Future

There have been a thoughts I've encountered lately that have got me thinking about the future.  For one thing, I keep thinking about how my babies are growing so fast and how everyone I meet says that they will all be gone before I know it.  That thought makes me try harder to cherish the little moments in our family.  I want to remember that Timmy started clapping this week.  I want to remember that he got his fifth tooth this week and that his sixth is on the way.  I want to remember how Jill and Timmy licked the beaters from the banana bread I made today.  Timmy stood beside me and rubbed his sticky beater all over my skirt.  That was fine.  It's just my jean skirt and probably needs washed anyway.  Jill saw what Timmy was doing, though, and said in a concerned voice, "Skirt.  Skirt."  Then she came over and put the sticky part of the skirt in her mouth and tried to eat the sticky off.  I want to remember everything.  I think that's why my weekly letters to family are so long.  Plain and simple, I don't want my children to grow up and leave me.  But I think that grandchildren will be a lot of fun.  Still, this has been the most challenging yet most joyful season in my life, and I hate to think that if I blink I will miss it.  I hate to think that I will wake up someday and realize that this season is over, even if the next season brings much joy too.  It all gets me thinking and wondering if in the life to come we can be spared the pain and have more joy in the journey and progression.

Another thing I've been thinking about a lot is the fact that both Jeremy and I find ourselves at least once a day looking to see which child is missing.  I just keep feeling like somebody is missing, and so does Jeremy.  In fact, it feels to me like more than one someone is missing.  That's a crazy thought.  We already have a big family by any standards.  And it's not that we wouldn't openly welcome another little someone into our family.  It's just that the timing and persistence of these feelings is interesting.  We often have them soon before another baby is to join our family.  And no, we are not expecting right now.  (I'm just pretty darn sure, ok?)  There just seem to be at least one or two spaces that need filled at our table or one or two more little bodies to herd together for family prayer.  I guess we will see. 

All those thoughts, though, have me wondering where and when and how things will go with another baby someday.  How will I even find a doctor that I like as much as my old one?  And will I even be allowed to deliver at the hospital that we can see if we walk outside?  What in the world kind of crazy will the new doctor think I am having a seventh baby after having placenta previa/accreta happened with number four?  However, I believe in God.  I believe in His plan, and I believe that things will all work out in His timing (definitely the best timing).