Maybe I'll take this down tomorrow. I'm feeling mad right now.
Remember how I was complaining about doing more than our fair share of Sunday dinner? And how I was happy that we would have a few weeks off? Well, I was wrong about time off. It's Becca's turn, and she asked to do it at our house. Hers is too small. That made me feel frustrated! We did get some good cleaning done yesterday, except that all the bigger things in the kitchen were piled around dirty, and the bedrooms were messy. We grudgingly (because you can't tell family no) told her she could do it here, but asked that she help us clean first (the dishes and Jill's room). Well, she helped, but we still have dishes that aren't done. And she didn't touch Jill's room at all. It's not that I expect a maid. But we had an agreement. And now she is here. She was 45 minutes late, and Mom didn't bring syrup like she was supposed to. Does that mean I need to supply that? And throw-away dishes? And a drink? I'm feeling unappreciated and taken advantage of. Honestly, if this were the first time something like this for thrown at us by Jeremy's family I wouldn't complain. But it's not. It happens on a regular basis, and it'll happen again, I guarantee.
4 comments:
You ARE being unappreciated and taken advantage of. It's not okay and you (or actually, probably Jeremy because it's his family) need to say something and stand up for you. Life doesn't have to be exactly fair, but you can't be the one to pick up the slack all the time.
It definitely needs to be talked through! You don't want Sunday dinners to always be a burden and not a nice time with family. :( I agree with Kimberly. You know you are amazing right?! Love you!
I just feel bad feeling this way because at their core they are good people, and they've been a blessing in my life. But the truth is, this is a pattern. It started when Jeremy was little and was the one who wouldn't complain if given the short end of the stick. It's just the way things have been. We've pointed out now and then how Jeremy and now the rest of our family have been taken advantage of or ignored, and it doesn't do any good. Nobody wants to hear it. I know Jeremy has felt it too. Sometimes he gets really upset about it, but there doesn't appear to be any way out.
Case in point, when we moved to Utah, Jeremy's mom was way sad to see us go. I promised her that we'd Skype every Sunday. Well, that worked fine for a few weeks, but after that, every Sunday she started handing off the computer to little Brookie as soon as our call was picked up. One Sunday in particular we happened to call while somebody was playing a game. Mom came over and said hi and then turned and watched the game, still sitting at the computer, and then after a while she said goodbye to go watch the game. That just hurt my heart. And while Jeremy was in Paris she didn't come to help me at all. Instead, she went to see her daughters in Idaho. And the three times she came to see us: Benji's baptism, 15 minutes on the way through to see somebody else, and when we paid her plane fare so she could help us move back to Globe. Argh!
So anyway, since it's so ingrained I don't know how to stop it, especially when they don't see any problem. And also, since it started when Jeremy was little and since it's his family I feel like it's his call to deal with it or not. I don't want to stir up trouble and be the big bad in-law. I just don't know.
It is Jeremy's call and his family. However, it is definitely not okay, and they need to know they are hurting you. I don't know that re-hashing past things is the best way but if they asked for instances then tell them? I don't know. Initiating a talk should be done by Jeremy, but I think it would be good for you to be there. I know they are great and don't mean or want to hurt anyone, and they don't even know they are! I would want someone to tell me if I was hurting them. It would be hard to hear, but I would hope I could fix it or something. I don't know. Such a hard situation, and I know nothing about in-laws or marriage...soooo...my advice? Not so great.
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