost. Also at EAC. Even though I am not much if a singer, I decided to join my friend Christine Badger Burk in Dr. David Lunt's directed Handels Messiah. I remember feeling the spirit so strongly as we sang about our Lord. Christine has such a great voice. She hit every note so beautifully."
Awww! Well, anyway, you know what I mean about singing at Christmas. It is one of my favorite things about Christmas. When we were in The Living Christmas Tree I wished I had a solo every year. And when we did Messiah at EA I really wanted a solo and was too chicken to try out. There were some amazing people who did, and I just didn't think I was nearly good enough. I think my biggest insecurity about singing solos was that I didn't understand vibrato. I figured I didn't have any because it didn't seem natural, and if I just made it up on my own it seemed fake. And who could sing a solo without vibrato? Plus, Messiah includes a lot of runs and things. It is kind of scary. And there is a lot about music that people expected me to know that I just didn't. (That's kind of like PE in St. Johns. Everybody else in my class knew how to play this or that game, so the teacher expected me to know how too. So we'd just start playing without any explanation, and I just kind of had to guess. I had no idea. Not fun.) Amy said I hit every note. I always felt like I was just faking it the best I could. But it was fun. :) Singing is different from PE, apparently. ;) Plus, being in Messiah made me feel so good. I could indeed hit a lot of those notes in the runs, even though I couldn't quite hit all of them, and I do love singing about Jesus. He is definitely my favorite song subject. :)
Anyway, I'm off on a tangent. Or 5. What I really mean to say is that I am thankful for experiences like those. Singing at Christmas time means a lot to me. This year I lost my voice just in time for Thanksgiving and was super bummed when after coaxing everybody to sing Christmas carols together at the Burk Thanksgiving dinner I suddenly realized I wouldn't be able to sing along anyway. Drat! Maybe that's why I'm a Scrooge this year! ;) So anyway, I am also very thankful for good friends. Before James went on his mission I had no idea I would become friends with Amey. I didn't even have the desire to become friends with her. But she became a very dear friend to me, and I have been so very thankful! She is one of those people who without fail build me up and make me feel good about life in general. I wish she lived next door. I can only hope that my friends like her will live next door in heaven. ;) And my children and extended family too!
And speaking of friends, do you realize that Lilly and Os (Stefanie and Mark Smith) are going to the Temple the day after tomorrow?! They will receive their Endowments and be sealed! Is that not the coolest thing ever?! I am still completely amazed at how God blessed lives through a silly game. If we hadn't played Warcraft, things would have been a lot different. Here is what she said the other day:
"I just know we are on the right path because no matter what - it keeps working out. I mean I got mugged Friday - but Mark came home safe and we are going to the temple and it didn't stop a thing. And its all because of you that we are here. I went back to the church because you always listened. You were the gentle voice in my head telling me the path to turn to. So because of you Mark and I will be married in the temple - Thats a huge accomplishment. You really don't know just how genuinely fantastic you are. I tell everyone you are my sister, and I wish you really were. I am so glad that you thought Oz and I were worth saving and steering back to the church. I am so grateful that Marks heart was softened thru knowing Med and you that he listened when the spirit spoke. I am so grateful that the spirit witnessed to him in the form of viable career choices so that he saw the lord at work in our lives, and I am so so so grateful to count you as friend and sister.."
That is pretty darn cool, don't you think? It absolutely breaks my heart that we can't be there when they go to the Temple. They are going to the Oakland Temple, and they wanted us to be their escorts. I was so excited about it. But I am going to go to our Temple on Saturday anyway. Jeremy will be sending me and watching everyone while I'm gone. It'll be so nice. And at least Lilly and I can kind of be in the Temple together. Sort of. Well, it will mean a little something extra this time, anyway. :) (And speaking of Temples, the children and I saw the new Gilbert Temple last week. I am so excited!)
Please don't think I'm trying to whine. I do tend to whine sometimes, and I don't mean to as much as I do, especially here. Certainly, I do not think I'm as perfect as some people think I am (That is not at all to say I don't like myself. I love myself!), and certainly I'm frustrated by certain things in my life, but I'm also thankful for the goodness that surrounds me, even when it doesn't sound like it. And every time I am thankful in my heart my capacity for thankfulness grows, and that is just awesome. Also, in that last post I was trying to sound victorious, like I conquered a beast, not like I was currently in the fiercest battle with the beast. Part of getting over something is acknowledging it and also acknowledging that you're ready to move past it. And that's where I am with that one. I don't need to feel sad or upset because I know I'm good enough. And I guess this post kind of reaffirms, through others' words, that I'm a good person and that I'm definitely worth something. :) And that is pretty darn awesome.
Merry Christmas, guys! Only 13 more days! :O
Thursday, December 12, 2013
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Christmas Sing
Soooo...
Every year the different churches in Globe get together at the Globe Stake Center for a Christmas Sing. There are all sorts of musical numbers, including some from one church's handbell group. Overall, it should be an amazing experience that we should want to go to every year. Right? Well, I feel bad about it, but every year I just don't want to go. I really should because Kenzie sings in it every year. But I don't. I always give the excuse that we have all these kids and wouldn't get to sit and listen anyway. Well, that is true. But I have been realizing that there is another reason too. And it appears that the reason is that my feelings are hurt. Good golly. Time to let go o' that, right?
See, the people who organize the Christmas Sing are kind of choosy. The people they pick are outgoing people, and the same people get picked every year. Some of them really leave a lot to be desired, to be honest. I wish they'd pick me! So why am I not good enough? I don't know.
I have actually performed in the Christmas Sing on two separate occasions. One time a lady in our ward needed a partner for a duet, so she asked Jeremy to sing with her. And then there was a flute part, so I got roped in to do that. How is that for sneaky and round-about? And the other time either Dad or Rachel or both were asked to sing. And somehow or other Jeremy and I ended up singing with them. Everything was fine and we had our parts learned. We were at the church for a dress rehearsal, and Rachel's piano teacher (one of the organizers) was there to give us pointers. At the end of the song she came and told me that I needed to sing quieter because Rachel needed the experience more than I did. What the what, now? I can understand her wanting to look out for her student, but who is she to say that I didn't need the experience? Did she see my whole life and who I was and where I had been and therefore just know? No. That just wasn't nice.
And I have never been asked back. It makes me sad. This is exactly the kind of thing I would be so happy to participate in. It's MUSIC! At CHRISTMAS! I really kind of thought that through my roped-in parts they would see I could do something and ask me the next time. (You know, actually ask ME by my own merits.) I don't have an ugly voice. I am not a horrible flutist. And I guess the big thing is that I feel like they judged me and found me lacking. I feel like I am not the only overlooked talent, either. And, yes, those words still sting. And I feel sad every year that nobody ever asks me. This is one of those "by invitation or roping-in" kind of deals. Nobody can just ask to be in it. And so I decided it is lame and hurtful and I don't need it in my life.
So there you go. And maybe now that it is written and fully recognized I can start to let it go. Phew!
I could also note I'm sure that lady wasn't meaning to hurt my feelings, and I'm sure the organizers aren't either. It really kind of makes me feel like a lame-o for holding onto these feelings when all typed out my reasons for being hurt just look lame. So that should help me let go, right? :P
Every year the different churches in Globe get together at the Globe Stake Center for a Christmas Sing. There are all sorts of musical numbers, including some from one church's handbell group. Overall, it should be an amazing experience that we should want to go to every year. Right? Well, I feel bad about it, but every year I just don't want to go. I really should because Kenzie sings in it every year. But I don't. I always give the excuse that we have all these kids and wouldn't get to sit and listen anyway. Well, that is true. But I have been realizing that there is another reason too. And it appears that the reason is that my feelings are hurt. Good golly. Time to let go o' that, right?
See, the people who organize the Christmas Sing are kind of choosy. The people they pick are outgoing people, and the same people get picked every year. Some of them really leave a lot to be desired, to be honest. I wish they'd pick me! So why am I not good enough? I don't know.
I have actually performed in the Christmas Sing on two separate occasions. One time a lady in our ward needed a partner for a duet, so she asked Jeremy to sing with her. And then there was a flute part, so I got roped in to do that. How is that for sneaky and round-about? And the other time either Dad or Rachel or both were asked to sing. And somehow or other Jeremy and I ended up singing with them. Everything was fine and we had our parts learned. We were at the church for a dress rehearsal, and Rachel's piano teacher (one of the organizers) was there to give us pointers. At the end of the song she came and told me that I needed to sing quieter because Rachel needed the experience more than I did. What the what, now? I can understand her wanting to look out for her student, but who is she to say that I didn't need the experience? Did she see my whole life and who I was and where I had been and therefore just know? No. That just wasn't nice.
And I have never been asked back. It makes me sad. This is exactly the kind of thing I would be so happy to participate in. It's MUSIC! At CHRISTMAS! I really kind of thought that through my roped-in parts they would see I could do something and ask me the next time. (You know, actually ask ME by my own merits.) I don't have an ugly voice. I am not a horrible flutist. And I guess the big thing is that I feel like they judged me and found me lacking. I feel like I am not the only overlooked talent, either. And, yes, those words still sting. And I feel sad every year that nobody ever asks me. This is one of those "by invitation or roping-in" kind of deals. Nobody can just ask to be in it. And so I decided it is lame and hurtful and I don't need it in my life.
So there you go. And maybe now that it is written and fully recognized I can start to let it go. Phew!
I could also note I'm sure that lady wasn't meaning to hurt my feelings, and I'm sure the organizers aren't either. It really kind of makes me feel like a lame-o for holding onto these feelings when all typed out my reasons for being hurt just look lame. So that should help me let go, right? :P
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Sticker Earrings and Candy Corns
Surely, a cold, dreary day such as the one we just had begs for a sad, solemn story dug up from the past. Here is just the ticket.
When I was little I really wanted to get my ears pierced. I begged Mama to let me do it, but, of course, she said I couldn't get them pierced until I reached some obscure age far off in the distance that I probably would never reach. I would sometimes daydream about how awesome it would be to have pierced ears like a few other girls I knew. My sisters and I would even buy spiral bracelets and cut them apart to make tiny hoop earrings. They hurt, but, as Aunt Nancy said, "It hurts to be beautiful." And I got some really pretty clip-on earrings for one of my birthdays. They were yellow with crystals. I loved them, but I still wished my ears were pierced. Mama would tell us how her daddy told her something like, "You will never get your ears pierced. That is evil." (Surely, those were not his exact words, but you get the idea. It was a scandal when she finally did get her ears pierced. ;)
Well, in fifth grade I discovered another solution for my ringless ears. It was really quite ingenious. The solution was sticker earrings, and they were amazing. There were two of each design on what seemed to be endless sheets in chock-full books of stickers. You just peeled them off and stuck them to your ears, and they looked simply wonderful for about 5 minutes until they got lost in your hair or the oils in your skin made them unsticky.
This was quite an exciting discovery for me, as you might imagine, and one day, through the generosity of a friend, I found myself in possession of, not one, but two sheets of sticker earrings. I couldn't believe my luck. Well, neither could another girl in my class, it seems. She begged and begged me to please give her a sheet of those amazing, wonderful stickers. I finally told her that she could have one if she would bring me two packs of candy corns. She agreed, and I gave her the sheet of stickers.
I couldn't believe my luck! I had a whole sheet of sticker earrings, and soon would also be swimming in candy corns! You can bet I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning with visions of heart-stopping sweetness dancing in my head. However, when I got to school there were no candy corns. I was absolutely shocked. How could this be? I waited another day. Still no candy corns. I waited another day. STILL no candy corns. Yes, each new day came and went without any candy corns. I even reminded the girl that she owed me two packs of candy corns, but to no avail. She promised me she would remember this time, but the candy corns never appeared. I was down one whole endless sticker earring sheet and still had no candy corns. Woe is me!
Well, the years have passed by, and I must confess that if she were to finally let her conscience get to her and repay her debt (How does it not bother her?!), I would smile and thank her and eat a few before depositing the rest into file 13 while she was looking the other way. (That's the circular file, you know. *Wink, wink*) I must be getting old because candy corns just don't have the appeal that they used to.
And sadder still, though the years did come and go and I finally was old enough and got my ears pierced, I don't wear earrings more than once a year anymore. And by the time I get the notion to wear them again I've forgotten which ones I'm allergic to and which ones I'm not, so more often than not I come home from church with red, sore ears and promptly remove the silly things.
Indeed, these are sad, solemn days I live in.
When I was little I really wanted to get my ears pierced. I begged Mama to let me do it, but, of course, she said I couldn't get them pierced until I reached some obscure age far off in the distance that I probably would never reach. I would sometimes daydream about how awesome it would be to have pierced ears like a few other girls I knew. My sisters and I would even buy spiral bracelets and cut them apart to make tiny hoop earrings. They hurt, but, as Aunt Nancy said, "It hurts to be beautiful." And I got some really pretty clip-on earrings for one of my birthdays. They were yellow with crystals. I loved them, but I still wished my ears were pierced. Mama would tell us how her daddy told her something like, "You will never get your ears pierced. That is evil." (Surely, those were not his exact words, but you get the idea. It was a scandal when she finally did get her ears pierced. ;)
Well, in fifth grade I discovered another solution for my ringless ears. It was really quite ingenious. The solution was sticker earrings, and they were amazing. There were two of each design on what seemed to be endless sheets in chock-full books of stickers. You just peeled them off and stuck them to your ears, and they looked simply wonderful for about 5 minutes until they got lost in your hair or the oils in your skin made them unsticky.
This was quite an exciting discovery for me, as you might imagine, and one day, through the generosity of a friend, I found myself in possession of, not one, but two sheets of sticker earrings. I couldn't believe my luck. Well, neither could another girl in my class, it seems. She begged and begged me to please give her a sheet of those amazing, wonderful stickers. I finally told her that she could have one if she would bring me two packs of candy corns. She agreed, and I gave her the sheet of stickers.
I couldn't believe my luck! I had a whole sheet of sticker earrings, and soon would also be swimming in candy corns! You can bet I went to bed that night and woke up the next morning with visions of heart-stopping sweetness dancing in my head. However, when I got to school there were no candy corns. I was absolutely shocked. How could this be? I waited another day. Still no candy corns. I waited another day. STILL no candy corns. Yes, each new day came and went without any candy corns. I even reminded the girl that she owed me two packs of candy corns, but to no avail. She promised me she would remember this time, but the candy corns never appeared. I was down one whole endless sticker earring sheet and still had no candy corns. Woe is me!
Well, the years have passed by, and I must confess that if she were to finally let her conscience get to her and repay her debt (How does it not bother her?!), I would smile and thank her and eat a few before depositing the rest into file 13 while she was looking the other way. (That's the circular file, you know. *Wink, wink*) I must be getting old because candy corns just don't have the appeal that they used to.
And sadder still, though the years did come and go and I finally was old enough and got my ears pierced, I don't wear earrings more than once a year anymore. And by the time I get the notion to wear them again I've forgotten which ones I'm allergic to and which ones I'm not, so more often than not I come home from church with red, sore ears and promptly remove the silly things.
Indeed, these are sad, solemn days I live in.
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