Failure

I may have mentioned before that I have this horrible fear of failure.  It's one of my biggest fears.  When I sit back and look at it it just seems silly.  Everybody fails sometime.  That's how we learn.  I think it all stems from not wanting to ever let anybody down because then I'm ruining everybody's life (because everyone else is always right and I'm always wrong).  It's all a pile of poo.  It's not true, but it's something I fight against.

Anyway, Moroni taught me a good lesson today, and I wanted to hurry and record it.  Maybe it's another tool to add to my toolbox.  I am almost done reading the Book of Mormon today, so I was reading Moroni chapter 7.  Near the end, here's what he says:

"Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

Did you see that?   All things must fail!  I always took it to mean that everything that's part of this earth life is going to someday fall away and all that will be left is love.  I think it does mean that, but today, for me, it means that it's ok to fail.  It says right here in the scriptures that everything "MUST fail."  We are told that we can't be perfect in this life.  It's just not possible.  But we are perfected as we pass through this life and make right our failures and learn from them.  So failing is good for us.  And also, when everything else in our lives is failing, there is always charity, the love that Christ feels for us.  Therefore, it would seem to me that all else that is not charity is of little consequence.  So maybe instead of worrying about failure I should be using my energy on love.  That is a lovely principle.  I will try that. :)

Jill

Jill just spent a good minute or so insulting someone: "You stupid!  You not go a school!"  I asked her who she was talking to, and she told me, "The clock."

In other news, I'm reading President Monson's biography.  I love it!  It's big and beautiful.  It feels nice in my hands and is full of happy things.  I felt bad spending so much to get it, but I'm still thankful to have it. :)

Tidbits

Kiddos at the 4th of July Parade

The other day I was thinking things over again.  One of my greatest fears during this time that Jeremy's been gone has been that people are going to look at me struggling with the kiddos and think, "Why does she have all those kids if she can't take care of them?!"  I especially worry about that at chruch when they all seem to go nutso on me.  So I've thought about these kiddos and how I love each of them and wouldn't trade any of them for anything.  They are my little treasures.  But they sure do cause a lot of trouble sometimes.  It's been hard for me to ask for help, but I realized the other day that maybe one of the reasons why I have all these kiddos is so that other people can have an opportunity to serve.  What a humbling thought!  At the same time, I know that "When we're helping, we're happy."  So maybe I'll try to be more humble about this and learn to let people help me.

Yesterday at church both Sunday School and Relief Society were about missionary work.  Our teacher in Relief Society asked for some ladies with "hot little hands" to tell about missionary experiences.  I was too slow, as usual, but it just so happens that I have a little story to share.

When I was in college there was this guy who was obviously not LDS.  And then I also had a friend who was very much Catholic but was also a bit interested in our church.  I still wish I had done more to fellowship her!  Anyway, there was one day where the three of us ended up sitting together eating lunch in the cafe.  As we conversed, the guy asked a kind of joking question about our church.  I answered him the best I could, and then he kept asking questions.  He stopped joking and started asking more serious questions.  And as the conversation went on, I answered all of his questions quite easily.  Afterwards, as the other girl and I were walking back to our dorm, I said, "Wow!"  I couldn't believe I'd been able to answer all those questions like that.  She said that she couldn't have done that if she had been being grilled about her church.  I had the distinct impression, though, that I had recieved divine help to answer all those questions.  I felt so alive as I talked.  It was just so neat.  I've always wondered if either of those people ever joined the church because of that experience, but I also felt very proud to be Heavenly Father's instrument that day.  I like people to understand our church.  It is beautiful and it blesses my life every day.