Stuff I should have already said - ha ha!

OK.  I don't know why, but I've had the tendency to keep things under my hat lately.  I didn't intend to tell anyone about our baby coming until I was 12 weeks.  I told at around 8 or 9 I think.  I haven't been telling anyone about the possibility of moving soon, but I'll do that here right now.  And I'd better hurry up because it's time to pack for the Badger campout! :)

So we have this little baby coming.  I want to say it's a girl, but I just don't feel one way or the other.  Jeremy is sure it's a girl.  I am about 13 1/2 weeks right now.  On July 9 I'll be 16 weeks, so any time after that I should be able to find out what I'm having.  My next appointment is a week from today, though, and that's awful close to July 9.  I might decide to wait until 4 weeks again.  I just don't know.  I look like if I'm this far along I'm probably carrying twins.  Huge!  But we did an ultrasound a few weeks ago, and it's only one baby.  I'm kind of relieved!  I don't think my body could take it.

Cute little one!

I haven't even spread the word on Facebook yet.  I might wait until the end for that.  I don't know.  I have a friend who was expecting just a few days before me, and she had a miscarriage.  And what makes it worse is that she lost a baby just 6 months or so before that.  It breaks my heart.  I just don't feel like I could tell her.  Of course, if it were me I'd feel sad about it whenever I was told, but still.  Plus, I'm feeling all hush-hush anyway.  It's not that I'm really worried about what people will say or anything.  I can't put my finger on why. 

The other thing is that we're thinking of moving.  That's not really new.  We've been scheming about how to get back to Cedar City since we left.  The sad thing is that Jeremy's brother and sister who live in Globe are suddenly moving before we are, and we're the ones who've been wanting to leave for so long.  Boooo!  Anyway, yeah, Aaron moved to Pima so he can teach at EAC.  They'll pay him way better there, and it's going to be great.  Poor Kenzie is melting, though!  They're building a new house right next to that little pond that's sort of near Kimberly's old house, and ground should be broken for it tomorrow.  Exciting!  And Austin and Becca are moving back to Rexburg to be near some of Austin's siblings.  That one seems counterintuitive to me.  He doesn't have a job.  They don't have a house.  I think he might be planning to keep working on freelance illustration, but I'm not sure how they've been paying their bills as it is.  I'm kind of worried about them.  Still, it's not for me to decide, and they're not the first people who have moved somewhere without having a job in place.  *wink, wink*

So anyway, here's a link to the house listing on Trulia.  It's right near the stadium.  When I looked out the front door I could see people diving off the diving board at the pool.  We looked at a few different houses that day, one of which was just gorgeous!  But when we stepped into this one it felt different.  It felt more like us.  I hadn't considered it at first because it only has 4 bedrooms.  And as it turns out, one of the bedrooms is tiny!  But we have a plan. One of the walls has a big fireplace, as you can see in the pics.  And as much as I like the little sittin' spot across that wall that goes with the fireplace, we don't want a fireplace.  We're going to take it out.  And on the other side of that wall is the garage.  We're going to make it into 2 bedrooms and put the four older boys in there.  That means that we'll have to run air ducts as well, but we can do that.  I like how big the other bedrooms are.  The house is recently painted, and I like the colors they chose.  The pictures on that website don't include the big yellow family room or the big master bedroom.  The kitchen is on the small side, and I'm worried a little bit about fitting our big table in the dining room.  We're going to set up the big one.  We kind of need it.  But I was thinking that maybe what we should do is take out some of the carpet from the living room and extend the tiled surface.  The carpet and kitchen floor kind of need replaced anyway.  The carpet is old and the kitchen floor was done poorly. I wish it wasn't because I like the color of it, but if we have to extend it anyway, well, I guess we could go see if they have it at Home Depot and then patch the gaps with putty or grout or something, huh?

Also, the pantry is big!  Hooray!  And there are lots of closets and a fenced backyard and a big pine tree out front!  The downstairs bathroom is tiny, and since it's right by where the boys' rooms will be we want to expand it and add a shower.  That would be smart!  That would mean we'd have to move the washer and dryer hookups and take out a door, but it's doable.

And another nice thing is that the loan we're getting will not require a down payment.  We'll help pay closing costs, but I'm glad we don't have to pay a huge chunk of money!  That will make these upgrades possible.  We still have a big chunk of money from selling the house in Utah, and that will help. :)

We are also looking into a job.  When Benji was a baby (I think that's when it was) Jeremy was trying to get on at Edward Jones.  They turned him down back then.  We were very disappointed, and we think it was kind of a personal thing.  The guy that was thinking about hiring Jeremy happened to be the father of a guy who really, really wanted to marry Katie and got turned down and was super, super bitter about it.  Looking back, though, I wouldn't have changed it.  We've done a lot of other good things, and I'm thankful.  But this time, there's a guy in Thatcher (I believe) who happens to be about to retire from Edward Jones.  That means that there will already be a load of clients who will need a guy to help them.  So Jeremy is working on that process.  On Saturday he worked on second load of paperwork, and it took like 2 hours!  They wanted to know IRS stuff and his cumulative GPA and all his addresses and employers for like the last 10 years.  It was a crazy amount of questions.  Now they'll run a bunch of background and IRS checks.  I sure hope he can get this!  It would be great!  He's been wanting to own his own business, and this is right up his alley.  We'd been looking at something similar in Cedar City, but it had some things he didn't like.  One was that he'd start out pounding the pavement selling insurance.  He hates insurance!  The other was that he'd be working for commissions right from the start.  And he'd have to pay for all his own training.  At Edward Jones they'll pay for his training, and the first thing he'll get is an investor's license.  Perfect!  He's really excited about that.  And they start you at salary for the first few years, and the salary is comparable to the salary at your last job, and then you switch to commissions.  So we're sure praying that this will work out! 

Now as for reasons why we're moving and why Thatcher:

1. We're getting to where we just don't fit very well here, and this house is broken.  We also have a currently awful cockroach problem.  Nothing we do seems to be making a dent.  It is so distressing.  And that's a huge understatement.  At least we're not dealing with mice... for now.  We got rid of that population, but they have this tendency to come back.  OK, that's enough venting.

2. We want to get out of Globe.  It's just not the kind of environment we want for our children.  We lived in Thatcher when Hyrum was born, and we liked it there.  The only downsides: heat, allergies, cliques.  I'm a little worried that I'll be unable to find friends, but the nice thing is that I have a friend who is working at EAC across the street, and she can come and see me! :) Plus, we survived the heat and allergies before, and this time we're armed with inhalers, a nebulizer, and allergy medicine that works. :)

3. The house is about 5 minutes from a Temple! 

4. Aunt Stacey (my Mama's sister) is the same distance away as the Temple!  And Aaron is not much further, and Paul is in Safford.  Pfff!  So much for worries about friends!

5. Hyrum has started college, and being in Thatcher right across from EAC would make it so easy for him to take as many classes as he wants.  Plus, Joshua is close on his heels age-wise, and we've got a bunch more kiddos.

I'm sure there are more reasons.  That's enough for now.  But anyway, we made an offer.  They countered.  We accepted.  Then they countered their counter, and we said no.  So then they canceled their counter counter, and off we go.  We will be doing inspections this week.

And now I'd better get!  Gonna be a busy week!

Learning Stuff

Yesterday I was working on my lesson for Relief Society on Sunday.  I wish I didn't have to do it!  Man!  But it'll come out fine.  It just needs some more work.  Anyway, President Benson taught me something in that lesson I'd never thought of before.  Do you know why we all bawl when we bear our testimonies?  It's because the Spirit speaks through feelings.  Duh!  So there you go.  You're welcome.  Now we know why we all bawl, even though we wish we wouldn't.  At least it's a good measuring stick that says we're feeling the Spirit, and we wouldn't want to give that up.

Also, I've been helping Hyrum with a family history slideshow for the Badger family campout next week (read: I've kind of taken over the whole thing because it wasn't getting done and Hyrum was having fun playing online with his cousin Thomas and I figured this was something I'd really enjoy anyway, so...).  I'm still going to have Hyrum help me.  I just got going.  Anyway, it's been so fun for me!  It blows me away that we can have so many in-depth stories about people who lived so, so long ago!  Also, I keep thinking what a great thing FamilySearch is!  It's such a neat collaboration!  I was realizing the other day that if there's only one copy of someone's life story and it went to another sibling that we're not descended from and didn't get passed around, it's a pretty good thing that we can get that now!  How else would that work?  Cool, cool, cool!

Anyway, two things I learned that keep coming back to me: 1. Ann Cannon was such an upbeat lady!  All these troubles she went through, but in her journal she kind of glosses over them and then points out that, "We had great fun at our campfires.  We had great fun doing this.  The winter in Winters Quarters was a fine winter."  What?!  It makes me wonder if she was on the same trek as everyone else. ;) And 2. Did you know that Nancy Garr lived with a dislocated shoulder for the last 17 years of her life?  She was climbing up on a rickety old box to get a chicken to fix up and take to somebody who was sick, and the box broke.  There was no medical attention available anywhere around, so she just lived with it!  Phew!

I sometimes think I mention the little kiddos way more than the big kiddos.  I guess it's because they grow and change so much faster.  But I do want to point out that it's been really neat for me to have Hyrum and Joshua be teenagers.  They're such neat people!  They've always been sure of themselves, but even that has reached a new level.  They're comfortable being themselves (we all know how rare that is), and they have tasted how delicious the gospel is and have made it part of their lives.  I think the way Joshua talks about the gospel makes me just a bit giddy.  He obviously has a testimony and in his orderly, autistic way he can't see how things could possibly be different.  If I mention the Temple he exclaims, "We need to go to the Temple!"  And what a blessed experience to watch his Papa help him perform those baptisms a few weeks ago!  He came up out of the font dripping and moving his lips like he was trying not to smile, just like he used to when he was little.  That's how you can tell that he is truly, truly pleased. :)

Also, I CANNOT wait to take Benji!  He'll be old enough in just less than 6 months! :)

Michael had Cub Scout Day Camp last week.  He  kept saying at the start that he didn't want to go, but you wouldn't be able to guess that when he got there and got his t-shirt (his favorite color, even!).  This year their theme was heroes, and each of the three days they had a different group of heroes visit them.  First it was soldiers, then the Sheriff, and then fire fighters.  Pretty cool. :) He got all sorts of goodies and had a great time!

Benji really needs us to have a good scout program here.  It would be such a blessing to him.  When the older scouts do something away from the church (like every other week it seems), the 11-year-old scout leaders like to just cancel.  And Jeremy gets like one day a month to work on scouts as scoutmaster.  That's not how scouts is designed to work.  He can't possibly make it work that way.  No wonder he's so disgruntled about it.  He feels like he doesn't have time to be a good scoutmaster because of all that he has going on, and the young men leaders don't know anything about scouts or how it works, so they just plan whatever they want whenever, leaving way too little time for actual scouts.  Anyway, it's sad.  The great thing about scouts is that they go and feel like they belong to something neat, and they work on things that they can be proud of.  That would be just the ticket for Benji!  But no such luck. :P

One thing I ought to mention - last Friday Joe got married.  Crazy, huh?  He graduated on June 5 and got married a week later, the 12th.  He won't be 18 until next month, and BreAnna is 16.  They're so young and it kind of freaks me out.  Of course they can make this work but WILL it work out?  I don't know. :( I hope they'll be ok.

Still, the wedding turned out nice.  Dad's last living brother came with his wife (Uncle Gerald and Aunt Clariece) to help in the kitchen, and so did another brother's widow and her son (Aunt Luella and Chris).  Oh, it was so good to see them!  We had a great little chat. :) BreAnna looked lovely in her puffy dress.  Jill was so happy that she got to go to the wedding.  It was outside at the stake center, and then the reception was in the gym.  And Joe looked quite dapper.  Katie bought him an actual bowtie that you have to tie, so he was on YouTube figuring it out with his friend.  It came out good. :)

Jill and Jocee waiting for the wedding to start.  They ended up sitting by Aaron and Kenzie, squished on one chair and happy as could be.

 

 

And waiting. ;)

 

 

The wedding party - BreAnna's uncle walked her down the aisle.  He's on the right in the vest.  Rachel, Susie, and BreAnna's sister Amber were the Bridesmaids.  I don't know the flower girl, but she was obviously super happy with her pretty fluffy dress. :) Bishop McBride (Joe's bishop in 1st Ward) married them.  He's such a good, good man.  He's given them good advice and been loving and caring through this whole thing.  BreAnna's little brother Isaiah (aka "Bug") was the ring bearer.  The groomsmen, left to right, were Jaden, Nick Smyers, and some guy I didn't know.

 

All official!  Mr. And Mrs. Joe Burk!

 

 

The cake (I have to interject here - remember on Father of the Bride how the wedding planner says cake?  That's how Bubby says it too.  Ha ha!)

 

After cutting the cake. :) 

This boy was obsessed!  As soon as he saw the cake he wouldn't rest until he had some, so I plunked him down on the counter in the kitchen, and he enjoyed it so much! :)

 

Jeremy, Chris, Aunt Luella, Uncle Gerald, and Aunt Clarice

We had such a great talk sitting here in the Young Women's room away from the crowds.  For us, it was definitely the best part of the whole evening. :)

 

 

Now, I bet you can guess, but, yes, Joe and BreAnna did have to get married.  Yes, BreAnna is pregnant, due in September.  It was either get married or give up the baby.  It's hard to say which is the best choice.  Either way is hard, and it's not my choice to make.  The best we can do is make sure they know they're loved as they go through this together.  I've worried and hashed it all through in my mind over and over, all the things that they are going to have to learn the hard way.  It's indescribably sad to me.  But it's supposed to be so happy.  Truth be told, BreAnna's family is very happy, but from their perspective, with their life experience you can hardly blame them.  (Dang!  That sounds snooty and mean.  I do not mean it that way.  I just mean that our perspectives are not the same and I don't fault them for it.)  And, yes, I'm excited for Joe that he gets to be a dad.  I'm excited to be an aunt to their cute baby.  Yes, it was a fun wedding and it was nice to celebrate and give them gifts.  I just wish it could have happened a few years down the road and in a better way, you know?

 

And right now Joe and BreAnna are living at Mom and Dad's house and Joe is looking for a job.  His truck is still broken, so they don't have a car.  It feels super awkward going over there.  And Joe is kind of being babied still.  That doesn't help.  It's time to man up to the responsibility he has chosen.  I wish they could move far away.  It would be such a great opportunity for them.  They need to learn to rely solely on each other.  Oh, I just hope they can make it, but I'm super scared for them.

 

Also, I do want to assert that these guys are good kids who just did things out of order.  Yes, it's going to bring them a lot of grief and they will have to repent to move on, but there's no way that you could watch Joe and not come away saying that he's a good kid.  I suppose I should be honest here, too, and say that I hardly know BreAnna at all, even though they've been dating for like 2 or 3 years.  She never seems to want to have anything to do with the rest of us.  She and Joe are always off together with her family or sitting there playing on their phones.  That freaks me out too - these people who can't put their phones down.  How do relationships survive like that?  BreAnna is a nice girl.  She just doesn't seem interested in having a relationship with anyone but Joe.

 

Well, that's enough of me and my judge, judge, judging.  Time to move on.

Thinking

So just the other day I was reminded of the last name of the people who were our tenants here in this very house.  I guess it must have been bopping around in my head because today I did something I never thought of doing.  I looked the lady up on Facebook.  How do I know it was really her, you ask?  I know because her cover photo has 4 cute little Mexican kids peeking out a semi-broken screen door - the very same one that is still attached to this house.  You can see into the hall.  You can see the shadow box that's by the front door.  It is so surreal.  It kind of haunts me.  I stared and stared at that picture, and then I went back on her page to 2012 and read some of her posts. 

Now, as far as we know, she had hard times with her husband, possibly lost her kids, and skipped town after her husband went to jail, leaving pretty much everything the family owned in the house.  (We had to pay somebody to remove it all and clean things up.  It was A LOT of stuff!  And we found a few more things after we moved in too.  One was an old picture.  It was a wallet sized photo of a man, and I wonder how much stuff like that she lost.  It must have been heartbreaking.)  In looking at her posts, I think I found where she went when she skipped town because right about that time she has a bunch of pictures of her in Nashville and at Graceland.  There are also lots of posts about how she messed up really bad and lost everything and wished she could fix it all.  You bet I wish there was something in there like, "Landlords, I'm sorry we ruined your house and stopped paying the rent."  But alas, there was only stuff about her ruined relationships and how much she missed her kids.

You know, though, it doesn't take a genius to know that that stuff (relationships and kids) is more important than our house or the rent money.  We have survived.  It's true I'm embarrassed about our broken house and that every day I wish we could fix it all or leave.  But what I hope is that she is moving on, away from the abusive man she had married, and working to make things better, even if she never pays what she owes us.  (Grumble, grumble, we went to court over it and were awarded a good deal of money to fix things, but she never paid and surely never will, grumble, grumble.)  It doesn't look like she's ditched the guy, though.  It makes me kind of sad.

I see so many unhappy people here in Globe.  So many people have ruined their lives just like their parents and grandparents ruined theirs.  It's all that anybody seems to know around here.  It's sad and scary.  People are snatching happiness wherever they can find it, but it doesn't last.  You can see that the lady realized somewhere in there what was truly important and how she had given it up through her bad choices, but that that realization didn't really change everything that needed changed.  Is it because people don't know how to change, or because they don't know anything different?  It reminds me of the Book of Mormon where the sin is on the heads of Laman and Lemuel and not their children because the parents didn't teach them right.  And in that case, since this extends back for so long, whose head is going to have such an innumerable amount of sins upon it?  Isn't that a scary thought?

And in closing, hallelujah for headache medicine.  It is a huge blessing to me!  At the same time, though, between the caffeine from the medicine and the state I'm in, I'm waxing way too philosophical!  Time to call it quits for today.

A Gate and Stuff

A couple of months ago we had kind of a crisis around here.  It was so traumatic to me that I couldn't bring myself to talk about it on here or to anyone but Jeremy, but I'm gong to now.

So one day Bubby really wanted to go play outside.  We sent one of the older kids out with him, and they played for a while and had fun and then came back inside.  Well, Jeremy came home during this, and with all the hubbub that comes with Papa coming home and trying to figure out dinner and stuff, we didn't notice Bubby somehow getting outside by himself.  I still have no idea how it happened.  Anyway, then suddenly there was a police officer at our door bringing Bubby home.  Apparently, the little guy had wandered down the street and the neighbors had taken him in.  Instead of bringing him home (Like, well, isn't that what you'd do?  That's what I'd do!  That would be my gut reaction.) they just kept him there and waited for us and then called the police.  We had no idea he was even gone until the officer brought him home.  The neighbors say he was there for an hour.  I don't think there's any way he was gone for more than 20 minutes, but man!  The very idea that I didn't know where he was for even that long just kills me.  He deserves better than that.

Anyway, the officer spoke sternly to us.  First he had us send the other children inside, and then he told us several times that he could have been killed and, "I have 3 kids of my own.  There's just no excuse." And, "I could be coming to tell you that he was run over and he's dead."  And all sorts of other stuff.  He took our names and let us off with a warning: "This time it's on me.  If it happens again, it's on you guys."

So Jeremy immediately called his contractor friend about getting a new gate.  We had one before, but the tenants put the last nail in its coffin.  It took a couple of weeks, but we now have a new gate.  Thank heavens!  It gives me a lot of comfort. 

 

Like I said, this has been really, really hard on me.  I've wondered over and over again what kind of mother I am who doesn't know her baby has been gone for that long.  I've wondered if I did the right thing having so many kids in the first place.  And I've worried so many times that because we homeschool we're already going to be singled out.  People don't trust people who do things differently, as has been pointed out with homeschooling families across the nation.  And nobody can deny that I'm about the worst housekeeper ever.  I feel like such a terrible person.  And I'm so hurt that our neighbors thought so badly of us.  Certainly, it's dangerous that he was in the road.  I hate that it happened.  But the fact that it happened seems to confirm what the neighbors must think - that I'm a horrible mother.  I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my children.

 

I think part of the problem is that so many people are constantly attached to their phones these days.  The old common sense has gone out the window when it's so easy to just dial the police.  It's definitely easier to call the police than to take a child home.  That's just the culture of the world we live in these days.

 

And maybe this is a little silly, but it really makes me want even more to move away from Globe.  Overall, the people here lead such sad, deluded lives.  It scares me to think what they might do.  Scares me to death.

 



OK.  I let it out.  Now I need to move it along.  Here's the cute little stinker himself!  He found this toy camera this morning and then came and found me and perched himself on my lap with it.  He LOVES that toy!  It makes him so happy. :)

 

That little guy isn't so sure what he thinks of nursery still.  He went in just fine and happy the first couple of times, but ever since then he doesn't want us to leave him.  And then every time he falls asleep, and then he wakes up grouchy.  The ladies who are his teachers are so sweet.  I just wish he would trust them! :) He will in time, I'm sure.  At least he's happy for most of the time, I think!

 

As for Timmy, his helper has been MIA most of the time.  It's so frustrating!  And his teacher has an inactive husband and a daughter who does softball (that's Corrinn).  That means that a lot of Sundays she doesn't come either.  Please understand, I'm not upset with the teacher or the helper.  I have no idea what their lives are like, and I really like both of them.  I'm just frustrated at the position it puts me in.  It means they have to find a sub with no notice, and then I just stay with Timmy.  He doesn't trust anybody else, it seems like.  Even if his teacher's there I have to stay with him because he won't let me leave.  Yesterday I really wanted to go to Relief Society.  I even got him a snack, hoping he'd sit by me and eat and play on my tablet, but he would have none of that.  He sat quietly for a few minutes, and then he decided he wanted to leave immediately.  I thought he just needed a drink and that we'd be right back, so I left my stuff in the room.  (We had been sitting right by the door.)  But when I tried to go back in he slammed the door!  Right in the middle of class!  Argh!  So we spend a lot of time just wandering the halls.  I made him go to at least part of his class yesterday, and he's usually fine through singing time and maybe a bit of sharing time (those come before class), but then I'm just out of luck.  I need to get some more Play-Doh for my church bag, and maybe some other activities that are just for Primary time.  Maybe that would help.  I just don't know what to do. 

 

And one thing I worry about with him is that he tends to freak out big time.  He ends up being a little spoiled.  He is really choosy about what he'll eat, so sometimes all we can do is give in and feed him whatever he is begging for, no matter what it is. :P And if we try to make him do something that he doesn't want to we'd better be prepared with a compelling reason that makes him change his mind (or we'd better give up) because he is going to resist, and that is never quiet or pleasant.  (At least yesterday he just slammed the door and didn't scream too.)  It's sometimes hard to keep him on an even keel, especially when we're not home.  Being in other situations with people he doesn't know, or even just a lot of people doesn't sit well with him.  He gets overstimulated and starts to act out.  And even just yesterday, it was our turn for Sunday dinner, and having all those people over was just too much, even though they're people he knows.  By the end he was pulling my hair and hitting me.  He needed to run some laps to let it all out.

 

I remember that when Joshua was young I really struggled with him.  I think I even said some things about him that may not have been very nice.  I want it understood, though, that I accept the reality of taking care of these guys as they are.  I love them for who they are, and I celebrate that they are who they are.  I just want to paint a clear picture of what it's like for journal reference, you know?  I know that Timmy will progress as Joshua has.  It's just kind of tricky with him right now.  Still, I love him, and I'm proud of him.  He's a pretty outstanding little fella. :)

 

Another happier note: our niece Charity was just baptized on May 2 in Chandler.  It's such a blessing to be able to go to these special moments!  (Score 1 for living in Globe. ;) ) There have been other great things about it lately too.  For instance, I think that we've needed to be here for Joe lately.  I'm glad we could.  Anyway, hooray for Charity!  She is Anne and Rob's 3rd of 7. :) We're pretty proud! 



We're also proud of Benji!  We had Pack Meeting on Wednesday.  Benji has been out of Cub Scouts for a few months, but they had him come back for this one because the awards weren't in yet a few months ago.  He officially received his arrow of light! :)

 

(Man!  Benji and Michael both have kind of funny looks on their faces!  Ha!)  Michael got a few belt loops and such.  Hooray for Michael!  He's working on his Bear.  He'll be my only one at Cub Scout Day Camp this year, and he'll be out of Cub Scouts before Timmy comes in. 

 

So there you go.  A little update. :)

Apathy

I'm kind of in a funk right now.  For that last few weeks my sleep rhythm has been off, and I can't seem to get it back right.  I'm tired of sleeping.  I'm tired of eating.  I'm tired even of doing the things I do for fun.  And I'm scared to death of the laundry!  Of course, I keep doing these things because I need to, but I'm missing a spark somewhere.  I feel like once I get my sleep rhythm back in order everything is going to feel better.  But that's going to take at least a few more weeks.  I can keep trying to move forward.  I've been doing better at reading my scriptures.  And I still feed myself and my family.  And I'm sleeping when I can.  I'm just tired of waiting for things to be put right.  In a way, though, I brought it upon myself.  I'll get it sorted out, though.  This feeling never lasts forever.

I've been a bad blogger.  Every day I think of things I want to write about, and then I forget before I can get to my computer.  I don't usually even try to blog on my devices anymore.  The devices that I used to use for blogging are dying, though I hate to admit it.  They run slow and they freeze up.  Man, I'm whiny today! 

Well, today I'll try to tell you some things that are going on that are not whiny. 

Bubby has two favorite songs: the ABC song and the happy birthday song.  You have to be paying attention or you can't tell when he starts singing, but the sound of his voice changes as he tries to sing the sounds he knows.  He knows some key ones from each song.  It's so cute!  He is such a fun, happy little guy!

We're still scheming about moving to Cedar City.  Today I'm feeling a bit hopeless about it.  It's probably my lack of sleep speaking.  Hearing that ground will be broken for the Cedar City Temple in August kind of spurred on a bigger desire to move.  We've been going over and over lists of houses and wondering what to do about a job.  I told you the problems Jeremy has with that job there, right?  Commissions and selling insurance.  Yeah.  I wish I knew what to do.  I feel stuck.  And at the same time I'm trying very hard to be patient because I think that Jeremy needs to be here for Joe at this moment in time.  It's going to work out, though.  I just know it!

We've had a few changes around our house lately.  Joe was looking for some jobs to do to earn money to buy a truck.  He did end up buying the truck, but it's been giving him trouble ever since.  In fact, right now it's sitting outside our house in need of at least a new starter.  Anyway, before it was broken in front of our house he used it to clean up our yard.  It's starting to grow back here and there, but for a bit there it looked a lot better. :) And then Jeremy had him help clean up the shop.  He also cleaned our fridge.  Jeremy's been looking our house over and coming up with little projects that he wants to get done, and the current one is carpet.  So the day before yesterday Joe came after school and ripped the carpet out of our hall.  It was horrible and matted, but to tell the truth I kind of miss it.  The hall is weird and it echoes.  And under the carpet we found old tile, which we figured was probably there.  The was under the living room carpet that we ripped out before we moved in.  It seems to have been kind of glued in lace on this black lining of some sort. Anyway, the tiles are coming up, and I hate it.  And because the carpet is out of the hall, we're going to have to take it out everywhere else too, and that means moving every single thing out of all three of the bedrooms.  Spare me!  I don't know, though.  Maybe it'll help me de-clutter.

We also just got Jill, Timmy, and Brom a new bunk bed.  It's one of those that has a twin size mattress on top and a full size on the bottom.  It's red.  We set it up last week, and so far Bubby has slept all night on his own bed (he shares the bottom with Timmy) every night that we've put him there.  Timmy still comes to our bed in the middle of the night.  He just kind of sneaks in.  And then sometimes he wets our bed.  Like last night.  Argh!  I figure he'll grow out of it because I have a list of people I know who did, but for now I just wish he'd at least not wet OUR bed.  Ha ha!  Still, it's nice to have the new bed.  I'm thankful.

We got a new monitor too, so now all 4 computers can run.  That's also nice.  We set up the big table in the living room and put 2 of them on it.  I just wish they didn't take up so much room.

Yesterday Jeremy had to go to the rod plant (Or was it the smelter?  I can't remember.) for something or other, and he found that breathing the acid was pretty bad for him.  He kind of suffered from that for the rest of the day.  It made us realize that maybe that's one reason why he's so allergic to Globe.  The mine uses A LOT of acid.

Yesterday I made a mermaid tail for Jill's Ariel Barbie.  It came out a little wonky, but she was pretty pleased.  My next project is to make a dress for the Barbie that somebody gave her on Sunday.  That Barbie isn't dressed as modestly as I'd like.  And it's fun to have Barbie clothes. :) I remember how much fun I had playing with my Barbies.  I definitely need to make a Barbie wedding dress if nothing else!

Well, that's it for now.  Love you all!

Little Update

At least I hope it will be little!

Hyrum has a final today, and then tomorrow is his last day of sculpture class.  He has made some fun stuff, and I can't wait to see what he has left to bring home. :) I asked him to make me a turtle to hang on a wall, and that and a fish are in the works.  I've started him working on a little high school language arts curriculum.  I know he tested into English 101, but I need to be able to put something on a transcript someday, so I'm trying to work on that a bit.  I think he might be interested in learning Latin with me, so there's a foreign language. :) I wish I knew that we were going to be in Cedar City next school year because that high school has some pretty amazing classes!  Even if he didn't go full time, he could fill in gaps here and there and take some fun things too.

Here are some things he made.  That triangle is separate from the dish.  I think that face with legs is my favorite thing he's brought home so far. :) And here's a picture of him with his new cousin Jacob (Becca's boy) just for good measure.

 

Joshua is 13!  He has been for more than a month, but it's still shocking!  He is still really into computer programming.  He has taken over my old computer.  (Boo that it has a much better video card than my new one!  I can't even ChromeCast anything from my new one and have it work very well at all.) He wiped the hard drive and found a spare mouse and keyboard.  The only thing he lacks is a monitor, so he pilfered the one from the other computer we have, and so the other computer just sits there mostly.  And really I'm ok with that because 3 computers all running take up a lot of space as it is!  But if we did get another monitor we could set up the big table for computers.  Anyway, Joshua is really into computers!  He learns so much stuff! He's getting to the point where I'm scratching my head and nodding because I'm not quite sure what he's talking about.  (You know that point.)  He is most interested in game programming right now, and he has 2 different programs for that.  With some of his birthday money he bought a game called Gary's Mod. You can download scenery from movies and skins from them as well.  So he'll have the Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who running around in Andy's Room from Toy Story and shooting who knows what.  He's had lots of fun making Link from the Zelda series look fat, and he and his brothers have spent a good deal of time gathered around that game giggling. :) Good times.  He sat by me at church for a bit yesterday and told me, "Mommy, I don't want to grow up and get a girlfriend and then a wife and have to move away from you."  As you can imagine, I quite agree with that sentiment.  But he has it in his plans anyway. :) After a mission, of course.  I told him he can live near me and that will be ok. :) Also, he's officially taller than me and other than computers, his favorite pastime is teasing his mother. Argh!

I'm not sure what to do with Benji.  Some days he jumps out of bed and starts right on his school list and gets it all done really quickly, and also some days he'll even do his job.  Other days he likes to play victim on me.  Actually, every day he plays victim.  I'm kind of at my wit's end.  I worry because he has a completely unhealthy relationship with food.  It's like he never can get enough, and when you add in the victim mentality where everybody always gets more than him, it's just not good.  I  have wondered if I should try to get a depression diagnosis or maybe tweak his diet so that he's avoiding foods that might trigger depression.  Honestly, I'd go the diet way first because I'm not really into pills, you know.  (And, honestly, too many of us here are overweight and it scares me, but I feel so stuck at the same time.  Too many of us here have an unhealthy relationship with food.  And when part of the problem is me and I don't see my way clear how to change it, well...)  He likes to tell me about every little hurt and every little injustice.  Sometimes it's matter-of-fact, but often he cries when he tells me, even if it's not something most people would cry about.  We thought that taking him to the gym would help, and he does like to go, but when he goes he likes to just play around, mostly going about as slow as he possibly can go on the treadmill.  I'm so puzzled.  That's no good.  If he could learn to exercise and feel the good it does maybe he could do it on a regular basis, but so far that's not happening.

Yes, and this is the kind of picture he gives me, even though he was technically having a good time.

Here's a happy one, though. :)

 

Sorry that was such a downer of an update.  I guess I've been trying to wrap my head around it all and freaking out at the same time for longer than I care to admit.  Today was kind of interesting, though.  He got going on his math and then asked me for help.  I really like the math series we have.  It's called Life of Fred.  It's not busy work, and it teaches all sorts of things right along with the math.  And it's fun.  I read all the books before I pass them on to the boys because they're fun to read.  Anyway, today Benji was going along and came to the part where he has problems to work out, and you'll never guess what two of them were.  They were sigma notation!  In an elementary math book!  I'd completely forgotten about sigma notation.  But we figured it out really easily and moved on.  See what I'm saying?  He mixes in more advanced math with really basic stuff because really it's one and the same.  It's all math.  Anyway, it's fun and exciting!

Michael and Benji are still best buddies.  I like how they help each other out now and then.  They play GameCube together, and they scheme things together.  I love it.  I think Hyrum and Joshua are better friends now that they're both teenagers and kind of speaking the same language again, but they still really get on each other's nerves a lot.  It's funny!  You can tell that they're friends, but they pick at each other quite often.  It's all very brotherly.  Very funny.

Anyway, Michael is such a caring little soul.  He voluntarily takes care of Bubby all the time!  He likes to baby him and play with him and laugh with him.  It's pretty cute and sweet.  That's just his disposition.  He's a sweet, caring guy.  Michael was hoping that he could be done with glasses by now.  He figured when the eye doctor said he'd check him again in March that he'd be done then, but nope.  His eyes have gotten a bit better, but he still needs the same prescription.  He figured he should at least get some new glasses, but nope.  I did have them tighten them, though, and he complained that they squeezed his head for a while.  Poor guy!  They're plastic frames, so the optometrist not only tightened the screws but heated the earpieces and bent them a bit.  They'd been falling down a lot before, though, and I figured that would be annoying.  Apparently, plastic frames get stretched out.  And then he ran into the screen door a few days ago and got a big scratch on them.  They're under warranty, though, so new lenses are being cut, and they'll soon be all fixed.  Jeremy says I should order him a backup pair because he can get a pair a year, but he's supposed to go back in October, and then will he need a whole new prescription then?  I don't know.  But the other consideration is - will we even be here in October?  I don't know.  I kind of think we will, though.  Anyway, Michael is doing pretty good.

Here's Michael on a recent campout. :) That was a good time!

Jill is so excited about her birthday coming.  She's always excited about her birthday coming, even when she just had one.  She wants a horse cake.  She also really wants to take swimming lessons.  She likes to dress up in her swimming suit.  Somebody gave us another copy of The Secret Garden, and we sat down and read some of it right then and there.  I'm not sure if we'll get much further before I give up.  That first reading, she only did so good because she was sleepy.  I've had fun reading it a bit, though.  I like that book.  For our second reading I couldn't find that book we'd just been given, so we found another that I had, which turned out to be abridged.  Boo!  So I went and found the one I got for my 10th birthday and read to her from that.  It's such a beautiful copy!  It has pretty pictures all the way through.  And it's not abridged. :) I may end up reading it to the boys or to myself.

Anyway, the other day we went to the library, and guess what books Jill picked.  She picked a princess cookbook and a book about planets.  I am guessing she's been watching me lately because I've been trying lots of new recipes lately.  It's fun!  That maybe why the cookbook.  I'm not sure why the space book, but that's ok. :) We sat down together and looked at the recipes.  There are only like 5 in the whole book, but they're pretty easy.  There are sandwiches cut with a glass slipper cookie cutter (we don't have one, so we used a knife, but it didn't work very well.  Ha ha!  There are magic wands (pretzel rods with frosting and sprinkles).  I don't like pretzels, but I figure that's easy, so maybe we'll try that before we take the book back.  Another one is yogurt parfait.  We didn't have any more granola, so I got the ingredients, and she helped me make some.  Now she still needs to make her parfait.  Too bad we don't have one of those fancy ice cream glasses. ;) It's fun cooking with Jill, though, even if it's a little stressful.  Bubby likes to help too, and that means he climbs up on the counter.

Timmy is still working on speaking.  He doesn't answer yes or no to my questions unless I ask him, "Yes or no?" afterwards.  It's like he doesn't realize that I'm asking for a response unless I do that.  But this way I can ask him if he went potty at bed time and he can answer me. :) He's had some issues with potty training lately.  He still wets the bed a few times a month, and sometimes when he's too busy to remember he'll wet his pants in the day time.  I think he might be starting to be a little afraid of the dark bathroom in the evening or something because he likes to take me with him then.  The other evening he went to just outside the door to the bathroom and pooped right there on the floor.  It could have been so much worse, though.  Somebody had left a pair of pants there, and a lot of the poop went on them.  Plus, it wasn't smashed into the carpet, and he helped me find it all so we could get it cleaned up.  Silly boy!  I sometimes have quite a hard time keeping clean underwear on him!  He's learned that he needs to wipe before he pulls his underwear back up, though, so he'll either just leave his pants off and go running or he'll come to me with his pants off and say, "Need a wipey."  That's at least progress.  Next we'll try to get him to wipe himself and not use a whole roll.

Timmy was eating an apple.  He kept doing this face and then giggling. :)

Speaking of laundry, I've had such horrible luck getting things folded lately.  I need to send the boys to tackle it.  Every time I sit down with a basket I get pulled away for something or other.  It's so frustrating!  I never get more than a few things folded!  I have growing mountains upon mountains of clean laundry just waiting to be folded, and that also means that I have a bajillion white Sunday shirts that are certainly going to need to be ironed now.  Ugh!  Well, at least I got me some starch! :)

Brom (who we usually call "Bubby" lately - not sure how long that will stick) is really growing!  I know some of you might have wondered about this, so just so you know, we see no signs of autism in him.  He's been learning little words.  Lately, his favorite are chocolate, bear ("bye") (oh, how he loves his stuffed animals!), bye (when we're going bye-bye), dog ("gog") (He usually pairs that with "wuff, wuff."), and Mommy.  He runs around looking for me and saying that.  It's so cute!  And then he says it when he runs to me and I pick him up.  He also knows up and down and bird. :) He's so little and cute.  I have a lot of fun watching him just run around being his cute self all day.  He did have kind of a rough winter.  He (and it sounds like pretty much everybody else in this town) was sick all the time.  He got a fever that lasted more than 24 hours, and I was so fed up with his being sick I finally took him in to the doctor.  It really was nothing major, all this sickness he's had.  It's just been a general not feeling well.  But it had sure persisted.  Anyway, the doctor said that in all his years he's never seen a phenomenon like this winter here.  Everybody's been sick all winter.  He says, though, that with the heat coming in things will settle down.  He thought Brom might have hand, foot, and mouth disease, which, as it turns out, is really not a biggy, but I didn't see any symptoms develop of that.  And his fever was gone quickly after that.  Phew!

We were hoping to move to Cedar City this summer, but we're not sure anymore.  We finally got our house there sold.  The buyers were kind of stinkers about it.  They hired a person to do their inspections, and he got super nit-picky, and that meant that we had to sell for less than we wanted to.  It made me kind of mad.  This is a rich couple who were paying with cash.  What is a few thousand to them?  Anyway, it's done, though, and we paid off the biggest student loan.  The other will get paid down more aggressively now.  We were planning to make an offer on a particular house up there and were all excited.  And Jeremy was looking into a job he almost took when we lived there before.  But now we're just not sure that's what we want to do.  I still really, really want that house, and we could get it, but it would be for more than we want to pay.  And there are a couple of things Jeremy didn't like before and still doesn't like about that job: working for commissions and selling insurance.  He'd be setting up his own wealth management company in Cedar City, which sounds good until you figure in that he'd work for commissions and selling insurance.  He's always wanted to own his own business, but he doesn't like insurance.  Anyway, so we're still thinking about it.  We still want to go, but we may wait until February or so, which seems a billion years away! ;)

Teenagers

Joshua turned 13, and Hyrum is 14, and they have both been picking on me! Stinkers! I love 'em both, but they're stinkers! Joshua needs his ears cleaned out. He likes to take whatever I say and twist the words all around because he didn't understand me. And he does it extra bad just to tease me. Sometimes he understands and does it anyway just to annoy me.

Both of them are going through voice changes. Hyrum has been experimenting with his voice, and it's loud! When I pick him up from Seminary he's always on such a high, so there I am sitting quietly in the car, and he suddenly opens the door and bellows, "Hi!" at the top of his lungs, feeling quite pleased with himself. It sure makes me jump! I had to ask him to stop it, but a little part of me feels sad that I did.

And they both like to lean on me! Tonight Joshua was leaning on me on one side, telling me he wanted to go home and also trying to annoy me, while Hyrum was just leaning on me trying to annoy me. Woe is me! Plus, every time Hyrum sees me feeling upset he comes over and says, "Mama needs a hug," and bowls me over. It proves, though, that teenagers need hugs too. (Because the truth is that whenever he says that it's usually because he needs a hug.) So I try to just regain my balance and hug him back. Ha ha!

So anyway, it gets me thinking. I never would tease my Mama like that! I tell you, I take things much too seriously! And I am not male even a little. ;) But I also think this tells me I maybe did something right. :) So, I suppose that, though they do bowl me over and tease me, I wouldn't really trade it for anything.

Also, it's funny watching them trying to get used to their newly acquired long limbs. It's kind of awkward. And Hyrum has actual whiskers in his sideburns! I'd better get him to shave before church tomorrow!