Hello. I work for the government. How can I make your life more difficult?

I have been thankful many time since this move that government assistance is available to help those in need.  The funny thing is that now that we need it more than ever, it's been consistently just beyond our reach since the move.  Here's a story for you.

Before we moved here, Jeremy was offered a job at Globe High School, but in order to get that job, he had to pass fingerprint clearnace with the FBI.  That is something that usually takes a long time, but at that moment the list was backed up pretty far, and they said it could take up to 8 weeks to process.  Well, we hoped for the best, packed up our life, and moved back to our house in Globe.  It just so happened, though, that our tenants caused a lot of damage to the house in Globe.  And one of our cars broke down on the way here.  All of that means money, and at that point we were getting kind of low on money. 

After almost 5 weeks, the clearance still hadn't gone through.  We were starting to sweat a little, watching our money supply dwindle.  I applied for government assistance because I didn't know what else to do.  I knew it would be a headache because it always has been, but I bit the bullet and got it done.  I turned in a bunch of paperwork, I did my phone interview, I turned in more paperwork, Jeremy and I did an in-office interview, I spent hours on a workbook about how to get a job, I filled out a big stack of forms, and I spent hours trying to get copies of bills and take them in and writing note after note that said, "We're living off savings.  Nobody's helping us.  It's all running out, dang it!" 

In the middle of all that, Jeremy started working at the high school as a volunteer, unable to be paid teaching the classes that would be his when he was hired.  But at least he wasn't sitting at home going crazy.  This led the DES to think that he had an actual job.  We had to write a note saying he was just volunteering and have the school do the same.  His fingerprint clearance finally came in on Saturday.  He ran down to Tucson with it on Monday and got CTE clearance, and he was officially hired yesterday (with our first payday being still 3 weeks away).  I was relieved to hear yesterday that we were approved for all the assistance we applied for and there would be money in our account today.  Things were sure looking up.

Well, this morning I checked to see if there was money in our account, and there was not.  After calling DES several times and having nobody answer, I finally got somebody, and she said some idiot had put in our records that we're self-employed, so we have to bring in more documents.  What the...  We're not self-employed!  Our income is still a big fat zero!  Well, to up this latest misunderstanding we have to come in for an interview or have another phone interview.  The phone interview list is long, and my boys are about to come home, so going to the office is out of the question.  No doubt they will just ask me to bring in more documents either way.

So here we are two days shy of a month after applying.  We still haven't received any assistance at all.  The endless stream of proof and documents I have had to provide has given me the impression that they just don't believe us.  Because our circumstances are unusual, we have had to provide more proof than the average Joe.  And because we don't have a paying job at the moment, they've got to give us more hoops to jump through.  I just don't understand it.  Don't you think that somebody should see that we're in dire straits and help?  It seems like the fact that we're in such need has instead alerted the whole DES world to slow up the process in any way possible.  It just seems backwards.  Does it seem backwards to anybody else?  Or is it just me?

And I know I shouldn't be angry. I am working through it. I know that nobody's out to get us personally, but I feel so beaten down. I also feel like all along I've been greedy and that I need an attitude adjustment.  I was so overwhelmed with thankfulness yesterday when I heard we would have money.  It was practically in my hands - that deliverance.  And then it was snatched away.  Maybe that's what's really wrong.

All that being said, please don't think that I am begging for help from any of my readers.  We do still have some savings left and money is on the way.  My biggest concern right now is that we've got a hefty home repair bill sitting here and an even heftier car repair bill coming up, and right now we can't pay either one.  More bills are coming in the mail, and, I'm sorry, but food is going to come first.  And we still don't have working lights in the hall or the boys' room or the workshop.  But, yeah.  I'm not asking for money.  I'm just venting.  And I know that we will be ok.  We always have been.  We do what the Lord asks of us, and things always come right somehow. 

Funny Business

Timmy has a book that has a dog, a cat, and some fish on the same page. It's his favorite book. He loves it when I point to the kitty and say "Meow," and he loves the fish. Today he was wearing his shirt with a plastic fishy in a see-through pocket. He grabbed the fish so he could look at it and said, "Meow. Meow." He was so pleased with himself. :)

This evening the boys turned Holes (the movie) on three times while I laser about in an ick-induced stupor. Not fun. My eternal allergies have turned into the ick. My throat is full of ick, and it hurts to clear it. And I've gone through roll after roll of toilet paper because I'm too cheap to buy real Kleenex. I am so out of it it's funny. (That's also my excuse for not blogging.  I simply haven't been able to think clearly.)

And last but not least - this evening Joshua decided to watch Michael Jackson's "Thriller" repeatedly, and it scared Beni.  Somehow this led to Hyrum smacking Joshua at tooth brushing time and giving him a bloody nose. I'm still scratching my head over that one.

But mostly I'm laughing at all these silly things, and the sound of my hoarse, coughy laugh makes me laugh even more.

A Big Day

 

 

Today Hyrum was ordained a deacon.  His Papa set him apart.  It was wonderful!  We had family who came to be with us, and we were so thankful!  We are so proud of him.

 

After he was set apart I had a distinct feeling that this is just the beginning for Hyrum.  I'm not sure exactly what that meant, but that's what I felt.  I'm excited to see.

 

And this evening we went to the stake center and listened to three general authorities.  We are so blessed.

I Think I Get It Now

There have been times in my life where I just didn't understand why the adults in my life would suddenly change their minds, or why they would suddenly decide that I couldn't do something, even if there didn't seem to be a good reason.  I think we've all dealt with this in our lives, which is why I am writing this in the first place.  Here is just one example of what I'm talking about.

When I was in my last semester of college I still didn't have a car, so I was still at the mercy of others when it came to getting places.  I was about to get married.  One weekend somebody in St. Johns was throwing me a bridal shower, and I needed a ride.  I also needed to meet up with Jeremy and go buy his ring.  My aunt and her daughters, who all lived in a little town near where I lived, were going to be headed to the shower, so I had arranged to ride with my cousin as far as Globe and then go the rest of the way with Jeremy after we'd picked up the ring.

All was going fine.  I got to my aunt's house and we were getting ready to go, but then somebody noticed a bunch of smoke coming from down the street a little ways.  My cousins ran down there to see and came back to confirm that it was indeed the neighbor's house on fire.  And not only was this a neighbor, but one of the ladies assigned to my aunt for visiting teaching lived in that very house.  Suddenly, all plans of leaving that day were cancelled.  Not even my cousin was allowed to take me.  Imagine my perplexity as I called up my fiancé to explain the situation.  I couldn't figure it out.  Why did the fact that my aunt's visiting teaching lady's house burned down mean that I couldn't go that day?  I puzzled over it for years.

Please know that while I was perplexed I wasn't angry.  I was worried because that would mean our time available for buying a ring would be pretty short and we'd have to get down the road quickly afterward.  But in the end we did get everything done that needed done.  It was all good.  No biggie.

Well, I think that after all this time I finally kind of understand my aunt's sudden decision.  And one reason I understand is that I've been watching Joshua.  You see, Joshua has to process everything in his world.  If something out of the ordinary happens, he takes a long time to process it and move on.  I've come to the realization that we all have to process things, especially when something big is happening.  In fact, I found myself making Jill wait today to have a banana.  When I thought about it, I didn't see any immediate reason why she couldn't have a banana right then.  The only reason I could come up with after thinking it over was that I was processing something.  I needed to process it and be done with it before I could move on. 

All these years, I had just thought that in some weird way my aunt felt she was being a better visiting teacher by not letting anybody leave that day.  I didn't understand.  Maybe that was a small reason, but I've decided that maybe the biggest reason was that it was more than she could process at that moment.  I can understand that now, and I am even more ok with it than I was before.  I still wonder if that was really it, but I think it was, and it makes me even more glad that I didn't get mad or make a big stink over it.  Besides that, my aunt has been an angel to me over the years and I love her a lot. :)

So what do you think about all this?  Do you find yourself just needing to sit and process for a moment?  Did you know that was what you were doing?  Isn't that an intersting thought?  Well, I think it is. ;) And I think it gives me another reason to excuse myself when I feel like I'm just being lame. :)

Happy Birthday!

Today my oldest son turned 12.  I can't believe it.  I've had all year to wrap my brain around it, but, alas, I have failed all year.  Hyrum is 12.  He will be ordained a deacon on Sunday.  And very soon he'll be able to have his own Temple recommend.  That means that very soon, Jeremy, Hyrum, and I can all be together in the Temple.  I am so excited! 

I'm thankful for Hyrum.  He is such a good boy.  I don't know what I would do without him!  We have been so blessed to have him, and we look forward to many more happy years with him.

Love you, Hyrum!

It's All Good

Life can be so stressful, you know?  I was thinking about it this morning after dropping Jeremy off at the high school - all the random things that I've been stressed about.  I'll list them.  Ahem:

1. Jeremy still hasn't received his fingerprint clearance from the state.  He's been working at the high school every day this week, but he can't get paid for it.  He's a "guest lecturer," teaching all the classes he'll get paid to teach one of these days.
2. This means that we're still not paid.  And every day we are getting poorer and poorer.
3. And we have 2 big bills that will need paid sooner or later.
4. I feel kind of bad that I'm not making any money, even though I don't have many options for that right now.
5. I feel bad that I wasn't able to buy school pictures for the boys.  I wanted to at least get them a class picture, but that would be $40 all together, and we've got to be careful with our money right now.
6. Hyrum's birthday is tomorrow, and we don't have much money for presents.  And this is a big one!  He's going to be 12!
7. Joshua wants a pet rat really, really, really badly.  I would really love to get him one, but he's got to wait, and that's been hard.

So I look at that list over and over in my brain, adding and subtraction other various worries.  It's not fun, and it is scary.  But when I really think about it, non of this is life and death.  None of the worries I ever have are life and death!  Why in the world do I worry so much?  We're doing our best, and things always come right somehow.  It's frustrating that we took that leap of faith and moved here like we were supposed to, and things still haven't come right yet.  I'm sad that we left that beautiful house and beautiful Cedar City and all those friends.  But I know that God knows our troubles and worries.  He knows this was a hard thing to ask of us, but because he always makes things come right, I decided I should be counting my blessings instead.  Ahem:

1. Jeremy doesn't have to sit at home.  That was really bugging him.  He's not getting paid, but he has work to do.  And he'll eventually get paid for coaching too.
2. We're not completely broke yet.
3. I don't notice the smell in our house so much anymore.  Maybe it's because of my allergies. XD I know the smell is still there, but I'm not smelling it right now.
4. Grandma Burk offered to take pictures of our kiddos for us and can print them for us for a great price.  Yea!
5. The homework load for all of our boys at this school has been so small I can hardly believe it.
6. Joshua had some stressful days at school, but even that is coming right I think.  Yesterday at bedtime he was wandering smiling all huge, for no obvious reason.
7. All the presents Hyrum has asked for so far won't cost very much.  I know that's partly because he knows we're short on money.  I'd love it if I could get him a huge pile of presents, but I'm thankful that he will be so content with whatever he gets.
8. Hyrum is going to be ordained a deacon on Sunday.  I can't tell you how proud that makes me feel.
9. Hyrum finished the Book of Mormon yesterday.  I'm not sure if he knows yet (or ever will know) how huge that is!  I can tell from that look on his face, that he feels good about it, that he feels the spirit and feels that he was blessed for doing it.  But he probably doesn't know how it blessed me, and he probably doesn't realize what a great example he set for his brothers.  Joshua wants to do the same (read the Book of Mormon before he turns 12). 

I know it may not make sense, but the fact that Hyrum did complete that goal, that he did read the Book of Mormon before he turned 12, and that he knows it blessed his life, makes me think that whatever happens in the future, things are really going to be ok.  I am so blessed, and I'm so thankful.

Pbbbbbt

Just what you always need on a stressful day like today:

I just found the brand new tub of butter upside down in a sink full of dirty dishes. 

Groan.

Things will look brighter after lunch, right?