Just Because

I just remembered something.  One night when Joshua was just a few months old we were living in Mesa and Jeremy was away with his scouts overnight. Joshua spent a lot of the night crying.  I do remember feeling frustrated and probably even angry at a few points as the night wore on, but what I remember most is pacing up and down and up and down that hall, carrying Joshua. I walked slowly and bounced as I went. It seemed to be the only thing I could do to calm him.

I remembered something about an after-hours clinic our pediatrician had, so I looked it up, and in the morning I was able to take him in. It was in the mall and the exam rooms were extra cheerful. He had an ear infection or two. Poor fella. I was so thankful that they could take care of him and I didn't have to wait until Monday.  What a tender mercy for Joshua and me both.

I am thankful for times like that. It seems like sometimes I look back on the hard times fondly because I remember taking care of those who mean the most to me and feeling love for them intensified. What a neat thing. Truly, the more love you give, the more you have to give.

Throwback Thursday

Here is my daddy holding me on my blessing day. :) (Scroll down to "Naming and Blessing Children" if you follow that link.) I love this picture!  Just look how he's looking at me!  I think he likes me. ;) Also, it is good to remember that our parents were young parents once.  They experienced the same joys and worries. And they made it out ok. :)

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday Inspiration

I've really gotta get used to this blogging every day again thing. :)

So...Tuesday Inspiration. Here I will quote something I read or explain something I learned. Here is something I read this last week from Man's Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.

"We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms--choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way...

Dostoevsky said once, 'There is only one thing that I dread: not to be worthy of my sufferings.' These words frequently came to my mind after I became acquainted with those martyrs whose behavior in camp, whose suffering and death, bite witness to the fact that the last inner freedom cannot be lost. It can be said that they were worthy of their sufferings; the way they bore their suffering was a genuine inner achievement. It is this spiritual freedom--which cannot be taken away--that makes life meaningful and purposeful."

That is pretty darn great. I honestly had no idea what I was getting into reading that book, but lemme tell you, it is quite interesting. It turns out that Dr. Frankl was not a Jew. He was a psychologist who got sent to Auschwitz for helping Jews. And his book isn't like other Holocaust books because it is about the psychology of it all and the need to find meaning even in suffering. It is really neat. I like, also, that he doesn't leave God out of the equation. Psychologists these days have to. I often think that if there is a reason when psychology fails that is it.

And there you go. That is your inspiration for the day. :)

And now for a word about our littlest guys.

Timmy is quite passionate about Angry Birds. He called it "Anga Birds" for a long time, but is now starting to call it. "Angy Birds." (That is angry without the r.) He sees the Angry Birds stuffed animals and piggy banks at Wal-Mart and gets really excited. He also likes Bad Piggies, which is made by the same company and is quite good at it. Anyway, last night he saw Michael wearing Angry Birds slippers and came absolutely unglued. He just had to have those things! Finally we pulled out some Yoshi ones. He doesn't know who Yoshi is though, so we called it a dinosaur (which he calls" dine-suh-sore"), so he tried to open Yoshi's mouth and said, "Waaahr!" (That's how dine-suh-sores growl, after all.)

Timmy also really loves puzzles. He watched me doing the puzzle app on my phone many times. He liked that a lot. We also have some little kid puzzles on a preschool app on that computer. He does them easily. For Christmas we got him a set of four Winnie-the-Pooh puzzles (6-9 pieces each). He loves those too. He can sort all the pieces into the right puzzles too. And what really amazes me is that he can do the puzzle Jill got for Christmas really well. It is like 24 pieces!

And Brom is 4 months old now. He is doing great. Brookes to grab things. He likes to study his hands as they grab each other. He likes to stick his fist in his mouth, and sometimes he'll get one or two fingers pried out of his fist and suck on them. He likes to lay on the floor sometimes, and when I lay him there he waves his arms and kicks his legs like crazy. It's so cute! He does the same in the bathtub. Fun times!

Brom is overall such a happy guy. But when he is having a hard time and isn't hungry or stinky he likes me to cuddle him close with his pluggy in his mouth, and he likes me to hold his hands. It calms him down pretty good, and then he falls asleep for a bit. He probably was just sleepy anyway.

Brom doesn't nap much. He prefers to nap in our arms if he is napping. He wakes up as soon as he is set down. But he sleeps like 7 or more hours every night, so I guess that is the price we pay. It's ok. Oh, and he loves Mommy and Papa best.

Ok, just a bit more about Timmy. He and Joshua both have official autism diagnoses. That means we can get therapy for Timmy. I think Joshua is fine without it. Timmy has been starting to understand ownership and will often claim his own things now. ("My chip. My ball.") He uses a few sentences and understands what they mean. (Before, the only sentences he used were just repetition of things he has heard, and he just kind of copied the sounds. He didn't really understand what he was saying.) And a few weeks ago we borrowed the Diary of a Wimpy Kid movie from the library. There is a kid on it that likes to say "Zoo-ee mama!" Timmy picked up on that (like other phrases he picks up from movies and commercials) and kept saying it, and then a day or so later he was calling me Mama and knowing what he meant! Kind of a funny round-about way, but that silly movie helped me to finally get a name! :D

Monday

Don't you love how I thought it was Tuesday last Wednesday?  I did all day, even though I took the boys to scouts.  (It was Michael's first time at Cub Scouts!  Yea!)  So I wrote that Monday Meme thinking it was Tuesday.  When I realized it was Wednesday I decided I was too far behind and I'd just start again today.  So here I am. Ahem.

1. Your ex is on the side of the road, on fire. What do you do?
Assuming I had an ex, I would probably help him.  It is the right thing to do.
  
2. Your best friend tells you she is pregnant. What is your reaction?
Duh! I would congratulate her! That is awesome.  What kind of question is that?

3. When is the last time you wanted to punch someone in the face?
Well, I don't think I have ever wanted to punch somebody in the face.  I was pretty upset with somebody yesterday, though.  I am sorry I can't elaborate here. :P

4. What is the last thing you spent money on?
Groceries

5. Do you think you gained or lost weight this past month?
Probably gained a bit

6. Crunchy or Puffy Cheetos?
Crunchy, but I think I have about reached my limit on these.  They definitely don't sound as good to me as they used to.

7. The first person on your friends list just called you a bad word. What do you do?
What are we?  In grade school?  Well, I guess I would cry and unfriend.  I can't imagine why anybody would do that, though.  What did I ever do?! ;)

8. Congratulations! You just had a son. What’s his name?
That's just mean.  I've already got 6.  I am about out of names.  I guess we'll have to go with Frederick (pronounced like on Sound of Music).

9. Congratulations! You just had a daughter. What’s her name?
I did?!  What the...  Where in the world will we put her?  Her name is Hannah.

10. What are you craving right now?
Nothing

11. What was the last thing you cried about?
Refer to #3 (What is up with these questions? Who is going to really answer that?)

12. When you buy something and your change is 2 cents, do you keep it or tell the cashier to keep it?
Keep it, though my coin purse is too full.

13. What color is your tissue box?
I don't have one.  I use TP.  It's nicer than a lot of tissue on the market, anyway.

14. Do you have a ceiling fan in your bedroom, and if so, is there dust on that fan?
Yes to both

15. What was the last voicemail you received about?
A dentist appointment

16. Have you ever blocked someone on Facebook?
Yes.  I have a friend who suddenly rated about 100 (no exaggeration) romance novels on Good Reads one day.  I was shocked, and I was annoyed that my news feed was full of crap. (PS That is a swear word for me.  I only use it when I'm pretty mad.)  Her only other posts were her menu for the week.  What the...?  I didn't want to hurt her feelings, though, so I blocked instead of unfriending.

17. Scariest thing you’ve experienced in the last year?
Goodness.  I don't like thinking about that.  I guess I'll just say it's pretty darn scary to have a C-section and leave it at that.

18. Do you wear a name tag at work?
Nope.  I think they know my name around here.

19. What kind of car do you want?
I want the van I have, except clean. :D

20. What do you order when you go to Burger King?
Whopper - yum!

21. Have you ever had a garage sale?
Yes. We disliked it so much we've never done it again. We just donate.

22. What color is your cell phone?
Black

23. What is the last alcoholic beverage you had?
Haaaaa-haa-haa!  Alcoholic beverage?  You're funny.

24. Are you happy right now?
Sure.

25. Who came over to your house last?
Becca and her son David

26. Do you drink beer?
No.  What in the world?

27. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted?
I think Jennifer might have once. I don't know.

28. What is your favorite key on your key chain?
The van key, I guess.  It's the easiest to spot.

29. What was the last movie you watched at home?
Lord of the Rings series?

30.What is in your pocket?
 Wearing a skirt today.  But my pants usually have my phone and shopping lists and receipts.

31. Who introduced you to your husband?
Nobody.  I just saw him there.

32. Where do you hurt?
My shoulder and arm are tired because I'm feeding Brom while I type, and this chair also hurts my bum after a while.

33. Has someone ever made you a Build-a-Bear?
No.  Thank heavens!  I've got too much stuff.

34. What’s something fun you did today?
Talked to Brom.

35. What is your favorite aisle at Target?
Food

36. When is your birthday?
February 3

37. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror?
No

38. How many states in the US have you been to?
5

39. What kind of milk do you drink?
Whole or 1%.  I get whole for Jeremy because he doesn't get enough calories.  WIC buys us 1%.  So it just depends on if I used WIC checks to buy it or not.

40. What are you going to do after this?
I'm hoping to get Jill's room clean today and set up the crib in there for Brom.

41. Who was the last person you went shopping with?
Brom and Jill are my most frequent shopping buddies.  I think last time I had Joshua with me instead of Jill.

42. What is something you need to go shopping for?
Probably milk.  Definitely bread.  Maybe eggs.

43. Do you have the same first name as one of your relatives?
No.

44. What kind of car do your parents drive?
Good question

45. Are you rich?
 Ha, ha!  No.

46. What color is your couch?
Brown

48. What famous person do you look like?
 Nobody I know of

49. Does someone like you right now?
Jeremy does. :D And I am pretty sure my children do too.

50. Say you were given a pregnancy test right now. Would you pass or fail?
Uhhhh... Well, that depends on whether or not I want to be pregnant, doesn't it?  I am pretty sure I'm not pregnant.

51. Favorite pop-tart flavor?
Cherry. No icing.  But I can't stand to eat them very often.

52. Do you know anyone in jail/prison?
No.

53. What are your plans for the weekend?
Get ready for Sunday and go to church :D

54. Do you like the color green?
Yep

55. Who was the last person you sent an instant message to?
Do you mean on Facebook?  I don't really message anywhere else.  I think it was my siblings.

56. Last restaurant you went to?
McDonald's drive-thru on the way home from the Temple :)

57. How many hours did you sleep for last night?
I think I slept about 10, but I was awoken like 3 times.  Still, I need to start getting to bed and out of bed earlier.

58. Do you swear at your parents?
Nope.  Not even in my head. ;)

59. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?
No

60. Have you ever changed your clothes while in a vehicle?
Yes.

61. What is your ringtone?
 I don't remember.  I switched it recently, but it is just one that came with the phone.

62. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Sleeping.

Meme Monday

Allrighty, guys. It is a new year, and I am kind of bored with my old blogging format. (You know, where I blog when the notion strikes if said notion happens to coincide with time to act upon it.) So today I sat and thought up a new way to blog, and it ought to be more fun (at least for me!) I may shake things up even more later, but for now I will just have a theme every day.

So starting yesterday, Monday is Meme Monday. Except that I didn't think of this until today, so I will try to do both yesterday and today right now. Whee! :)

For Meme Monday I will find a list of questions and answer them. I love that idea. :) Besides, I like to make runoff or change the questions or correct the grammar sometimes. All the better. Most memes seem to be written for teens anyway, so they are fun to make fun of. And if I happen to change a question, that is fun because I am asking myself questions in front of an audience,  and that makes me giggle. :)

So anyway, for this first meme I looked for one that was for adults but not risque or something. I scored on my first try. :) So here we go.

1. What bill do you hate paying the most?
I would say mortgages because they cost the most, but I like having a house. Maybe I should say phone because it costs a ridiculous amount. Hmmm... No. Probably my least favorite thing to spend money on is stuff at Wal-Mart. It is usually just necessities, but it always costs too much, and that makes me feel bad.

2. Do you miss being a child?
Nope. I am pretty happy with my life as it is, even though it is stressful at times.

3. What chore you hate the most?
Probably dishes. Gross. But I am always so happy when they're done. I like the bleach-clean smell of the dishwasher soap, and I like seeing the kitchen clean. But doing them is gross. I would rather wash the toilet.

4. Where was the last place you had a romantic dinner?
Well, hmmm... We really don't get to go out for romantic dinners much. Usually, when we go on a date (every 6 months or so) we go to a movie and are running too late to eat too. So we hurry and grab our kids after the movie and go eat some cereal or a protein shake at home. The last time we ate out of our house together was probably in the hospital after Brom was born. Ha ha! But our favorite restaurant in Globe is China Taste.
Phew! At this pace this post will be a mile long!

5. If you could go back and change one thing what would it be?
I would be more patient. I would try to plan ahead so we didn't have to rush every time we go anywhere.  Actually, I am working on this. There is still time.

6. What was the name of your first grade teacher?
It was Mrs. Ball. She was nice. She let us bring a book and tape from home, and then we could sit on a stool in front of the class and show the book and turn the pages. That was way fun.

7. What do you really want to be doing right now?
Hmmmm... I'd like to be eating or sleeping, but really right now I am pretty pleased with what I am doing already.

8. What did you want to be when you grew up?
I wanted to be a nurse or a ballerina or a teacher, each at different times. My last one (that I took to college with me) was music teacher.

9. How many colleges did you attend?
2. Eastern Arizona College (AA degree in music education) and Chandler-Gilbert Community College (just for the gym).

10.Why did you choose the shirt that you have on right now?
It is relatively free of stains and holes, and it is not too tight.

11. What are your thoughts on gas prices?
I don't have time to pay much attention to them. They are too high, but I am thankful for discounts I get at Fry's.

12. First thought when the alarm went off this morning?
I haven't been using an alarm on weekdays. I have been waking up to Brom. I always try to decide if I'll fall back asleep or just be awake, but most of the time I just have to wait and see. Sometimes I am too tired to be awake, and sometimes my brain starts turning and I can't go back to sleep.

13. Last thought before going to sleep last night?
"Good golly, I love this bed!"

14. What famous person would you like to have dinner with?
Oh, how about President Monson? :)

15. Have you ever crashed your vehicle?
I backed into our gate post at least twice. Does that count?

16. If you didn't have to work, would you volunteer?
I am a stay-at-home mom. I don't really have time.

17. Get up early or sleep in?
Sleep in, please!

18. What is your favorite cartoon character?
Any that can make me laugh really hard. I like Patrick on Spongebob. Be Os pretty consistent. 

19. Favorite thing to do at night?
Sleep. After watching something or reading a book.

20. When did you first start feeling old?
When I was pregnant.

21. Favorite lunch meat?
I am not a fan of sandwiches hardly at all. But I do like a sub sandwich now and then with turkey or pastrami.

22. What do you get every time you go into Wal-Mart?
Most times: milk and bread.

23. Do you think marriage is an outdated ritual?
No. I think it is necessary.

24. Favorite movie you wouldn't want anyone to find out about?
I don't really have a movie that I worry about people knowing about. As for TV shows, people might be surprised that I like watching Bones. But I'm not really embarrassed about that either. Hmmm... Yeah, I am pretty comfortable with myself.

25. What's your favorite drink?
I love water and milk, but my absolute drool-inducing favorite is probably orange juice.

26. Who from high school would you like to run into?
Oh, ow about Gina Bond or Heather Broadbent. I like them. :) Of course, they are both married now, so those names are not up to date. But you all know who I mean. Maybe.

27. What radio station is your car radio tuned to right now?
I don't know. I don't like the radio stations here. I wish I had a CD player!

28. Sopranos or Desperate Housewives?
Uhhh... I have never watched either, and I think I would like to keep it that way.

29. Worst relationship mistake that you wish you could take back?
I wish I had learned to communicate before I got married. That would have saved some trouble. (And not just how to do it but to actually do it.) I also wish I had stood up for myself more. But we live and learn and I am getting better.

30. Do you like the person that sits directly across from you at work?
These people are my children and husband, so yes. That is a definite yes.

31. Have you ever had to use a fire extinguisher for its intended purpose?
No.

32. Last book you finished reading?
The Hiding Place. Oh, I loved it!

33. Do you have a teddy bear?
Yep. His name is Jeremy. :) I do have a stuffed teddy bear too, but I am not even sure where he is.

34. Strangest place you have ever brushed your teeth?
I guess on the porch of a cabin.

35. Do you go to church?
Yep. I go every Sunday, and I love it!

36. How old are you?
35 (for 26 more days)

Random Ramblings

We have less than 2 weeks until Christmas, and our tree isn't even up.  For some reason I just have not been feeling Christmasy this year.  I think it's my lack of Christmas music, so I should fix that up ASAP.  Like today.  Last night, though, Jill was sad to not go with her Papa to get Hyrum from scouts, and I suddenly thought of something that would make her happy.  I could hang lights around our front door like last year.  So I did!  And in the process I found our wreath and hung that up too.  Jill was so pleased.  She gasped at the beauty of those little lights as soon as I plugged them in, and she was so pleased when she found the pink ones.  So now we have not one but two Christmas decorations up.  I'd better get on the ball!  Maybe the tree will go up tonight.  We'll see.

Yesterday on Facebook my friend Amy Durfee Zeigler posted something so nice about me.  Here's what she said: "Another Christmas memory. Well it wasn't Christmas but almost. Also at EAC. Even though I am not much if a singer, I decided to join my friend Christine Badger Burk in Dr. David Lunt's directed Handels Messiah. I remember feeling the spirit so strongly as we sang about our Lord. Christine has such a great voice. She hit every note so beautifully."

Awww!  Well, anyway, you know what I mean about singing at Christmas.  It is one of my favorite things about Christmas.  When we were in The Living Christmas Tree I wished I had a solo every year.  And when we did Messiah at EA I really wanted a solo and was too chicken to try out.  There were some amazing people who did, and I just didn't think I was nearly good enough.  I think my biggest insecurity about singing solos was that I didn't understand vibrato.  I figured I didn't have any because it didn't seem natural, and if I just made it up on my own it seemed fake.  And who could sing a solo without vibrato?  Plus, Messiah includes a lot of runs and things.  It is kind of scary. And there is a lot about music that people expected me to know that I just didn't.  (That's kind of like PE in St. Johns.  Everybody else in my class knew how to play this or that game, so the teacher expected me to know how too.  So we'd just start playing without any explanation, and I just kind of had to guess.  I had no idea.  Not fun.) Amy said I hit every note.  I always felt like I was just faking it the best I could.  But it was fun. :) Singing is different from PE, apparently. ;) Plus, being in Messiah made me feel so good.  I could indeed hit a lot of those notes in the runs, even though I couldn't quite hit all of them, and I do love singing about Jesus.  He is definitely my favorite song subject. :)

Anyway, I'm off on a tangent.  Or 5.  What I really mean to say is that I am thankful for experiences like those.  Singing at Christmas time means a lot to me.  This year I lost my voice just in time for Thanksgiving and was super bummed when after coaxing everybody to sing Christmas carols together at the Burk Thanksgiving dinner I suddenly realized I wouldn't be able to sing along anyway.  Drat!  Maybe that's why I'm a Scrooge this year! ;) So anyway, I am also very thankful for good friends.  Before James went on his mission I had no idea I would become friends with Amey.  I didn't even have the desire to become friends with her.  But she became a very dear friend to me, and I have been so very thankful!  She is one of those people who without fail build me up and make me feel good about life in general.  I wish she lived next door.  I can only hope that my friends like her will live next door in heaven. ;) And my children and extended family too!

And speaking of friends, do you realize that Lilly and Os (Stefanie and Mark Smith) are going to the Temple the day after tomorrow?!  They will receive their Endowments and be sealed!  Is that not the coolest thing ever?!  I am still completely amazed at how God blessed lives through a silly game.  If we hadn't played Warcraft, things would have been a lot different.  Here is what she said the other day:

"I just know we are on the right path because no matter what - it keeps working out. I mean I got mugged Friday - but Mark came home safe and we are going to the temple and it didn't stop a thing. And its all because of you that we are here. I went back to the church because you always listened. You were the gentle voice in my head telling me the path to turn to. So because of you Mark and I will be married in the temple - Thats a huge accomplishment. You really don't know just how genuinely fantastic you are. I tell everyone you are my sister, and I wish you really were. I am so glad that you thought Oz and I were worth saving and steering back to the church. I am so grateful that Marks heart was softened thru knowing Med and you that he listened when the spirit spoke. I am so grateful that the spirit witnessed to him in the form of viable career choices so that he saw the lord at work in our lives, and I am so so so grateful to count you as friend and sister.."

That is pretty darn cool, don't you think?  It absolutely breaks my heart that we can't be there when they go to the Temple.  They are going to the Oakland Temple, and they wanted us to be their escorts.  I was so excited about it.  But I am going to go to our Temple on Saturday anyway.  Jeremy will be sending me and watching everyone while I'm gone.  It'll be so nice.  And at least Lilly and I can kind of be in the Temple together.  Sort of.  Well, it will mean a little something extra this time, anyway. :) (And speaking of Temples, the children and I saw the new Gilbert Temple last week.  I am so excited!)

Please don't think I'm trying to whine.  I do tend to whine sometimes, and I don't mean to as much as I do, especially here.  Certainly, I do not think I'm as perfect as some people think I am (That is not at all to say I don't like myself.  I love myself!), and certainly I'm frustrated by certain things in my life, but I'm also thankful for the goodness that surrounds me, even when it doesn't sound like it.  And every time I am thankful in my heart my capacity for thankfulness grows, and that is just awesome.  Also, in that last post I was trying to sound victorious, like I conquered a beast, not like I was currently in the fiercest battle with the beast.  Part of getting over something is acknowledging it and also acknowledging that you're ready to move past it.  And that's where I am with that one.  I don't need to feel sad or upset because I know I'm good enough.  And I guess this post kind of reaffirms, through others' words, that I'm a good person and that I'm definitely worth something. :) And that is pretty darn awesome.

Merry Christmas, guys!  Only 13 more days! :O