A Few Items of Business

I just changed my blog so that anonymous people can't comment.  Mama, that should mean that we won't get those annoying ad comments in our email anymore.  I also updated the "about my family" tab you can find at the top of the page.  It's nothing earth-shatteringly different, but I changed a few things here and there - first and foremost being the pictures.  The children have sure grown!

Secondly, it is the last day of April.  (And yesterday was my halfway point for this pregnancy.  Happy dance!) The end of April always makes me feel excited because our anniversary will be here very soon.  We never do much to celebrate it, but we always do something.  Last year Jeremy brought home fancy dinner from our favorite restaurant in Cedar City, and he took it and a little table up to our bedroom, and we had dinner up there.  Meanwhile, Hyrum cooked chicken nuggets and fries for the kiddos.  Poor guy.  He hates being in charge, but it's his natural place and he does such a good job.  It wasn't a whole lot of celebrating, but we celebrated and it's a happy memory. 

Coming up on our anniversary always makes me think back on all the years we've had together.  I am so, so blessed to have Jeremy for my husband.  There is nobody I'd rather be married to.  He is my best friend.  I love how our marriage has gotten better over the years.  It is a true delight, and I love thinking about spending time with him.  I love it when he comes home at night.  My world gets happier having him in it.  I love how we tell each other everything.  I love that I can trust him completely.  I love how it feels when he tells me he loves me.  (The Spirit confirms truth, you know. ;) I love his silliness and his support.  And I love watching him be a father.  He is a good, good man, and I look forward to eternity with him.  Plus, don't you think that since it's gotten better over the years it will continue to do so?  Me too! That is exciting!

I have enjoyed the flowers a lot this year.  I always do.  Poppies have been in full bloom all along our drive to church.  They are such happy little flowers.  I love them a lot.  They have lasted a lot longer than I expected.  And the big bush that grows from the corner of our neighbor's yard into ours has such happy yellow flowers.  They look like tons of little roses.  George (our neighbor) asked once if we'd like him to keep it trimmed back out of our yard, but I told him no.  I love that bush!  It's huge, and the flowers are so pretty, and the birds love it.  And I love the birds. ;) The little flowers are starting to fade on that bush, but I am thankful for them, you know?  I love the beautiful little things in my life.  They are signs to me that God is thinking of me.

And speaking of feeling blessed, Jeremy and I have both been thinking about the upcoming anniversary of his trip to Paris.  He really misses Paris.  And strangely, I miss it too, even though I've never been there.  I often take time to think about that time playing single mom while he was gone.  I won't hesitate to tell you that it was really hard, but I also won't hesitate to tell you that it blessed us in ways I can't even quite put my finger on.  Whenever I think of that experience, I remember that it was a time when God wanted me to see that He was taking care of us.  It makes me feel so incredibly thankful.  God is so good.  I still can't think about it properly without crying.

And one more little thing I am thankful for - we got the cooler running last night.  Hooray!  On Sunday we had everyone over for Sunday dinner and it was the hottest it's been this year.  We were all sweltering.  I think we must need to get a new thermostat because since we moved back this one is finicky.  We couldn't for the life of us get the cooler to switch on.  We turned it to fan instead, and that helped a bit, but not a whole lot.  We opened the windows to let the cool outside air in, but then Jeremy couldn't breathe.  Thank heavens the cooler worked yesterday!  Now I'm afraid to switch it off ever. ;) Maybe when I leave the house I'll just turn it up hot so it doesn't cool the house for nobody.  (Yes, I'm one of those people who prefers to stick it out until I absolutely can't stand it anymore.  It saves money!)

Oh, and before I forget - about that last post about moving - we don't really know where we're going.  Mostly I was just dreaming that day, and it made me happy to think about it, so I posted it.  You can laugh at us, but we haven't even quite started looking for a job.  For one thing, Jeremy won't be done teaching until the first week of June.  And for another thing, I am no help at all.  I look at all the job postings and scratch my head.  It is all Greek to me.  Jeremy knows what he knows.  If I knew what in the world it is that he knows, I would probably be qualified to do it as well.  Ha, ha!  Anyway, we are praying.  We are indeed pining away for Cedar City.  But I must admit it has been a blessing to be here in Globe near family.  I love them all a lot.  They bring more happiness to my life than they probably realize.  Anyway, the time has probably come to start looking, so we will try.  Jeremy has a week and a half left of the track season, and then he can help me. :)

And lastly, I have been avoiding talking about Elizabeth, but I need to. The reason I avoid it is that I don't feel responsible for her anymore and also that as a general rule, she hasn't brought much happiness to our little happy land.

So the latest on Elizabeth is that I keep finding out some things that she did (and some that she didn't do but said she did do). I have kind of arrived at the conclusion the she doesn't know or care how the things she does or says affects other people, even the people she professes to love a lot. I think in her mind we are all here to please her. And if I add up all the things I've learned about her the first word I can use that best describes her would be fake. Please know I'm not saying these things to lash out at her (even though I know what she has done and even though she has hurt us). Plus, we still know without doubt that she was supposed to be here in our home. We don't know why, but she was. I am saying these things because, frankly, I am disappointed. I don't like giving up on people. I have had a few friends in the past that I just had to give up on, and it always breaks my heart. I don't know that I ever completely gave up on them, but there comes a time when there's just nothing more. You know?

Anyway, I don't think I've reached that point with Elizabeth. I don't want to give up on her. I do feel very sad that she isn't really who she was pretending to be. That is hurtful to Jeremy and me and also to our children. And the reason we are sad, of course, is that you and I both know who she truly is. She is a daughter of God. Nothing anybody says or does can change that. And nothing anybody says or does can change His love for her. And because of the simple fact of who she is, she has a chance to inherit all that God has. She has the potential to be such an amazing influence for good. I've seen it in her. I think there is a goodness in her that she couldn't quite hide. That is not a fault. That is a God-given trait, simply because she is His child. And so I will continue to pray for her and hope for her. God only knows what will become of her, but I hope. And I trust God and His infinite love.

Meandering Thoughts on Moving

Well, it's official.  I have officially thrown up more in the second trimester than the first.  Darn headaches!  I get them a lot more often while I'm pregnant.  I've learned that if I wake up with one I should not take something for it right away, and I should not eat either because I am just going to throw it up, whatever it is.  How's that for positive thinking?  Ha ha!  Well, pregnancy doesn't last forever.  And in only a few more months little Brom will be here for me to kiss and cuddle.  I cannot wait.

This isn't quite what I was planning to do for today's post, but I'm going to do it anyway.  I'm going to follow my meandering thoughts.

Jeremy and I both think about moving a lot lately.  We've already discussed the reasons why.  Right now the biggest reason is that we need to be somewhere where Jeremy can breathe year-round.  Spring and fall are brutal here.  Fall hit me especially hard last year.  I was sick for the first couple of months after we moved.  And fall and spring both hit Jeremy really hard, but more especially spring.  Anyway, so we have been doing some daydreaming lately.  I must admit that my daydreams always seem to meander back to that house that we planned out so many years ago.  Jeremy even had plans drawn up for it.  It's funny how life turns things around.  I still feel strongly that we were supposed to be working toward building a house at that point, even though it didn't happen.  Just like I still feel like I was supposed to get things set up for me to go to SUU, even though that didn't happen.  These were just experiences that we needed in our lives.  I'm ok that these things didn't happen how we thought.  I absolutely trust God's timing, and I know it will be ok.  And I know that these things will still happen someday.

How's that for a meandering thought paragraph.  That's meandering at its finest.

Anyway, what I meant for that paragraph to lead to is a little description of what we've been hoping for in a place to live.  This is kind of an important choice for us because for one thing, Jeremy's got to breathe.  And for another thing, Hyrum only has two more school years before he goes to high school.  Yikes!  Jeremy is hoping that we can move some place and then just put down some roots.  He doesn't want to move while we have children in high school.  That is important to him.  And because moving is not what we like to do for fun, it seems logical that we should only move once to find our ideal place.  That is what we're hoping for.

So. 

1. A place where we can breathe and not die of allergies
2. A good place for our children.  (I've said it before and I'll say it again - we miss the atmosphere of Cedar City.  However, I won't deny that there are good opportunities for our children to grow in places that have fewer LDS people.)
3. A place where we can have a house that is big enough for our growing family.  (PS Everyone asks if this baby is it for us.  The answer to that, as always, is that we just have to wait and see.  We don't have a clear answer, but we will when the time comes.  I am sure of that.)
4. And in said house, we need at least four bedrooms.
5. And an office.
6. And at least 3 bathrooms that each have at least a shower in them.  (Of course, two full bathrooms is a lot better than one, and I will take that for sure!
7. And plenty of storage, including a good-size pantry.
8. A job that pays enough for us to support ourselves with some to share as well.  I also really hope that said job will be something that Jeremy is excited about and enjoys the heck out of every day.

And now for some dreams (not necessarily needs):

1. A place that has a college where I can finish at least a bachelor's degree, and maybe our children will want to go to school there too.
2. We really miss having a library in our home, and we really want to have one again.  We are huge book lovers and really want a home for all our books.
3. I really want a big kitchen, and by that I mean a kitchen with more than one functional counter.  I've already got all the cabinet space I need, but only one counter that I can use.  In said kitchen, I hope to have an oven that is full size and a window over the sink.  And in said window I want to have a little herb garden where I can get fresh basil anytime I want without having it go bad in the fridge if it takes me longer than I planned to use it.  Ha ha!  (And probably some parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme, though I think parsley is a funny herb because all you can really do with it is garnish things.  But I love rosemary and thyme, and you can't make stuffing without sage.  And you can't have sage, rosemary, and thyme without parsley!  Then you'd have an incomplete song!)  And I really want lots of light in the kitchen.
4. I want stairs.  One thing I really miss about our Cedar City house is that stairs.  You probably don't hear many people say that.  I can't even quite put my finger on what made it so great, but I really liked having all the family's bedrooms upstairs.  I liked going up and down those stairs and having the living area separate from the sleeping area.
5. I think it would be marvelous if we had a guest bedroom downstairs like in our house plans.
6. Jeremy and I both agree on that and the idea that we want a really big tub in one of the bathrooms - one that an adult can lay down in.
7. We want a big yard for our kiddos to run in.
8. I want a fence around said big yard so my littler ones can run around but stay in the yard.
9. And in said big yard, I want to have a little vegetable garden that Jeremy will take care of because he loves that.  I'll help, of course.  And we want some fruit trees.  And I want a few chickens.
10. I'd love to have a mud room.  I think it would be awesome if on muddy days the children could get as muddy as they want and then go get cleaned off in the little shower area in the mudroom before coming inside.  (And it goes without saying that there have to be some rainy days wherever we live for this to happen.)
11. I would love to have a clothesline in the backyard, and it would be awesome if I could have two washers and dryers.  We go through a lot of clothes here!  And I love being outside hanging out clothes while the little ones play. 
12. I want to have a flower bed in the front of the house.
13. We really hope that Jeremy will have a job that is less demanding time-wise.  He has been gone a lot lately, and I miss him!

Yes, that is a long list of dreams!  Yes, it is asking a lot.  But I'm not going to demand it.  And besides that, it's good to dream.  It's actually good for your health.  Isn't that interesting?  I know we probably aren't going to find a lot of this in our next house, but maybe we can build it all someday.  And if not, that is ok too.  We have enough, and we are happy with what we have.  Please don't think I'm complaining.  And please don't think we'll never be satisfied until every little wish is fulfilled.  It's just fun for us to think about. :)

Every time I think about moving I think about the people who will be sad to see us go.  And I think about how sad I will be to leave them.  And I wonder where in the world the Lord wants us to go.  And I wonder if we will be disappointing several people when we do go.  I don't like disappointing people, especially people I love.  But I know that God has a plan for us.  He just hasn't let us in on the surprise yet.  I'm trying to be patient.  We will see where He sends us.  At least we know that wherever it is it will be good.  I would love to take all our extended family with us and have all of them around us.  And I want my sisters, sisters-in-law, and best friends (well, to be honest, all my sisters and sisters-in-law fall in the best friends category too) to all live on the same block as me so I can hop right over and sit in their houses and chat, and they can do the same in mine.  (That sounds like what heaven will be like, doesn't it?)  And we all really want to go back to Cedar City.  I thought it was a huge thing yesterday when Jeremy admitted that he would take the cold and snow of Cedar City over allergies any day.  He said he may grumble all winter, but he'd still be glad to be there.  And he can still go sit in the hot tub at the aquatic center when it's snowy outside.  I guess it is much preferable to be able to breathe, isn't it?  I know we may not go back ever, and I know we all probably dream about it too much, but Cedar City is definitely a happy thought. :) I loved watching the snow fall every time.  I grumbled about scraping ice every morning but secretly enjoyed it and chuckled about how I'm too short to do a proper job of it on our huge van.  We loved the aquatic center and miss it almost every day.  We miss summer there.  Oh, man, are summers lovely there!  And we miss our friends.  And we miss the schools.  Yeah, whine, complain, miss, miss, miss.

One thing that I have been worrying about but not talking much about in all these thoughts about moving is leaving my doctor.  I have mentioned him before.  I LOVE this doctor, and I am nervous at the thought that we may be moving during this pregnancy, which would mean that I'd have to find another doctor.  It's funny that I would worry more about that than the possibility of overdoing it with moving and ending up in preterm labor.  I'm not that worried about that, though.  Hmmm...  Anyway, my current doctor delivered my last three babies.  He knows what troubles I've had.  He is unfailingly optimistic and he is a really good doctor.  I guess all I can do is leave that in the Lord's hands too.  He knows my needs, and I am sure He can direct me again just like he directed me to Dr. Joe in the first place.

Check it out!  I've got a cardinal on my bird feeder!  That is one thing I do love about being here.  We get a lot of birds.  Our neighbors have a big bush that grows little yellow roses all over, and most of the year it's full of all kinds of birds.  They get really loud sometimes, but I love it!  It is a challenge to keep the bird feeder filled, but I'll take it. :) We definitely missed birds in Cedar City.  They never did come and eat out of our feeder there.  Maybe it's just because we were in the town home park.  Hmmm...  Maybe we just need George's bush. ;) Sorry, George.  We're taking it with us.  Ha ha!

Yesterday at church I took longer than usual to get to Sunday School.  And on my way in I saw a sister I hadn't talked to in a while.  As soon as I saw her I remembered that I dreamed the other night that she was moving to First Ward.  (Crazy dreams these days, I tell ya!)  I hadn't remembered the dream until I saw her.  I told her and we both laughed.  Then she came and sat with me for the rest of Sunday School and also Relief Society.  We chatted about this and that and it was awesome. :) And then after Relief Society ended the lovely sister behind us leaned forward and congratulated my friend for receiving her master's degree.  What?!  I hadn't heard about that!  To that my friend replied that actually it was a doctorate degree and had been a lifelong goal.  She is almost done with her dissertation.  Hooray for her!  I was glad to know that and to be able to congratulate her.  That's awesome!  And I delighted in sitting there feeling happy with those two women that I love so much.  I love our ward a lot.  I am not sure why, but all that really had an impact on me.  It all made me feel so happy and hopeful.  Isn't that funny?  Something as simple as that.  I suppose, though, that I always was delighted by little things. ;) Oh, and I finally was able to tell the Relief Society that we're having another boy, and they all laughed.  It was delightful.  Oh, how I love them all!

Manipulative Parenting

I read an article today by a lady who says having kids is her greatest regret.  She had two of them - for her husband.  And she did grow fond of them, and she did take care of them and help them feel loved and secure, but she never wanted them.  She still thinks her life would have been better if she hadn't ever had them.  I am not sure why I read this article.  I think I just see these headlines now and then that seem so off the wall I wonder what is in these people's heads.  Their way of thinking is so completely different from mine. 

I always wanted to be a mother.  And I knew it would be hard, but I wanted a lot of kids.  So here I am.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  This lady mentions watching her son sleep when he was just a few days old and feeling no connection to him at all, no gush of warmth at his presence.  I can understand, then, how she can feel that her children give her nothing back.  Her son gave her grandchildren, but she didn't want them.  I can kind of get it.  For me grandchildren are a gift, and I look forward to meeting mine.  But if you don't want any kids in the first place, I can kind of understand.  This lady probably would feel sorry for me in the state I am in.  But I also feel sorry for her.  She raised her 2 children to adulthood, missing out on so, so much.  Well, at least she didn't live in resentment.

And now for the subject of my post.

I have been thinking lately about manipulation and parenting.  One of the ways that I deal with my children's misbehavior is to remind them that they are good people and assert my confidence that they can find better ways to cope.  Jeremy pointed out one day that that is kind of manipulation.  I've thought about that a lot.  Of course he is right.  But I have kept it up from time to time.  The other day  I was sweeping the kitchen and thinking about it and I realized that often parenting is all about manipulation.  Our job is to raise happy, normal, contributing members of society.  Therefore, we kind of have to manipulate them to teach them what their roles are and what is acceptable in society.  In some instances, I'm not sure there is any other way to do it other than manipulating.

At the same time, the very idea of manipulating people is not a very happy thing in my mind.  I don't like being manipulated, myself.  And so I always come back to the question - when do we cross the line?  When are we being too manipulative?  In speaking to my children as I said above, I wasn't trying to be manipulative.  I want my children to grow up knowing that they are good people because that is something that I myself have had a hard time saying about myself.  (By the way, I'm at a good spot now.  I have struck a balance where I know that I'm not perfect and that I make mistakes pretty much constantly, just like everyone else.  But I also can say that I am a good person.  That is a relief to me.  Anyway...)  I also want them growing up with confidence in themselves.  I want them to know that they can choose the right, that they can do good things because they are good people.

Sometimes I take a long look at myself and think I am just a nut job.  Ha, ha!  I think way too much.  I also look at myself and my 6 (almost 7 :O) children and think that I really should have everything figured out by now!  But honestly, if I did have it all figured out there would be no room for learning, no room for improvement and progression.  And those things are part of the plan.  So really, I guess we are all good. :)

So I have some question for you guys.  What do you think of all this?  Do you think there is a definite line here that I have crossed?  And what do you think that line is?  And if you think I have crossed the line, do you have any better ideas?  This subject has just been churning in my mind and I wonder what other people think.

Took a Little Trip

I had been thinking we needed to go see my parents for quite a few weeks now.  On Saturday, I told Jeremy, "I wish we could go today."  He said, "Well, let's go, then." 

 

Several hours later we were finally ready to go.  I had laundry going that needed done.  Everybody needs clean socks and folded shirts.  And the boys needed to pack and clean their room.  It all took forever.  But we went!  And it was such a nice trip.  Jeremy and I both have felt like we were supposed to be there at that time.  Interesting how little things like that happen.

 

We stayed overnight and went to church with Grandma and Grandpa in the morning.  And then they children changed their clothes and went out to play.  They had such a great time.  Timmy has learned to actually jump (you know, where his feet actually leave the ground) since we were at Grandma's house last, so he really enjoyed the trampoline.  It made me giggle with delight to watch him, and I wish I had some video of it.  It was just so darn cute! 

But after a while he was just done with the trampoline and all he wanted to do was slide.  He can now climb all the way up that ladder and slide himself down.  He was pretty pleased.  I tried to not freak out and just let him do it, but I'm always afraid he's going to fall off the top of that big ol' slide.  He never did.  So I can stop freaking out.  He had a grand ol' time.

Jill came to slide with Timmy, and after a while she and Timmy were chasing each other down the slide and laughing so hard.  

 

And I'm not sure what these guys were doing.  I know they had some sort of organized something or other on the trampoline, but whatever it was, it also caused a lot of laughter.  All 6 of these kiddos were having such a wonderful time.  I was delighted to just stand there and watch them and hear their giggles.

 

Now, I mentioned that we felt we were supposed to be there that day.  Here is why.  In Relief Society the lesson was on trials and tribulations.  (I can't think of that phrase without laughing and thinking of a certain Dick Van Dyke Show episode - ha ha!  So when I ever say trials I have to say tribulations too and then I want to laugh.)  Anyway, it was in the Lorenzo Snow book, and it was really well done.

 

I kept wanting to comment because a scripture kept crossing my mind as I was listening to other people comment.  It's in D&C 63:9.  It says, "But, behold, faith cometh not by signs, but signs follow those that believe."  We are told in the scriptures that we should not be sign-seekers, but that we receive a witness "after the trial of [our] faith."  (Ether 12:6)  As far as trials go, this means to me that as long as we're just holding on, staying close to God and enduring with patience through our trials we are going to be ok.  And even more than that, we are going to see signs in our lives.  We are going to see miracles and also little assurances that God is on our side and not only that He cares but is also watching out for us.  I also thought that as we endure through our trials, holding fast to God, the blessings we receive and our own endurance will be a blessing to our families.  Others will see those signs, those blessings in our lives.

 

Here is a link to the lesson we had.  It was just beautiful, and I love that President Snow practiced what he preached.  And here is one paragraph I especially liked:

 

"Many of you may have severe trials, that your faith may become more perfect, your confidence be increased, your knowledge of the powers of heaven be augmented; and this before your redemption takes place. If a stormy cloud sweep over the horizon … ; if the cup of bitter suffering be offered, and you compelled to partake; Satan let loose to go among you, with all his seductive powers of deceivings and cunning craftiness; the strong relentless arm of persecution lifted against you;—then, in that hour, lift up your heads and rejoice that you are accounted worthy to suffer thus with Jesus, the Saints, and holy prophets; and know that the period of your redemption has approached."

 

Isn't that such a bold, comforting statement?  Yet another reason why it is a blessing to go through the trials in our lives.

 

And the real clincher for me was a comment made by a sweet sister I have known and loved for many years.  She said that she went on the Trek that the church in that area puts on every few years, and she was one of the ones who didn't make it through and got sent home early.  She said that she felt bad about it.  She felt like she had failed at a trial in her life.  But she realized that even when she feels she didn't pass the test, it builds strength in us to pass the next trial.  It is ok to mess up or to not pass with flying colors every time.  God knew we wouldn't, and that's why He sent his Son - to make up for our insufficiencies.  It is ok.

 

I think if I could point out one major reason why I myself needed to be there that day it was to hear that one comment.  I have felt like in turning bitter and angry about Elizabeth I kind of bombed that test.  I did still feel the influence of the Spirit here an there.  I still feel that, though that one post her on the blog wasn't nice, I needed to write it.  And I did feel when it was time for us all to move on and for Elizabeth to go.  But that doesn't excuse the fact that I was angry and bitter.  I have felt really bad about that.  I guess I didn't know how else to feel with all the different factors I had to take into consideration.  However, I wish I had turned to God and asked Him to help me know how I was supposed to feel or how I should act.  Surely, He is the limitless fount of good ideas.  However, in the end it is ok.  I can point to the fact that I did do good here or there during this trial.  And in looking at what I feel I didn't do well at, I can remember that I can repent, and that I can be stronger for next time.  That is a great comfort to me.  I needed to be reminded.  I'm thankful.

Soooo....

Conference was awesome!  Of course it was!  I like being home all day Saturday and Sunday and getting those few hours of instruction with my family.  It is so great!  And to top it off, I did indeed figure out that crochet pattern.  I'm so glad I got brave and tried it!  It looks like a little like patchwork.  It's a bunch of little squares.  I love it!  I don't have the hook size they asked for.  All I have is a bunch of smaller ones.  I just used the biggest one I had.  When I think about it, maybe it's more appropriate for the squares and the blanket to be smaller since it's for a baby.  Plus, they are cute little squares.  At the same time, I think I may have to try this pattern again and do something like argyle with the correct size hook.  That will be awesome too. :)

Anyway, I have a long way to go on that blanket, but at least it's started and I still have a little less than 5 months to complete it.  We all know how much fun it will be to finish a warm wooly blanket in the middle of the summer - slaving away with that thing on my lap.  Ha, ha!  Bring on the sweat.  I'll take it. :)

I kind of figure that Elizabeth still reads this blog.  (Hi, Elizabeth!)  But I am going to go ahead and say that life without her has been quite a relief.  Every now and then I think of her and just hope she's  doing well and that she'll do great, happy things in her life.  And every now and then I worry for her future.  But it is really nice to think about her and care about her from a distance.  I have realized that I've let the whole mess go.  I've realized that she's not my responsibility anymore.  Once again, that is such a relief to me!

This isn't to say that she's all the way out of our lives.  She was still calling and texting Jeremy several times every day and trying to meet him at school and the track to talk about how miserable her life is.  And then there's her April Fool's stunt.  I don't need to go into detail, but it was kind of the last straw for me because it took the fact that we care about her and kind of threw it in our faces.  And on top of that, it stressed Jeremy out badly, which, this time of year, compounds with allergies to make a pretty bad asthma attack.  I don't think she understands that she stresses him out.  He is a nice guy and doesn't complain, but he's casually mentioned that she stresses him out.  She just doesn't get it, I guess. 

Anyway, she and I had a text conversation the other day, and in it she asked what I want her to do.  I told her she needed to stop calling and texting Jeremy altogether.  For pity's sake, we need the guy to breathe!  It's one of those necessary things.  I explained why she needed to stop communication with him, and I also asked for limited communication with me - which, to tell the truth, is how it's been between us for a while now.  I know that she has other friends, and I don't think she needs to be stressing us out with her problems.  I also emphasized that we need to focus on our own family and not worry about her so much.  So there's where it stands.  She did text Jeremy the next day, but that didn't go very far.  And she's tried calling both of us but I'm afraid she's had poor timing.  (Really, I can't blame her for that.  How is anybody supposed to know what the person they're calling is up to?)  So, Elizabeth, the reason those calls yesterday and Wednesday went unanswered is that it was not the time to chat (i.e. I was getting in the shower and stuff like that).  And you didn't leave messages, so I figured you didn't need an answer.  But it is a relief to just let you go and to focus on our own family.  We will not stop caring about you, even from a distance.

Phew!  That's done.

On a happier note, allergies are starting to subside.  Jeremy has still been using his nebulizer, allergy medicine, and inhalers, but he doesn't need them as bad.  It makes me so happy for him!  He has been a lot happier the last few days.  He's had a lot easier time breathing and we are both thankful!  Thank you, all of you, who prayed for him.  We had some pretty scary nights around here, but it is getting better.  If we're still living here next year I will try to remind myself that after it gets absolutely unbearable it will start to get better.  I seemed to remember that from last time, and I kept telling myself that it was going to pass eventually.  It feels good to have faith that it will get better, especially when it does actually get better. :)

I'm so glad to see the season start to wane.  It rained the other night, and Jeremy and I were doing happy dances - well, at least on the inside we were - as we were getting the kiddos to bed.  Rain cleans out the air and means fewer allergens.  Hallelujah!  I'm thankful for rain!  I have been kind of wheezy myself, especially carrying my now-quite-large baby Timmy around.  But it's nice to think that it's going to pass.  And I love that my eyes haven't itched so bad this season.  Usually allergens in the air mean I cannot stop rubbing my eyes for anything.  I'm thankful it didn't mean that as much this year.  It's a lovely, welcome change. :)

Today's the Day!

Here are a few things.

Today is General Conference for our church.  Whether or not you're a member, you are welcome to watch with us.  (That's you, Val! ;)  Here is a link.  http://www.lds.org/general-conference/watch?lang=eng  It's at 10:00 and 2:00 MDT.  (9:00 and 1:00 in Arizona)

I'm also excited because yesterday I went and chose yarn colors for the afghan I'm going to make for Brom.  It'll be Tunisian interlac crochet, which I have never tried.  I'm a little nervous, but I'm excited because I'm going to learn a new skill and it's going to look awesome!  (Maybe I AM trying to pep myself up and think positive. ;) I HOPE I can figure it out.)  Anyway, check out these colors!  Aren't they so pretty and happy?!

One of our Conference traditions is that we buy new Play-Doh for the kiddos and also pretzels.  I myself don't like pretzels, but all of the rest of the family loves them.  I like buying them because they're cheap and fat free.  I buy one bag for each day of Conference, but I should probably buy 2 for each day.  6 children go through a bag like it's nothing! 

Well, this time Michael remembered that we needed pretzels and Play-Doh, so I asked him to add it to the shopping list.  I knew it was going to be cute, and it was, so I took a picture.

 

 

And last of all, we've all had some sort of stomach bug around here for the last few days.  We haven't been throwing up, but there has been a lot of, uh, other end issues.  Yesterday we were watching Madagascar 3 (So darn funny!  I liked it even better than the other 2!  Definitely watch it.  You will laugh your face off.), and everyone had gas.  It was kind of horrible.  Timmy's had the worst of the yuck, though.  Poor guy. 

It made me laugh.  I took a picture and cleaned him and the chair all up and we were good.  Yesterday he had the same kind of deal and walked up to me fussing with his legs spread wide apart and his diaper sagging low between his legs.  Poor fella!  Hopefully this will all pass soon!

Change of Direction

Well, guys, a good friend has brought to my attention the fact that this ol' blog has been too negative of late.  Too whiny.  Truth be told, I knew it.  I apologize for being a whiner.  I'm afraid I've been whining more than just on the ol' blog.  And the whining really reached a peak while Elizabeth was here.  I'm sure Jeremy can attest to that fact.  I often felt so trapped having her here.  I felt overwhelmed by her mere presence and I wanted nothing more than to have her gone.  But I simply couldn't ask her to leave.  Trapped.  And then there were all the other things that I have let get to me and weigh me down.  I guess I could honestly say that I LET IT overwhelm me.  Poo.

Well, whatever the reason, I am sorry for being a whiner.  I'm sorry for letting a complaining attitude prevail in my life.  That is lame.  I think I forgot that I am a fighter who doesn't like to be beaten.  (Well, I don't mind so much if it's a board game.  I just don't like to be beaten by things that are hard.)  The more I think about it the more I realized that I just surrendered and stopped fighting.  The very idea that I did that kind of disgusts me.  So here we go.  I will try again.  I can't guarantee that I am never going to complain again, but I can guarantee that I'm going to try again to make this a happy place like it was meant to be.  (Ahem, like the title says.)  And maybe I'd better get out my little journal and start writing the little things in my life I'm thankful for again.

So today, here are some things that I am happy/excited about - without a side of whine to go with it.

1. I was so excited to have confirmation that we are having a boy.  We are not surprised at all, but I wanted to have the ultrasound lady tell me for sure so I could start being crafty.  That is such a great part about being pregnant for me, whether or not we actually use the stuff I make.  I know that's silly, but being crafty while thinking happy thoughts about a baby who will soon join us (and feeling so in love with said baby and excited to meet him/her all the while) is a means to its own end.  Anyway, I've been collecting ideas on my pinterest board, and I'm excited to make something.
2. I like that this is little Brom.  Did I mention that we're calling him that?  I think so.  We are naming him Abraham and calling him Brom.  We need to come up with a middle name, though.  Cornelius?  Edward?  Frederick?  Jimbob?  George?  Elijah?  (Totally kidding about a few of those.  I bet you can guess which ones.)  It's fun to think about.  I'm excited to think about having him come and seeing which one on our real live list is THE ONE.  And thinking of having a son named Brom makes me think of the Robin Hood song, "Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest, laughing back and forth at what the other'n has to say."  Except that I changed the words a bit.  Ahem, "Tiny Tim and Little Brom walking through the forest..."  Clever, I know!  It kind of makes me laugh.  It makes Jeremy think that labeling them this way will clearly mean that Tiny Tim is going to be really tall (taller than Hyrum) and Little Brom is going to be even taller.
3. I didn't mention that Jeremy and I went to the mall after the ultrasound.  We were feeling bummed that we couldn't go to the Temple, so it just seemed like we ought to do something.  Jeremy really wanted to go to GNC (quite possibly his favorite store on earth), and the only on we knew we could find was in the Superstition Springs Mall.  Anyway, we went and found it and came out with some of that yummy protein shake stuff and some wheat grass.  Jeremy loves protein shakes.  He has one every morning for breakfast and often has another one later in the day.  That is something he could happily have even more often too.  This particular kind is really, really good, which isn't something you can say for every brand of protein shakes.  And he also really likes wheat grass.  That was one of his favorite things he grew in our little garden a few years ago.  He'd go out at lunch time and water the garden while eating little carrots along with the greens and lots and lots of wheat grass while the sprinklers were going.  Then after GNC we went looking for glycerine soap, which Bath and Body Works stopped carrying years ago, apparently.  Darn it!  The skin on my face is really sensitive and dries out really easily, so I can't really use any other soap on it.  Jeremy wanted to get me something, so I chose some pretty candles and some soap that has glycerine in it, even though it isn't actual glycerine soap.  I always love smelling all the smells in there.  That is one of the main reasons to even go in, if you ask me.
4. The spring weather has been lovely.  Timmy has learned to unlock both locks on the back door and run outside before I have time to think twice.  He stays in the yard a lot better, so I just let him run for a while.  Now, if I could just get him to stay away from the oleanders and those grouchy dogs next door...  It delights me to no end to watch him run around out there.  You can tell he feels so free.  And one of the best parts about his running around out there is that he often has some strange get-up on.  He likes to wear hats and shoes that are too big.  He'll grab Papa's tennis shoes and cap and run out the door wearing them and his sleepers.
5. I have started working on Family History again.  I used to work on it every day back before and a little after Hyrum was born.  The new website the church has (https://familysearch.org/tree/) is so neat!  You can add stories and pictures.  You can help clean up duplicates and other messes and set the record straight.  And I discovered just yesterday that on familysearch.org you can search all those census records that everybody has been helping index.  How cool is that?!  No more searching through page after page on microfilm after microfilm full of census, marriage, and death records!  They are now all digitized and linked to pages from the actual documents.  We live in such an exciting time!  I think I'm going to keep this up.  And maybe I can go attach some real live census sources to people on Family Tree. 

Well, that is about all the happiness I can take for one day.  Cough, cough.  Just kidding. 

Thanks again, Heather.  I am feeling determined, and that is something that I really like.  It changes my attitude about everything.

Wait, wait.  I thought of 2 more.

1. I've decided that the best part about getting a new box of diapers is smacking it with my knuckles to break the tape and open it.  I used to do that all the time when I worked at Arby's.  It is way fun.
2. When we moved here we needed a new fridge.  To save money, we got the kind with the freezer on top instead of the side-by-side version we've had since we first moved into this house in 2004.  I have really missed having ice and cold water!  Well, I found a solution to the cold water problem.  I just keep a cup of water in the fridge.  The boys drink from it too and sometimes all I find is a cold, empty cup.  Ha, ha!  But most of the time I can find cold water in there, and it makes me so, so happy every time!

Big Bunch o' Random Thoughts

So... the big news of the day (or at least the big news of Monday, which really wasn't big news because we already kind of knew) is that our baby is a boy!  Our due date is still September 17, and I do not have placenta previa this time - again.  Phew!  Jeremy came with me for the ultrasound, and it was so nice to have him there.  He didn't get to go to any of Timmy's ultrasounds.  I had heard that if you drink some orange juice about 15 minutes before the ultrasound it will wake your baby up so he/she will be less likely to hide his/her gender and stay asleep.  It worked!  Our little guy was boppin' around.  He is still pretty tiny because I'm only 16 weeks, but it was fun to see him. :) And now I know what colors I can use because I've been feeling all crafty.  It made it seem so much more real that we really are having a baby, you know?  I am really excited! 

I know I've mentioned it before, but I LOVE my doctor!  He is so fun to meet with and he is a really good doctor.  This time he told us a couple of stories.  He said he had a Vietnamese couple who kept having girls.  After they found out that their, like, fifth baby was also a girl, the husband was really upset at his wife.  Dr. Joe pointed out that it's the husband who chooses the gender.  The wife provides an x and the husband is the one who provides an x or a y.  Anyway, according to Dr. Joe, "He would have no part of that.  He didn't believe me."  Apparently, he was pretty mad about it.  Dr. Joe asked the wife about it later and she said, "Oh, he just says things like that, but I don't pay any attention." 

And Dr. Joe also will tell us about his family from time to time.  He has an adopted son who, if I remember right, is black.  He's like 10 or so I think.  Anyway, this son is really into gymnastics and is pretty good at it.  He goes to class at ASU for that.  Dr. Joe says, "I think he walks on his hands more than his feet."  So Monday (April Fool's Day), this son was due to go back for gymnastics practice, and he was going to be wearing a U of A shirt for his April Fool's joke.  Dr. Joe just laughed and laughed thinking about the looks that would be on the faces there, seeing that shirt.  He was bummed that he was going to be working because he wanted to see it.  Yeah, I like Dr. Joe.  Good ol' guy.

Here are some ultrasound pictures.  They didn't come out very clear.  Little guy is still pretty tiny, and at this point his skin is still kind of thin.  So his face looks skeletal.  I got 4 pictures.  I don't feel the need to put the gender one here, so I'll give you the 2 best of the rest.

So for this one - he's looking at us, but he's turned with the top of his head on the right.  I circled his face for you.  It's fuzzy, but you can kind of make out eyes and a mouth.  That black spot at the top of his head is his brain cavity.  And the circular part to the left of his head is his abdomen, of course.

 

And here is his cute little foot.  Awww!!!  He's got the sole of his foot pointed towards us, in case you couldn't tell.

 

So we are planning on naming him Abraham and calling him Brom.  We thought we had a middle name, but we're not sure.  It's kind of fun to think up names, though, and I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough.  We didn't know Michael's middle name until just after he was born.  It just fit.

And it was fun to have a little date with Jeremy.  We had planned to go to the Temple while we were there, but the Temple is closed on Mondays.  Darn!  But it was still fun to chat with him, and it was fun to try out Cafe Rio together.  There's a place in Cedar City that is like Cafe Rio, and we LOVED it.  We figured we'd like Cafe Rio too, and we did, of course.  We split a plate of nachos and a big tortilla.  We always just get water to drink.  Just as we were finishing, though, the horchata machine broke and was spewing out horchata all over the drink counter.  A worker came with a big bucket and stood there to catch it all.  Jeremy recognized an opportunity.  He took his water cup over there and said, "Can I have some?"  The lady was happy to oblige.  That was some good horchata!  And the nachos were really good too. :)

Timmy just woke up and came out to the living room.  He immediately started working of filling his pants.  The poor guy hasn't been feeling quite right since Monday.  He's been mostly happy, but on Monday morning I found him sleeping peacefully in his bed all covered in throw-up.  Poor guy!  I'm not sure how long he'd lain there like that.  I got him all cleaned up, which he didn't like too much.  I got him dressed and wrapped him up all warm to watch Spongebob (which he usually calls Bah-bob a Wih-ward, meaning Spongebob and Squidward, or Bah-bob Pants) on the couch while I got his brothers ready.  He threw up a little more while sitting there, but still seemed just mostly happy.  And he had some bad diarrhea at Grandma's house later.  He still has diarrhea, as evidenced by his juicy toots a minute ago.  Poor fella!  At least he's happy, though.  That's a good thing.  And now I think he's done, so I'd better go change that diaper!

I know that some of you know, but for those of you who don't know, Elizabeth has moved out.  She has been out for just over a week.  I'm pretty sure that my long old blog post (the one that wasn't very complimentary) had something to do with it.  I don't have much that I want to say about this except that we do wish her well.  I know that it was hard for her to move out, and I've worried about her.  I hope she will stay strong in the church because I know it will bless her life.  We hope that she can get out of Globe and that she can have a wonderful life.

So this weekend is General Conference for our church.  It airs on Saturday and Sunday.  Please watch it because it is awesome!  It is full of all sorts of instruction on the gospel.  I am really excited!  It is always so good, and it feels good because the Spirit confirms that it is true.  So - on Saturday and Sunday, figure out the time according to your time zone and hop on over to the page.  You can use the link above or go find it at lds.org.

This time at General Conference we may see women praying for the first time.  For the feminists in the church this is huge.  For me, I don't know that I'll notice much difference, honestly.  Our feminist friends insist that women don't play big enough roles in the church and are, therefore, being treated as less important.  I myself love being a woman, and I do not feel oppressed in the church in any way.  I never have.  I know my role, and I embrace it.  I'm thankful that I never have to be a bishop or anything like that.  And besides that, the church is set up according to true, eternal principles.  We as a people may not be perfect, but we try.  And I have nothing against men filling the majority of leadership positions in the church because that is their job.  They have their job and I get to be Mommy.  I think that is a pretty good deal.  I guess what I mean to say is that I don't think I will ever quite understand feminists, especially in the church.  And I'm happy where I am.  Still, I can sympathize with them for their hurt feelings, and I love my sisters in the church.  I see more or less where they're coming from, and I have nothing against their feeling that way.

I made chili last night.  I've been trying to make it right for years, just making it up as I go.  I've wanted a good crockpot chili recipe but have been too lazy to look one up.  Silly!  Well, last night I wanted chili and I wanted it to be good.  So I gave in and looked for a recipe.  I like using my crockpot because I have a lot of black beans in our food storage, and I really like black beans.  This was not a crockpot recipe and called for canned beans.  Ew!  (Canned beans not good on their own.)  This was a really good recipe, though.  Oh, it was so good!  And I was so pleased with myself that my chili tasted like chili.  And it even tasted like good chili.  Hooray!  I can't get over it.  Let's say it a few more times: it was so darn good, and it made me so happy!  Yea!  I just need to add diced tomatoes next time and it'll be even better!

Joshua

I've been slacking again!  I had thought what a great thing it was that I did Hyrum's little post on the 20th because the next day was Joshua's birthday.  I figured I'd do his then.  It ended up being a long, busy day!  We had planned to go camping that day, but with all the things that went on and with doing all the packing myself we didn't get out the door until the sun was going down.  So we postponed until the next day.  We had a little party with presents and hurriedly-made cake at our house on his birthday, and then we had our campout with peach cobbler the next day.  It all worked out.

Here is Joshua about to blow out his candle.

 

Joshua did well in the school spelling bee and the district spelling bee, so in February he went on to the county spelling bee in Payson.  He didn't make it very far there, but it was still exciting.  Jeremy and I took him there and watched.  Joshua got a medal after he misspelled, and he was pretty excited about that.  And then we went to Burger King and even got shakes! :O And he actually had a say about what went on his burger! Double :O (Usually when we go out to eat we have too many of us to allow for pickiness.)  It was a fun day, and we are so proud of him!

Joshua turned 11 on his birthday, and he is really frustrated that he has to stay in Primary still.  He tells me every Sunday that he doesn't want to go to Primary.  But he was really excited to get a Boy Scout shirt for his birthday, so I guess there are perks to being 11. :) He chose a long sleeve one, but now he doesn't want to wear it because the sleeves are hugely long.  He had to get a small adult size because the youth sizes are all too small.

Joshua got lucky this birthday.  Papa told him that if he would do all his homework every day he would earn a trip to the comic book store.  Joshua stuck with it for about a month and a half.  Before that he would usually get his homework done, but not always.  (Which, so far, has been ok with his teacher.  Thank heavens!  Some days it just cannot get done.)  Anyway, so Jeremy had Spring Break the week of Joshua's birthday.  On that Thursday (Joshua's actual birthday) he kept Joshua home from school and they took a trip by themselves down to the valley.  They went to the comic book store and the scout shop and ate out.  Joshua came home with a shy guy hat he had chosen (shy guys are on Mario games), some comic books that they gave him for free for his birthday, his new scout shirt, and I can't even remember what else.  They had a great time. :) We have never allowed them to skip school for a birthday before.  I'm not sure we will again, but I'm glad he had such a happy day.

Come to think of it, maybe it's appropriate that I didn't get this done until April because it's National Autism Awareness Month.  Joshua was placed on the autism spectrum last year.  We have been so thankful to have somebody truly understand him.  It was truly incredible to come together with his teacher and the school psychologist and have them know him on such a deep level.  I often think of parents who had to fight to get their children's conditions recognized.  And even then it was still a fight.  We are truly blessed to live when we do now when people actually understand this kind of stuff.

Joshua's autism is a mild form.  Back in the day it probably would have been considered Asperger's Syndrome, but they have stopped classifying that and just calling more disorders "autism spectrum."  I am ok with that except that autism is such a complicated subject that encompasses differences of all kinds.  It seems like it would be helpful to be specific about what kind of autism people are dealing with.  But either way, his classification allows him to get the help that he needs at school and it means that his teacher can be very lenient about whether or not he gets his homework done.

Now, let me tell you a little about how Joshua works.  He is vastly, endlessly creative.  He goes through more hot glue sticks than anybody I've ever seen.  He probably goes through about as much paper as I did as a kid, though - a lot!  The other day he used hot glue to balance a plastic Easter egg so that it would stand up on the pointy end.  One time he made a little water dispenser withe cardboard, straws, hot glue, and a water bottle.  Who thinks of these kinds of things?!  He may lack athletic dexterity, but what he lacks there he more than makes up for in creativity.

He is also very smart.  He is an excellent reader and often just understands big words without having them explained to him.  He does struggle in math, but I've noticed that it is because he gets stressed out about it.  If he can remain calm he does just fine with it.  I have actually spent a lot of time with him in years past working on his math, and it has been a huge, insurmountable task every day.  But this year he is working a lot more on his own.  He hardly needs any help at all.  It was gruelling work to sit with him to do it before because I had to constantly call his attention back to the task at hand.  He would figure out the problem and then get distracted before he could write it down and then forget what he was going to write.  It took hours every night to get through a normal-size math assignment that would take other children less than an hour.  Maybe 30 minutes.

This brings me to Joshua's biggest need - processing.  Joshua has to take time to process all the little details in his life before he can move on to something else.  He cannot physically move on until he has finished processing it all in great detail.  And the way he processes things is by talking about them.  He loves to sit and tell me all the little things that go on in his life.  He tells me about people's actions that puzzle him or make him laugh.  He'll often tell me random things that his teacher says.  He'll tell me how his classmates act around him.  In his old school he felt like his whole class were his friends.  I loved that.  Here, there are a few who ask him stupid questions all the time like he is stupid or something.  My child is not stupid!  Different is not necessarily handicapped or stupid (unless you are different in that you ask smart people stupid questions). 

Phew!  Got that off my chest. 

Anyway, what used to make homework take so stinking long was that he was stopping to process things.  And, like I said, he could not physically move on to the next task until he finished processing whatever was on his mind along with all its minute details.  It was exhausting working in this way.  I am not altogether sure what makes the difference this year, but I know that he feels comfortable talking to his teacher.  He feels like he is allowed to, and so he does some of his processing at school.  I always wonder how much processing he is actually doing there, but I am so very thankful that she understands that he needs that and allows it.  So thankful!  It makes his life so much better. 

Joshua will sometimes come and sit by me and asks, "Mommy, what are we going to do about the fact that I'm different?"  I love that he knows he is different and likes it that way.  And I love that he doesn't think it inhibits him.  He doesn't look at it as a handicap.  That is one huge thing I wanted him to understand, and he does.  But he asks because he knows that his other school would have been able to offer him more help than this school can.  This school just doesn't have the funding for things like that.  And Joshua doesn't feel like this school is giving him all the help he needs.  I am not sure how I feel about it, but I do worry a bit as I see him coming up on middle school age.  In Cedar City that would mean that he would switch classrooms all day like in high school.  If that were the case here he would need some help processing all that switching around.  Even though that is not the case here, middle school is a big leap in responsibility.  It would be so helpful if he could have a little assistant to follow him around to help him process and remember things.  I honestly don't know the answer to his question.  I wish there was more help available here.  All I can tell him is that his teacher is doing her best to help and that the school doesn't have money to offer him more help.

So anyway, that is something about life with Joshua's autism.  It is a challenge, but it is very much worth it.  We love Joshua just the way he is and we're thankful for how he is.  He blesses our lives.  I'm also thankful that there is actually an awareness out there about this kind of thing so that he can actually get some help.  He does do just fine in a regular classroom, and I think that is empowering for him.  (I've thought so many times about pulling him out and homeschooling him, but I always go back to the conclusing that he is doing fine and that he is growing at school in ways that homeschooling couldn't offer.) 

Joshua loves ramen, sandwiches, and pizza.  He is not a huge fan of potatoes.  He likes to cook from time to time.  He loves making crafts.  I think he is like me in that he enjoys a book so much more when he discusses it with others.  He loves his siblings, especially Jill and Timmy.  He and Jill get along really well, and Jill knows that Joshua adores her.  He has a pet rat named Scratchy who he takes everywhere he possibly can.  Scratchy spends a lot of time sitting on Joshua's shoulder or getting cuddled.  Sometimes I worry that he's not getting enough exercise, but he is such a sweet little guy.  I have fun watching him.  Joshua LOVES Scratchy and has told me a billion times how "adorable" he is.

That about sums it up for now.  Joshua is a great guy and we love him to bits!