Awakening

I have been mulling over a blog post in my mind.  It is one my sister wrote a few weeks ago about waking up in our lives.  It reminds me of the story in Alma 5:7 about awakening unto God.  I've actually had some awakenings of my own lately.  I don't think any of them have been as dramatic as the ones that occurred in Alma, but they are powerful in my life nonetheless.

When I turned 35 earlier this month, I realized it was ridiculous that I still had never made it all the way through the Old Testament.  Shameful!  I've seen people make lists of, say, 35 things to do in the next year since they turned 35.  I don't know that I'm that ambitious.  (And whether or not I think I should be is really beside the point.)  But I knew that there was one goal that I really need to accomplish this year, and that is finishing the Old Testament - or rather, starting over.  Like any good Mormon girl I started with Moses and Abraham in the Pearl of Great Price.  Yes, that is still more scriptures that we have that other churches do not.  You can get a brief description of it here. 

Anyway, I have been studying that daily in addition to my regular Book of Mormon study.  And to help me actually study instead of just read, I've been reading along in the Institute manuals that go along with them.  (Institute is religion classes that are mostly for young single adults in the church.)  It has been a glorious experience!  It's really sad, but I had forgotten how beautiful these books of scripture are.  Moses tells about the creation up through Noah and the flood, and it is just beautiful and so thought-provoking.  And the manual I've been reading along with it explains things that I don't understand and expounds on what I already understand.  I love the feeling on my understanding being expanded.  All of this scripture study reminds me how great God is and how little we really know.  But it also shows how even as the great God that he is, he still loves us each individually.  And standing back a bit and thinking of the plan that he has for the human race, even just as it unfolded from Adam to Noah, it is just breathtaking how He fits it all together.  Truly his wisdom and understanding are infinite.

Also, now that I've told you I have the goal to finish the Old Testament, I am more committed to do it, right?  Maybe I'll check in from time to time - during Genesis and after Numbers. XD Just kidding.  But seriously, hold me to this, ok?  I need it.

And another thing I've been doing almost without really meaning to for a while now:

As I study, every so often I come across items that might make people of other faiths (or no faith) say, "What?  You mean you really belive that?!"  And so I stop and ask myself that question.  I search my heart, and every time the spirit confirms to me that it is true.  So I can answer in truth every time, "Yes, I do believe that."  I do believe that Joseph Smith saw what he said he saw.  I know that it's true.  And I can say that about many other things.  I realized one day that this almost-subconscious practice is actually quite a good practice.  Not only does it allow the Spirit to come into my heart and teach me, but it strengthens my testimony.  How cool is that?  And it only takes an instant.

Another way in which I've been trying to "awaken" has been walking every morning that I can.  That has meant Monday through Thursday as long as Elizabeth is available to watch the two little ones.  I honestly wish it was more often.  I'm not sure that Elizabeth even knows that I've been going because she and the little ones are still asleep when I leave, and they're usually still asleep when I get back too.  But it has been a wonderful experience for me.  I know that my very soul needs exercise, and I've known it for a long time.  But I've been putting off starting any regular exercise program for quite a while.  Part of it is because I feel bad leaving my little ones in someone else's care.  I love my children quite a lot, and, while I can kind of reconcile myself to sending the older ones to school every day, it is harder to part with my sweet, innocent littler ones. 

Anyway, as in times past, I've been listening to talks from General Conference as I walk.  I love that so much!  I know, that is a lot of church every day, but it absolutely blesses my life.  Just last week as I was walking I was listening to a talk about the Holy Ghost, and I was reminded of something.  We all know that God is all-knowing, right?  Well, do you know what that means, knowing that the Holy Ghost is one with God and Jesus Christ?  That means that the Holy Ghost also is all-knowing.  He knows our past, present, and future.  He sees the big picture and, therefore, knows just what counsel or comfort to give at precisely the right moment.  I love that!  It is such a beautiful truth, and I am thankful for it.

Cheese Ball

Hyrum just told me a funny little story. He said that once when he was little he chewed up some of those whale-shaped cheese crackers and called it cheese ball.  Then he ate it and made his little brothers eat some too! XD

I don't think he'll like that I put that little snippet on the internet for friends far and near to read.  (Hi, Val!)  Oh, well.

 

And in other news, it snowed yesterday - a lot.  Most of it melted, but the little bit that fell after sundown stuck around.  In the morning I went to the track and did my morning walk.  As I kind of slipped around on the icy track I suddenly realized that it was silly that I was there by myself when Jill and Timmy would be thrilled to be there playing with me.  The whole field was covered in snow.  You couldn't see the grass during my walk like you can here.  And Jill had been saying the day before that she wanted to get out her pink boots and play in the snow.

 

So I hurried up with my walk, and then I came home and grabbed these guys.  They had a great time.  Jill kept taking her gloves off and wanting them back on again.  They liked this tire and thought it was fun to be inside.  The second time Timmy crawled in and out again he lost a boot.  I didn't notice until he'd made it back over to the stadium where he was busily brushing the snow off the seats.  His sock was all wet.  Silly boy!  He couldn't really help it, though.  The boots he ended up with are even too big for Jill.  Still, they worked just fine for a while, and these little ones had a lot of fun.  But the wet sock was it for us.  We retrieved Jill's gloves from the other end of the field and went home.  And in the meantime Jill suddenly got really mad that she wasn't wearing the purple boots that Timmy had been wearing.  (She refused to wear them in the first place.)  She has been doing that from time to time lately.  It must be a stage.  She also likes to boss me, but I don't stand for that.  I make her repeat herself nicely.  Silly little girl.

 

And just as I predicted, the snow was all gone by noon.  I wish I had kept the boys home so they could have played with us!

Stories

I have a few stories to share.  First of all, Jill is watching Cinderella, and just a minute ago, she was trying to sing along with "A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes."  She is so darn cute!

Also, what do I do with a 2-year-old boy who smears chocolate pudding all over half the floor while I'm in the shower and then, about an hour later, smears butter all over the other half (for the umpteenth time)?  I'm waiting for it all to be funny.  It's coming.  I just was mad about having to clean both messes up before I got any lunch.  Busy days!  But who could stay mad at the little fella when he comes and growls "Wahr!" at me while he steals pieces of my lunch?  I guess he was being a dinosaur.

I haven't mentioned Elizabeth's car troubles.  Maybe she won't appreciate my mentioning them here, but I'm going to nonetheless.  See if you think it's a funny story.

When Elizabeth moved in with us she owned a Jeep that wasn't running.  She had plans to either get it running or buy another used car.  Jeremy, Aaron, and Kenzie tried to adise her on what to do.  They thought it would be a good idea to get the Jeep looked at and find out exactly what was wrong with it and how much it would cost to fix before she went out and bought another car.  Somebody thought the problem was the fuel pump or maybe the engine, but nobody was sure.  Well, Elizabeth wanted a new car.  She pored over Criagslist until she found one that sounded good and that Jeremy agreed might me ok.  She took that as her go-ahead to go get it that very day.  That's not quite what he meant, and besides, she was texting him while he was trying to teach class, so maybe his meaning wasn't quite clear.

 Either way, she had her brothers pick her up and take her down to the valley to get it.  She looked it over and her brothers thought it looked fine, so she plunked down $1800 right then and there for it - without even test-driving it. *facepalm* They had a great afternoon going to the mall and such, but when it was time to go home, the car died before they even made it out of the valley.  This time it may be a piston.  The car was towed to her parents' house to take up residence beside the Jeep.

And that's not all.  A week or two later, Elizabeth decided to try to fix the Jeep.  She bought a new fuel pump for it and had a friend take it to work on it.  Well, in the end, guess what he found to be the real problem.  The problem was that a hose had been connected backwards.  So I think she learned a valuable lesson.  It was an expensive lesson, but a valuable one nonetheless.

OK, one last story.  Yesterday was Jeremy's birthday.  (Happy birthday, Jeremy!)  I wanted to do something fun for him, so I decided that Jill, Timmy, and I would go get some balloons and take them to him.  We went to Dollar Tree, where we usually get our mylar balloons for only a buck, but they were out of helium.  So we went across the street to Fry's and found a balloon that we liked.  It was going to cost $3 by itself, but still, it was worth it to me.  A lady came and aired it up for us and Jill picked a pink weight for it so it could sit on Jeremy's desk.  The lady mentioned that I could get 3 latex balloons to go with it for just a couple dollars more.  That sounded good to me, so she aired those up, and Jill instructed her to put pink ribbon on two of them and blue on the other.  And then the lady said that Jill and Timmy could have free latex balloons.  Hooray!  Jill got pink and Timmy got blue, and the lady even tied some little plastic heart-shaped weights to them.  And then the cashier only charged us $1 for the entire thing.  I told her that the lady said it should cost $5 or so, but she said not to worry about it.  Sweet!

And then we went out to the car.  I got Jill, her balloon, and Papa's balloon (and the treats we bought for him to share with his students) in the car, but when I went to get Timmy, the wind picked up his balloon and carried it away.  I ran after it, but it kept bobbing just out of reach all the way across the parking lot and then started to cross the street.  I was pretty sad about it, but Timmy didn't seem to care.  I tell ya, to me there's not much that is more sad than seeing your balloon fly away.

So I finished loading up and started driving away, and when I looked across the street from the store, there was that silly balloon!  It looked like it had gotten caught in a fence.  Only, as I got closer, I found that it was just wound around a pole.  There were a bunch of poles lined up, but the fencing was not on them. What is the chance of that?  I was so pleased to find it safe and sound.  I stopped and grabbed it and we went on our merry way.  And we surprised Papa as he came back to his classroom.  It was so fun!  All in all, it was a great little outing. :) And I can't help but think that maybe Heavenly Father knew I cared about that silly balloon and helped me get it back - even if the poor thing did end up covered in chocolate pudding today and getting thrown away.

These aw the times that twy men's souws!

Every now and then when I'm going though something hard, I look back on my days in the speech club in high school and remember Richard saying in his funny way, "These are the times that try men's souls!"  I still wonder if he got it from a movie.  I don't know.  Either way, when I think of that quote I immediately want to smack my head against something.  If only that was my brother James's quote instead.  Then I wouldn't have to think of Richard all the time.  Oh, Richard.  Good golly, my friends, I was such a stupid teenager!  Come to think of it, though, we all were (especially Richard).  I think that the problem I have with remembering Richard is that it makes me feel stupid.  I remember that I liked him so much and I put so much effort into trying to have a relationship with him when he was just such an idiot.  What was I thinking?  Perhaps it would be less painful to remember him if I'd get past the fact that I was a stupid teenager.  Ha ha!  Still, I did make it all the way through my life up to Jeremy without kissing anybody, so that does say something.  Maybe I was stupid to chase after a stupid guy, but I did save my kiss for THE ONE.  I guess I am ok.

Anyway, there was a derailed train of thought if I ever saw one!

I know I've talked about some of the things we are going through right now.  I know I've mentioned that having Elizabeth here has been hard.  That is a serious understatement.  Not only is it hard to balance out everything, especially with all the drama she brings in, but a lot of old feelings have shown up, rearing their ugly heads.  I guess it just points out all too clearly that there are things I thought I was over, things I thought were healed, that simply aren't.  Dang it!  Don't you hate it when that happens?!

I also know I've mentioned our money troubles before.  I am thankful that we have stayed away from debt even during all this.  That meant that my birthday presents from Jeremy had to wait for a bit so we could have money for them.  I still need to get me a black undershirt.  Wal-Mart didn't have a good one.  I still need to order that book for Jeremy's birthday, which is tomorrow. :O All in all, we've been fine.  What is frustrating, though, is that we've got 9 people and one working toilet.  We are still trying to pay off the home repair bill we got when we first moved back here, and we just barely finished paying off another big bill.  Thank heavens those people have been patient with us!  Right now we just don't have the money to get our cesspool pumped so that we can use the toilet in the small bathroom.  And the floor in the big bathroom is such a mess.  (Again, understatement!)  We have ripped that floor out and replaced it twice since we bought this house, and now it needs done again.  Our tenants really damaged it.  All this that needs done, and we're still trying to get other things paid first.  I tell ya, it isn't easy making it on a teacher's salary.

And then on Friday I got a interview call renew our food stamps and government health insurance.  I am still frustrated by the fact that we're even on food stamps.  But, you know, that's what it's for.  We wouldn't have made it this far without food stamps.  There's just no way.  Well, guess what.  Apparently we are now making "lots of money," so our food stamps allotment has been reduced by about $500.  (Yes, we did get a lot of food money those few months, but there are 9 of us.  Food bills really add up!)  I honestly don't know what to do.  We do know that Jeremy simply cannot renew his contract with the school and keep working there next year.  The school does not pay enough.  We also feel like we can't move because we don't have the money for it.  So we're kind of weighing our options right now.  We do have to stay until the end of the Globe school year in June, but maybe it's time to start looking for a new job. 

This morning I picked up my silly behind and headed to the track.  I haven't been exercising like I should.  I know that my very soul needs it, and I really miss running.  I guess I resist because I feel bad leaving my little ones, but going to the track with them does now work.  This morning I just did it anyway.  Elizabeth stayed with the little ones.  I walked 2 miles.  It is always so good to be walking, even though it was freezing cold.  I listened to Conference as usual, and I thought about my problems and cried.  (Emotional pregnant woman on the loose!  Watch out, world!)  And then I felt a confirmation in my heart that I just really needed, and then I cried some more.  I am so thankful for that.  It has made my whole life better today.  I feel like actually doing something, and it is good to know that God thinks I am ok, you know?  That's a big deal, a huge comfort.

So there are tender mercies to be found.  I just need to look for them.  Here are a couple: Hyrum is feeling better and isn't throwing up like he was last night, and his throat isn't horribly sore like the night before.  Benji has some sort of gross-looking bite on his arm, and Jeremy instructed me to put some tea tree oil on it.  I absolutely believe in that stuff!  It has worked wonders on numerous yucky bites around here.  And it was a blessing to me to kind of start out the day with such a nice smell. :)And Timmy, who has had horribly goopy eyes over the weekend, is now starting to do better.  Kenzie gave me some drops for his eyes yesterday, and this morning one of his eyes is all cleared up.  Thank heavens! (And Kenzie!)  That and Jill and Timmy both slept for about six hours straight last night!  In their own beds!  Hooray!  I am so thankful.  It also reminds me of hearing Brother Reed, a good ol' institute teacher, saying over and over how the scriptures promise us over and over that if we keep the commandments, we'll prosper in the land. Well, we're sure trying.  Maybe that doesn't mean that we're always going to be rich or something, but it means that we'll be fine.  God is so merciful, and I love how He seems to delight in reminding us that He is still watching out for us. 

Jill and Timmy

 

This picture is from a little trip to the park.  The weather has been cold then hot, but I feel spring coming, and I couldn't resist a few trips to the park lately.  It's been fun, and the kiddos have really enjoyed it.

 

Today I couldn't find anything at all that I wanted for lunch.  That really isn't that uncommon, even when I'm not pregnant.  All I wanted was some popcorn chicken and tater tots.  I decided I'd better just go get some. (So healthy, I know.  I'm a real example for healthy pregnant women everywhere. ;)  I told Timmy that we were getting popcorn chicken, and he, being as obsessed with popcorn as he is, grabbed a bowl and ran all over the house demanding popcorn.  It was quite a struggle to get him in the car.  He just wanted some popcorn, but he doesn't understand the concept of "all gone" yet.  We bought him some popcorn at the store, and the balance of the universe is now restored.

Jill was bouncing around at the store, begging for random things like Oreos.  (Just a side note, I didn't watch the Super Bowl, but I went online the next day and watched some of the commercials, and the Oreo one with the people in the library was my favorite!  I'm sure I didn't see all the great ones, but I loved that one.)  Then at checkout she was begging for candybars.  We got checked out and I got her to put the candy back, and then the cashier said he had some free candy.  He let Jill have 2 pieces.  She chose a Rolos piece and a little peanut butter cup.  Then she pretty much danced out of the store, all the way to the car.  She was so, so happy!  It was so cute!  It made me smile to watch her in her little happy candy-filled world. :)

Mommyhood

Today I went to my first prenatal checkup.  It was pretty routine.  I gave the obligatory urine and blood samples and had other tests done.  It is always nice to see my doctor.  Isn't that a funny thing to say about an OB/GYN?  It's true, though.  He's always happy.  Nothing rattles him except that one time when he was too late for my friend's delivery or the other time when I needed blood transfusions after Jill was born.  He wasn't happy about that, but I find it kind of funny.

Anyway, all this kind of cemented in my brain that, yes, we are indeed going to have a new baby.  Yikes!  At the same time, my pregnant brain can't keep track of anything.  For example, I goofed up recounting to the doctor how many pregnancies this is, and it already sounds funny to me to say we have 6 kids.  Don't we have 7?  Of course, this could all be a manifestation of aging.  For half of the year last year I thought I was 33, only to realize one day that I was actually 34.  And now I'm thirty-stinkin'-five! Where do the years go?

Also, thinking about motherhood - again - and getting all sorts of reactions from people about the idea of having 7 kids (thank heavens they have all at lest been positive so far) makes me remember two articles I read sometime last year by 2 ladies who are childless by choice.  The idea of choosing to not have children is so foreign to me.  I still can't quite understand it.  Maybe I read the articles in an effort to understand a little better.  The one part of those articles I remember is the part where one lady explained how repulsed she is by the very idea of motherhood.  By her definition, pregnancy is a state of being infected by a parasite that needs special care.  And then after birth this parasite continues to need, well, everything!  A baby can't do anything without help, and then you have to support them and teach them everything for the next who knows how long. 

I have to say, I guess you could see it that way.  Being pregnant is indeed taxing.  It's not something you just do for fun.  And then you have to take care of that baby all day and night for forever.  But I guess the difference between that lady's viewpoint and mine is that I see it as a blessing, a gift, a priviledge.  It doesn't mean it's easy or that the results are always pretty, but it means that I choose to have faith in God's plan.  I know these women do not feel sorry for themselves.  While I cannot condemn them for their beliefs or choices, I do feel sorry for them because they are choosing to forego one of the best and most awe-inspiring experiences of human existence. 

I choose to be a mother.  I soak up all the love that my children shower upon me, and I in turn shower love upon them.  I lead and guide as best I can, and, perhaps best of all, I put my hand in God's hand and receive His help in raising these choice spirits that he has sent to us.  It is beautiful beyond description. We all know that blessings come from obedience and sacrifice.  I choose to make the sacrifice because the rewards are infinite.  I am so blessed.

Tuesday Gems

Timmy likes to watch Cinderella because it has lots of animals in it.  Here he is watching it, eating dry "ranen" (ramen), just like he likes it, and holding Michael's smurf.  He loves that smurf so much!  He saw that I was about to take a picture and gave me an even cheesier grin. 

 

Jill has a Band-Aid on her forehead.  It's not because she has a cut.  It's because she bonked her head on the corner of the bathroom counter.  It just got a little red, and she insisted on looking at it in the mirror.  And then she went out and informed Papa that she needed a Band-Aid.  He got her one and Grandpa put it on her.

 

It was a long night last night.  I hadn't been feeling well, and both of the little ones came to our bed crying for some reason.  They kept waking up sad over and over.  At about 4:00 I took Jill to the potty, and when we came back she stole my sleeping spot.  So I curled up at the end of the bed.  Then she missed me, so she came and curled up by me.  Then Timmy missed me, so he came too.  By then Jill was asleep and I was worried that Timmy would roll off the bed, so I grabbed him and went back to my spot.  Then he kept waking up and Jill woke up again.  Jill finally decided it was ok to go lay by Papa, but Timmy clung tightly to me.  When the alarm went off he was mad that I got up to turn it off.  I had to climb back in bed with him for a few minutes to get him to go back to sleep. 

 

And then Jill was all awake when it was time to take the boys to school, crying so hard and begging to go with me to take the boys to the bus stop.  I promised her repeatedly that she could go, but she didn't calm down until I put her coat, shoes, and socks on.  I finally got everybody ready and out the door.  We made it to the bus stop on time, and then I pushed Jill in her stroller back up the hill and home.  When I got there Timmy was awake, crying to be let out of my bedroom.  Darn it!  Well, I got them both breakfast and turned on a "muggie."  (That's how Timmy says movie.)  Then Jill started crying because her leg was hurting again.  It must be growing pains or something.  She cried and cried.  I ended up holding her in he blankie until she fell asleep.  And there she is all bundled up on the ottoman that used to be her bed.  And Timmy is still watching his muggie, which is kind of a miracle because lately all he wants to do is stand on the piano bench and change the movie over and over and over and over.  Our poor DVDs are getting pretty scratched.  Silly boy!  Good thing he's cute. :)