Hmmm

Here's a strange one for you. This is actually something I've been dealing with for probably my whole life, but I didn't really start to wonder about it until college.

So here's the thing. I have a fear of schedules. It really amounts to a fear of not being able to be flexible in my plans I think. Maybe? I noticed in college what a hard time I had scheduling my free time. This meant I was always doing things last minute. At the time I chalked it up to laziness. I'm sure that's part of it, but over the years, after I don't know how many tries to just snap out of it and follow the dang schedule, I've realized it's more than that. I actually get frightened trying to follow a schedule.

And the weird part is, I really liked making and following a schedule for school if it's me going to school. I think that is because I like school and I do well there, and also because I like to please people. But even with my children I can't follow a school schedule for long without going nuts. I think part of that is the fear I often have that I'm ruining people's lives by imposing my wishes on them. I have to push down that particular fear quite often just to function as a mother.

As far as schedules go, I've tried making cleaning schedules and homeschool schedules and all kinds of schedules. That part I like. But when it comes to actually following a schedule that's not for my schooling I just kind of freak out, and then I run for distractions. I get so frightened. Heck, I can't even finish a to-do list unless it's a last minute emergency.

Writing it all out, it just seems so lame, especially because my autistic children need the stability of a schedule. But I have been simply unable to make it happen consistently, and usually I freak out before I can even start any such schedule. I often feel really bad about this. I wish I could keep us in a schedule. It would be so good for us. I wish I could consistently have the house clean. I wish the laundry could get done on some sort of schedule. But I just can't seem to do it.

So I've been trying for the last few months to figure out what it is exactly that I'm afraid of. Why in the world am I scared of schedules? I don't know. My question for you is- are any of you dealing with the same problem? And if so, how do you cope? Any other thoughts?

CS Lewis

“Since it is so likely that (children) will meet cruel enemies, let them at least have heard of brave knights and heroic courage. Otherwise you are making their destiny not brighter but darker." C.S. Lewis

Picture Wednesday

Well, I have meant to do this all day.  Now I'm too tired to think straight.  I can't even see clearly down my list of photos to tell which ones I picked out to share.  So here's one from the top.  Why are they in the bathtub, and why is Jeremy making that face?  I don't know.  But it's awesome. :) (Jeremy called me in there to take this picture.)

Jeremy didn't get the job in Cedar City.  We're kind of bummed.  It's far from the first he's applied for there, too. So we're just hoping the one at the college here works out and praying we can survive another year here.  Ha ha!

Thoughts on Tuesday

Hooray for one-handed typing while nursing, right? :D You know, when we were playing World of Warcraft I used to play in dungeons while nursing. Shhh! Don't tell or the groups I played with might growl at me. Ha ha! Just kidding. Actually, I usually followed quest lines instead of doing dungeons because this one time I was with a group and they were all very rude to me and joked that I was a gay guy or something. And another time I was healing and the tank ran ahead and left the rest of us with bad guys killing us, and then he said I was a worthless healer. Stupid guy! If you leave your group the healer can't heal you, and the other members of the party are simply not equipped to tank. Totally not my fault. Anyway, I guess my skin still isn't very thick. Therefore, I did comparatively few dungeons. And the ones I did do I tried to mostly do with the guild because they were all very nice, even if I messed up. :) Now we're playing Rift. It's a lot like WoW except it's free. And we don't play it as often. I like about it that you can jump in and out of groups to do things, and unless you go in a dungeon or something you don't even have to talk to each other. You just run around whacking baddies together. And with the size of an Instant Adventure mob nobody cares if your DPS is high or low. And I think it's fun having all of us playing because we all help each other and work together. It's great. :)

Phew! Where did that all come from?

Ok, what I really wanted to talk about is the job situation. We still haven't been able to get ahold of anybody at SUU. I guess we're still waiting, but at this point it's not looking too likely that he'll get it. That is kind of a bummer.

However, yesterday when Jeremy was out at the college, Dean Cullen told him that there will likely be a full-time position out there next semester. It would be teaching building trades, but it sounds like he still might teach business classes as well. Sounds like a lot of work, but some good experience! We're not sure 100% that it will come available, but we are hoping! It sounded like if Jeremy wants it and there is indeed a job vacancy then he can just have it. Dean Cullen is a nice guy, and he's actually been trying to figure out how to get Jeremy teaching full-time out there since we moved back.

And one more thing. Remember how spring here is so miserable for Jeremy? Well, one day he was reading online and found a study that some doctors did with Chinese herbs on asthma patients. They used a combination of 3 herbs, and apparently it worked. One of the herbs is a mushroom. Jeremy was able to get some in capsules from a store online, and, by golly, they do help! It's amazing! He's doing better overall than he was even when it wasn't allergy season! He had been using his nebulizer a few times a day even before the full allergies kicked in, but now he only has to use it a few times a week! (The nebulizer is stronger than the inhaler, and so he uses it when it starts to get too much for the inhaler.) Such an incredible blessing! I'm so thankful!

Anyway, yes, we're still hoping to go back to Cedar City, but maybe it's not time yet. It looks like things are working toward us staying here, and that is usually a good indicator that it's the right thing for now.

Monday Meme

All right, guys. I'm tired of looking for journal memes. Can you guys please think of some for me?

Also, Brom has learned to scoot around in a circle while sitting, and if I put him on his tummy he scoots backwards.  And Hyrum and I joined the community band!  I never figured out about it before, but Jeremy and Hyrum were in the right place at the right time a few weeks ago, and the Miami band director, who also leads the community band, happened to be there and said we should come.  We went for our first time on Thursday night, and it was so fun!  I definitely need to practice, but it feels good to be playing again.  It had been so long!  I hadn't played in a band since I was expecting Hyrum.  It was funny because I sat down and started playing, and I did better as I went along, but something still felt a little funny.  And then I realized it was because I was sitting funny.  (Well, funny for me playing the flute.) So I kicked my chair into place and it felt a lot better.  I like to have the right chair leg between my legs, so the chair is kind of angled.  For some reason I kind of feel squished against the music if I don't have the chair that way. I can't figure out why it makes a difference, but it totally does.

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1.) Be in the Temple with all of my children.
2.) Hike across the country
3.) Go hang-gliding or parasailing
4.) (I'm breaking the rules and adding #4.  Bwaaah-ha-ha!) Go on a mission with Jeremy.

Three Names You Go By:
1.) Mommy
2.) Christine
3.) Hunny

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1.) My hair (Well, love/hate my hair.)
2.) My eyes
3.) The arches in my feet

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1.) Uhhhh... where we come from?  England
2.) Mexico - sort of
3.) Sweden - and probably many more

Three Things That Scare You:
1.) The thought of one of my family members dying
2.) Timmy running with knives (But if you act scared he runs faster.  You have to remain calm and ask for the knife, and then he'll just give it to you usually.)
3.) Maybe I'll come back to this one.  I can't think of any more. 

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1.) Breakfast
2.) Lunch (Oh, how I hate lunch, but I need it!)
3.) Dinner (My body doesn't do well with skipping meals.  My blood sugar gets low and I feel rotten, and then I'm grouchy.  So meals are pretty important.)

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1.) Shirt
2.) Pants
3.) Ponytail holder

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1.) U2/Bono (Oh, man!  I'd love to go see them live.  I've never been to a concert of that kind before.  The closest I've come to that is seeing the Utah Symphony doing Beethoven's 9th.  Ha ha!)
2.) Josh Groban
3.) Hilary Weeks

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1.) Don't Give up (You Are Loved)
2.) Guide Us, O Thou Great Jehovah
3.) Red Hill Mining Town

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1.) Understanding
2.) Hugs and kisses
3.) Silliness (What do you know? I've got all 3 already! :D)

Two Truths And A Lie (in no particular order):
1.) I love beets.
2.) I love eggplant.
3.) I love zucchini. (I bet you can guess which is a lie.  Ha ha!)

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1.) Baking (I'm really wrestling with this one.  I love it and I'm good at it.  I don't want to give it up, but cookies do not come out the same with Truvia instead of sugar, and regular cookies have way too much sugar.)
2.) Sewing (But these days I spend time wrestling with my sewing machine pretty much every time, and then I feel like I'd better hurry because Jeremy kind of resents my projects, but I have too much help to hurry. And then it becomes just a big bother and I feel like a horrible person.)
3.) Reading

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1.) Eat breakfast (I do like breakfast pretty good)
2.) Have certain issues cleared up so we can move on with our lives
3.) Kiss my baby.  I think I will

Three Careers You're Considering/You've Considered:
1.) Choir director
2.) Writer
3.) Engineer (That was a very long time ago, as was being a dancer.)

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1.) Washington, D.C.
2.) Paris
3.) Venice

Three Kid's Names You Like:
1.) Hyrum
2.) Joshua
3.) Benjamin (the list goes on forever!)

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1.) I love pink.
2.) I love flowers.
3.) I love chatting with other girls.

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1.) I don't like to fix my hair or putting on makeup (I'm too lazy to do hair and makeup.  But the other reason for not using makeup is that I always feel like I'm doing it wrong and that I look funny with makeup.)
2.) I like rearranging furniture by myself and feeling strong.
3.) I like making sound effects for my little boys.

Ha ha!

At least four times in the last six to eight months Jeremy's phone has suddenly shut off, and he hasn't been able to get it back on. Well, every time, I open the back, take out the battery for a few seconds, put the phone back together, and turn it on. It's hilarious! Before, I always did it when he wasn't around, after he'd tried everything and then just left it on his dresser. This time he brought it to me after trying everything. It worked for me just like always. It gave me a good laugh to have it just work and to see the perplexed look on his face. :)

In less funny news, this week the other Auto-CAD teacher at the college suddenly quit, so his class was given to Jeremy. We still have heard nothing about the job at SUU, though Jeremy has tried calling several times. As far as we know it's still on the website. Hmmm... And remember the 7th grade math position at Miami that Jeremy applied for? Well, it sounds like he would have been the one who got it, but after the interview process they found out they don't have the money to hire him. Head scratcher. This is an existing job. The current teacher is leaving. They need someone to fill it, but they don't have the money for a new hire, I guess.

But in other job news, Jeremy had a visit with the deans at the college, and they worked it out for him to teach three business classes in the fall and a couple over the summer. And if we stick around he could go full time by fall 2015. That would be kind of cool, except for the allergies here... I just don't know. We still very much want to get back to Cedar City. I suppose we shall see. In the meantime, the blessings keep coming anyway.

Throwback Thursday

Uhhhh... Little problem today... Somehow my entire folder of pictures from 2012 has gone missing.  What the...?  Good thing I backed it up!

Here's a great picture for Throwback Thursday, though:

Lynnette emailed this to us last week.  Weren't we so beautiful?!  This is Jennifer, me, Kimberly, and Lynnette, and that was a very happy Christmas indeed! I don't know if I remember the whole story right, but here's what I do remember: Just before Christmas we had a Peterson family get-together with a white elephant.  I wanted the tutu, but I ended up with the toilet seat.  My parents were so pleased.  I cried.  We never let kids in on white elephants again.  But Aunt Elise (a dance instructor who had gifted the tutu in the first place) took pity on me, and we got these for Christmas.  I was so excited!  I assure you they were well-used and well-loved.  We all spent a lot of time dancing in our tutus and tiaras over the next few years.  I felt so beautiful!  That tutu was one of my most prized possessions for a long time. 

I remember there was one time that Lynnette wore her tutu to the big tree and ended up with ants stuck in it.  They were all biting her.  If I remember right Sister Brown came to her rescue, and if I further remember right, that's not the only time she saved us from ants there.

This has nothing to do with that picture, but Timmy keeps talking about a particular YouTube video about broccoli ice cream.  I showed it to him twice today and he laughed and laughed.  If you have little kiddos and haven't shown it to them yet, do it now! ;) This video is made by a group who has made quite a few kids' videos.  We found out about them because Timmy LOVES the song "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."  One night Jeremy was looking for a video of it on his iPad and found this version of it. It was pretty much love at first sight, even if the kid's pronunciation is a little funny.  Timmy loves the star and owl, and since he's been learning about happy and sad he says, "Happy star. Sad owl."  I guess the owl is sad because he doesn't smile like the owl. (?) We also like their version of Old McDonald and this cute little snowflake song. You're welcome. ;)