Just a quickie here. I need to haul those boys outa bed!
Yesterday Jeremy gave me a really nice blessing, and then I went over to DES. I printed all out current bank balances to take with me and brought papers from our rental in Utah as well. (Those bank balances are a huge deal to get ready! Including the kids' savings accounts we have 15 bank accounts that have any money at all in them. Yes, we are crazy. I blame it on Jeremy, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind that. It was his idea. :) Those all turned out to be just what we needed. It turned out that whoever looked over the paperwork we brought in last didn't lose it. He/she simply didn't understand, even though I spelled it out in a signed statement that I brought with the documents. They didn't have time to try to understand, and since they had already asked for the documents they weren't obligated to ask for them again or to even ask for clarification. So there you go.
I went in to DES feeling like I was going to have to fight, but I didn't. The lady was very nice and understanding. We went through everything they were questioning one at a time until she was all satisfied. Then I signed a statement explaining what we discussed and she reinstated us! We are ok! I am very thankful.
It is a blessing, and it is a blessing to see God working in our lives. And though it has been hard to be without a job since June, it has been a blessing to have Jeremy here to help me. And I understand a little more about why we're here. I still hope we can move soon so that Jeremy can breathe and so we can get away from the hordes of bugs we've been dealing with and... well, you know. But I'm thankful for how we have been blessed throughout this hard year, and I am looking forward very much to soon holding my new little guy. I keep wondering if this will be our last. I always wonder that. My poor body has been through a lot and I just wonder every time if I'll come out able to have more babies or not. I do know that Brom is supposed to come to our family, and I'm so pleased that he's almost here! But will Jill ever get a sister? I don't know. But God will take care of the details and it will be ok either way.
And speaking of Jill, I'd better record this before I forget. I think Jill has been paying attention to her mother's aches and pains. Last night she was getting tired, and she started moaning, "Oh, my hip hurts!" I asked her, "Jill, do you know where your hip is?" She said no. Then the rest of the evening she wandered around saying, "My hip hurts! Mommy, do you know where my hip is? Can you help me find my hip?" I think Papa must have tried to explain because she put her hands on her waist and said, "This is my belly. Where's my hip?"
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Another One Bites the Dust
I have decided to cut myself some slack again. I have been quite a whiner this year, but looking back on this last year I don't feel as bad as I did about whining. It has been a really tough year. We've just been going along trying to be good people as usual, but we've been repeatedly kicked in the face. I know that is not the reward for trying to be good. I know that this life is supposed to be full of challenges. But man! They just seem extra concentrated over the last year.
A year ago yesterday we moved to Globe. On the way our little car broke down. We had to pay a lot of money for it and didn't get it back for months. And we came home to this lovely old house that our tenants so badly damaged - after living in such a lovely home for the year before. A year later the bathroom floor still is not fixed. The boys' room light got replace but is now not working again. The hall lights don't work. The carport and shop lights don't work. We even have some lovely exposed wiring where the tenants pulled fixtures down in the hall and the shop. And the small bathroom still needs the cesspool pumped. We've been using it some anyway, just out of necessity. What else can we do?
The boys got bullied some last year at school. (You could argue that they should just live with it because it builds character. I say pooey. My boys are good people, and they don't need to live with emotional scars for the rest of their lives. That is not cool.) And we invited Elizabeth to live with us. Boy, is she the stinky gift that keeps on, well, stinking. We lived all school year with a job that pays peanuts, and now we've been without any job since the beginning of June.
And to top off all that (and others I don't need to mention), we've been fighting with DES all year, trying to get the help we need. We've hauled in tomes of documents - proof of everything from our cousin's cocker spaniel to how many times a day we blink our eyes. And every time I think they can't possibly ask for more, they do. And usually we end up bringing in the same documents repeatedly. So we struggled through getting approved when we got here. Then we struggled through recertification at the beginning of the year. And we were just struggling through recertification again when yesterday out of the blue (on the one-year-mark of this horribly hard year) we got some letters stating that we are being kicked off food stamps and AHCCCS (state health care) at the end of the month. Their reasoning is that we failed to bring in the latest tome of documents. What the...? I brought them in two weeks ago! I have no idea what to do now. One option is that we can apply for a fair hearing (oh, joy) or we can start all over with a new application. Well, guess what? I have no desire to go to court, and if we lose we're in trouble anyway. If I can't prove that they got those documents (I did turn them in. Just ask Jeremy! He watched the kids while I hurried over there to do it.), we'll just have to start over anyway. And if I do a new application, well, it takes them 30 to 60 days to process. (This is mostly because we are strange folks who were responsible with our tax return instead of just blowing the whole thing right when we got it. Because of that we have to prove how we're paying our bills or provide proof that somebody's helping us or that we're not paying them and our utilities are being cut off. And even after I prove all that I have to prove it again and write a letter stating how we're making it - again.) Well, guess what. I don't have 30-60 days! I have a baby being born in 2 weeks and 5 days!
So there you go. There is my latest rant. I am still praying my face off. I don't know what is going to happen. I am feeling pretty darn scared. I keep wondering if we have to hit rock bottom before things will get better. We are not quite there yet, but we've been tiptoeing on the line for a while now. I don't feel bitter against God. I know that there is a reason for this last year. I pray that we will see it someday. But I know that He knows what's going on, and I know that He is going to take care of us. I am clinging to that with all I'm worth.
A year ago yesterday we moved to Globe. On the way our little car broke down. We had to pay a lot of money for it and didn't get it back for months. And we came home to this lovely old house that our tenants so badly damaged - after living in such a lovely home for the year before. A year later the bathroom floor still is not fixed. The boys' room light got replace but is now not working again. The hall lights don't work. The carport and shop lights don't work. We even have some lovely exposed wiring where the tenants pulled fixtures down in the hall and the shop. And the small bathroom still needs the cesspool pumped. We've been using it some anyway, just out of necessity. What else can we do?
The boys got bullied some last year at school. (You could argue that they should just live with it because it builds character. I say pooey. My boys are good people, and they don't need to live with emotional scars for the rest of their lives. That is not cool.) And we invited Elizabeth to live with us. Boy, is she the stinky gift that keeps on, well, stinking. We lived all school year with a job that pays peanuts, and now we've been without any job since the beginning of June.
And to top off all that (and others I don't need to mention), we've been fighting with DES all year, trying to get the help we need. We've hauled in tomes of documents - proof of everything from our cousin's cocker spaniel to how many times a day we blink our eyes. And every time I think they can't possibly ask for more, they do. And usually we end up bringing in the same documents repeatedly. So we struggled through getting approved when we got here. Then we struggled through recertification at the beginning of the year. And we were just struggling through recertification again when yesterday out of the blue (on the one-year-mark of this horribly hard year) we got some letters stating that we are being kicked off food stamps and AHCCCS (state health care) at the end of the month. Their reasoning is that we failed to bring in the latest tome of documents. What the...? I brought them in two weeks ago! I have no idea what to do now. One option is that we can apply for a fair hearing (oh, joy) or we can start all over with a new application. Well, guess what? I have no desire to go to court, and if we lose we're in trouble anyway. If I can't prove that they got those documents (I did turn them in. Just ask Jeremy! He watched the kids while I hurried over there to do it.), we'll just have to start over anyway. And if I do a new application, well, it takes them 30 to 60 days to process. (This is mostly because we are strange folks who were responsible with our tax return instead of just blowing the whole thing right when we got it. Because of that we have to prove how we're paying our bills or provide proof that somebody's helping us or that we're not paying them and our utilities are being cut off. And even after I prove all that I have to prove it again and write a letter stating how we're making it - again.) Well, guess what. I don't have 30-60 days! I have a baby being born in 2 weeks and 5 days!
So there you go. There is my latest rant. I am still praying my face off. I don't know what is going to happen. I am feeling pretty darn scared. I keep wondering if we have to hit rock bottom before things will get better. We are not quite there yet, but we've been tiptoeing on the line for a while now. I don't feel bitter against God. I know that there is a reason for this last year. I pray that we will see it someday. But I know that He knows what's going on, and I know that He is going to take care of us. I am clinging to that with all I'm worth.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Timmy
My head is swimming a bit this morning. Last night I made a little trip to the grocery store with my two little ones. After we got home I took Jill and Timmy out of the car as usual. I set Timmy down and he ran off after Jill and his brothers. I figured he'd run right into the house. Except that his big brothers closed the door before he and Jill got there. Jill came in the back door because she and Timmy both have a hard time opening the front door. I asked those brothers to please go get Timmy. I kept wondering where he was, but I thought somebody was taking care of it.
Well, at least an hour later, I'd guess, I wondered where he was again when we all sat down for dinner. I had been wondering off and on, but somebody said he was with Papa in my bedroom, so I kept dismissing it from my mind. Well, he wasn't with Papa. We spread out and did a quick search, and where do you think he was? Papa found him asleep in his car seat in the car. I have no idea how he got in there. I've never seen him open those doors. They are too hard to open. He was in his car seat. He had tried to buckle himself in, and was sitting there asleep and drenched in sweat. The poor fella! I felt so horrible for him. I held him close and cried. I figure he probably realized he was stuck and cried, but nobody could hear him since he was in the car. So he probably cried himself to sleep. That is a long time for the little guy to be missing! I wish I had realized that he really was missing and saved him a lot earlier.
We sat around the dinner table talking about it, and I was sick to my stomach thinking of all the kids who die in shut up cars every year. Thank heavens it wasn't in the middle of the day with the car out in the sun! The boys all kind of tried to blame each other. The truth was that we all should have been more careful. I don't know what I would have done if he was not ok. Poor little guy.
Well, the good thing is that little guys are pretty resilient. He did want held for a while, but he was happy and running around, stealing hot dogs from the fridge before we knew it. I am so thankful he's ok.
Well, at least an hour later, I'd guess, I wondered where he was again when we all sat down for dinner. I had been wondering off and on, but somebody said he was with Papa in my bedroom, so I kept dismissing it from my mind. Well, he wasn't with Papa. We spread out and did a quick search, and where do you think he was? Papa found him asleep in his car seat in the car. I have no idea how he got in there. I've never seen him open those doors. They are too hard to open. He was in his car seat. He had tried to buckle himself in, and was sitting there asleep and drenched in sweat. The poor fella! I felt so horrible for him. I held him close and cried. I figure he probably realized he was stuck and cried, but nobody could hear him since he was in the car. So he probably cried himself to sleep. That is a long time for the little guy to be missing! I wish I had realized that he really was missing and saved him a lot earlier.
We sat around the dinner table talking about it, and I was sick to my stomach thinking of all the kids who die in shut up cars every year. Thank heavens it wasn't in the middle of the day with the car out in the sun! The boys all kind of tried to blame each other. The truth was that we all should have been more careful. I don't know what I would have done if he was not ok. Poor little guy.
Well, the good thing is that little guys are pretty resilient. He did want held for a while, but he was happy and running around, stealing hot dogs from the fridge before we knew it. I am so thankful he's ok.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
It's the most wonderful time of the year
Did you guys know that allergy season is back? We had a mere month or so between our two allergy seasons. Isn't that great?! We've got our nose-blowin' and our nebulizin' and our eye-rubbin', all mixed up with some good ol' allergy-induced drowsiness! It's a rip-snortin' (literally) good time!
The greatest thing about this is that even though allergies were less and there was supposed to be no pollen in the area for that month or so, we were still feeling allergic. It's just worse now than it was during that month or so.
In other news, Brom is hurtin' me! Not only do I have those good ol' Braxton Hicks contractions (which usually feel like the beginning of labor - when it hurts but not as badly as at the end), but I've got a little fella boppin' around inside me during those contractions. Whee! And even better than that is when he bops around, punching my bladder during a contraction. :D Great fun. (Well, at least the contractions don't last or get worse or more consistent. And mostly they only happen in the evening.) I'm telling you, this little guy is strong! He kicks and pushes really hard. (I am glad he's healthy.)
Now I'm just whining, but my hips are aching today. It feels pretty miserable. I want to go back to bed.
The greatest thing about this is that even though allergies were less and there was supposed to be no pollen in the area for that month or so, we were still feeling allergic. It's just worse now than it was during that month or so.
In other news, Brom is hurtin' me! Not only do I have those good ol' Braxton Hicks contractions (which usually feel like the beginning of labor - when it hurts but not as badly as at the end), but I've got a little fella boppin' around inside me during those contractions. Whee! And even better than that is when he bops around, punching my bladder during a contraction. :D Great fun. (Well, at least the contractions don't last or get worse or more consistent. And mostly they only happen in the evening.) I'm telling you, this little guy is strong! He kicks and pushes really hard. (I am glad he's healthy.)
Now I'm just whining, but my hips are aching today. It feels pretty miserable. I want to go back to bed.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
A little somethin'
I feel like we are more or less kind of getting in the groove of things with school. It's still hard. In fact, just on Friday Joshua had one of his days where he simply could not focus. It was one of those days where he goes crazy and cannot stop. I still don't know what set him off, and I'm not sure how to help. I'm going to have to do some digging.
I keep getting hurt lately. A lot of it is because I'm tired and clumsy, but I like to tease Hyrum and say it's all his fault. See, the other day I went shopping, and I took the two little ones and the two big ones with me. Jill and Timmy were angelic the entire time. That was surprising. Jill likes to run everywhere and go crazy every time, but this time she sat in the car cart and was just so good. And Timmy did the same. Hyrum and Joshua, on the other hand, were nutso. They were playfully smacking each other and stuff. You know - they are really annoyed by each other at a moment like that, so they try to get back at each other without really hurting each other too bad. Hyrum kept trying to run Joshua down with the shopping cart. And Joshua kept running away screaming. Yeah, real mature like. Anyway, as Hyrum was pushing along, fuming about Joshua's teasing, he ran into me and scraped the skin off the back of my ankle. And then later he ran into the same ankle again! I tried to have him go ahead of me, but he was mosying a little too slowly for me. (That's saying something. I mosy pretty slowly these days.) And then the next day during school he needed help. I was sitting in my computer chair and figured I could just scoot my bum over there. I pushed off and my foot slipped, and I broke my toenail on the leg of the couch. Bleeding again! And then he almost ran over my foot too. See? It's all his fault! (I like to tell him that, and then he frowns and chuckles like he does every time we tease him.)
Timmy seems to be changing every day. For a couple of days this week he would growl at us if his answer to our question was no and also if he just felt like it. It was really loud. It was cute when he was playfully growling with me the day before, but it wasn't so cute when he was growling to be mean. Well, thank heavens that didn't last long. I hope he'll keep not doing that. We've been trying to get him to say, "Hi," instead, and so far it's working ok. He's learning new words all the time, and it's fun. Right now he has a huge bite on his foot. Poor fella. I felt bad putting his swollen foot in a shoe this morning, and we almost didn't at all. But he really likes shoes. I think he would have been sad if we left them in the car.
And speaking of shoes and church, last Sunday a bunch of us woke up feeling yucky. It was not cool. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to get us all ready, but it's hard when we're all feeling yucky. I got Jill's dress on her as she slept. I wrestled Timmy into his clothes (he doesn't like that - every Sunday) and then he fell asleep again while I was hemming and hawing about putting his shoes on. I knew it was going to be a struggle. I finally decided I'd just put them on when we got to church, except I couldn't decide if we were going to go. In the meantime, three of the boys got ready for church. I knew I didn't want to take some of them by myself. I didn't feel like I could. And for one thing, I knew I'd better not take Timmy to nursery because his eyes were goopy. I knew that I simply could not wrestle him or chase him through Sunday School and Relief Society. Not in this state. Well, I was about to say, "Let's all just go back to bed," when Timmy sat up, quite awake and happy and let me know that he wanted his shoes on and was ready to go. So that did it. I took Hyrum, Joshua, Michael, and Hyrum and went to church. And it's nice how every time it's especially hard to go to church I am especially blessed for doing it. There were some really nice testimonies, including one from our bishop that was just really good and had us all crying (including he himself).
Well, since I couldn't take Timmy to nursery I decided to go home after Sacrament Meeting. Hyrum (good boy that he is) really wanted to stay for the rest, so I picked him up later. But I took Joshua and Michael home with me because that's what they wanted. Timmy, though, was quite upset as I carried him to the car instead of class. He started crying and trying to squirm down as soon as we got to the door, and then he grabbed the door frame with all his might. Poor fella. It broke my heart. He wanted to be where he should be and I couldn't let him. I had to wrestle him down to get him buckled, and then he cried all the way home.
Well, anyway, I was thankful for my good boys who wanted to be where they should be. And I was thankful that at least Joshua and Michael came. I hope they see the good that comes from that sacrifice. It is a sacrifice to make it there every week, but it's very much worth it.
And while I'm on the subject of church - I remembered today that one day a few months ago we went to church in Globe 1st Ward. After classes were all done and we were getting all loaded in the car Jill turned to me and said in an excited voice, "Mommy! The Holy Ghost will help me!" I was so pleased! I hope she always remembers that. :)
And at Relief Society today I was trying to stay awake and squirming a bit because I'd sat so long and my bum was tired. And the teacher (Cathy Kinnard) talked for a bit about sharing our talents, and then after we were done she came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I want you to know that I was thinking of you when I said we needed to share our talents. I need to hear you sing! I know you have a lot going on with all your kids, but I want to hear you sing!" I wasn't sure what to say at that, but I like it nonetheless. She talked to me a few months about singing as well - something about what part do I usually sing because she thinks her voice is kind of like mine. I don't know. Still, I love Sister Kinnard, and I'm glad she likes my singin'. I sure enjoy singing. I may have to volunteer one of these days - just for her. :)
I keep getting hurt lately. A lot of it is because I'm tired and clumsy, but I like to tease Hyrum and say it's all his fault. See, the other day I went shopping, and I took the two little ones and the two big ones with me. Jill and Timmy were angelic the entire time. That was surprising. Jill likes to run everywhere and go crazy every time, but this time she sat in the car cart and was just so good. And Timmy did the same. Hyrum and Joshua, on the other hand, were nutso. They were playfully smacking each other and stuff. You know - they are really annoyed by each other at a moment like that, so they try to get back at each other without really hurting each other too bad. Hyrum kept trying to run Joshua down with the shopping cart. And Joshua kept running away screaming. Yeah, real mature like. Anyway, as Hyrum was pushing along, fuming about Joshua's teasing, he ran into me and scraped the skin off the back of my ankle. And then later he ran into the same ankle again! I tried to have him go ahead of me, but he was mosying a little too slowly for me. (That's saying something. I mosy pretty slowly these days.) And then the next day during school he needed help. I was sitting in my computer chair and figured I could just scoot my bum over there. I pushed off and my foot slipped, and I broke my toenail on the leg of the couch. Bleeding again! And then he almost ran over my foot too. See? It's all his fault! (I like to tell him that, and then he frowns and chuckles like he does every time we tease him.)
Timmy seems to be changing every day. For a couple of days this week he would growl at us if his answer to our question was no and also if he just felt like it. It was really loud. It was cute when he was playfully growling with me the day before, but it wasn't so cute when he was growling to be mean. Well, thank heavens that didn't last long. I hope he'll keep not doing that. We've been trying to get him to say, "Hi," instead, and so far it's working ok. He's learning new words all the time, and it's fun. Right now he has a huge bite on his foot. Poor fella. I felt bad putting his swollen foot in a shoe this morning, and we almost didn't at all. But he really likes shoes. I think he would have been sad if we left them in the car.
And speaking of shoes and church, last Sunday a bunch of us woke up feeling yucky. It was not cool. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to get us all ready, but it's hard when we're all feeling yucky. I got Jill's dress on her as she slept. I wrestled Timmy into his clothes (he doesn't like that - every Sunday) and then he fell asleep again while I was hemming and hawing about putting his shoes on. I knew it was going to be a struggle. I finally decided I'd just put them on when we got to church, except I couldn't decide if we were going to go. In the meantime, three of the boys got ready for church. I knew I didn't want to take some of them by myself. I didn't feel like I could. And for one thing, I knew I'd better not take Timmy to nursery because his eyes were goopy. I knew that I simply could not wrestle him or chase him through Sunday School and Relief Society. Not in this state. Well, I was about to say, "Let's all just go back to bed," when Timmy sat up, quite awake and happy and let me know that he wanted his shoes on and was ready to go. So that did it. I took Hyrum, Joshua, Michael, and Hyrum and went to church. And it's nice how every time it's especially hard to go to church I am especially blessed for doing it. There were some really nice testimonies, including one from our bishop that was just really good and had us all crying (including he himself).
Well, since I couldn't take Timmy to nursery I decided to go home after Sacrament Meeting. Hyrum (good boy that he is) really wanted to stay for the rest, so I picked him up later. But I took Joshua and Michael home with me because that's what they wanted. Timmy, though, was quite upset as I carried him to the car instead of class. He started crying and trying to squirm down as soon as we got to the door, and then he grabbed the door frame with all his might. Poor fella. It broke my heart. He wanted to be where he should be and I couldn't let him. I had to wrestle him down to get him buckled, and then he cried all the way home.
Well, anyway, I was thankful for my good boys who wanted to be where they should be. And I was thankful that at least Joshua and Michael came. I hope they see the good that comes from that sacrifice. It is a sacrifice to make it there every week, but it's very much worth it.
And while I'm on the subject of church - I remembered today that one day a few months ago we went to church in Globe 1st Ward. After classes were all done and we were getting all loaded in the car Jill turned to me and said in an excited voice, "Mommy! The Holy Ghost will help me!" I was so pleased! I hope she always remembers that. :)
And at Relief Society today I was trying to stay awake and squirming a bit because I'd sat so long and my bum was tired. And the teacher (Cathy Kinnard) talked for a bit about sharing our talents, and then after we were done she came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I want you to know that I was thinking of you when I said we needed to share our talents. I need to hear you sing! I know you have a lot going on with all your kids, but I want to hear you sing!" I wasn't sure what to say at that, but I like it nonetheless. She talked to me a few months about singing as well - something about what part do I usually sing because she thinks her voice is kind of like mine. I don't know. Still, I love Sister Kinnard, and I'm glad she likes my singin'. I sure enjoy singing. I may have to volunteer one of these days - just for her. :)
Thursday, August 8, 2013
How's Things?
I haven't written in too long. I keep wanting to and being too busy or too far away from the computer. (It's hard to get my bum out of my recliner when I'm not busy.) So here's a little update on what's going on in our little world and in my head - because I know you all always want to know what's going on in my head, right? That is surely your best part!
On Monday I had another doctor appointment. It was in the morning. I got up and headed out just as the boys were starting to wake up, and I listened to Conference on the way again. Something in President Uchtdorf's talk got me thinking about the subject of complaining. This is something I've mulled over a lot. Even back in high school I thought about it. I found that I had certain people I'd just complain to. And these days I find myself complaining to Jeremy, on Facebook, and other places. When I realize how often I'm complaining it kind of makes me uncomfortable, and then I wonder why I do it so much. Well, yesterday I realized that sometimes I do it just because I can, and maybe also just because I know somebody will validate me. As nice as it is to feel validated, is it something I really need so often? When I look at it like this, it makes me feel kind of ashamed of myself. I don't want to be a whiner. How lame is it if that is what I'm known for? Well, I realized that while the occasional validation is nice, I want to be more careful. Being a whiner is not fun.
I have also been thinking and realizing that a lot of my complaining comes from fear. You all know my worries (or at least some of them), so we don't need to rehash. Long story short, I often complain because I'm afraid.
So here's what happened. I got to the doctor and they said it would be at least an hour wait because Dr. Joe was delivering a baby. Then another lady came into the hospital and needed him. So the wait was a little longer. After I'd waited like an hour and a half they said yet another lady had come in to deliver, so he wouldn't be in at all that morning. Argh! I stood in line to reschedule for later that day. It turned out that I'd have about 4 hours to wait. I wished I was dressed for the Temple and had my Temple bag. But then I realized they're closed on Monday anyway. I decided to go to the mall and look at christening outfits to get some ideas or something. I went to Fiesta Mall because I hadn't been there in a long time. As I walked in I thought, "Hey, I have time to see a movie? Doesn't this mall have a dollar theater?" It turned out that it didn't. I looked around quickly in Sears but didn't find any baby stuff at all, and then I hurried over to Superstition Springs where there was a dollar movie. I hurried in and got into After Earth within 10 minutes after it started.
I had been wanting to see that movie since I saw the preview. I wished all the way through that Jeremy was with me. It's just more fun that way. :) The best part of the movie for me (besides the flying) is a quote about fear. I think it is something I needed to hear. Here it is:
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice."
Isn't that awesome? It made me sit and think about all the fears I have in my life. Why do I worry so much about things that probably will never happen? I don't know. I've been trying ever since to just not, and to some extent I've been succeeding. I think it's helpful to keep that quote in mind especially as I have started school with the boys. It is a big, scary undertaking.
Speaking of school, it is going all right. It is quite overwhelming. I've just done a quick count, and it appears that between our four boys we have 23 teachers. Michael only has one, but the three older boys have a different teacher for each subject as well as a homeroom teacher. They all want things done a certain way. That first day I couldn't quite understand how it all works. (It's changed since I was doing AZVA last.) Lots of the teachers have had welcome sessions on Blackboard (a place where some of the older boys' lessons will be given), and that first day some of them were scheduled so that I had 2 or 3 boys on them at the same time. I was sitting there kind of trying to listen to what I could, but man! All these teachers and their expectations... I couldn't quite get it. I just wanted to roll over and die. I think it's starting to come together now that we've done it a few days. We're still not getting every subject on the days they're assigned, but we're sure getting our hours in. I do a lot of jumping back and forth between Michael and Benji and wishing I could help Joshua as well. Joshua and Hyrum are able to do most of their stuff on their own, but Joshua is kind of lost when it comes to figuring out what to do next. I need to start helping him make a list every day. I think that will help. But either way, I have this or that boy waiting while I finish up this or that with another boy. But we are working on it. It will all work out somehow.
Also, Jeremy gave us all blessings on the first day of school, and his dad gave him one as well. I keep remembering the things that were said and feeling certain that we're going to succeed. I think we made the right choice and that it will be ok. I am thankful for that, and I'm thankful that Jeremy can do that! The Priesthood is a great blessing in our home.
And since I talked about the doctor, I should tell you all that he says things are all looking good. 3 weeks ago when I went I had lost a pound. This time I gained it back. I really haven't gained very many pounds at all, but we all know I was overweight to begin with. I'm still on track somehow. Plus, the baby is growing (he was even bigger than we expected for his age at his last ultrasound), my tummy measures good, and the baby's heartbeat is good. I'm thankful for that. :) I am excited. I'm working on my to-do list and it's coming together.
We still haven't had any good word on jobs. We're still waiting and working on it, but so far - nada. I know it will work out. We'll just wait and see how. We're also still waiting on that renewal for food stamps and health insurance. It still makes me sick to have to rely on those. But I admit I'm thankful that it's available, and I'm thankful for people who paid their taxes so we can have this help. I guess we all rely on each other once in a while in some way or another.
On Monday I had another doctor appointment. It was in the morning. I got up and headed out just as the boys were starting to wake up, and I listened to Conference on the way again. Something in President Uchtdorf's talk got me thinking about the subject of complaining. This is something I've mulled over a lot. Even back in high school I thought about it. I found that I had certain people I'd just complain to. And these days I find myself complaining to Jeremy, on Facebook, and other places. When I realize how often I'm complaining it kind of makes me uncomfortable, and then I wonder why I do it so much. Well, yesterday I realized that sometimes I do it just because I can, and maybe also just because I know somebody will validate me. As nice as it is to feel validated, is it something I really need so often? When I look at it like this, it makes me feel kind of ashamed of myself. I don't want to be a whiner. How lame is it if that is what I'm known for? Well, I realized that while the occasional validation is nice, I want to be more careful. Being a whiner is not fun.
I have also been thinking and realizing that a lot of my complaining comes from fear. You all know my worries (or at least some of them), so we don't need to rehash. Long story short, I often complain because I'm afraid.
So here's what happened. I got to the doctor and they said it would be at least an hour wait because Dr. Joe was delivering a baby. Then another lady came into the hospital and needed him. So the wait was a little longer. After I'd waited like an hour and a half they said yet another lady had come in to deliver, so he wouldn't be in at all that morning. Argh! I stood in line to reschedule for later that day. It turned out that I'd have about 4 hours to wait. I wished I was dressed for the Temple and had my Temple bag. But then I realized they're closed on Monday anyway. I decided to go to the mall and look at christening outfits to get some ideas or something. I went to Fiesta Mall because I hadn't been there in a long time. As I walked in I thought, "Hey, I have time to see a movie? Doesn't this mall have a dollar theater?" It turned out that it didn't. I looked around quickly in Sears but didn't find any baby stuff at all, and then I hurried over to Superstition Springs where there was a dollar movie. I hurried in and got into After Earth within 10 minutes after it started.
I had been wanting to see that movie since I saw the preview. I wished all the way through that Jeremy was with me. It's just more fun that way. :) The best part of the movie for me (besides the flying) is a quote about fear. I think it is something I needed to hear. Here it is:
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice."
Isn't that awesome? It made me sit and think about all the fears I have in my life. Why do I worry so much about things that probably will never happen? I don't know. I've been trying ever since to just not, and to some extent I've been succeeding. I think it's helpful to keep that quote in mind especially as I have started school with the boys. It is a big, scary undertaking.
Speaking of school, it is going all right. It is quite overwhelming. I've just done a quick count, and it appears that between our four boys we have 23 teachers. Michael only has one, but the three older boys have a different teacher for each subject as well as a homeroom teacher. They all want things done a certain way. That first day I couldn't quite understand how it all works. (It's changed since I was doing AZVA last.) Lots of the teachers have had welcome sessions on Blackboard (a place where some of the older boys' lessons will be given), and that first day some of them were scheduled so that I had 2 or 3 boys on them at the same time. I was sitting there kind of trying to listen to what I could, but man! All these teachers and their expectations... I couldn't quite get it. I just wanted to roll over and die. I think it's starting to come together now that we've done it a few days. We're still not getting every subject on the days they're assigned, but we're sure getting our hours in. I do a lot of jumping back and forth between Michael and Benji and wishing I could help Joshua as well. Joshua and Hyrum are able to do most of their stuff on their own, but Joshua is kind of lost when it comes to figuring out what to do next. I need to start helping him make a list every day. I think that will help. But either way, I have this or that boy waiting while I finish up this or that with another boy. But we are working on it. It will all work out somehow.
Also, Jeremy gave us all blessings on the first day of school, and his dad gave him one as well. I keep remembering the things that were said and feeling certain that we're going to succeed. I think we made the right choice and that it will be ok. I am thankful for that, and I'm thankful that Jeremy can do that! The Priesthood is a great blessing in our home.
And since I talked about the doctor, I should tell you all that he says things are all looking good. 3 weeks ago when I went I had lost a pound. This time I gained it back. I really haven't gained very many pounds at all, but we all know I was overweight to begin with. I'm still on track somehow. Plus, the baby is growing (he was even bigger than we expected for his age at his last ultrasound), my tummy measures good, and the baby's heartbeat is good. I'm thankful for that. :) I am excited. I'm working on my to-do list and it's coming together.
We still haven't had any good word on jobs. We're still waiting and working on it, but so far - nada. I know it will work out. We'll just wait and see how. We're also still waiting on that renewal for food stamps and health insurance. It still makes me sick to have to rely on those. But I admit I'm thankful that it's available, and I'm thankful for people who paid their taxes so we can have this help. I guess we all rely on each other once in a while in some way or another.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
Thoughts and Frustrations
Well, this has been a long week. I tried all week to get Hyrum's report card from the junior-senior high school, but it was lost in between schools for a long time. And now that it is probably there I have to get hold of the one right person at the right time. It has been really frustrating! And yesterday they weren't even open because they don't work on Fridays. I did get a bunch of documents together. I found all I needed for the other three boys, and I submitted them all, along with what I had for Hyrum (except for his withdrawal letter because for some reason they said that has to be submitted last). It took forever to get it all attached and sent.
Then yesterday in frustration I called the new school and said, "Why do you need his report card if you're just going to request his records anyway?" They told me, "It's just quicker that way. Records requests take up to 9 business days. Can you try to get the report card on Monday?" Oh, boy. For one thing, I'm not sure we'll be here on Monday, and for another thing, I'm not sure how optimistic I feel about getting that report card. Ever. Anyway, the lady said she'd send the records request right away, just in case. I'm not sure why she didn't before because they already have that. I signed it online.
While we were talking she also told me, "I'm seeing that there are a lot of other documents that you haven't submitted. Is there any way you could get those submitted today?" I said, "I submitted all those documents earlier this week." She asked me if I'd attached a lot in one email. I said yes, I attached them in as few emails as I could. She said in that case they probably all got caught in the firewall and I'd have to resubmit them 1-3 at a time. Dang it! All that work and days of waiting for the documents to be processed - for nothing! So yesterday I resubmitted the whole lot, one at a time. If anybody loses those I'm going to smack them! ;)
Ha, ha! Check me out! I wrote the above yesterday morning and forgot to finish.
I keep wanting to blog about different things going on, and I never get around to it before I forget what I was going to say. Darn! Well, here are a few things that have been on my mind.
Yesterday we went and did a little bit of school shopping. I figure we don't need to be all serious about it since we're just doing school at home. But school does start a week from Tuesday. We did get the boys some new underwear, and we got a few other things we'll need for school. It was an interesting trip because looking back I really did not think we'd still be here at this point.
It is shocking how busy the summer has been and how unfruitful the job search has been. I know, though, that Heavenly Father's timing is perfect, so I'm trying to just hang on and not worry so much. It is hard. They did up our food stamps payout by quite a bit. It will now pay for more than we really need again. But I'm not sure that will last. I think we discussed why. Moving on. So for now we've got all the food we can eat. For the rest we are relying on the money we got from tax returns, which is just dwindling away in our bank account. Honestly, we have more than I often figure, but it is still scary to live off savings. Savings runs out eventually.
As for the job search, Jeremy has been diligently searching still. He's been looking all over. The other day he went to a job service place here in town and they tried to help, but they also said, "You know that a masters degree is kind of overkill for this area, right?" Duh! It wasn't our idea to come back here. But really that means we can expect help for doing what we knew we should.
And meanwhile, I've got 7 weeks and 2 days until my due date. (That means probably 6 weeks and 2 days until I can have a scheduled c-section.) It still seems like forever, but the weeks are indeed passing. I was just realizing today that things are probably not going to change much between now and then. It's not so far away as I have been thinking this whole pregnancy. Quite a thought.
This little guy is pretty quiet. Every now and then he'll break out dancing, but a lot of the time he is just quiet. He gets hiccups a lot. If there's one thing I've learned it's that how my babies feel inside me is not necessarily how they'll be when they get out. It makes me really curious. Please bless that this one won't be colicky! (But you know I love him even if he is going to be colicky.)
Yesterday while we were shopping we picked up some onesies. I think I'm set for newborn clothes now. I'm not so sure about the sizes just bigger than that and all the way up to 12 or 18 months. When we moved to Utah we gave away a lot of those. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My heart still aches over it. I kept talking myself through it saying, "I'm giving up clothes, not my children." Argh! It was still very hard.
Another thing I've been looking into is getting a bouncer or swing again. We had a swing for our first 3 and a bouncer for the last 3. If I could just have either one right now I'd probably pick a swing. Bouncers are nice, and most of them these days vibrate, which is great. But a swing.... Well, I don't know. The problem is that whatever we get we're going to have to find room for. I did like about the bouncer that it took up less space than a swing, and it was nice for laying down my sleeping babies during the day. I don't like putting them in their bed in the day time. I like to look at them too much. (At the same time, I kind of have to chuckle at this because Timmy was so, so colicky. The only way he'd nap was if he were nursing. He'd wake up and cry again if I tried to put him down in the day time.)
Anyway, all this is bouncing around in my head. I am really hoping that he will just be a happy guy and that he'll take a pluggie. (Only one out of the 6 I already have did take a pluggie. I guess we'll see.) Doesn't hurt to dream, right? Either way, I am really looking forward to holding him in my arms! And I'd better get busy. I'd like to get that blessing outfit done soon!
Aw, poo! I've written too long. My guys only have 40 minutes to get ready now. :( Gotta get off to church.
Then yesterday in frustration I called the new school and said, "Why do you need his report card if you're just going to request his records anyway?" They told me, "It's just quicker that way. Records requests take up to 9 business days. Can you try to get the report card on Monday?" Oh, boy. For one thing, I'm not sure we'll be here on Monday, and for another thing, I'm not sure how optimistic I feel about getting that report card. Ever. Anyway, the lady said she'd send the records request right away, just in case. I'm not sure why she didn't before because they already have that. I signed it online.
While we were talking she also told me, "I'm seeing that there are a lot of other documents that you haven't submitted. Is there any way you could get those submitted today?" I said, "I submitted all those documents earlier this week." She asked me if I'd attached a lot in one email. I said yes, I attached them in as few emails as I could. She said in that case they probably all got caught in the firewall and I'd have to resubmit them 1-3 at a time. Dang it! All that work and days of waiting for the documents to be processed - for nothing! So yesterday I resubmitted the whole lot, one at a time. If anybody loses those I'm going to smack them! ;)
Ha, ha! Check me out! I wrote the above yesterday morning and forgot to finish.
I keep wanting to blog about different things going on, and I never get around to it before I forget what I was going to say. Darn! Well, here are a few things that have been on my mind.
Yesterday we went and did a little bit of school shopping. I figure we don't need to be all serious about it since we're just doing school at home. But school does start a week from Tuesday. We did get the boys some new underwear, and we got a few other things we'll need for school. It was an interesting trip because looking back I really did not think we'd still be here at this point.
It is shocking how busy the summer has been and how unfruitful the job search has been. I know, though, that Heavenly Father's timing is perfect, so I'm trying to just hang on and not worry so much. It is hard. They did up our food stamps payout by quite a bit. It will now pay for more than we really need again. But I'm not sure that will last. I think we discussed why. Moving on. So for now we've got all the food we can eat. For the rest we are relying on the money we got from tax returns, which is just dwindling away in our bank account. Honestly, we have more than I often figure, but it is still scary to live off savings. Savings runs out eventually.
As for the job search, Jeremy has been diligently searching still. He's been looking all over. The other day he went to a job service place here in town and they tried to help, but they also said, "You know that a masters degree is kind of overkill for this area, right?" Duh! It wasn't our idea to come back here. But really that means we can expect help for doing what we knew we should.
And meanwhile, I've got 7 weeks and 2 days until my due date. (That means probably 6 weeks and 2 days until I can have a scheduled c-section.) It still seems like forever, but the weeks are indeed passing. I was just realizing today that things are probably not going to change much between now and then. It's not so far away as I have been thinking this whole pregnancy. Quite a thought.
This little guy is pretty quiet. Every now and then he'll break out dancing, but a lot of the time he is just quiet. He gets hiccups a lot. If there's one thing I've learned it's that how my babies feel inside me is not necessarily how they'll be when they get out. It makes me really curious. Please bless that this one won't be colicky! (But you know I love him even if he is going to be colicky.)
Yesterday while we were shopping we picked up some onesies. I think I'm set for newborn clothes now. I'm not so sure about the sizes just bigger than that and all the way up to 12 or 18 months. When we moved to Utah we gave away a lot of those. That was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My heart still aches over it. I kept talking myself through it saying, "I'm giving up clothes, not my children." Argh! It was still very hard.
Another thing I've been looking into is getting a bouncer or swing again. We had a swing for our first 3 and a bouncer for the last 3. If I could just have either one right now I'd probably pick a swing. Bouncers are nice, and most of them these days vibrate, which is great. But a swing.... Well, I don't know. The problem is that whatever we get we're going to have to find room for. I did like about the bouncer that it took up less space than a swing, and it was nice for laying down my sleeping babies during the day. I don't like putting them in their bed in the day time. I like to look at them too much. (At the same time, I kind of have to chuckle at this because Timmy was so, so colicky. The only way he'd nap was if he were nursing. He'd wake up and cry again if I tried to put him down in the day time.)
Anyway, all this is bouncing around in my head. I am really hoping that he will just be a happy guy and that he'll take a pluggie. (Only one out of the 6 I already have did take a pluggie. I guess we'll see.) Doesn't hurt to dream, right? Either way, I am really looking forward to holding him in my arms! And I'd better get busy. I'd like to get that blessing outfit done soon!
Aw, poo! I've written too long. My guys only have 40 minutes to get ready now. :( Gotta get off to church.
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