uhhhh

Well, what do you know?  Here I am again.

Mother's Day is coming, and a hot topic all around is how wonderful everyone's mothers are.  I can't deny this topic has been on my mind as well.  I read a blog post this morning written by C. Jane.  It has left me feeling a bit frazzled.  Not only does it seem to have been written in a frazzled manner, but some of her ideas have left me a bit dumbfounded.  I'm not sure what to say to that, but I'm going to say something.

I must say, too, that this is not the first time I've disagreed with her.  And that's ok.  I'm sure she'd be ok with it.  We both agree that women are all different and we're going to have different life experiences and opinions.  That's ok.  And I guess what I don't agree with is how she insists that motherhood is not a separate life experience from being a woman.  She says it's not a calling.  It's just part of who she is.  I can kind of get what she's saying, but I don't feel that way.  I do feel that nurturing comes naturally to most women.  Yes, that is part of us.  That is our birthright as daughters of God.  And, yes, women who never give birth can still mother children.  But I also feel that it is indeed a calling in that it is a divine trust from God, a divine stewardship.  Perhaps the biggest reason why I feel that way is that getting my children here has been hard.  Maybe that makes me appreciate the fulfillment of my dreams more.  But I also look back and remember more than once or twice being told in blessings that Heavenly Father is pleased to send this baby to me, speaking of more than one of my children. 

But also in looking over the issue, I do feel that while I am the sum total of all my parts, each part by itself is a definition of me because it works together with the other parts.  My love for baking works well with my love for children.  And so does my love for music and my love for dancing.  In short, while I am indeed a mother, I celebrate the fact that I have all these facets of myself that I can experience individually or all together.  So yes, I do believe that motherhood is a calling, just like I believe that being a bishop is a calling.  And yes, it is a separate facet of myself than the rest of myself.  I am ok with that.

I also wonder what gets me so worked up about the subject of that blog post.  Perhaps it is because I want to believe that I'm more complex than just a simple sum total.  And perhaps it is because, once again, it is an idea I've run across that doesn't even quite make sense to me because it's so different from my own views.  Hmmm...

Well, moving on.  Here are a few things going on around here.

Yesterday I felt an urgent need to put up curtains in my living room.  I remembered I had some fabric that I bought like half our marriage ago, and I also remembered that I have two curtain panels that I made years ago.  I realized I could kill two birds with one stone and get curtains up in the living room and Jill and Timmy's room both.  (Now, please don't preach to me about how we are weirdos for not having curtains.  Just so you know, we are indeed getting back on our feet financially and I've been realizing I can actually consider curtains and such.)  So I did just that.  I cannot begin to tell you how good it feels to have those two sets of curtains up.  I still need curtains for the side windows in the living room, but I've been puzzled over how to do that since we first moved in way back in 2004.  There are three windows right in a row there.  It's like 160" across all of them.  I am just not sure.  They don't make curtain rods that long.  I refuse to put up blinds.  For one thing, I don't really like dealing with blinds, and for another thing, the cords are dangerous.  And since the couch sits right under those windows, the cords would get played with a lot.  Hmmmm...

Anyway, as I was saying, putting those curtains up made me feel a little more in control, and that is something I've really needed of late.  Plus, I like the curtains anyway, and so do the rest of the family.  And I had to get my sewing machine out to do it.  It's kind of stressful to get out the sewing machine because the peg that holds the thread got broken off while we were in Cedar City, and it seems like I have to figure out a new one every time.  I've bent paper clips to suit the purpose, and I've also used pencils stuck in the hole where the peg used to go.  But every time I put it away somebody messes with the machine and I have to figure something out the next time.  And also, every time I try to use the machine the little ones get way interested and cannot be distracted from pushing buttons and turning knobs as I try to sew.  Plus, my machine is threatening to give up the ghost completely.  It is quite unusual for me to get through a sewing project without multiple frustrations along the way.  It likes to get plugged up, and sometimes the bobbin will be loose and won't be fixed no matter how many tweaks I try.  So you can see it is an absolute miracle that I got all the way around the four edges of that curtain without any major hiccups.  Jill and Timmy weren't much trouble this time and the machine ran as fine as it could.  I still have to pull the fabric through, and then Timmy tried to help and the machine halted.  But it picked right back up again and I finished.  Hooray!

Ok, this is turning into more long-winded nothing.  I blame my fuzzy head.  Catch ya later.