Another One Bites the Dust

I have decided to cut myself some slack again.  I have been quite a whiner this year, but looking back on this last year I don't feel as bad as I did about whining.  It has been a really tough year.  We've just been going along trying to be good people as usual, but we've been repeatedly kicked in the face.  I know that is not the reward for trying to be good. I know that this life is supposed to be full of challenges.  But man!  They just seem extra concentrated over the last year.

A year ago yesterday we moved to Globe.  On the way our little car broke down.  We had to pay a lot of money for it and didn't get it back for months.  And we came home to this lovely old house that our tenants so badly damaged - after living in such a lovely home for the year before.  A year later the bathroom floor still is not fixed. The boys' room light got replace but is now not working again.  The hall lights don't work.  The carport and shop lights don't work.  We even have some lovely exposed wiring where the tenants pulled fixtures down in the hall and the shop.  And the small bathroom still needs the cesspool pumped.  We've been using it some anyway, just out of necessity.  What else can we do?

The boys got bullied some last year at school.  (You could argue that they should just live with it because it builds character.  I say pooey.  My boys are good people, and they don't need to live with emotional scars for the rest of their lives.  That is not cool.)  And we invited Elizabeth to live with us.  Boy, is she the stinky gift that keeps on, well, stinking.  We lived all school year with a job that pays peanuts, and now we've been without any job since the beginning of June. 

And to top off all that (and others I don't need to mention), we've been fighting with DES all year, trying to get the help we need.  We've hauled in tomes of documents - proof of everything from our cousin's cocker spaniel to how many times a day we blink our eyes.  And every time I think they can't possibly ask for more, they do.  And usually we end up bringing in the same documents repeatedly.  So we struggled through getting approved when we got here. Then we struggled through recertification at the beginning of the year.  And we were just struggling through recertification again when yesterday out of the blue (on the one-year-mark of this horribly hard year) we got some letters stating that we are being kicked off food stamps and AHCCCS (state health care) at the end of the month.  Their reasoning is that we failed to bring in the latest tome of documents.  What the...?  I brought them in two weeks ago!  I have no idea what to do now.  One option is that we can apply for a fair hearing (oh, joy) or we can start all over with a new application.  Well, guess what?  I have no desire to go to court, and if we lose we're in trouble anyway.  If I can't prove that they got those documents (I did turn them in.  Just ask Jeremy!  He watched the kids while I hurried over there to do it.), we'll just have to start over anyway.  And if I do a new application, well, it takes them 30 to 60 days to process.  (This is mostly because we are strange folks who were responsible with our tax return instead of just blowing the whole thing right when we got it.  Because of that we have to prove how we're paying our bills or provide proof that somebody's helping us or that we're not paying them and our utilities are being cut off.  And even after I prove all that I have to prove it again and write a letter stating how we're making it - again.)  Well, guess what.  I don't have 30-60 days!  I have a baby being born in 2 weeks and 5 days!

So there you go.  There is my latest rant.  I am still praying my face off.  I don't know what is going to happen.  I am feeling pretty darn scared.  I keep wondering if we have to hit rock bottom before things will get better.  We are not quite there yet, but we've been tiptoeing on the line for a while now.  I don't feel bitter against God.  I know that there is a reason for this last year.  I pray that we will see it someday.  But I know that He knows what's going on, and I know that He is going to take care of us.  I am clinging to that with all I'm worth.