October Part 1

Here are some things that happened in October.

Hyrum submitted his graduation petition!  They came right back saying he needed one more class.  So we signed him right up for an easy computer one, and he ended up with 16 credits for his last semester, including English 102 and American Literature.  Poor guy!  It was a big semester!  But he passed all of those classes.

At pack meeting they had a building activity where they got in groups and built with marshmallows and toothpicks.  Jeremy decided that marshmallows are unsatisfactory and that we needed to do it right, with gumdrops, so we did that for scouts one day.  It was fun. :)  And yummy!

Spooky Benji!

Michael had an orchestra concert.

Joshua had a make-up day for seminary because he'd been late too many times.  Fridays are for making things up at the high school and at seminary, and this particular Friday they were planting flowers at the Temple.  That's Joshua sweeping over there in the black shirt.  I think he enjoyed that.

Benji's band had a "spooktacular" to raise money to go to a marching band festival.  We bought tickets for all of us.  They fed us dinner and had kind of a talent show.  The drum line came up and did their cadences too, and I liked that!  There is spooky Benji, all dressed up to wait on tables.  He was the spookiest one, I believe.  He scared a little kid, and then he felt so bad and tried to convince said kid, "Look.  Don't cry.  I'm nice!"  Ha ha!  Anyway, it was Mexican food, and it was yummy.

I think Timmy made this key for one of his games that he likes to make with paper.  He's always making something.  I was impressed with his cutting skills, so I took a picture of how small it was.

More of Timmy's creations.  About 90% of the time I just encounter things like this and have no idea what he was making.  Looks like he made a hole for the key to go in, though. ;)

Jill brought this home from school.  A lot of it died, but some of it is still alive.  It's still sitting in my kitchen windowsill.  It looks like they put seeds and dirt in a knee-high and then stuck it in a cup.  They put on googly eyes and made a little nose too.  Jill kept trimming it every few weeks because it kept getting scraggly.  I like it this way, personally. ;)

We had big paper scraps that Papa brought from work.  The kiddos colored for a bit while we listened to Conference.

And we had Play-Doh because tradition.

And these blocks are also tradition.  Grandma and Grandpa came Saturday afternoon Conference at our house and then took family pictures for us.  Mom came with Jill and me to the women's broadcast, and Aaron brought Brookie and Jocee to come with us too.

We built with toothpicks and gumdrops some more so everyone who didn't get to do with with the scouts could have a turn.

Play-Doh nose.

Bubby likes me to make him a lunch like his siblings.  Here he is doing Khan Academy while eating his sack lunch.

Papa made a pirate hat, and Timmy made an eye patch and a map for Bubby.

Walmart had some guys come and tear up the parking lot in sections and lay down new parking lot.  I'm kind of mad because now it's all smooth and I can't just leave the cart because it rolls away. ;) Anyway, that big white machine pulls up the asphalt and shoots it into the back of a dump truck.  Henry saw it driving around when we came to the store and he said, "Dog bobot!"  (Dog robot)

My friend Amey just had a book published, and she was in the alumni section of the Gilagram!

The dogs killed our trees. :(  Jill had fun playing with this one, though.

The four little guys have spent a lot of effort on digging this hole next to the lawn.  Because holes.  Anyway, it's bigger than this now.  They go out and play with it now and then.  Sometimes they put water in it and I yell at them to stop just like good moms should. ;) At the same time, that's exactly the sort of thing I'd have done as a kid.  In fact, we filled up the sandbox with water and swam in it and were mystified when Mama wasn't just thrilled about it.

Our white dog, Marshmallow, jumped through the fence and impaled himself - again!  It was awful.  He bit Benji too.  I was afraid he would need stitches.  This time Marshmallow didn't make it.  He died under the eucalyptus tree, and Jeremy buried him here and then got him a nice stone.  Jill gave him a flower too.

Anne's boy Helaman was baptized on October 13, 2018 in Gilbert.  Then we had ice cream.

Gideon and Ammon - I just love Anne's kids!  They're so fun.

I thought this was cute.  Mom took family pictures for Anne, and they were looking through them here.  Anne is due with baby #9 in a few weeks!  BreAnna and Becca will have babies this year too.  Anne and BreAnna are having boys, and Becca is having a girl.

Mom took another family picture of us after this because the Conference attempt didn't really work out, and I used it for a Christmas card.  (It's down at the bottom.)  Do you see Benji in here? ;)

It had rained, and there were big puddles around the church.  The little ones played in the puddles while the adults talked for a while.

After the baptism we went to Superstition Springs Mall so Grandma could buy Jeremy and Hyrum suits at JCPenney.  Grandpa, the rest of the kiddos, and I wandered around the mall in the meantime.  We took the little ones to the playground (and saw this thing along the way by Claire's, the earring shop or whatever it is), and they enjoyed it for all of 2 seconds.  Then they ran all over the place.  There was an escalator nearby, and we played on that a bit and "played" in the little arcade without quarters.  (You know - like we used to play with arcade games when we were kids, not really playing because we didn't want to spend a quarter. ;) )  And then we went to the bathroom over by the food court, and there was a soda machine there by the bathrooms that had games.  We played with that for a while, and then we went to ride the escalator some more because what else could we do?  A few minutes later we realized nobody knew where Bubby was.  Michael and Benji went back to the bathroom to look and there he was coming along with a security guard.  Poor fella.  He held onto me pretty tight for a long time, and he "rehearsed unto me" how very, very awful and scary that had been.  I felt so bad.  What a crazy mess that trip was!  And they don't even have a puppy store anymore!

Afterwards, we ate in the food court.  A bunch of us went with Grandpa to Chick-fil-A.  The little guys ate at Sbarro.  I think Grandma ate Panda Express.  Jeremy and I ate Japanese.  It was delicious.  Benji stole my chopsticks and used them for tusks.

This was about the best shot we got that first attempt for family pictures.  They were all kind of fuzzy like this.

 

This is about the best from Helaman's baptism.  Still not great, but the color is better.

I don't know why Jeremy's crying.  Maybe because he had to be in another picture. ;)

Goings On

I think today I'll start working on pictures that I haven't blogged yet.  But I figure I should first do a little update about how things are going with us.

The biggest news is that Hyrum went to the Temple last Saturday, February 9.  He went to the 6:00 session which meant that he and Jeremy showed up there just before 5:00.  I dropped them off and took a few pictures.  Bubby was with me because he said, "I want to come!" as I went out the door and I couldn't think of a good reason why not to take him.  All day I'd been so distracted.  I was trying to stay busy, but at times like that I tend to dig up the things that need done the least.  Ha ha!  So it took me all morning to put the laundry away that Mama had folded the night before.  I sat in my new rocking chair and did a pile of mending.  I just was so anxious.  I wasn't nervous.  Jeremy called it anticipation, and he had a hefty dose of it himself. 

Anyway, so I dropped him off and then took Bubby home.  And then I couldn't stand hanging around at home, so I just left.  After I went through the recommend desk I met Hyrum and Jeremy coming through with Uncle David to see the Temple President.  That's neat!  I didn't get to visit with the Temple president when I went my first time!  Anyway, it's miraculous that Uncle David was able to be Hyrum's assistant!  He didn't even request it.  It just worked out that way.  And Aunt Stacey was a follower on the session! 

Getting sidetracked.

Hyrum looked quite serious.  He'd been through initiatory.  I knew he'd be some bewildered, but he wasn't sad or upset.  It was just all so new.  Anyway, I hugged them all and went and got dressed.  I was kind of early, so Aunt Stacey wasn't there yet to help me through to the chapel to wait.  When she came she hugged me and we both kind of cried.  She said, "This is the fun part.  And then you take them to the airport, and you hold back your tears so they can't see you cry until they're gone, and you put 'em on a plane and go home and turn off the porch light and go off alone and say, 'He's gone.  For two years.'  And then you cry A LOT."  (Honestly, that's what I figure.  I'm not excited about letting him go, but I'm excited for the experiences he'll have.  Not looking forward to the gut-wrenching separation.)

So then I went and waited in the chapel, trying to read in Helaman because what else was there to do, and who should walk in but Uncle Fred!  I had heard he might come, and I had my fingers and toes crossed that he would.  It made me so happy to see him.  And then Daddy came!  (It never gets old, being in the Temple with my parents.  I'm so thankful they could come - all the way from Wisconsin!)  And then Rachel and Susie.  And then a lady came and took my hand and took me to be with Hyrum, Jeremy, and Uncle David in the ordinance room to wait for the session.  I hugged them all again and just tried not to cry.  It was fun to see him looking around at those walls I've looked at so many times, and I just sat there wondering what he was thinking.

The session was wonderful.  Yes, I did cry.  And at the end we had to wait for forever for him to come through.  But he did!  I grabbed him first, and I hugged him good and long.  It was so good.  He hugged everyone.  It was such a happy moment.  It wasn't until then that I could introduce him to Uncle Fred, and then we didn't have much time to visit with him.  I was sad about that.  But it was wonderful to be there with him and with all the people we love.  I betcha my grandmas were there feeling just as happy and proud as me.  I like that thought too.

We stayed in the Celestial Room for a half hour or so, and then we came home and had ice cream sandwiches with Jeremy's parents and Rachel and Susie.

Jeremy has been looking forward to that day because it would mean that he could give Hyrum some names to do.  He gave him a stack of initiatory and endowments to do, and Mama did the same.  On Tuesday he was back in the Temple.  He did 6 initiatories and 3 endowment sessions.  The next day he did more initiatory and 2 sessions.  Yesterday he did 2 sessions and then took his buddy JD to do baptisms.  And then he did two more sessions today.  He has a lot more names, but really it'll be OK if he can't get it all done.

We ordered a whole bunch of things from the list of things to get for the mission.  There's still so much to do and so much to get.  It's frustrating!  I know we'll get it all done eventually, but just know this - missions are expensive!  We had to go all the way to Tucson for a yellow fever shot, which cost over $100 when we got there.  He has to take 2 pairs of dress shoes, a pair of sandals, and a pair of clogs for the rainy season.  Also, he'll need tennis shoes and shower shoes.  We've got all the shoes at least.  But we need to get a bike helmet and light.  And we need to get a camera, which he'll need to keep hidden so he won't be targeted for robbery.  And he needs more garments because we only got a few for him to make sure they fit.  They say he can take an MP3 player with missionary-approved music on it and a speaker to go with it.  We need to get an adapter so he can plug in his razor.  And I feel like we need to get him a new shoulder bag because his old one has a logo and is getting pretty worn.  It's overwhelming.  We still have to figure out an international driver permit too, even though he won't need one unless he's an AP.

It's just a lot.  It makes me discouraged and grouchy because I can't figure it all out.

On top of that, our water heater is leaking, and our dishwasher has been broken for more than a month.  There's always something, right?

The bitter with the sweet.

Anyway, another new thing is this two hours of church at church and one hour at home.  Jeremy and I have been taking turns leading the lessons.  We start at 9:00 on Sunday and teach the lesson we'll be discussing at church.  I suppose in that way we are kind of a week behind, but our meetings aren't until noon, and it's so nice to come home and just be done.  I'm sure we'll have to do it differently next year when we're at 9:00.  This way works for us, though.  That way if there are presidency meetings or whatever they can still make it, but it's not unreasonable early.  It's been good.  I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing.  I'm not a very good teacher.  But this way I will certainly get some practice!

And another thing is we're considering taking all the children out of public school again.  I'm not certain with Jill and Timmy, but I'm pretty sure with Michael and Benji.  Michael has always liked home school, and now that he only has a year until he's 14 and old enough to take classes at the college, his focus is shifting.  He wants to be a doctor.  He's pretty sure about it.  Anyway, he's seen Aaron's cadaver and lived to tell the tale, and still wants to be a doctor.  If he can get a jump start on the pre-med program before his mission - hooray!  May as well skip high school if he can.  And Benji likes the idea of going to college next year too.  He'll be 16 in December and old enough to take the GED.  He's not sure what he wants to do, but he could get a jump on his generals at least.  He's trying to decide between culinary arts and construction.  I think he'd enjoy and do well at either one. 

With Jill - she's really struggling at school right now.  It's not that she can't do the work.  Except that she's really behind in spelling.  She can do the work.  She just kind of has to approach it on her own terms.  And another thing - she really wanted to go back to school so she could be with her friends, but the truth is, her friends aren't always nice.  Just like I used to do, Jill ends up chatting with the adults instead.  I feel like she could get her social in going to see the lady Jeremy ministers to who really loves visitors, or by ministering with me, or by going to see our neighbors like she likes to do. 

And Timmy - he's been so high-strung.  I've worried about him.  He's loud and in your face and bouncing around all the time.  It's kind of exhausting.  I can't help but wonder if school is the best place for him.  For one thing, it's been really hard to get him to go to class sometimes.  I drive up to the school and wait until the bell rings, and then I pick him up and carry him to his classroom, and then I corner him while I take things out of his backpack and hang it up for him, and then I try to negotiate my way out of the room.  It makes me feel so bad.  I don't like it.  I want him to be able to be calm ever. 

Well, we'll think about it.  I don't think I want to send Bubby to school.  I mean, think about it.  The kid is already reading!  If they make him back up and deconstruct what he already knows he's going to get bored and resentful.  Right now he's excited to learn.  We've been working on Khan Academy online, learning to add and subtract.  He's doing fine.

And that's where we are.  I guess talking about homeschool always makes me feel on guard because so many people disagree with it.  But so far, I mean, look at Hyrum.  They are turning out just fine.

Well, that's enough of that.  Maybe I'll move on to pictures now.

Here We Go

Here it is almost the last day of January.  I still haven't blogged October yet!  Time to dust off the old blog and get going again.

Just this morning we scheduled Hyrum's Endowment and checked to make sure the date we picked for his unfarewell was going to work.  It's all really happening!  We ordered a few pairs of garments and some Temple clothes a few days ago.  It's all very exciting!  I've looked forward to bringing my kids to the Temple since I brought them along in my tummy, and now it's really going to happen.  Last time we went (last Friday) Jeremy was commenting about how Hyrum will soon be kind of bouncing around the Celestial Room grinning ear to ear quite soon.  So true.  He will.  I cannot wait.  It's a good consolation to me that I get to be there for that before I have to send him so far away.

Hyrum's been looking for a job for months but hasn't found anything where he's applied.  Just this week, though, the lady Jeremy and Joshua minister to asked Hyrum to come and clean her yard.  He's worked at it for about 11 hours now, and I think he'll finish up tomorrow.  And that sweet lady fed him lunch both days and recommended him to a friend, who will now have him clean her yard too.  It's been wonderful for Hyrum.  He's felt so frustrated being home all the time with nothing to do.  Maybe we can spread the word through the Relief Society and find some more people who can give him work.  He got his diploma today!  Exciting!!

Joshua amazes me.  Just two semesters ago I was reminding him every time it was time to go to class, and prodding him to do his homework.  But with the GED he prodded himself to study.  He found what he needed to learn and learned it.  And now he's doing all he needs to without my prodding.  He is making it to Seminary on time every day, I believe, and to all his classes.  He's doing his work.  It's great.  I'm very proud of him.  This semester the drama department is putting on Little Shop of Horrors (I had to watch that in Intro to Drama in college, and I HATED it.), and so Joshua's graphic design class is having a competition to design the posters for it.  Joshua is a little excited about that.  He still practices drawing a lot.  Our friend Verdes sent him some neat pens that he has enjoyed using.

Benji gets a little better every semester at keeping on top of his schoolwork.  He was only late on one assignment so far, and that's pretty good.  His grades are looking really good right now.  Benji has been thinking about taking the GED when he's 16 and the going to college.  He wants to be sure to be able to do band, drama, and Seminary, and I'm sure he could do all of those.  He could do the college band if he wanted.  The college also has a children's theater group that does plays for kids up to ten and then another group for teens, so he could do those plays.  And of course we can work in Seminary too.  I'm just not sure about the timetable of all this.  We might encourage him to do one more year of high school.  He'll be 16 this December.  I'm not sure what kind of degree he wants, and he's not either, but he could get generals done.

Michael is a funny boy.  His hair is getting long and is really curly.  Usually when it's this long he asks me to cut it, but right now it's keeping his head warm, so he doesn't want me to.  I suppose I can be lenient.  Michael also wants to start college.  I want him to at least finish middle school.  He wants to be a doctor, and he's really excited about starting.  Aaron teaches mostly nursing students these days (human anatomy and microbiology, that sort of thing), and Michael is excited to take his classes.  I tell Michael that that sort of degree is a heavy one, lots of work, but I think he'll want to stick with it.  We shall see.  And of course, he, Joshua, and Benji need to do the coursework for their homeschool diploma.  Joshua'd better get cracking.  I want that to be done before he goes on his mission.

Jill's filling in her front tooth broke out again on Saturday, just in time for us to go to a Burk family get-together for Becca being in town and for Benji's ordination.  Poor girl had to go to the get-together, church, AND school with her broken tooth.  On Monday at 4 we were finally able to get the tooth taken care of.  This time the dentist took his time and wrapped around the whole tooth, kind of like a veneer.  It should last longer, and it looks great.  She still has to wait until the tooth has grown in all the way to get a permanent cap.  That won't be until she's about 14.  Poor girl.  Overall, though, she's doing good.  She really struggles at school because she gets distracted.  I'm not sure it's the best place for her.  We've considered pulling her out again, but not in the middle of the school year.  She's been really happy most of the time, and I don't regret putting her in this year.  But next year the expectations will be greater, and though her teacher can adjust her assignments this year, I don't know if they will next year.  It's just hard to know.  I may have her just try for a month next year to see how she does.  The truth is, she can do most of the work.  She has no trouble getting the math homework done that comes home.  And her reading has really improved.  But her grades still struggle because she can't keep up with the work at school.  It's just hard being a mom.  You don't always know if you made the right choice.

I have to insert something here that I read in a book I just finished.  "The Koran says Allah is in the East and the West, therefore wherever you turn there is Allah's purpose."  Isn't that beautiful?  Sometimes I've thought about studying the Koran.  Most of the quotes I've heard from it have been beautiful truth.  It makes me think that at their core, Muslims aren't so very far off.  It's at the outlying things like Sharia Law that they are off, and most of the Muslims probably don't embrace those.  Most of them are normal people trying to have a normal life.

Timmy is getting good grades at school.  He's still drawing often.  He wants to make video games.  I have no idea how to help him there.  But quite often in church he's sitting there drawing crazy things and giggling.  Shhh!  XD  Anyway, it helps every now and then when he's bouncing around the house all crazy to go for a run at the track.  I need to take him more often.  Lately one of the only things he wants to do when his homework is done is play on one of his brothers' devices, and they usually won't let him, so he whines for the rest of the evening.  It drives me crazy.  I still always wonder if keeping him back a year was good for him.  Socially I usually say absolutely.  Otherwise, I don't know.  He's doing great, reading at the same level as Jill pretty much.  He hates going to school in the morning sometimes.  Sometimes I have to pick him up and carry him to his classroom where I have to wrestle him through the door because he doesn't want to go, but he's always happy at the end of the day, and he always has something happy to tell me about what he learned.  So in the end, at least I know making him go to school that day was the right choice.   Ha ha!

You should see Bubby reading!  I wish you could all sit and listen to him reading scriptures.  It's simply amazing.  I sometimes wonder if he understands the words he's reading.  He probably understands most of them.  I always wonder if I should try to teach him the kindergarten math so he can go to first grade next year, but I hate to rush him, and I think he'd like kindergarten.  Hard to know.  I don't want to hold him back and have him bored.  But there would be things other than reading to learn in kindergarten.  I'll probably just go that route with him.  I just kind of want to giggle with fiendish glee when I think about the teachers testing his skills. XD

And Henry's talking is coming right along.  I need to post my list of Henry-isms before he grows out of all of them.  It's always sad when they learn the correct way to say things.  You're glad, but it also means they're growing.  Dang it!  Henry won't let me leave him in Primary for singing time, but he does go to his class by himself.  I bet soon I will be able to go to a whole class time of my own.  I still need to potty train him.  I've been putting it off.  Sigh.  It's a big commitment.  Henry likes to be doing what his big brothers are doing, though, so maybe I can play off of that.  I should get him some treats and get going.  I do think he's ready.  I also often wonder if he's autistic.  3 reasons: 
1. Speech delay 
2. He spends long periods of time lining up his cars or blocks and getting super frustrated if they get moved.
3. He gets obsessive about things and carries them around and won't let other people touch them.  He will sleep with his "hoot dun." (shoot gun)

And with that I'd better go get kiddos from activity days and scouts.

Hi

I'm not sure when I'm going to get caught up here, but hopefully it will be soon!

I just wanted to write this down.

Every year our ward does a Christmas Angels thing where the Relief Society president puts gift tags on the door with a gift that a child in the ward might want for Christmas. Every year we agree to participate because they need us to. Anyway, this year I was in a hurry to get the list to the president, and when I came to Joshua I remembered that he had computer glasses before, but they broke. I thought with as much as he works at the computer maybe he'd like new ones. Its all done anonymously usually, but this time it didn't end up that way. It just so happens that our eye doctor is in our ward, and he picked up that tag. He offered to give a free eye exam and a free pair of glasses! I figured just non-prescription lenses that are polarized for using at the computer.

Anyway, we got to the eye doctor yesterday, and he gave him the free exam, and it turned out that he is a little bit near-sighted! Ha! The eye doctor didn't think Joshua needed computer glasses because of the near-sightedness. I'm not sure why he doesn't take into account eye strain from the glare of the screen. I suffer from that! I have some fancy yellow glasses for the computer. Anyway, Joshua wasn't happy about needing glasses. Over and over he insisted that he won't wear them very often. Dr. Sellers said over and over, "No, and you don't have to. Just when they'd help you see street signs and things." And then Joshua took at least a half hour choosing frames for his new glasses, and came home still unsure that he picked the right ones. (I think he looks gewgrin them, but my opinion doesn't matter. ;) )

Anyway, what a funny, unexpected thing to have happen. The whole thing makes me laugh. But I really appreciate that they did that for him. It was so nice.

Just to have at least one post in November!

We're doing good. We're on pins and needles waiting for Hyrum's mission call to come. It kills me. But it's exciting. And that's about where we are right now. Hyrum's trying to pass his classes so he can graduate, and Joshua's working hard getting ready for the GED. They're both doing well at it and it's thrilling to watch. Benji almost has his lines memorized for his play, and Michael is still doing great at school, getting straight A's. Jill's getting better at spelling. It's coming along. Timmy's struggling with going to school in the morning, but he comes home happy. I'm befuddled. Bubby needs some schoolwork or something so he can feel like he accomplished something. Maybe? I don't know, but he's had growing pains as in a need to stretch. And Henry is getting to be a great talker. It's so fun!

Just a Few Things

I've put off thinking about Hyrum actually leaving as much as possible, but now it's actually sinking in, and I don't like it. It's a lot to ask of me to give up my son. Two years is such a lot of life. And once he leaves they'll all start leaving me. And when they come back it won't be permanent. It hurts. I'm proud, but I don't like it.

 We have some pretty spectacular sunsets here. We all went out to look at this one, and it turned our faces orange. It was quite beautiful.

Benji had EAC Band Day on Saturday. His group performed 3 songs. They did well. They got a Superior. This is actually the first time we've been able to go watch him, but I'm so glad we could!  Yay, Biggee!  (That's what Henry calls him.)

Also, I asked Geoff DeSpain, the EAC band director (who was in band with me in college and married my roommate) if marching band would go away with football if they decide not to keep football.  He said, no, there will still be marching band. They can perform for high schools. Plus, if he got rid of Band Day he'd be run out of town on a rail, he says. 😅 Well, I'm glad to hear they'll keep it. Hearing the band across the street every morning is another one of the best things about living here. Makes my day.

Also, our Prophet, President Nelson, is definitely inspired. I've been working on his challenges, and it's been so good. I've actually been trying to finish The Book of Mormon in a month because I don't know if I've ever done that before. It's a lot of reading and a lot of marking, but it's been good. I also finally officially started my social media fast. I needed to pray about what to fast from, and I also wanted to wait until my MTE orders were in since I use Facebook for it. I had already been staying off Facebook as much as I could, but now I'm also now I'm going to stay off other people's blogs (but not mine because it's productive to work on mine), and all my game apps. I actually took those and Facebook off my phone's home screen to make it easier to remember . It's been different. All I can do on my phone is check my email. 😅 Well, and I can use my browser to look up good things. I've been more conscious about staying away from the News because it's all bad news and not uplifting.

So far it's been nice. It's different, but it's a good different. After my fast ends (next Saturday) I'll just be staying off Facebook for the most part. Facebook is useful, but maybe I don't need to know about other people's drama, even if it's people I care about. I mean, I don't need to get wrapped up in my old high school friends' hard times. It's not beneficial, and there are other people who will do that. Plus, endlessly scrolling through Facebook is depressing. Also, just last night I realized I could be working on the hints I have piling up on Family Search in my spare moments (if I ever actually have any). That's a much better use of my time! I'm happy about all this, and it was easier to let go than I thought it'd be.