Have to Say Something

This weekend has been a full one for me.  It hasn't really been full of activities.  It has simply been full of thoughts.

Obviously, at the top of my list of thoughts has been the horrendous shooting incident in Connecticut.  I know that by reading the news we are promoting sensationalism, which may in turn promote more of these awful events, but I simply couldn't pry my eyes off.  We're all wondering why.  Even the shooter's family is wondering.  Certainly, I was nervous sending my children off to school today.  Thank heavens they all arrived home safely again!  I hope we keep that up.  I also keep thinking, "Well, if we can't go to malls or the movies or even school, where can we go?"  People even get murdered in their own homes. 

I discussed the event with my children.  I tried not to get choked up, but I did anyway.  I wanted them to know, but I don't know why.  They asked me why I had to tell them.  I don't know.  But the thing I wanted to let them know is that there is still good in the world, and that we can be that good.  In this case, one person made such a horrible difference.  I want to raise children who can make a good difference, however big or small their sphere of influence ends up being.  I am thankful to still have my family.  I love them all so much!  And you bet I've been praying for those who lost family and friends that terrible day.

And there's another thing I've been thinking about.  Coming into the weekend I heard about the movement for women to wear pants to church on Sunday.  As I was told, it wasn't really about the right to wear pants.  It wasn't about being comfortable at church.  It was about voicing support for gender equality in our church.  Many have argued (and many will continue to argue) that women in our church are not treated as equal to men.  I know that many have been very hurt by this. 

And here I must interject that I don't agree with this movement.  I have never felt like I was treated as less important than men in the church.  I feel loved and accepted, and I am happy with things as they are.  I could give specifics and go into huge detail, but that is not the point of this here post.  Long story short, while I don't agree, I can still feel empathy for people who have hurt.

So anyway, at first I was shocked at the idea that there would be a push to wear pants to church.  Certainly, we want to welcome those who wear pants as much as we welcome those who don't, but it is extremely rare to find any women wearing pants in congregations I have attended.  And then I started reading more.  In particular, I read this blog post by C. Jane.  I read and thoughtfully considered all she had to say.  By the end I still didn't agree with some of it, but that is not to say I didn't agree with anything.  I realized that a lot of what she and these other women are probably looking for is to feel that they are important in the eyes of the church and in the eyes of God.  But what it all led back to for me was the fact that God loves us and wants us to love ourselves.  He loves us no matter who we are.  We are each important to Him, and He wants us to love ourselves.  That thought hit me hard and I started to cry.  I was surprised to find it in a post on feminism, a topic that has often made me feel uncomfortable.  But I realized that if I were ever to claim to be a feminist even a little it would be because I value myself.  And as I have pondered it further, I have realized that maybe my best version of myself is the one in which I love myself and know surely of God's love for and acceptance of me.  Just think of the good that a person could do, just having two things in place.

And in other news, check out this bad boy.

 



Yes these are the way cute shoes that we bought less than 4 months ago (that I only wore regularly for about half of those 4 months).  I bought them at Payless, thinking that they would last longer than ones I could get from Wal-Mart.  Well, they didn't.  These are also the same shoes that dug holes in the backs of my heels the first day I wore them.  They were so cute, but they are oh, so fired!  I'm sure you can imagine how much fun I had going out in the rain in them this past weekend.  (*squish, squish, squish*)  Thank heavens Christmas is right around the corner.  I have a new (well, at least new-to-me) pair all wrapped up and waiting.  Hooray! :D I wish I could say the same for Jeremy because he got shoes at Payless at the same time that I got these, and the sole already had to be glued back on.

Sweet Little Jill

I think one of the things I like best about Jill is that she is a free spirit.  She is so confindent in herself.  I also love that she loves to dance.  Sometimes she dresses up for it, and sometimes she doesn't.  Sometimes she can convince Michael to wear her tutu, and sometimes she can convince her brothers to dance with her. 

And another thing I like about her desire to dance is that I really haven't had to encourage dancing much.  It's a desire she picked up pretty much on her own, like it's part of her already.  She loves to dance.  She begs everyone to dance with her.  I always said that if I had a daughter I would want her to dance, but I wouldn't want to force it.  She gives me that with so little effort.  I love that girly!

She reminds me of myself growing up with my sisters.  One of our favorite things to do was to dress up, turn on music, and dance around the living room together.  And my favorite way to start a dance was to sit on the floor and spread my skirt in a big circle around me.  It was so dramatic.  I loved it! 

And in other, unrelated news, I think it would be great if I could learn to knit while playing video games.  Wouldn't that be a good use for a cold morning.  Me too!

Hair, Wrestling, and Irony (Scattered Thoughts of the Day)

A few weeks ago Timmy started getting especially mean with my hair.  It only happened when he was overly tired, which means it was just about every night at bedtime.  But he'd grab a smaller group of hairs than usual and pull hard while fussing.  It hurt and it always made me freak out because while it was a smaller group of hairs, it would still make a bald spot if he was successful in pulling the entire thing out.  And bedtime is freak-out hour for me anyway because dinner has worn off and I'm tired.  So I started saying, "OK, I've got to cut my hair."

Really, I needed a haircut anyway.  I hadn't had one in a year and a half, and my hair was horribly unhealthy.  At the same time, I loved my long hair.  I thought it was funny that it was long enough to make my tummy all wet after a shower.  And it was pretty, even if it was full of split ends.  It was time, though, so I asked Susie to cut off my layers (making it all one length) and give me a little trim off the shortest layer.  Well, it came out shorter than I hoped.  That's about par for the course, though.  And the nice thing is that it feels healthy and I like this length on me.  (Just past my shoulders)  I decided a long time ago that I should always keep it that length.  But I didn't do that, did I?  I'm trying not to think about how much I miss my hair, but sometimes it comes bursting out.  And then Jeremy says, "Well, you asked Susie to cut it."  Yes, I did.  And I'm going to grow it back out.  Hopefully I can take better care of it this time.  I thought about posting a picture, but I'm feeling decidedly not pretty today, so I won't even TAKE a picture.  Ha, ha!

And I guess that one reason I'm not feeling pretty is that I'm so tired.  Last night while Jeremy was coaching at a wrestling meet in Holbrook, the rest of us were having a wrestling match of our own at Michael's music program.  Michael did a great job.  I love seeing my children up on stage singing cute litte songs.  That part I really enjoy.  What I don't enjoy is the wrestling of little ones that is involved in watching such programs.  I thanked the heavens above when it was all done and hoped I could get Michael to sing me some of his songs later so I could hear them.  I also can't stop wondering why in the world the people behind us were smoking.  Who in the world smokes in an auditorium.  Isn't that not only dangerous but also illegal?

Anyway, that all sounds like I'm not glad we went.  I'm glad.  It's worth it to me to go to these things, even knowing the workout it's going to give me physically and emotionally.  But I was also glad when it was done.

And then Hyrum had scouts and there was homework to be done.  I wanted the boys in bed at 9:00.  It was 11:00 before the last of my children fell asleep.  Jeremy still wasn't home.  I got in bed and went right to sleep, but I had to get up just after midnight to go get Jeremy.  He actually called just before coming into town and then said he'd call again when he was ready for me to come and get him.  I actually got back in bed with the phone, and it was quite pleasant to just fall back asleep for a few minutes.  When he called, I got dressed and went out the door, praying that Timmy would not wake up and wander around the house looking for me and crying while I was gone.  (He didn't.  Phew!)  I found Jeremy standing on the corner near the bus barn all cold, using his blankie as a scarf.  Poor guy.  I should've just gone the first time he called.

And then we came home, and we finally got to sleep around 1:00.  And then Timmy woke up and got in bed with us.  That's actually still pretty normal.  He went right back to sleep.  And then Jill snuggled in on the other side of me without waking me up.  That's also pretty normal.  I often wake up with a headache because I slept on my back with those two on either side of me.  (My neck needs to be supported just right while I'm sleeping, and sleeping on my back just doesn't give me that.  And when that happens, my sore neck gives me a headache by morning.)  Sometimes I'll wake up after she's back asleep and realize she's there, and then I'll move her to the middle next to Timmy because for some reason that makes me better able to sleep on my side. (I don't know why.  It just does.) 

Well, this time, while I didn't notice her getting in bed next to me, I did notice when she started crying for me, standing next to Jeremy's side of the bed.  I didn't know what she wanted, but I was tired and didn't want to get up.  I rolled over to get cozy for another moment or two, and then I felt something warm and wet on my side.  Yep, she wet my bed and I rolled into her puddle.  I went to her where she was standing there sobbing.  Jeremy had taken off her dress.  She took me by the hand and dragged me down the hall to "her bathroom," where I took off her other wet clothes and got her dressed in clean ones.  I put her back in my bed and changed my clothes.  I put a towel over the puddle because I didn't know what else to do with 3 people already in the bed.  I figured that would do until morning.  And then I went to get in bed, but the only place I could fit in was where the puddle was.  I imagined the wet seeping through the towels and getting my clean clothes wet.  It wasn't appealing.  I went out to the couch.  The next thing I knew Jeremy came out to tell me my alarm had rung twice.  I was very surprised to find I wasn't in the bed.  It was kind of funny.

And then here I am.  I took Jeremy to school and then made sure the boys were dressed and took them to school.  I am still not quite awake.  But I think that is a very funny story, and so did the boys.  I've found that if I tell them a funny story on the way to school they are more likely to get out of the car happily (or at least more willingly) when we get to the school.  This is especially the case with Michael.  He's at that stage where if he's too tired he's grouchy and doesn't want me to leave him, and then I have to practically drag him up to the school door and then hope he stays.

So anyway, I guess the thing is that this silliness in the night made Michael happier about going to school.  Isn't that ironic? 

Another great thing about living here

See that bush?  When I look out our front door it's on the left side of our yard.  Birds love it.  It is often quite a loud bush because there are so many birds in it.  It's technically our neighbor's bush grown into our yard, but I LOVE it!  When my older kiddos were littler we had a bird feeder out our front window, and the kiddos loved to climb up and watch the birds outside.  They'd descend in a huge flock, mostly eating bird seed that had fallen on the ground.  And then the slightest movement would send them all flying back to the power lines in front of our house and the bush.  Then they'd swarm down again.  We need to get some bird seed! 

And just because you're surely wondering, yes, that is a hole.  Benji dug one just a few feet away from this one, and our two little ones have enjoyed it a lot.  On Saturday, though, Jeremy decided to fill in that hole and move it to this location because it's easier to look out and check on the little ones this way.  Benji was understandably bummed to have his hole filled in, but I'm sure he'll survive.  And I'm sure he'll be out there digging in the new hole before long.  I like that we have that liberty here.  We have areas around the yard where it's ok to dig holes as deep as we want, just for fun.  One of those great places currently needs dug out because the old tenants buried trash there.  I'm scared to go look.  And another place we thought was great turned out to be a cat graveyard.  (Right in between the two big trees in the backyard.)  We discovered that years ago.  It's sad because that's good soft dirt right there. Still, there are other good places to dig.

We also have some drippy faucets on the right side of our yard.  I can make them drip pretty slowly, but one of them just won't turn all the way off.  I'm ok with that because the birds like to hop up on it and get a drink.  My computer used to face the window where I could best see the birds getting drinks, and I loved it.  I also love how in the winter the drippy faucet makes this happen in the winter:

 

 

Ok, one more picture.  One of the things I like best about this little Timma is that he is so cuddly.  He likes to climb up on my lap, wrap his arms around my neck and just hug me for a while.  He then proceeds to grab a fistful of my hair and chew on it, but how can I be mad about that when he just gave me such a sweet, big hug?

 

Bits of Happiness

I have all sorts of things that I want to record.  The first of those things really deserves its own post, but I also feel I ought to hurry and record it all before I forget to and it's REALLY old news.

First of all, here are some good friends of ours:

Image shamelessly stolen from Lilly's Facebook page

 

Now here's a story.

 

Some of you may recall a post I wrote a year or 3 ago saying that my family plays World of Warcraft.  We still do, off and on, whenever we have game time.  It has been fun to have our family involved in it and to play together.

 

Anyway, when Jeremy started playing years ago, he found that some guys he knew growing up in Globe were also playing, and he joined their guild.  Then about a year later I started playing, and I joined their guild too.  And then they all left us.  One guy left because he got married, and most of the rest left to play that Star Wars online game that came out a few years ago.  So it was just Jeremy and me, and it was kind of lonely.  And then one day we decided we should find a guild that we could work with on dungeons and raids and things, so we started looking at chat, and we found a guild that had people we liked, and we eventually joined.  Pretty soon after that, though, we broke off to a new guild with these two people in the picture above (to whom we affectionately refer to as Lilly and Os, though those are really nicknames for their Warcraft characters) and a few others.  And I think that if we were to keep playing Warcraft forever we would stick with this guild we now have.  Here are a few reasons why:

• It is a low-drama group.  Some guilds have such horrid fallings out and stuff.  We had some of the same at first.  Nowadays, our guild only has 4 active members besides our family, and they are good people who have become good friends.
• One of our main rules is that our guild is a family guild, so language, etc. must be clean.  I've appreciated how our guild members look out for our kiddos.  And if we're in a group with non-guildies, they make sure it's understood that we have minors on and that the non-guildies need to follow our rules. 
• And this brings me to another point - the fact that these guildies love our family, and they have been a support to us.  They've encouraged our kiddos to do good things, and they've been a positive influence, especially in Hyrum's life.
• We encourage each other in things we're working on in real life or in game, and we cheer for each other.  It's fun.

Lilly is our fearless leader, and she is one of my closest friends.  It feels really funny to say that because I always thought that people in online relationships were just wacky.  It turns out, in this case things just clicked with us.  So we started chatting and found that we have a lot in common.  We've listened to each other's problems and encouraged each other.  It's been really great.  Everybody needs one or two more people on their side, right? :)

 

Anyway, at the time that we met, Lilly guessed that we are LDS.  She said, "You could just tell."  Also at that time, Lilly was LDS, but hadn't been to church in a very long time.  Her husband, Os, is a great guy.  He wasn't a member, but he started being curious about the church.  You all know where this is going, right?  Yep.  A few months ago, Lilly and Os started going to church, and yesterday Os was baptized.  I know it hasn't been easy for them.  They've had a lot of bumps in their road, and I know that after so many years it was hard for Lilly to think about going back to church.  But I am so proud of these two!  They have made it over all those bumps. 

 

And guess what else.  We get to finally meet them sometime this week as they move from Pennsylvania to California.  I'm excited.

 

And now on to some random tidbits:

 

Hyrum was interviewed last Sunday and now has a Temple recommend!  He can now go do baptisms for the dead!  So we are trying to find a time to do that really soon.  I am so excited!  And it was really neat to watch Hyrum come out of the church with his new recommend.  He was glowing.  Of course he was smiling, but it was the kind of smile that comes from the inside.  It was cool.  I'm proud of that boy.

 

Another cool thing about Hyrum has been watching him pass the sacrament.  He takes it very seriously.  He gets up before his brothers on Sunday, and he makes sure he's ready on time.  It's very important to him.  Again, I am so proud.  And it also means that we've been trying harder than ever to be on time for church, and so far at least Hyrum has been there a little early every time. 

 

One of Jill's best friends is her cousin Ryan.  She likes to tease him sometimes, and he doesn't like that.  Poor guy.  But mostly they're just great friends.  One day just recently I opened a new package of diapers and plopped them in the diaper basket.  Jill grabbed one out and saw that it had Mickey and Minnie on it, and she said, "Look!  It's Jill and Ryan!"  Cute!

 

Timmy is still learning to talk, or course.  He's going to turn 2 a week from tomorrow.  He uses the same word for candy, cracker, and cookie: "Cah-kee." It's cute, especially because he says, "Ooooo! Cah-kee!" 

 

He is still mostly using one word at a time.  However, on Friday, October 19, he finally used 2 words together in a recognizable manner.  He said, "Moe wahr!"  (More water!)  I was so pleased!  But the very next day he said his first sentence.  He was sitting with Papa's iPad playing Baby Pad, a little easy alphabet game on there.  He loves that game.  Anyway, he came to E for egg, in which a bird hatches from an egg.  You tap on the egg and it cracks and cracks and then a baby chick pops out.  When the chick popped out he said, "It's a bird!"  I know I probably say all the time that he talks in a sweet little voice, but you'd have to hear it to realize how sweet it is.  It's mellow and lovely, almost like he's singing.  Hearing him say, "It's a bird," in that cute little voice just melted my heart!  Cute fella!

 

 

 

Where It All Came Together

I have thought a lot recently about this post and the feelings that accompanied it.  The very thought of it kind of repulses me, and that was the case even as I wrote it.  I was disgusted by the whole situation.  I didn't like that we were applying for government assistance, and I didn't like being the person who whines about the government not giving said assistance readily.  I was frustrated because in trying to get that assistance, I was trying my best to find a way to care from my family, and I was being met by every roadblock possible.  I was doing all I could think to do, and it was just not working out.

Also, throughout this experience, I have felt a lot of guilt.  I knew this challenge was part of God's plan for me and for our family, and so I reprimanded myself over and over for not bearing it gracefully, for complaining the whole way, and for being afraid.  I knew that God would make it right somehow.  I was just scared out of my mind because I couldn't see the whole picture.  And so I went on feeling like I failed that test. 

Leaving Utah was really a hard thing for me to do.  We gave up a beautiful house to move to an old broken one.  We gave up a wonderful school where we'd just gotten things figured out for Joshua.  We gave up living near friends who became very dear to us.  But it was even more than that.  I think that the bigger issue for me is that that is the house where we built so many happy memories adn also where we survived the summer without Jeremy.  That's the house where I overcame fear of blowing up the house and relit the water heater numerous times.  That's the house where the Elder's Quorum came to the rescue and eventually got it fixed for us.  That's the house where we stayed for the majority of the summer because I wanted to make sure Joshua had the stability he needed.  That's the house where we were blessed all summer.  That's the house where we chatted with Jeremy on Skype every day.  That's the house where I cried every day because I missed him.  And that's the house where he did indeed come home.  God was with us, watching over us the whole time.  It was a hard time, but it brought us closer to God, and we were happy there.

Then there was the trip to Arizona where we found that it was God's will was for us that we move back to Globe.  I was crushed.  We got home from that trip, I stood in the kitchen and just sobbed.  Jeremy held me, and I knew he knew what I was feeling.  But we moved forward.  We arranged for the house to be rented out, and we packed up and left.

We all know, though, that I complained about going, and I complained about our situation once we got here.  And I have felt like my grumbling meant I didn't put my whole heart into obeying God in this instance.  Sure, I moved, and I had faith that it would all work out, but my heart was hurt and afraid.  And so yesterday as I was thinking about it and feeling guilty again, I realized that I could forgive myself because (epiphany) I had been grieving.  Did you see it?  I was whining so much because I was grieving.  God does not expect us to never grieve.  Grief is part of our human existence, and when used correctly, it can be turned for our good.  I hadn't really understood so clearly until that moment yesterday.  I was immediately overcome by emotion as I was flooded with God's love and the assurance that I am right with God and I am ok.  I was reminded of this scripture:

"And now, if I do err, even did they err of old; not that I would excuse myself because of other men, but because of the weakness which is in me, according to the flesh, I would excuse myself."
1 Nephi 19:6

Do you see that?  Nephi excused himself.  And if Nephi can find reason to excuse himself, so can I.  It's not that we should take our sins lightly or that we don't need to repent when we do something wrong, but we can forgive ourselves, and we can always find reason to do so.  This also reminds me that our weaknesses are simply an invitation to come to God so He can help us become better.

And so I think I will take this and run with it.  I feel God's love so strongly this morning, even in the face of uncertainty about our financial future and sadness over the outcome of yesterday's election.  We have what really matters, and we will keep moving forward. 

That One Awesome Fireside

Photos found on lds.org

 

I keep thinking from time to time about the fireside we had last month where Elder Christofferson and Elder Hallstrom spoke.  I think I forgot to do any kind of write-up other than a few notes about it.  You wanna know what the first thing is that I think of when the subject comes up?  Here it is:

We were there about 45 minutes early so we could get a decent seat.  At that point we were waiting for our visiting general authorites, people were visiting, and it was getting a little noisy.  After we'd been there about 15 minutes a lady got up and stood at the microphone.  She was looking around, and I didn't know what she was doing.  I guess I figured she was looking for her group.  Anyway, after she'd stood there for a minute or two she suddenly said, "No, I'm not an apostle, but this is still the house of the Lord.  So SHUSH!"  Yes, she yelled the last part - in the chapel, and all of it was said in a very rude voice.  It was so horribly innapropriate.  It did get people to be quiet, and she did have a valid point, but the message was not delivered in a very good way, and it drove away the spirit.  I didn't like it.

Thank heavens we all had time to recover from that. And right on the dot our general authorities walked in.  It was so cool to see them walk in. The feeling is so delightful, just being in their presence.  I was thankful that they came!

In Elder Hallstrom's talk he talked about the statement that we've all heard many people make: "That's just the way I am."  I know I've heard that a lot, and I admit I've been very judgmental about it.  I've even caught myself thinking it from time to time.  Well, Elder Hallstrom is contrary to the gospel and to eternal progression.  Isn't that lovely?  And so I guess whatever we say that about becomes a challenge to use our weaknesses as a tool and become better people.  We are not meant to be stuck in a rut.  We are meant to have challenges, and we are meant to learn and grow from them and be who God wants us to be (which we all know is AWESOME).

In Elder Christofferson's talk he said a couple of things that got us all laughing.  He was looking for a scripture and said, "I hope the scripture is where I think it is.  Sometimes they move." 

He also told a story about one of his children's families.  They were all gathered around for family prayer one night.  Somebody bumped a Darth Vader toy, and it said, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

And my favorite part of his talk was when he talked about the scripture D&C 64:10.  It says, "I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men."  When he was reading it a long time ago he thought that seemed unfair that we're required to forgive everybody while Heavenly Father can kind of pick and choose who he'll forgive.  But he realized it's really a blessing.  We don't have to carry the burden of deciding who can be forgiven and who can't.  We are allowed to forgive everyone.  I love that.  It's such an incredible feeling to forgive.  It is such a gift.

My children were pretty restless throughout the meeting.  I was impressed that Hyrum and Joshua recognized that a rare and special thing it was to have an apostle in our midst, even if they were kind of bored.  At the end of the meeting they practically ran up to the front to shake Elder Christofferson's hand, but he was already gone.  I understand that they have a tight schedule, but it was still such a bummer.  I know that is something they would always remember.  My hope is that they remember anyway.

Happy Days

Timmy as Pikachu at Trunk or Treat

 

Last night we went to Trunk or Treat at the stake center.  It sneaked up on me.  I only bought one costume this year.  The rest were reruns.  And honestly, I wish I hadn't bought that one costume.  It represents the fact that I gave in, and that's lousy.

 

Trunk or Treat, however, was a lot of fun.  Every time we go to Trunk or Treat, the four older boys run off on their own right away, so we don't see much of them during the night, but I really enjoyed the time spent with the little ones.  While we were eating dinner and trying to get Timmy calmed down (poor tired, hungry boy), Jill took off with a random group of kids and ran around getting candy for a while.  Jeremy and Grandma took off running to find her.  Thank heavens, she was ok, and she was so pleased that she got candy.  Jeremy took her hand and they went together to get more. 

 

I think the best part of the night for me was when Timmy jumped down and took off running.  I ran and grabbed his candy bag and handed it to him, and then I just followed him as he ran.  He'd run and run and then stop at a random car and hold his bag out.  Then he got around to the end of the church where they'd had games.  They had a floodlight there, and at that point he stopped and bent over to look in his back.  He exclaimed, "Ooooooo Cah-kee!"  (Candy)  It was like he suddenly noticed he had some and was so pleased. :) Letting him run is a great delight for me, especially when we're in a large area.  His eyes light up and he just takes off and looks so, so happy.

 

Trunk or Treat is just one of the many delights about fall around here.  I've stopped grieving so much about being here in Globe and having left our beautiful home in Utah.  I'm looking for things I can be thankful for, and the more I do, the more I find to be thankful for.  It doesn't mean that conditions are ideal or that all the bills are paid right on time, but it means that I am trying to recognize God's hand in my life and how He blesses me every day.  This afternoon I saw it in the setting sun's light filtering through the leaves in the huge trees in our backyard.  It is breathtaking, and it made me stop and cry a little bit.  God is good.  I'm thankful for fall light in Globe and all the other little ways He shows his love and presence in my life.

Things are looking up

Yea, plastic animals! :D

 

 

Right after we got home from a wonderful day in Pima on Sunday, the Relief Society president showed up at our door.  Somebody had tattled about our situation, and she practically forced us (in a sweet, loving way, of course, because she is a sweet and loving person) to fill out a food order.  We should be getting that food today.  I am so thankful!  One of the things I'm most excited to be getting is dishwasher soap.  I've been trying to be frugal, so when I ran out of dishwasher soap I just started washing by hand.  One of the things on the food order was dishwasher soap.  Such a small thing, but I'm so thankful!

 

Also, I checked our food stamps account this morning, and there was money in it!  My jaw dropped.  I had very nearly given up on ever seeing a balance other than zero there.  (Please bless that we never, ever, ever, ever, ever have to live with government help again!  I'm thankful that it's there, and this will be such a big help, but I'll be so glad to ditch it, and I seriously hope we never have to have it again.)

 

And also today, I found Timmy's bucket of plastic animals.  I hadn't seen it since we moved and was afraid it had somehow been thrown away in Cedar City.  I'm so thankful!  It may seem like such a small thing, but it makes a difference to me, and it makes a difference to Timmy.  He loves them a lot.  In fact he loves them almost as much as his Lightning McQueen.  That is quite a bit. :)

I've also proved once again today that a clean home is a happy home, even if that home has non-working lights here and there.

Paracelsus

Picture courtesy of Wikipedia

 

I was just reading about Paracelsus.  He was a doctor born in 1493 and had a big influence on the field of medicine during the Renaissance.  Paracelsus is kind of a nickname meaning that he was greater than or equat to Celsus, a famous doctor who came before him.  The thing that stuck out to me the most as I read about him is that he said that cholera came from an opinion or idea.  Yes, apparently he thought you could get a disease from an opinion or idea.  However, he did start up the idea that disease came from outside the body, not just from an imbalance within the body. 

These old doctors sure stumbled around in the dark.  And it's funny, too, because he sounds really stuck on himself.  He made a statement that says, basically, "You're not smart and educated like me, and you can't disprove even a word of what I say."  But all these old doctors contributed their bit and it's because of all those little contributions that medicine is as advanced now as it is.  Pretty cool.

Timma

Cute little Timma is still learning to talk.  It's so darn cute!  He has a little Lightning McQueen that Michael handed down to him, and it's currently his favorite toy, though the little pull-along doggy is a pretty close second.  He can say car, but he says it, "Cah-ee" (one syllable).  His favorite movie right now is "Cah-ees," which he likes to watch snuggled in a recliner, holding his cah-ee. 

He's learned to say Mommy instead of Mama, but when he says it it's in a whiny voice like his siblings say when they're fussing at me.  Ha, ha!  And he still loves to get a drink.  He still sometimes whacks me with a cup when he needs a drink, but not as often as he used to.  He calls water "wah-ee," and often juice is "wah-ee" too.  He sometimes gets mad at me for giving him water instead of juice.  He throws himself on the floor and sob.  The other thing he says pretty frequently lately is "moy."  It means more.  And he's been trying his hand at saying his siblings' names, but mostly just Joshua.

And best of all, Timma is still very cuddly.  He does love to eat my hair still, but he mostly only does it at night now.  Ha, ha!  That sounds like weaning.  He likes to climb up behind me on my chair and bite the hair on top of my head when he gets the urge during the day.  At night I sit in his room and snuggle him and Jill and he grabs a huge fistful (I've got extremely thick hair) and chomps to his heart's content, or at least until he pulls enough that I get upset.  But he does give great hugs too.  Sometimes it seems like he hugs me just so he can eat my hair, but I'm a sucker for a good baby hug. :)

Happy Conference!

Check out what I made for my kiddos for General Conference tomorrow!

They saw what I was making and said, "Do we have to do that AGAIN?!"  I said, "Yep." :) They don't realize it, but it blessed their little lives when I made them do it last time.  So of course they're doing it again.

In times past, I've used this one, but I was kind of frustrated that all the pictures looked like they were from the 80's.  For this one I used pictures from the church website.  (They are not my pictures.  In no way am I saying they are.)  They are more updated.  My little notebook isn't perfect, but it'll work. :)

Happy Conference tomorrow! :D I'm so excited!

Hello. I work for the government. How can I make your life more difficult?

I have been thankful many time since this move that government assistance is available to help those in need.  The funny thing is that now that we need it more than ever, it's been consistently just beyond our reach since the move.  Here's a story for you.

Before we moved here, Jeremy was offered a job at Globe High School, but in order to get that job, he had to pass fingerprint clearnace with the FBI.  That is something that usually takes a long time, but at that moment the list was backed up pretty far, and they said it could take up to 8 weeks to process.  Well, we hoped for the best, packed up our life, and moved back to our house in Globe.  It just so happened, though, that our tenants caused a lot of damage to the house in Globe.  And one of our cars broke down on the way here.  All of that means money, and at that point we were getting kind of low on money. 

After almost 5 weeks, the clearance still hadn't gone through.  We were starting to sweat a little, watching our money supply dwindle.  I applied for government assistance because I didn't know what else to do.  I knew it would be a headache because it always has been, but I bit the bullet and got it done.  I turned in a bunch of paperwork, I did my phone interview, I turned in more paperwork, Jeremy and I did an in-office interview, I spent hours on a workbook about how to get a job, I filled out a big stack of forms, and I spent hours trying to get copies of bills and take them in and writing note after note that said, "We're living off savings.  Nobody's helping us.  It's all running out, dang it!" 

In the middle of all that, Jeremy started working at the high school as a volunteer, unable to be paid teaching the classes that would be his when he was hired.  But at least he wasn't sitting at home going crazy.  This led the DES to think that he had an actual job.  We had to write a note saying he was just volunteering and have the school do the same.  His fingerprint clearance finally came in on Saturday.  He ran down to Tucson with it on Monday and got CTE clearance, and he was officially hired yesterday (with our first payday being still 3 weeks away).  I was relieved to hear yesterday that we were approved for all the assistance we applied for and there would be money in our account today.  Things were sure looking up.

Well, this morning I checked to see if there was money in our account, and there was not.  After calling DES several times and having nobody answer, I finally got somebody, and she said some idiot had put in our records that we're self-employed, so we have to bring in more documents.  What the...  We're not self-employed!  Our income is still a big fat zero!  Well, to up this latest misunderstanding we have to come in for an interview or have another phone interview.  The phone interview list is long, and my boys are about to come home, so going to the office is out of the question.  No doubt they will just ask me to bring in more documents either way.

So here we are two days shy of a month after applying.  We still haven't received any assistance at all.  The endless stream of proof and documents I have had to provide has given me the impression that they just don't believe us.  Because our circumstances are unusual, we have had to provide more proof than the average Joe.  And because we don't have a paying job at the moment, they've got to give us more hoops to jump through.  I just don't understand it.  Don't you think that somebody should see that we're in dire straits and help?  It seems like the fact that we're in such need has instead alerted the whole DES world to slow up the process in any way possible.  It just seems backwards.  Does it seem backwards to anybody else?  Or is it just me?

And I know I shouldn't be angry. I am working through it. I know that nobody's out to get us personally, but I feel so beaten down. I also feel like all along I've been greedy and that I need an attitude adjustment.  I was so overwhelmed with thankfulness yesterday when I heard we would have money.  It was practically in my hands - that deliverance.  And then it was snatched away.  Maybe that's what's really wrong.

All that being said, please don't think that I am begging for help from any of my readers.  We do still have some savings left and money is on the way.  My biggest concern right now is that we've got a hefty home repair bill sitting here and an even heftier car repair bill coming up, and right now we can't pay either one.  More bills are coming in the mail, and, I'm sorry, but food is going to come first.  And we still don't have working lights in the hall or the boys' room or the workshop.  But, yeah.  I'm not asking for money.  I'm just venting.  And I know that we will be ok.  We always have been.  We do what the Lord asks of us, and things always come right somehow. 

Funny Business

Timmy has a book that has a dog, a cat, and some fish on the same page. It's his favorite book. He loves it when I point to the kitty and say "Meow," and he loves the fish. Today he was wearing his shirt with a plastic fishy in a see-through pocket. He grabbed the fish so he could look at it and said, "Meow. Meow." He was so pleased with himself. :)

This evening the boys turned Holes (the movie) on three times while I laser about in an ick-induced stupor. Not fun. My eternal allergies have turned into the ick. My throat is full of ick, and it hurts to clear it. And I've gone through roll after roll of toilet paper because I'm too cheap to buy real Kleenex. I am so out of it it's funny. (That's also my excuse for not blogging.  I simply haven't been able to think clearly.)

And last but not least - this evening Joshua decided to watch Michael Jackson's "Thriller" repeatedly, and it scared Beni.  Somehow this led to Hyrum smacking Joshua at tooth brushing time and giving him a bloody nose. I'm still scratching my head over that one.

But mostly I'm laughing at all these silly things, and the sound of my hoarse, coughy laugh makes me laugh even more.

A Big Day

 

 

Today Hyrum was ordained a deacon.  His Papa set him apart.  It was wonderful!  We had family who came to be with us, and we were so thankful!  We are so proud of him.

 

After he was set apart I had a distinct feeling that this is just the beginning for Hyrum.  I'm not sure exactly what that meant, but that's what I felt.  I'm excited to see.

 

And this evening we went to the stake center and listened to three general authorities.  We are so blessed.

I Think I Get It Now

There have been times in my life where I just didn't understand why the adults in my life would suddenly change their minds, or why they would suddenly decide that I couldn't do something, even if there didn't seem to be a good reason.  I think we've all dealt with this in our lives, which is why I am writing this in the first place.  Here is just one example of what I'm talking about.

When I was in my last semester of college I still didn't have a car, so I was still at the mercy of others when it came to getting places.  I was about to get married.  One weekend somebody in St. Johns was throwing me a bridal shower, and I needed a ride.  I also needed to meet up with Jeremy and go buy his ring.  My aunt and her daughters, who all lived in a little town near where I lived, were going to be headed to the shower, so I had arranged to ride with my cousin as far as Globe and then go the rest of the way with Jeremy after we'd picked up the ring.

All was going fine.  I got to my aunt's house and we were getting ready to go, but then somebody noticed a bunch of smoke coming from down the street a little ways.  My cousins ran down there to see and came back to confirm that it was indeed the neighbor's house on fire.  And not only was this a neighbor, but one of the ladies assigned to my aunt for visiting teaching lived in that very house.  Suddenly, all plans of leaving that day were cancelled.  Not even my cousin was allowed to take me.  Imagine my perplexity as I called up my fiancé to explain the situation.  I couldn't figure it out.  Why did the fact that my aunt's visiting teaching lady's house burned down mean that I couldn't go that day?  I puzzled over it for years.

Please know that while I was perplexed I wasn't angry.  I was worried because that would mean our time available for buying a ring would be pretty short and we'd have to get down the road quickly afterward.  But in the end we did get everything done that needed done.  It was all good.  No biggie.

Well, I think that after all this time I finally kind of understand my aunt's sudden decision.  And one reason I understand is that I've been watching Joshua.  You see, Joshua has to process everything in his world.  If something out of the ordinary happens, he takes a long time to process it and move on.  I've come to the realization that we all have to process things, especially when something big is happening.  In fact, I found myself making Jill wait today to have a banana.  When I thought about it, I didn't see any immediate reason why she couldn't have a banana right then.  The only reason I could come up with after thinking it over was that I was processing something.  I needed to process it and be done with it before I could move on. 

All these years, I had just thought that in some weird way my aunt felt she was being a better visiting teacher by not letting anybody leave that day.  I didn't understand.  Maybe that was a small reason, but I've decided that maybe the biggest reason was that it was more than she could process at that moment.  I can understand that now, and I am even more ok with it than I was before.  I still wonder if that was really it, but I think it was, and it makes me even more glad that I didn't get mad or make a big stink over it.  Besides that, my aunt has been an angel to me over the years and I love her a lot. :)

So what do you think about all this?  Do you find yourself just needing to sit and process for a moment?  Did you know that was what you were doing?  Isn't that an intersting thought?  Well, I think it is. ;) And I think it gives me another reason to excuse myself when I feel like I'm just being lame. :)

Happy Birthday!

Today my oldest son turned 12.  I can't believe it.  I've had all year to wrap my brain around it, but, alas, I have failed all year.  Hyrum is 12.  He will be ordained a deacon on Sunday.  And very soon he'll be able to have his own Temple recommend.  That means that very soon, Jeremy, Hyrum, and I can all be together in the Temple.  I am so excited! 

I'm thankful for Hyrum.  He is such a good boy.  I don't know what I would do without him!  We have been so blessed to have him, and we look forward to many more happy years with him.

Love you, Hyrum!

It's All Good

Life can be so stressful, you know?  I was thinking about it this morning after dropping Jeremy off at the high school - all the random things that I've been stressed about.  I'll list them.  Ahem:

1. Jeremy still hasn't received his fingerprint clearance from the state.  He's been working at the high school every day this week, but he can't get paid for it.  He's a "guest lecturer," teaching all the classes he'll get paid to teach one of these days.
2. This means that we're still not paid.  And every day we are getting poorer and poorer.
3. And we have 2 big bills that will need paid sooner or later.
4. I feel kind of bad that I'm not making any money, even though I don't have many options for that right now.
5. I feel bad that I wasn't able to buy school pictures for the boys.  I wanted to at least get them a class picture, but that would be $40 all together, and we've got to be careful with our money right now.
6. Hyrum's birthday is tomorrow, and we don't have much money for presents.  And this is a big one!  He's going to be 12!
7. Joshua wants a pet rat really, really, really badly.  I would really love to get him one, but he's got to wait, and that's been hard.

So I look at that list over and over in my brain, adding and subtraction other various worries.  It's not fun, and it is scary.  But when I really think about it, non of this is life and death.  None of the worries I ever have are life and death!  Why in the world do I worry so much?  We're doing our best, and things always come right somehow.  It's frustrating that we took that leap of faith and moved here like we were supposed to, and things still haven't come right yet.  I'm sad that we left that beautiful house and beautiful Cedar City and all those friends.  But I know that God knows our troubles and worries.  He knows this was a hard thing to ask of us, but because he always makes things come right, I decided I should be counting my blessings instead.  Ahem:

1. Jeremy doesn't have to sit at home.  That was really bugging him.  He's not getting paid, but he has work to do.  And he'll eventually get paid for coaching too.
2. We're not completely broke yet.
3. I don't notice the smell in our house so much anymore.  Maybe it's because of my allergies. XD I know the smell is still there, but I'm not smelling it right now.
4. Grandma Burk offered to take pictures of our kiddos for us and can print them for us for a great price.  Yea!
5. The homework load for all of our boys at this school has been so small I can hardly believe it.
6. Joshua had some stressful days at school, but even that is coming right I think.  Yesterday at bedtime he was wandering smiling all huge, for no obvious reason.
7. All the presents Hyrum has asked for so far won't cost very much.  I know that's partly because he knows we're short on money.  I'd love it if I could get him a huge pile of presents, but I'm thankful that he will be so content with whatever he gets.
8. Hyrum is going to be ordained a deacon on Sunday.  I can't tell you how proud that makes me feel.
9. Hyrum finished the Book of Mormon yesterday.  I'm not sure if he knows yet (or ever will know) how huge that is!  I can tell from that look on his face, that he feels good about it, that he feels the spirit and feels that he was blessed for doing it.  But he probably doesn't know how it blessed me, and he probably doesn't realize what a great example he set for his brothers.  Joshua wants to do the same (read the Book of Mormon before he turns 12). 

I know it may not make sense, but the fact that Hyrum did complete that goal, that he did read the Book of Mormon before he turned 12, and that he knows it blessed his life, makes me think that whatever happens in the future, things are really going to be ok.  I am so blessed, and I'm so thankful.

Pbbbbbt

Just what you always need on a stressful day like today:

I just found the brand new tub of butter upside down in a sink full of dirty dishes. 

Groan.

Things will look brighter after lunch, right?

We Lived after the Manner of Happiness

This morning I finally sat down and unloaded my camera card onto the computer.  I've been putting it off - for good reason.  I couldn't help but cry as I looked through those pictures.  And here is a big reason why:

 

I made this banner soon before Jeremy got home.  It just struck me one day that this is what I want our children to say when they look back on their childhood.  I want this scripture to be true for our family.  And so I've thought over and over again how our different choices help us find happiness or unhappiness, and I want to teach my children how they can find happiness in their lives.  I truly believe that real, lasting happiness comes as we live the gospel and take care of our families and those around us.  Real, lasting happiness comes from obeying God and loving those who He puts in our way.  That lovely truth has been proven true in my own life.

 

As we drove away on the morning of our move, we left this banner where it was.  What I created as a reminder became an epitaph of sorts.  And looking at it now, I cry remembering that we did live happily in that house.  I loved all the times when I would lay on the floor and Timmy would climb on me, bursting with giggles.  I loved the cool evenings when the children and I would go outside and dip our toes in the little stream that often ran in front of the sidewalk.  I loved watching Jill run in circles on the grass exclaiming, "I love grass!  I love grass!"  I loved the winter time when the children and I played out front in the snow.  We were usually the only ones out there. ;) Our neighbors probably all thought, "You crazy Arizonans!" 

 

I loved watching Jeremy and the children play "smash the meat" (steamroller) for a Family Home Evening activity.  I loved watching Timmy's stair-climbing skills evolve.  He got to be quite a pro!  And I even loved scraping ice off our windshield.  I grumbled about it from time to time (or maybe every day), but I still felt all sorts of pleased that we lived in a place where there was ice to scrape.   I loved that the homecoming parade went right down our street.  I am sad to miss it this year.  It was wonderful!  And I loved how blessed we were there in Cedar City.  Jeremy finished two master's degrees.  Joshua got his testing done.  Wonderful people helped us out in countless ways in our times of need.  The children and I survived 2 months without Jeremy there.  They were a hard two months, bu they were good.  All of this combined together with a million other things just prove the point I was trying to make - we are blessed as we obey God.  It was His idea for us to go to Cedar City.  We obeyed, and we were blessed.  We were happy.

And so, as we drove away, leaving behind that beautiful house full of memories, I thought of that banner, hoping that the people who come there will see it and know and feel that it is a good, happy place and that we lived happily there.

Random Happiness

I didn't do my "weekly" update again.  I am so dang behind!  I now have only a small window of time on Sunday that is available for such things.  (That's somewhere between feeding everyone lunch right after we get home at 12:30 or so and going to family dinner somewhere between 3:00 and 5:00.  And if we're hosting, forget it.)  It doesn't seem like it should be so hard, but it is, especially when I'm behind.  Maybe I need to find a different day again.

Jeremy's clearance still hasn't gone through to start teaching at the high school.  We are waiting for something to come in the mail.  And when it does he will high-tail it to Tucson to finish things up as quickly as possible.  The poor guy has been feeling the lack of work.  In the meantime, though, he subbed for a few hours out at the college.  Aaron teaches out there, but he took time off for their new baby.  So Jeremy subbed for him. 

Then when he went to the Globe-Miami football game on Friday he got roped into coaching the JV team.  Oh, goodness.  And after we just had a Globe Burk family discussion about why I don't like football.  Maybe it's not that I don't like it.  I just have never really been interested in it, and I have a bad habit of zoning out that I picked up back in my marching band days.  I am not good at focusing on football.  And part of that was the fact that I was bitter because the school spent way more money on football than music.  So the football team got new everything every year.  I know that's typical and kind of needed, but while they were getting new everything every year, the band was marching around in uniforms from the 70s.  I am not even exaggerating.  They came complete with the biggest collars you have ever seen, plastic square-toed shoes, and a plastic cowboy hat with a feather.  Oh, goodness.  Awful!  I have pictures!  And you know how cowboy hats have that dip in the top?  Well, in a hard plastic hat it rubs and digs into your scalp.  Lovely!

Anyway, so you get the picture - I have resented football in the past and have learned a little too well to tune it out.  Well, don't tell Mom, but I think I may be beginning to like this idea.  Having Jeremy go to practice and a game yesterday and have ideas swirl in his head about how to fix things has got me starting to get excited.  The proof of this is evidenced by an offer I made.  I told Jeremy that if he could get them all to learn how to hit good I would make them cookies.  And I am serious.  And I'm not talking about cake mix cookies or something silly like that.  I am talking about my super yummy, made-from-scratch chocolate chip ones.  And I am talking about A LOT of them.  I'd even quadruple the batch.  And I probably will even go to at least some of the games and cheer.  Maybe I can break my bad habit of zoning out and actually learn something. (And maybe I'll get past the fact that every 3 seconds they stop and start over.  How is that fun?  I don't get it.  Yeah, it's pretty obvious that I'm clueless.  I'll be the first to admit that.)

So anyway, Jeremy will get paid a pittance for coaching, and he'll get something for teaching at the college, but I don't know what, and we definitely don't know when.  But it's money coming in, right?  I must admit I'm thankful.  I'm still tapping my foot, waiting for the state to hurry up and do that fingerprint clearance, but I'm thankful for what we have. 

Oh, and get this - we got new doors yesterday!  That means that the knobs on both front and back doors work.  And the front door doesn't have a big hole in it.  And the master bedroom has a door!  The guy is here right now installing weather stripping and whatnot.  AND yesterday we went by the shop where Jeremy's car is getting fixed, and we saw that it was actually being worked on.  The engine must have finally come in.  Hooray! :D I'm thankful.

And another happy thing lately has been listening to Jill and Timmy's ever-evolving jabber.  It is so fun.  Timmy is learning to copy more words lately, and he's also been learning what they mean and using them.  In nursery on Sunday he blew me away by picking up the star shape and plopping it right into the appropriate star-shaped hole.  On that toy there is a red star and a yellow star.  The yellow one has more points on it than the red one.  He got the right one.  And to top it all off, he said, "Star," as he did it. Who knew that he knew what a star is?  I didn't!  Yea, Timma!

And in other news, I was just handed a bunch of little nails.  I turned them all head-up and the heads all together like that look like sequins or desk magnets or something.  Beautiful!  It's funny that such a simple thing can strike me just so.

Goodies of the Day

Today I loaded an app on my phone for Blogger. I thought it would make blogging from my phone easier. To make a long story short, it did not. But in the process it did give me a good laugh. I was trying to change google accounts, and my phone was trying to auto-correct. I ended up with "burkfamily1@yahoo.compensate." I'm still laughing.

And just now as I was getting Jill dressed after her bath she was pointing out all the little things on her dress. She showed me hearts, a bird, a rainbow, a popsicle, a spin around... Say what? I didn't remember a popsicle being on there. And what is a spin around? I asked her to show me that popsicle and spin around. They both turned out to be peace signs.

And last of all today is something not so funny. Aaron and Kenzie gave us a couch with an ottoman. I am so thankful. We haven't had a couch since before Christmas. And we got to hold their sweet new baby today.  I love him. :)  And another blessing I did not expect came today. I have been praying that we could get a new bed for Jill. In Cedar City she and Timmy slept on mattresses on the floor. They just seemed to prefer it. Well, here I worry about that. Not only did our renters make the carpet nasty, but there are lots of bugs here. I just feel better having them off the floor. Jill has a little toddler bed, but Timmy's still been on the floor. So my hope was that we could get a bed for Jill and put Timmy on the toddler bed. Well, as soon as Jill got home and saw the ottoman that her Papa and Aaron had hauled in, she exclaimed, "Mine bed!" I knew I had my answer. And her crib mattress sheet fits it too. God hears our prayers. He may not answer how we expect, but he hears. :) I'm thankful.

Moved

Well, we moved.  We are back in our old house in Globe.  It is crazy.  It's also sad because the tenants caused a lot of damage.  And they also smoked in here, which we specifically asked them not to do.  There are scorch marks here and there to prove it.  The whole place smelled nasty.  Thanks to my friend Kathie and some all-purpose cleaner with bleach, the whole place smells... well... better.  I also have covered a lot of the carpet with baking soda.  Ima let it sit for a while so the kiddos can grind it into the carpet for me, and then I guess I'll vacuum it up.  That poor carpet really needs replaced.  It was starting to go when we left, but the family who lived here seem to have surpassed the destruction we caused just by living here for the somewhere around 7 years we lived here.

I am trying really hard not to focus on how mad I am about what they did (and about how they skipped town without paying the damage money the judge commanded them to pay).  After all, I've got to live here, and I can't live constantly being mad when I see the empty spaces there the cupboard doors were.  Breathe, Christine!  Breathe!  I've got to move on.

But there are some things to be thankful for, and I would like to list some of them:

1. The oven works.

2. The range works.

3. Both of the items listed above are plugged into a new outlet down under the counter instead of in my regular wall outlets.

4. The bathtub and shower work.

5. The toilets work.  Phew!

6. They did not ruin my beautiful laminate floor in the living room.

7. They broke doors but not walls.

8. The dishwasher works ok.  And by that I mean not great, but it may be passable.  I need to experiment with how I put the dishes in again.

9. There is a guy outside right now who is cleaning up our yard.  Hopefully this means that our allergies will be less monstrous.  Either way, it should mean that the piles of buried garbage and the broken glass should get hauled away today.  (Please!)

10.  One wall of the living room is red.  I don't like it.  I am not a bold-color person.  But it's not as bad as some colors they could have chosen.  It's not sticking around, but it could have been worse.

There you go.  That's enough for now.

In other news, Timmy is dang cute.  Often when I ask him a question he says, "No," in a sweet little voice.  He has said some words, but not many.  Mostly he walks around jabbering nonsense in the same sweet little voice that he uses to say, "No."  He is really cuddly.  He prefers to fall asleep while laying on my head and eating my hair.  Well, really he usually falls asleep next to me holding my hair, but he seems to have a nightly ritual of climbing on my head for a bit and trying to eat my hair.  He still doesn't like to take a nap, but the other day I knew he needed one, so I sat and rocked him while we watched Cinderella for a bit, and he fell asleep fast.  Nice. :) Before you say, "That's a girl movie!" I would like to point out that Cinderella has a lot of animals in it, and that's why he likes it.  His favorite parts are the ones with the animals.  He also has no fear of running in the road.  I'm happy that we have a yard for him to run in, but that doesn't seem to make him less likely to run in the road.  I hope to spend more time outside with him once the yard is cleaned up.  I think he will really like that.

Jill loves grass a lot.  When we lived in Cedar City she'd go run around in circles on the grass by the van exclaiming, "I love grass!" every time we went out to the van.  I'm sorry that we don't have grass here.  But she will enjoy spending time outside just like Timmy will.  Jill is talking more and more lately.  The other day she was going on and on about how it was scary outside and there are monsters out there when it's dark and scary, and, "I chop dem with mine pink sword!"  (It's all about pink, you know.  Pink is her favorite.)  Then she'd say, "A scratch me!" (And she would make scratching motions, of course.)  And I'd reply, "That monsters will scratch you?"  And she'd say, "No.  A chop dem a mine pink sword!"  We went through that several times before the conversation moved on, but she seemed pretty pleased with herself.  That's my girl!  Choppin' monsters with a pink sword. :)

Can I Please Have a Burro?

I went into Del Taco to get some dinner a few days ago, and I asked them, "How much is your most basic, cheapest burro?"  They lady said, "Huh?  I don't know what you mean?"  I tried to explain.  Another worker came over and tried to figure it out as well.  He said, "Do you mean a churro?"  We went back and forth like this until I suddenly realized that all the signs say "burrito," not "burro."  Aha!  I tried that, and they did know what I meant.  I guess I forgot I'm in Utah, not Arizona.  It's funny, though.  What in the world?  These crazy Utah people!

First Day of School



Well, it's all done. The four older boys are officially off to school. Hyrum is in 6th grade - middle school! Joshua is in 5th grade, Benji's in 3rd, and Michael's in 1st. They'll only be at these schools for a week, and I'm sad about that. But we still had the traditional first day of school pictures.

Now to get my buns in gear and get the house packed up...

In Which God Shows He Cares about Box Scrounging

It's sad that it's taken me nearly a month to post again.  I really should have posted more often while Jeremy was gone.  I mean, who doesn't want to hear about all my pains and trials while playing single mom?

I just really need to record something today because it's kind of funny.  For those of you who haven't heard (that's you, people reading my book in the future - because the rest of my 2 readers already know), we are moving back to Globe in 11 days.  Here is the low-down:

Jeremy got back from Paris on July 24th, and we knew we'd need to hurry and find a job.  We also knew that meant we'd be leaving Cedar City.  We talked about it, and we had a rough plan to find a great job in or near a big city.  With Jeremy's international business degree, he could get paid pretty darn well.  And then we figured after we did that for a while we'd move wherever the heck we wanted.  (Isn't that a lovely way to say it?)  Also, Jeremy knows that he'd like to someday work as a research professor at a university.  However, he does not currently have any work experience.

A week after Jeremy got home we left for Arizona to visit family and go to the Burk family campout.  Somewhere along the way Jeremy's brother Aaron called and told us about a job teaching business classes at Globe High School.  We kind of dismissed that notion because we knew it wouldn't pay much.  But then we went to the Temple, and while we were there it was made clear to us that our plans were not the same as the Lord's plans.  He wants us to move back to Globe, and he wants Jeremy to take that job.  We both sat there scratching our heads in the Celestial Room.  We both do not want to move back to Globe.  But, by golly, we are going to do what the Lord asks of us!

So we have been going ahead with the new plan.  Our old house in Globe was recently vacated.  Unfortunately, there's been a lot of damage to it.  However, we can get that fixed, and we will have a roof over our heads.  And because Jeremy doesn't have teaching experience and the school needs him anyway, they are taking his prior work experience as a substitute.  Everything is working out really quickly.  And this job will help Jeremy along on his plan.  He can use this teaching experience to go work at a college where they can help pay for his PhD, and then he can work his way up to a university.  It may be a pretty good plan after all.

All of this means, however, that we have got to move quickly.  And that means I have to do some fast box-scrounging.  Usually, I will start scrounging weeks in advance.  This time I started today because that is the best I could do.  So I was doing the dishes this morning, worrying about finding enough boxes quickly enough, and I said this prayer: "Heavenly Father, this move is your idea, so you have to help me find some boxes."  Then I realized that was kind of a bratty way to say it, so I apologized and tried to rephrase, saying basically the same thing except adding "please" in somewheres.  And then I went out to hunt boxes.

I went to Smith's first, and I got a few good ones there, but they made my car smell produce-ish.  Still a box is a box, and I was thankful!  Then I went to Wal-Mart.  I'd called earlier and the guy promised he'd save me some.  He gave me five banana boxes.  That's about what I got at Smith's.  I figured that was all I could find for the day and vowed to get out early tomorrow morning so I could have a better haul.

But then I realized I'd better get some milk and some disposable plates and such, so after I put those boxes in the van I headed back into Wal-Mart.  And, as it happened, I passed the cereal aisle, and lo and behold, there were a whole bunch of boxes because there was a group of people stocking shelves with cereal.  Hallelujah!  I asked if I could have some, and they said, "Yeah!  And we've got like 4 more pallets to unload too!"  So I took a lot and then bought my stuff.  And then I went back, and they gave me a bunch more.  That was it, but that's ok because the car was getting pretty full - and you all know how big my van is!  I was so thankful.  Heavenly Father heard my prayer, even if I said it in a bratty manner.  And I thought maybe I should say bratty prayers more often.  Just kidding!  At the same time, it just reiterates that He does want us to make this move, so we are going.

Failure

I may have mentioned before that I have this horrible fear of failure.  It's one of my biggest fears.  When I sit back and look at it it just seems silly.  Everybody fails sometime.  That's how we learn.  I think it all stems from not wanting to ever let anybody down because then I'm ruining everybody's life (because everyone else is always right and I'm always wrong).  It's all a pile of poo.  It's not true, but it's something I fight against.

Anyway, Moroni taught me a good lesson today, and I wanted to hurry and record it.  Maybe it's another tool to add to my toolbox.  I am almost done reading the Book of Mormon today, so I was reading Moroni chapter 7.  Near the end, here's what he says:

"Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—

 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him."

Did you see that?   All things must fail!  I always took it to mean that everything that's part of this earth life is going to someday fall away and all that will be left is love.  I think it does mean that, but today, for me, it means that it's ok to fail.  It says right here in the scriptures that everything "MUST fail."  We are told that we can't be perfect in this life.  It's just not possible.  But we are perfected as we pass through this life and make right our failures and learn from them.  So failing is good for us.  And also, when everything else in our lives is failing, there is always charity, the love that Christ feels for us.  Therefore, it would seem to me that all else that is not charity is of little consequence.  So maybe instead of worrying about failure I should be using my energy on love.  That is a lovely principle.  I will try that. :)

Jill

Jill just spent a good minute or so insulting someone: "You stupid!  You not go a school!"  I asked her who she was talking to, and she told me, "The clock."

In other news, I'm reading President Monson's biography.  I love it!  It's big and beautiful.  It feels nice in my hands and is full of happy things.  I felt bad spending so much to get it, but I'm still thankful to have it. :)

Tidbits

Kiddos at the 4th of July Parade

The other day I was thinking things over again.  One of my greatest fears during this time that Jeremy's been gone has been that people are going to look at me struggling with the kiddos and think, "Why does she have all those kids if she can't take care of them?!"  I especially worry about that at chruch when they all seem to go nutso on me.  So I've thought about these kiddos and how I love each of them and wouldn't trade any of them for anything.  They are my little treasures.  But they sure do cause a lot of trouble sometimes.  It's been hard for me to ask for help, but I realized the other day that maybe one of the reasons why I have all these kiddos is so that other people can have an opportunity to serve.  What a humbling thought!  At the same time, I know that "When we're helping, we're happy."  So maybe I'll try to be more humble about this and learn to let people help me.

Yesterday at church both Sunday School and Relief Society were about missionary work.  Our teacher in Relief Society asked for some ladies with "hot little hands" to tell about missionary experiences.  I was too slow, as usual, but it just so happens that I have a little story to share.

When I was in college there was this guy who was obviously not LDS.  And then I also had a friend who was very much Catholic but was also a bit interested in our church.  I still wish I had done more to fellowship her!  Anyway, there was one day where the three of us ended up sitting together eating lunch in the cafe.  As we conversed, the guy asked a kind of joking question about our church.  I answered him the best I could, and then he kept asking questions.  He stopped joking and started asking more serious questions.  And as the conversation went on, I answered all of his questions quite easily.  Afterwards, as the other girl and I were walking back to our dorm, I said, "Wow!"  I couldn't believe I'd been able to answer all those questions like that.  She said that she couldn't have done that if she had been being grilled about her church.  I had the distinct impression, though, that I had recieved divine help to answer all those questions.  I felt so alive as I talked.  It was just so neat.  I've always wondered if either of those people ever joined the church because of that experience, but I also felt very proud to be Heavenly Father's instrument that day.  I like people to understand our church.  It is beautiful and it blesses my life every day.