Change of Direction

Well, guys, a good friend has brought to my attention the fact that this ol' blog has been too negative of late.  Too whiny.  Truth be told, I knew it.  I apologize for being a whiner.  I'm afraid I've been whining more than just on the ol' blog.  And the whining really reached a peak while Elizabeth was here.  I'm sure Jeremy can attest to that fact.  I often felt so trapped having her here.  I felt overwhelmed by her mere presence and I wanted nothing more than to have her gone.  But I simply couldn't ask her to leave.  Trapped.  And then there were all the other things that I have let get to me and weigh me down.  I guess I could honestly say that I LET IT overwhelm me.  Poo.

Well, whatever the reason, I am sorry for being a whiner.  I'm sorry for letting a complaining attitude prevail in my life.  That is lame.  I think I forgot that I am a fighter who doesn't like to be beaten.  (Well, I don't mind so much if it's a board game.  I just don't like to be beaten by things that are hard.)  The more I think about it the more I realized that I just surrendered and stopped fighting.  The very idea that I did that kind of disgusts me.  So here we go.  I will try again.  I can't guarantee that I am never going to complain again, but I can guarantee that I'm going to try again to make this a happy place like it was meant to be.  (Ahem, like the title says.)  And maybe I'd better get out my little journal and start writing the little things in my life I'm thankful for again.

So today, here are some things that I am happy/excited about - without a side of whine to go with it.

1. I was so excited to have confirmation that we are having a boy.  We are not surprised at all, but I wanted to have the ultrasound lady tell me for sure so I could start being crafty.  That is such a great part about being pregnant for me, whether or not we actually use the stuff I make.  I know that's silly, but being crafty while thinking happy thoughts about a baby who will soon join us (and feeling so in love with said baby and excited to meet him/her all the while) is a means to its own end.  Anyway, I've been collecting ideas on my pinterest board, and I'm excited to make something.
2. I like that this is little Brom.  Did I mention that we're calling him that?  I think so.  We are naming him Abraham and calling him Brom.  We need to come up with a middle name, though.  Cornelius?  Edward?  Frederick?  Jimbob?  George?  Elijah?  (Totally kidding about a few of those.  I bet you can guess which ones.)  It's fun to think about.  I'm excited to think about having him come and seeing which one on our real live list is THE ONE.  And thinking of having a son named Brom makes me think of the Robin Hood song, "Robin Hood and Little John walking through the forest, laughing back and forth at what the other'n has to say."  Except that I changed the words a bit.  Ahem, "Tiny Tim and Little Brom walking through the forest..."  Clever, I know!  It kind of makes me laugh.  It makes Jeremy think that labeling them this way will clearly mean that Tiny Tim is going to be really tall (taller than Hyrum) and Little Brom is going to be even taller.
3. I didn't mention that Jeremy and I went to the mall after the ultrasound.  We were feeling bummed that we couldn't go to the Temple, so it just seemed like we ought to do something.  Jeremy really wanted to go to GNC (quite possibly his favorite store on earth), and the only on we knew we could find was in the Superstition Springs Mall.  Anyway, we went and found it and came out with some of that yummy protein shake stuff and some wheat grass.  Jeremy loves protein shakes.  He has one every morning for breakfast and often has another one later in the day.  That is something he could happily have even more often too.  This particular kind is really, really good, which isn't something you can say for every brand of protein shakes.  And he also really likes wheat grass.  That was one of his favorite things he grew in our little garden a few years ago.  He'd go out at lunch time and water the garden while eating little carrots along with the greens and lots and lots of wheat grass while the sprinklers were going.  Then after GNC we went looking for glycerine soap, which Bath and Body Works stopped carrying years ago, apparently.  Darn it!  The skin on my face is really sensitive and dries out really easily, so I can't really use any other soap on it.  Jeremy wanted to get me something, so I chose some pretty candles and some soap that has glycerine in it, even though it isn't actual glycerine soap.  I always love smelling all the smells in there.  That is one of the main reasons to even go in, if you ask me.
4. The spring weather has been lovely.  Timmy has learned to unlock both locks on the back door and run outside before I have time to think twice.  He stays in the yard a lot better, so I just let him run for a while.  Now, if I could just get him to stay away from the oleanders and those grouchy dogs next door...  It delights me to no end to watch him run around out there.  You can tell he feels so free.  And one of the best parts about his running around out there is that he often has some strange get-up on.  He likes to wear hats and shoes that are too big.  He'll grab Papa's tennis shoes and cap and run out the door wearing them and his sleepers.
5. I have started working on Family History again.  I used to work on it every day back before and a little after Hyrum was born.  The new website the church has (https://familysearch.org/tree/) is so neat!  You can add stories and pictures.  You can help clean up duplicates and other messes and set the record straight.  And I discovered just yesterday that on familysearch.org you can search all those census records that everybody has been helping index.  How cool is that?!  No more searching through page after page on microfilm after microfilm full of census, marriage, and death records!  They are now all digitized and linked to pages from the actual documents.  We live in such an exciting time!  I think I'm going to keep this up.  And maybe I can go attach some real live census sources to people on Family Tree. 

Well, that is about all the happiness I can take for one day.  Cough, cough.  Just kidding. 

Thanks again, Heather.  I am feeling determined, and that is something that I really like.  It changes my attitude about everything.

Wait, wait.  I thought of 2 more.

1. I've decided that the best part about getting a new box of diapers is smacking it with my knuckles to break the tape and open it.  I used to do that all the time when I worked at Arby's.  It is way fun.
2. When we moved here we needed a new fridge.  To save money, we got the kind with the freezer on top instead of the side-by-side version we've had since we first moved into this house in 2004.  I have really missed having ice and cold water!  Well, I found a solution to the cold water problem.  I just keep a cup of water in the fridge.  The boys drink from it too and sometimes all I find is a cold, empty cup.  Ha, ha!  But most of the time I can find cold water in there, and it makes me so, so happy every time!

Big Bunch o' Random Thoughts

So... the big news of the day (or at least the big news of Monday, which really wasn't big news because we already kind of knew) is that our baby is a boy!  Our due date is still September 17, and I do not have placenta previa this time - again.  Phew!  Jeremy came with me for the ultrasound, and it was so nice to have him there.  He didn't get to go to any of Timmy's ultrasounds.  I had heard that if you drink some orange juice about 15 minutes before the ultrasound it will wake your baby up so he/she will be less likely to hide his/her gender and stay asleep.  It worked!  Our little guy was boppin' around.  He is still pretty tiny because I'm only 16 weeks, but it was fun to see him. :) And now I know what colors I can use because I've been feeling all crafty.  It made it seem so much more real that we really are having a baby, you know?  I am really excited! 

I know I've mentioned it before, but I LOVE my doctor!  He is so fun to meet with and he is a really good doctor.  This time he told us a couple of stories.  He said he had a Vietnamese couple who kept having girls.  After they found out that their, like, fifth baby was also a girl, the husband was really upset at his wife.  Dr. Joe pointed out that it's the husband who chooses the gender.  The wife provides an x and the husband is the one who provides an x or a y.  Anyway, according to Dr. Joe, "He would have no part of that.  He didn't believe me."  Apparently, he was pretty mad about it.  Dr. Joe asked the wife about it later and she said, "Oh, he just says things like that, but I don't pay any attention." 

And Dr. Joe also will tell us about his family from time to time.  He has an adopted son who, if I remember right, is black.  He's like 10 or so I think.  Anyway, this son is really into gymnastics and is pretty good at it.  He goes to class at ASU for that.  Dr. Joe says, "I think he walks on his hands more than his feet."  So Monday (April Fool's Day), this son was due to go back for gymnastics practice, and he was going to be wearing a U of A shirt for his April Fool's joke.  Dr. Joe just laughed and laughed thinking about the looks that would be on the faces there, seeing that shirt.  He was bummed that he was going to be working because he wanted to see it.  Yeah, I like Dr. Joe.  Good ol' guy.

Here are some ultrasound pictures.  They didn't come out very clear.  Little guy is still pretty tiny, and at this point his skin is still kind of thin.  So his face looks skeletal.  I got 4 pictures.  I don't feel the need to put the gender one here, so I'll give you the 2 best of the rest.

So for this one - he's looking at us, but he's turned with the top of his head on the right.  I circled his face for you.  It's fuzzy, but you can kind of make out eyes and a mouth.  That black spot at the top of his head is his brain cavity.  And the circular part to the left of his head is his abdomen, of course.

 

And here is his cute little foot.  Awww!!!  He's got the sole of his foot pointed towards us, in case you couldn't tell.

 

So we are planning on naming him Abraham and calling him Brom.  We thought we had a middle name, but we're not sure.  It's kind of fun to think up names, though, and I'm sure we'll figure it out soon enough.  We didn't know Michael's middle name until just after he was born.  It just fit.

And it was fun to have a little date with Jeremy.  We had planned to go to the Temple while we were there, but the Temple is closed on Mondays.  Darn!  But it was still fun to chat with him, and it was fun to try out Cafe Rio together.  There's a place in Cedar City that is like Cafe Rio, and we LOVED it.  We figured we'd like Cafe Rio too, and we did, of course.  We split a plate of nachos and a big tortilla.  We always just get water to drink.  Just as we were finishing, though, the horchata machine broke and was spewing out horchata all over the drink counter.  A worker came with a big bucket and stood there to catch it all.  Jeremy recognized an opportunity.  He took his water cup over there and said, "Can I have some?"  The lady was happy to oblige.  That was some good horchata!  And the nachos were really good too. :)

Timmy just woke up and came out to the living room.  He immediately started working of filling his pants.  The poor guy hasn't been feeling quite right since Monday.  He's been mostly happy, but on Monday morning I found him sleeping peacefully in his bed all covered in throw-up.  Poor guy!  I'm not sure how long he'd lain there like that.  I got him all cleaned up, which he didn't like too much.  I got him dressed and wrapped him up all warm to watch Spongebob (which he usually calls Bah-bob a Wih-ward, meaning Spongebob and Squidward, or Bah-bob Pants) on the couch while I got his brothers ready.  He threw up a little more while sitting there, but still seemed just mostly happy.  And he had some bad diarrhea at Grandma's house later.  He still has diarrhea, as evidenced by his juicy toots a minute ago.  Poor fella!  At least he's happy, though.  That's a good thing.  And now I think he's done, so I'd better go change that diaper!

I know that some of you know, but for those of you who don't know, Elizabeth has moved out.  She has been out for just over a week.  I'm pretty sure that my long old blog post (the one that wasn't very complimentary) had something to do with it.  I don't have much that I want to say about this except that we do wish her well.  I know that it was hard for her to move out, and I've worried about her.  I hope she will stay strong in the church because I know it will bless her life.  We hope that she can get out of Globe and that she can have a wonderful life.

So this weekend is General Conference for our church.  It airs on Saturday and Sunday.  Please watch it because it is awesome!  It is full of all sorts of instruction on the gospel.  I am really excited!  It is always so good, and it feels good because the Spirit confirms that it is true.  So - on Saturday and Sunday, figure out the time according to your time zone and hop on over to the page.  You can use the link above or go find it at lds.org.

This time at General Conference we may see women praying for the first time.  For the feminists in the church this is huge.  For me, I don't know that I'll notice much difference, honestly.  Our feminist friends insist that women don't play big enough roles in the church and are, therefore, being treated as less important.  I myself love being a woman, and I do not feel oppressed in the church in any way.  I never have.  I know my role, and I embrace it.  I'm thankful that I never have to be a bishop or anything like that.  And besides that, the church is set up according to true, eternal principles.  We as a people may not be perfect, but we try.  And I have nothing against men filling the majority of leadership positions in the church because that is their job.  They have their job and I get to be Mommy.  I think that is a pretty good deal.  I guess what I mean to say is that I don't think I will ever quite understand feminists, especially in the church.  And I'm happy where I am.  Still, I can sympathize with them for their hurt feelings, and I love my sisters in the church.  I see more or less where they're coming from, and I have nothing against their feeling that way.

I made chili last night.  I've been trying to make it right for years, just making it up as I go.  I've wanted a good crockpot chili recipe but have been too lazy to look one up.  Silly!  Well, last night I wanted chili and I wanted it to be good.  So I gave in and looked for a recipe.  I like using my crockpot because I have a lot of black beans in our food storage, and I really like black beans.  This was not a crockpot recipe and called for canned beans.  Ew!  (Canned beans not good on their own.)  This was a really good recipe, though.  Oh, it was so good!  And I was so pleased with myself that my chili tasted like chili.  And it even tasted like good chili.  Hooray!  I can't get over it.  Let's say it a few more times: it was so darn good, and it made me so happy!  Yea!  I just need to add diced tomatoes next time and it'll be even better!

Joshua

I've been slacking again!  I had thought what a great thing it was that I did Hyrum's little post on the 20th because the next day was Joshua's birthday.  I figured I'd do his then.  It ended up being a long, busy day!  We had planned to go camping that day, but with all the things that went on and with doing all the packing myself we didn't get out the door until the sun was going down.  So we postponed until the next day.  We had a little party with presents and hurriedly-made cake at our house on his birthday, and then we had our campout with peach cobbler the next day.  It all worked out.

Here is Joshua about to blow out his candle.

 

Joshua did well in the school spelling bee and the district spelling bee, so in February he went on to the county spelling bee in Payson.  He didn't make it very far there, but it was still exciting.  Jeremy and I took him there and watched.  Joshua got a medal after he misspelled, and he was pretty excited about that.  And then we went to Burger King and even got shakes! :O And he actually had a say about what went on his burger! Double :O (Usually when we go out to eat we have too many of us to allow for pickiness.)  It was a fun day, and we are so proud of him!

Joshua turned 11 on his birthday, and he is really frustrated that he has to stay in Primary still.  He tells me every Sunday that he doesn't want to go to Primary.  But he was really excited to get a Boy Scout shirt for his birthday, so I guess there are perks to being 11. :) He chose a long sleeve one, but now he doesn't want to wear it because the sleeves are hugely long.  He had to get a small adult size because the youth sizes are all too small.

Joshua got lucky this birthday.  Papa told him that if he would do all his homework every day he would earn a trip to the comic book store.  Joshua stuck with it for about a month and a half.  Before that he would usually get his homework done, but not always.  (Which, so far, has been ok with his teacher.  Thank heavens!  Some days it just cannot get done.)  Anyway, so Jeremy had Spring Break the week of Joshua's birthday.  On that Thursday (Joshua's actual birthday) he kept Joshua home from school and they took a trip by themselves down to the valley.  They went to the comic book store and the scout shop and ate out.  Joshua came home with a shy guy hat he had chosen (shy guys are on Mario games), some comic books that they gave him for free for his birthday, his new scout shirt, and I can't even remember what else.  They had a great time. :) We have never allowed them to skip school for a birthday before.  I'm not sure we will again, but I'm glad he had such a happy day.

Come to think of it, maybe it's appropriate that I didn't get this done until April because it's National Autism Awareness Month.  Joshua was placed on the autism spectrum last year.  We have been so thankful to have somebody truly understand him.  It was truly incredible to come together with his teacher and the school psychologist and have them know him on such a deep level.  I often think of parents who had to fight to get their children's conditions recognized.  And even then it was still a fight.  We are truly blessed to live when we do now when people actually understand this kind of stuff.

Joshua's autism is a mild form.  Back in the day it probably would have been considered Asperger's Syndrome, but they have stopped classifying that and just calling more disorders "autism spectrum."  I am ok with that except that autism is such a complicated subject that encompasses differences of all kinds.  It seems like it would be helpful to be specific about what kind of autism people are dealing with.  But either way, his classification allows him to get the help that he needs at school and it means that his teacher can be very lenient about whether or not he gets his homework done.

Now, let me tell you a little about how Joshua works.  He is vastly, endlessly creative.  He goes through more hot glue sticks than anybody I've ever seen.  He probably goes through about as much paper as I did as a kid, though - a lot!  The other day he used hot glue to balance a plastic Easter egg so that it would stand up on the pointy end.  One time he made a little water dispenser withe cardboard, straws, hot glue, and a water bottle.  Who thinks of these kinds of things?!  He may lack athletic dexterity, but what he lacks there he more than makes up for in creativity.

He is also very smart.  He is an excellent reader and often just understands big words without having them explained to him.  He does struggle in math, but I've noticed that it is because he gets stressed out about it.  If he can remain calm he does just fine with it.  I have actually spent a lot of time with him in years past working on his math, and it has been a huge, insurmountable task every day.  But this year he is working a lot more on his own.  He hardly needs any help at all.  It was gruelling work to sit with him to do it before because I had to constantly call his attention back to the task at hand.  He would figure out the problem and then get distracted before he could write it down and then forget what he was going to write.  It took hours every night to get through a normal-size math assignment that would take other children less than an hour.  Maybe 30 minutes.

This brings me to Joshua's biggest need - processing.  Joshua has to take time to process all the little details in his life before he can move on to something else.  He cannot physically move on until he has finished processing it all in great detail.  And the way he processes things is by talking about them.  He loves to sit and tell me all the little things that go on in his life.  He tells me about people's actions that puzzle him or make him laugh.  He'll often tell me random things that his teacher says.  He'll tell me how his classmates act around him.  In his old school he felt like his whole class were his friends.  I loved that.  Here, there are a few who ask him stupid questions all the time like he is stupid or something.  My child is not stupid!  Different is not necessarily handicapped or stupid (unless you are different in that you ask smart people stupid questions). 

Phew!  Got that off my chest. 

Anyway, what used to make homework take so stinking long was that he was stopping to process things.  And, like I said, he could not physically move on to the next task until he finished processing whatever was on his mind along with all its minute details.  It was exhausting working in this way.  I am not altogether sure what makes the difference this year, but I know that he feels comfortable talking to his teacher.  He feels like he is allowed to, and so he does some of his processing at school.  I always wonder how much processing he is actually doing there, but I am so very thankful that she understands that he needs that and allows it.  So thankful!  It makes his life so much better. 

Joshua will sometimes come and sit by me and asks, "Mommy, what are we going to do about the fact that I'm different?"  I love that he knows he is different and likes it that way.  And I love that he doesn't think it inhibits him.  He doesn't look at it as a handicap.  That is one huge thing I wanted him to understand, and he does.  But he asks because he knows that his other school would have been able to offer him more help than this school can.  This school just doesn't have the funding for things like that.  And Joshua doesn't feel like this school is giving him all the help he needs.  I am not sure how I feel about it, but I do worry a bit as I see him coming up on middle school age.  In Cedar City that would mean that he would switch classrooms all day like in high school.  If that were the case here he would need some help processing all that switching around.  Even though that is not the case here, middle school is a big leap in responsibility.  It would be so helpful if he could have a little assistant to follow him around to help him process and remember things.  I honestly don't know the answer to his question.  I wish there was more help available here.  All I can tell him is that his teacher is doing her best to help and that the school doesn't have money to offer him more help.

So anyway, that is something about life with Joshua's autism.  It is a challenge, but it is very much worth it.  We love Joshua just the way he is and we're thankful for how he is.  He blesses our lives.  I'm also thankful that there is actually an awareness out there about this kind of thing so that he can actually get some help.  He does do just fine in a regular classroom, and I think that is empowering for him.  (I've thought so many times about pulling him out and homeschooling him, but I always go back to the conclusing that he is doing fine and that he is growing at school in ways that homeschooling couldn't offer.) 

Joshua loves ramen, sandwiches, and pizza.  He is not a huge fan of potatoes.  He likes to cook from time to time.  He loves making crafts.  I think he is like me in that he enjoys a book so much more when he discusses it with others.  He loves his siblings, especially Jill and Timmy.  He and Jill get along really well, and Jill knows that Joshua adores her.  He has a pet rat named Scratchy who he takes everywhere he possibly can.  Scratchy spends a lot of time sitting on Joshua's shoulder or getting cuddled.  Sometimes I worry that he's not getting enough exercise, but he is such a sweet little guy.  I have fun watching him.  Joshua LOVES Scratchy and has told me a billion times how "adorable" he is.

That about sums it up for now.  Joshua is a great guy and we love him to bits!

Hyrum

One thing I've been wanting to do but have been kind of putting off is to write a little post about each of my children.  I feel I should record what they're up to and how they're doing.  So I'll do them one at a time as I get around to it.  It only makes sense to start with Hyrum! :)

 

 

Hyrum is 12.  I took this picture the night of his school science fair.  These bears represent the students of the month past and present.  I am pretty sure of that, anyway.  The white one behind his head is his.

And here is Hyrum with his science fair project.  He did a lot of it on his own.  Jeremy helped him do the experiments and take pictures, but he put the board together all on his own.  He was really disappointed that he didn't get a prize for his project.  So he decided it would be ok if he got at least a door prize.  Joshua got a door prize, and Hyrum was pretty sad.  Still, I think he had fun with his project, and I think he did a good job.  I'll post more science fair pictures on my photo site one of these days.

Hyrum  has mentioned quite a few times the fact that he is going to be a teenager this year.  He's feeling pretty grown up but a little nervous.  I look at these pictures and can't believe how my little boy has grown.  Wasn't he just born yesterday.  I am so proud of him, though.  He is a genuinely good person with a good heart. 

I think one of the biggest effects that Jeremy's being gone last summer had on Hyrum was that he felt the weight of being the man of the house.  He felt a lot of responsibility for helping with his siblings and keeping them in line.  He has always been that way, but having Jeremy gone made him feel it even more.  I think it has also been a help to him in ways that will be even more apparent as time goes on. 

Sometimes I worry because there are people who think we put too much on Hyrum's shoulders.  But then I take a good look at my boy.  No one can doubt that he is a caring, compassionate person.  He does like to pick on his brothers when he's bored, and he does get kind of bossy sometimes, but he's 12 and he is a big brother.  Papa's not always around to tease people, so somebody's got to pick up the slack. ;) But you can see in him how much he wants to be a help.  He's always looking out for somebody.  (Often that someone is me.)  He is a very loving person.  I think that is a God-given trait, and I'm proud of the way he uses it.

It is neat for me to see Hyrum in scouts and passing the sacrament.  And it is a delight to see him go to the Temple.  I think he understands just how neat that is.  It's awesome.  I have been thankful that Hyrum has been able to be in scouts with Aaron and Joe, since we do combined scout meetings with them a couple of times a month.  And I am a very proud mommy every Sunday, watching Hyrum fulfilling his Priesthood duties.  He takes that very seriously.  These things have been such a blessing in his life, too.  He has a place where he fits in and a work to do.  I think he is going to be just fine in life.

Hyrum loves video games - a lot.  I am sure he gets that from Jeremy and me.  He loves flying model helicopters and airplanes with Grandpa Badger.  He likes soft blankets and stuffed animals.  I must admit, I like feeling his soft dog, and I like how soft the underside is on that quilt of mine that he likes to steal.  We must be related. ;) Maybe he won't like me to tell you that, but everyone who knows him well knows he likes soft things.  He likes to cook, especially when I'll let him experiment.  Last year sometime while we were living in Cedar City he and I worked together to make a fancy cookie recipe.  It's pretty yummy.  It has chocolate, peanut butter, and coconut.  He used to tell us all the time that he wanted to be a chef someday.  I think that would be awesome!  I also like that he doesn't feel like it's his duty to cook.  It's just for fun. 

Another thing that Hyrum loves is reading.  It seems like every year in school until this year his teachers have mentioned that they sometimes can't get him to stop reading.  He gets all wrapped up in a good book and doesn't want to stop.  I admit that that delights me.  Do you know how many books we have around here?  We have a lot!  Most of them are still in boxes from when we moved to Cedar City, but someday we are going to have a library in our house again.  It will be so great!  We probably love books a little too much.  Oh, well.  Seeing my children enjoy a good book makes me really happy.

Hyrum is doing pretty well in school.  Last semester he struggled with getting all his assignments in because he misses some of them when he goes to band.  He just has to know what work to catch up on and do it.  He does really well getting his homework done quickly, though, and he did do better the second quarter.  Report cards come out Thursday, and I am sure he's doing just fine.  This school year has definitely brought an increase of personal responsibility.  I'm sure that Hyrum isn't the only one who has struggled a bit with that.  Still, it's a good thing to learn, and he's learning it.

So there you go.  There is a long old shpeel about Hyrum.  He is a great guy.  I'm immensely proud of him and I love him a lot.

In totally unrelated news, what in the world is up with Danni's hair on the Biggest Loser finale?!  I am so glad that she won, but I will feel like throwing up always and forever when they show her as this season's winner, and that hair is scary!  She is such a pretty girl!  Who destroyed her?!  It's slicked back on the sides and poofy on top.  It looks like all she's missing is the banana clip to hold her 'do in place.  Or maybe she's trying to be a horse.  I don't know.

Still, go, Danni!  I always liked her.  I was really glad to see David and Joe looking so good.  And Jackson.  I was way bummed that Gina won the at-home prize.  We were rooting for everyone but her.

Spring Has Sprung

I am ready to return to our regularly scheduled happiness, you know, about happy things here in Happy Land.

First up, check this out!

My grape flowers are back!  Hooray!  They are more sparse than in the other years we've lived here.  That is probably because of our lovely tenants, I imagine.  However, I'm so happy to see them return.  I believe their real name is grape hyacinth.  Welcome, springtime!

Also, we did a little project during spring break.  I didn't take pictures of the actual process because my hands were sticky, but here's what we did:

 

We wrapped balloons in string and coated them with sugar water to make Easter eggs.  Some of them turned out really good.

 

 

Some fell apart.  And one in particular makes me laugh (that middle one).  I had to keep it just for that reason.  What happened to that one was that after we got that balloon all wrapped it slowly deflated.  Up close it even kind of looks pretty.  It's like lace. :) The one in the middle I did for myself.  The one on the left I did for Jill, and the one on the right I did for Michael.

 



 And here are Benji's.  He was so excited about this project, and he kept wanting to make more.  He forgot to dip his balloon in the sugar water before he hung it out, but we were running out of it anyway.  I drizzled some of it on there as it hung outside, but it didn't help much.  It still looks kind of cool, though, and it is holding together.  Hyrum's didn't end up with much string at all.  He's the type that just wants to get it done and be done.  Anyway, it fell right apart.

 

And here is Joshua's.  He was pretty pleased with it and didn't want it hung up.  But his brothers were playing with it and it got a little floppy in a few spots, so he finally let me hang it with the others.

 



Addendum to My Last Post

I am quite aware that my last post was anything but complimentary.  Even so, I am not sorry for what I wrote.  It was time.  That was one post that I felt strongly needed to be written.  I didn't mention every little thing that I could have, and there's even one big thing that I left out entirely (ahem, flirting).  But overall, I am glad for what I wrote and that I was able to sit down and say exactly what I've been wanting to say.

With that being said, I would like to reiterate that one of the biggest reasons why Elizabeth has not been kicked out is that Jeremy and I have both felt very strongly that she needed to be here.  There is a reason why she's here.  So I do hope that we have done her some good.  I mean, I know that we have, but I feel like in this whole poopy business I have spent so much time being angry and hurt and frustrated (and trying to avoid her) that I'm not sure I could honestly say I did all I could.  I suppose time will tell.

And as I tried to say in that post, we have seen her making little improvements here and there.  I am thankful for that.  With that being said, I wish that meant that having her here was less trouble than it used to be.  Alas, it is not.  She is still just as stressful as ever.  But I still have high hopes for her future.  I still think she could be just fine someday.

It has also come to my attention that Elizabeth herself read that post.  I'm sure you could tell I didn't write it with any concern that she'd actually read it.  I was writing to say what needed said.  I'm still not sorry for what I said, and I'm not sorry she read it.  The truth has its way of coming out eventually.  I just helped it along.  In a big way.

And, no, Elizabeth has not talked to me about that post or anything else since.  In fact, Jeremy told her yesterday that she was supposed to decide where she was sleeping last night and then talk to me if she was going to be staying here.  Yep, you bet she still didn't talk to me.  Add that to the pile.

A Longie

This poor old blog.  It is suffering from lack of use.  It's not that I have nothing to say or that I never think about writing on it.  It's just that I'm too lazy to turn on my computer lately, and my phone just doesn't cut it when writing anything on the internet.

First of all, here is a little gem for ya.

Timmy's sleeping schedule has been a little off.  You all know that even as a newborn he didn't like to nap.  Well, he was extra tired on Sunday afternoon.  I cuddled him in my recliner and we both fell asleep.  Then I got up and put him in a bed and he slept on.  That meant that he didn't need as much sleep Sunday night.  So he got up with me yesterday morning (6:00).  That meant that by late afternoon he was wandering around the house sobbing inconsolably.  And the next thing I knew he was leaning against the little couch with his eyes closed, just about to fall over.  Cute boy!  I helped him onto the couch and he snoozed for a couple of hours before I tried to get him up for dinner.  Then he snoozed in my arms for another hour or so! 

About those boots - a few weeks ago it snowed, so I got out snow gear and Jill, Timmy, and I went to the track to play in the snow that was covering the football field.  These boots are too big for Timmy, but he wore them anyway and had a great time.  And ever since then he just loves it when he can find those boots.  If I have his regular shoes on, he'll strip them off at his earliest convenience and find some boots to wear.  He also really likes Michael's boots.  And if boots aren't to be found he will gladly steal anybody's shoes he can find.  He is just obsessed with big shoes lately. 

And, ah, what the hey.  Here is another gem:

Yes, I did censor this one.  His older brothers were horrified that I would take this picture, so I promised them I'd fix it.

On this particular evening Timmy stripped down to his diaper.  It's pretty normal for him to strip down.  It's not very normal for him to strip down and leave just a diaper.  I didn't bother getting him dressed because we were having spaghetti and it would just get all over his clothes.  So he happily ate his spaghetti in just a diaper.  But after dinner he ran and found these boots, and the next thing I knew he'd stripped off his diaper and wet on the living room floor.  (Yes, while wearing these boots.)  It made me laugh so hard I had to take a picture.  So there you go.  Spaghetti-covered boy wearing nothing but boots.  He gets so, so happy when he is naked.

In the last month Timmy has really been blossoming.  He's starting to use more real words.  His favorite is "no," but he never uses it in a mean voice.  He says it meaning no and yes.  If I say something and he means to agree he'll say, "No," and then repeat what I said the best he can.  This means a mixture of babbles and real words.  I love it!  He loves to talk about animals and the things he sees in the world around him.  Last night we were kneeling for family prayer.  Timmy came up behind Michael, lifted up the back of his shirt and said, "Oh.  Iss your dahper." (It's your diaper.)  Ha, ha!  I guess he figures everyone wears diapers.  His just look a little different. 

We have been loving this warm weather.  Timmy's been a lot better about staying inside the fence.  Yesterday I spent some time out there with him and ended up sweeping the carport.  He ran all over the yard exploring, and every once in a while he'd come and help me sweep.  He had a great time.  It's good that he stays in the gate better because he knows how to unlock the back door and open it.  He can even undo the deadbolt. :O I just have to keep an eye on him at all times!

And now for a more contemplative matter.  I've had a prayer in my heart as the scripture tells me to.  There is one particular thing that we've been needing help with, and so I've been praying, and so has Jeremy.  Well, this morning the toilet was stopped up.  Jeremy was running late and couldn't fix it, so the task fell on me.  It overflowed a bit and I plunged a lot.  I prayed and asked for help to fix it.  It didn't seem like my plunging was doing anything, but I knew that God could help me.  And guess what.  He did!  I just kept right on plunging, and after a while I could hear the pipes finally getting freed up from whatever clog there was, and then the toilet flushed like it should.  I was so thankful!  God did hear my prayer, and in my heart I felt that this was a confirmation that he heard my other prayer too.  I am thankful beyond words.  Everything is going to work out, and, I know that He knows our need.  I'm so glad.

And now for something I have been avoiding (through monumental effort): complaining about Elizabeth in detail in a public space. I resisted the urge numerous times to say on Facebook, "What in the world do you do when you can't stand somebody who is living in your house?" Maybe that's one reason why I haven't written on here. My thought process always leads there, but I couldn't do it. The obvious answer to the question above is obviously, "Kick her out. Show her the door. Dump her out on the street." However, it's not that simple for me. I am horribly non-confrontational (though she did get an earful for breaking the rules yesterday morning). And Jeremy and I both have had God tell us that she needed to be here. So we are waiting on Him for now.

So what's wrong with Elizabeth, you might ask? Plenty, I say. PLENTY. She grew up as the baby of a family that didn't really want her. So she was both neglected and spoiled. This has led to her being incredibly self-centered. At first we didn't see this. She can feign interest in other people's lives up to a point. But the longer she lived here the more we learned about her. We were able to see patterns in her behavior and in conversations with her. Every morning when she woke up she'd begin our first conversation with, "My tummy hurts." There was no, "How are you doing?" or anything of that sort. And then after a few weeks I noticed that she couldn't carry on a conversation without twisting it to be about her. If the conversation didn't include her she would suddenly change the subject to be about her. And every conversation meant that she had something that she wanted us to pity her for. Sometimes she was looking for praise for something she did, but usually she wanted us to pity her. It started to wear on me. Who can stand to feel sorry for someone that often?! It's exhausting. Then I suddenly realized that means she'd been manipulating us. That made me really mad. I also noticed that she'd change her story about horrible things that happened in her past. I don't doubt that horrible things did happen to her. She has the markings of them. But she can't keep her stories straight. And sometimes she would tell just enough truth that it was the truth without telling the parts that might make her look bad. Unfortunately this has happened a lot, and it still happens. I'm not sure that she actually knows how to tell the truth. All this made me feel like she manipulated us to get us to let her move in. That is true up to a point. Her dad really did say that she'd better get out and that he was going to throw away anything she left behind. But he didn't stick with that. He changed his mind later. And she probably knew he would.

Here are some other examples: one night she was talking to Jeremy about something while I was getting my last stragglers off to bed. He told her that I was probably trying to avoid her and that she should probably go to bed so that I could go to bed. Well, it was true. She didn't like that. She said, "Well, that makes me feel a lot better," and stormed off to bed. Jeremy knows me pretty darn well. Her story turned out to be different, though. The next morning she told me something quite different that anybody would be upset about. Still it left me shaking my head. I'm his wife, ya idjit.

Then there's the history she has with Aaron and Kenzie. Aaron was her teacher, and she worked for him for a summer. She got to really like him (she has a crush on him), so she'd text him all the time asking for help with her problems. She told me that Kenzie just never really gave her a chance, though. She said one day Kenzie texted her back instead of Aaron and basically told her to bug off and leave her husband alone. Well, according to Kenzie, she left out the part about how she'd ask Aaron to bring Brookie and meet her at the park or wherever so she could talk out her problems. Oh, goodness girl. *facepalm* She is so clueless.

And then there's the matter of her life full of drama. Oh, goodness. It has been absolutely MISERABLE! It's not that horrific things happen to her all the time. It's that she plays them up and augments them into huge monsters. Then she wants comfort and advice from everyone and their dog, though she doesn't take advice. And she will drag the drama on for days because her life is so miserable. She'll come and talk to Jeremy or to both of us and tell us how horrible things are and want us to help her fix it, but heaven forbid we should point out that she was in the wrong as well or offer advice on how to fix the problem. That also has been exhausting. We end up having these long old conversations that just leave me wiped out, just trying to talk her down and make her feel better or something. I don't see why she can't see that she is taking up all our time that we would be spending with our children. She has cost us both monumental amounts of energy and brain power, just trying to help her with her blown-up problems. And the real problem with that is that they are not our problems. They are hers. And she is 19 - old enough to be able to deal with them herself.

And the sad thing is, she's just completely oblivious to the huge burden she has been. She simply has no idea. But she does make me so very thankful for my own children. They are so much better-adjusted and more mature than she is. I think that comparatively they are going to do awesome in life.

I do have to mention one more incident that we've been dealing with in regards to Elizabeth. The missionary who baptized her is still in our area, and she has a major crush on him. And on top of that they've done a great job building a relationship. This missionary has not been a very good example in that he breaks many of the rules. He has given her rides to different places. He has her come over to his apartment to get things or help him with last-minute whatevers. (But she stays outside, so it's not really breaking the rules, they say. Oh, gimme a break.) He's picked up our children and held them. Just a few examples. And then there's the fact that for her new member discussions they would meet at the park and goof off. Well, as soon as this missionary was alerted to the fact that she was falling for him he tried to break things off right away. For Elizabeth that meant bawling in her car while talking to him on the phone for like three hours. And because she happened to be at my in-laws' house, she dragged her drama into their lives and ruined what would have been a nice evening. At least I thought it could be a nice evening. They could have had a girl party! I mean, it was just Mom, Rachel, and Susie. And Elizabeth with her baggage. Anyway, so now every time she sees this missionary she's just a wreck. I am sad about the situation because not only does it mean her heart is broken, but that he was a bad example to a new convert and to someone who wants to serve a mission. She has also demonstrated her belief that rules are conditional or just for when it's convenient or just for when she feels like it. She needs a better example than this.

Anyway, so in the meantime we've been trying to help her. We convinced her to go off to school at EAC in Thatcher in the fall. Score! That means a definite moving-out date, but it also means that she'll be surrounded by good LDS kids who can help her, and she'll also have the institute, which means that if she ever has questions (which she does all the time but thinks she's incapable of finding answers to herself and doesn't like to ask Jeremy or me) she can go find one of the teachers and ask away. I think it will be just plain awesome. She has a billion and one fears, and this will hopefully help her overcome some. That would be great. Also, we convinced her to go get a job. Hallelujah! That means she's beaten that fear and now can hopefully someday be a normal, functioning member of society. And she's enjoying it. I am very glad for that.

And lest you think that we wish her nothing but a poopy future, please know that despite the tons of poop she's shoveled into our lives and despite the fact that she's taken much and given infinitesimal specks of help in comparison, we hope she will go on to have a happy life. We hope that she will learn to converse normally with other people. (I actually think she's getting better.) We hope that she will learn to not blow things out of proportion. We hope that she will learn to pick herself up and be happy despite her challenges. We hope that she will serve that mission because we know it will help her as she serves the Lord by serving others. And we hope that someday she will be married in the Temple and have a bunch of cute little kiddos. I do think that she'll be a very loving mom someday. She loves kids and she does really well with Jill and Timmy. So there are our hopes. And now we're hoping that she will move out ASAP too. I don't think I can stand to live with her all through the summer, but I don't want to send her back to her parents' house. I'm glad that her relationship with them is better, but that doesn't mean it will stay better if she moves back in.

So there you go. And you bet your boots that the question of adopting her is absolutely out of the question and I will be laughing maniacally when she moves out. And happily. Happy maniacalness.

And in writing this post, I'm not sure how it's going to be taken. I'm not trying to whine. I'm trying to document. Our children don't understand why we want her gone. Someday they will understand. For now, though, I honestly have good hopes for the future. I'm not feeling mad at her today, even if I do feel kind of exasperated. I will no doubt roll my eyes again at something she does later, but I'm glad to not be wandering around feeling mad. And at this point I can feel the Spirit confirming that it's ok for me to want her gone in that she is proving detrimental to my well-being and Jeremy's as well. We can't go on feeling stressed out all the time about someone who was never supposed to be our problem. We have children to raise, and I hope, hope, hope that they have not learned from her bad example.