Thinking

So just the other day I was reminded of the last name of the people who were our tenants here in this very house.  I guess it must have been bopping around in my head because today I did something I never thought of doing.  I looked the lady up on Facebook.  How do I know it was really her, you ask?  I know because her cover photo has 4 cute little Mexican kids peeking out a semi-broken screen door - the very same one that is still attached to this house.  You can see into the hall.  You can see the shadow box that's by the front door.  It is so surreal.  It kind of haunts me.  I stared and stared at that picture, and then I went back on her page to 2012 and read some of her posts. 

Now, as far as we know, she had hard times with her husband, possibly lost her kids, and skipped town after her husband went to jail, leaving pretty much everything the family owned in the house.  (We had to pay somebody to remove it all and clean things up.  It was A LOT of stuff!  And we found a few more things after we moved in too.  One was an old picture.  It was a wallet sized photo of a man, and I wonder how much stuff like that she lost.  It must have been heartbreaking.)  In looking at her posts, I think I found where she went when she skipped town because right about that time she has a bunch of pictures of her in Nashville and at Graceland.  There are also lots of posts about how she messed up really bad and lost everything and wished she could fix it all.  You bet I wish there was something in there like, "Landlords, I'm sorry we ruined your house and stopped paying the rent."  But alas, there was only stuff about her ruined relationships and how much she missed her kids.

You know, though, it doesn't take a genius to know that that stuff (relationships and kids) is more important than our house or the rent money.  We have survived.  It's true I'm embarrassed about our broken house and that every day I wish we could fix it all or leave.  But what I hope is that she is moving on, away from the abusive man she had married, and working to make things better, even if she never pays what she owes us.  (Grumble, grumble, we went to court over it and were awarded a good deal of money to fix things, but she never paid and surely never will, grumble, grumble.)  It doesn't look like she's ditched the guy, though.  It makes me kind of sad.

I see so many unhappy people here in Globe.  So many people have ruined their lives just like their parents and grandparents ruined theirs.  It's all that anybody seems to know around here.  It's sad and scary.  People are snatching happiness wherever they can find it, but it doesn't last.  You can see that the lady realized somewhere in there what was truly important and how she had given it up through her bad choices, but that that realization didn't really change everything that needed changed.  Is it because people don't know how to change, or because they don't know anything different?  It reminds me of the Book of Mormon where the sin is on the heads of Laman and Lemuel and not their children because the parents didn't teach them right.  And in that case, since this extends back for so long, whose head is going to have such an innumerable amount of sins upon it?  Isn't that a scary thought?

And in closing, hallelujah for headache medicine.  It is a huge blessing to me!  At the same time, though, between the caffeine from the medicine and the state I'm in, I'm waxing way too philosophical!  Time to call it quits for today.

A Gate and Stuff

A couple of months ago we had kind of a crisis around here.  It was so traumatic to me that I couldn't bring myself to talk about it on here or to anyone but Jeremy, but I'm gong to now.

So one day Bubby really wanted to go play outside.  We sent one of the older kids out with him, and they played for a while and had fun and then came back inside.  Well, Jeremy came home during this, and with all the hubbub that comes with Papa coming home and trying to figure out dinner and stuff, we didn't notice Bubby somehow getting outside by himself.  I still have no idea how it happened.  Anyway, then suddenly there was a police officer at our door bringing Bubby home.  Apparently, the little guy had wandered down the street and the neighbors had taken him in.  Instead of bringing him home (Like, well, isn't that what you'd do?  That's what I'd do!  That would be my gut reaction.) they just kept him there and waited for us and then called the police.  We had no idea he was even gone until the officer brought him home.  The neighbors say he was there for an hour.  I don't think there's any way he was gone for more than 20 minutes, but man!  The very idea that I didn't know where he was for even that long just kills me.  He deserves better than that.

Anyway, the officer spoke sternly to us.  First he had us send the other children inside, and then he told us several times that he could have been killed and, "I have 3 kids of my own.  There's just no excuse." And, "I could be coming to tell you that he was run over and he's dead."  And all sorts of other stuff.  He took our names and let us off with a warning: "This time it's on me.  If it happens again, it's on you guys."

So Jeremy immediately called his contractor friend about getting a new gate.  We had one before, but the tenants put the last nail in its coffin.  It took a couple of weeks, but we now have a new gate.  Thank heavens!  It gives me a lot of comfort. 

 

Like I said, this has been really, really hard on me.  I've wondered over and over again what kind of mother I am who doesn't know her baby has been gone for that long.  I've wondered if I did the right thing having so many kids in the first place.  And I've worried so many times that because we homeschool we're already going to be singled out.  People don't trust people who do things differently, as has been pointed out with homeschooling families across the nation.  And nobody can deny that I'm about the worst housekeeper ever.  I feel like such a terrible person.  And I'm so hurt that our neighbors thought so badly of us.  Certainly, it's dangerous that he was in the road.  I hate that it happened.  But the fact that it happened seems to confirm what the neighbors must think - that I'm a horrible mother.  I'm terrified that I'm going to lose my children.

 

I think part of the problem is that so many people are constantly attached to their phones these days.  The old common sense has gone out the window when it's so easy to just dial the police.  It's definitely easier to call the police than to take a child home.  That's just the culture of the world we live in these days.

 

And maybe this is a little silly, but it really makes me want even more to move away from Globe.  Overall, the people here lead such sad, deluded lives.  It scares me to think what they might do.  Scares me to death.

 



OK.  I let it out.  Now I need to move it along.  Here's the cute little stinker himself!  He found this toy camera this morning and then came and found me and perched himself on my lap with it.  He LOVES that toy!  It makes him so happy. :)

 

That little guy isn't so sure what he thinks of nursery still.  He went in just fine and happy the first couple of times, but ever since then he doesn't want us to leave him.  And then every time he falls asleep, and then he wakes up grouchy.  The ladies who are his teachers are so sweet.  I just wish he would trust them! :) He will in time, I'm sure.  At least he's happy for most of the time, I think!

 

As for Timmy, his helper has been MIA most of the time.  It's so frustrating!  And his teacher has an inactive husband and a daughter who does softball (that's Corrinn).  That means that a lot of Sundays she doesn't come either.  Please understand, I'm not upset with the teacher or the helper.  I have no idea what their lives are like, and I really like both of them.  I'm just frustrated at the position it puts me in.  It means they have to find a sub with no notice, and then I just stay with Timmy.  He doesn't trust anybody else, it seems like.  Even if his teacher's there I have to stay with him because he won't let me leave.  Yesterday I really wanted to go to Relief Society.  I even got him a snack, hoping he'd sit by me and eat and play on my tablet, but he would have none of that.  He sat quietly for a few minutes, and then he decided he wanted to leave immediately.  I thought he just needed a drink and that we'd be right back, so I left my stuff in the room.  (We had been sitting right by the door.)  But when I tried to go back in he slammed the door!  Right in the middle of class!  Argh!  So we spend a lot of time just wandering the halls.  I made him go to at least part of his class yesterday, and he's usually fine through singing time and maybe a bit of sharing time (those come before class), but then I'm just out of luck.  I need to get some more Play-Doh for my church bag, and maybe some other activities that are just for Primary time.  Maybe that would help.  I just don't know what to do. 

 

And one thing I worry about with him is that he tends to freak out big time.  He ends up being a little spoiled.  He is really choosy about what he'll eat, so sometimes all we can do is give in and feed him whatever he is begging for, no matter what it is. :P And if we try to make him do something that he doesn't want to we'd better be prepared with a compelling reason that makes him change his mind (or we'd better give up) because he is going to resist, and that is never quiet or pleasant.  (At least yesterday he just slammed the door and didn't scream too.)  It's sometimes hard to keep him on an even keel, especially when we're not home.  Being in other situations with people he doesn't know, or even just a lot of people doesn't sit well with him.  He gets overstimulated and starts to act out.  And even just yesterday, it was our turn for Sunday dinner, and having all those people over was just too much, even though they're people he knows.  By the end he was pulling my hair and hitting me.  He needed to run some laps to let it all out.

 

I remember that when Joshua was young I really struggled with him.  I think I even said some things about him that may not have been very nice.  I want it understood, though, that I accept the reality of taking care of these guys as they are.  I love them for who they are, and I celebrate that they are who they are.  I just want to paint a clear picture of what it's like for journal reference, you know?  I know that Timmy will progress as Joshua has.  It's just kind of tricky with him right now.  Still, I love him, and I'm proud of him.  He's a pretty outstanding little fella. :)

 

Another happier note: our niece Charity was just baptized on May 2 in Chandler.  It's such a blessing to be able to go to these special moments!  (Score 1 for living in Globe. ;) ) There have been other great things about it lately too.  For instance, I think that we've needed to be here for Joe lately.  I'm glad we could.  Anyway, hooray for Charity!  She is Anne and Rob's 3rd of 7. :) We're pretty proud! 



We're also proud of Benji!  We had Pack Meeting on Wednesday.  Benji has been out of Cub Scouts for a few months, but they had him come back for this one because the awards weren't in yet a few months ago.  He officially received his arrow of light! :)

 

(Man!  Benji and Michael both have kind of funny looks on their faces!  Ha!)  Michael got a few belt loops and such.  Hooray for Michael!  He's working on his Bear.  He'll be my only one at Cub Scout Day Camp this year, and he'll be out of Cub Scouts before Timmy comes in. 

 

So there you go.  A little update. :)

Apathy

I'm kind of in a funk right now.  For that last few weeks my sleep rhythm has been off, and I can't seem to get it back right.  I'm tired of sleeping.  I'm tired of eating.  I'm tired even of doing the things I do for fun.  And I'm scared to death of the laundry!  Of course, I keep doing these things because I need to, but I'm missing a spark somewhere.  I feel like once I get my sleep rhythm back in order everything is going to feel better.  But that's going to take at least a few more weeks.  I can keep trying to move forward.  I've been doing better at reading my scriptures.  And I still feed myself and my family.  And I'm sleeping when I can.  I'm just tired of waiting for things to be put right.  In a way, though, I brought it upon myself.  I'll get it sorted out, though.  This feeling never lasts forever.

I've been a bad blogger.  Every day I think of things I want to write about, and then I forget before I can get to my computer.  I don't usually even try to blog on my devices anymore.  The devices that I used to use for blogging are dying, though I hate to admit it.  They run slow and they freeze up.  Man, I'm whiny today! 

Well, today I'll try to tell you some things that are going on that are not whiny. 

Bubby has two favorite songs: the ABC song and the happy birthday song.  You have to be paying attention or you can't tell when he starts singing, but the sound of his voice changes as he tries to sing the sounds he knows.  He knows some key ones from each song.  It's so cute!  He is such a fun, happy little guy!

We're still scheming about moving to Cedar City.  Today I'm feeling a bit hopeless about it.  It's probably my lack of sleep speaking.  Hearing that ground will be broken for the Cedar City Temple in August kind of spurred on a bigger desire to move.  We've been going over and over lists of houses and wondering what to do about a job.  I told you the problems Jeremy has with that job there, right?  Commissions and selling insurance.  Yeah.  I wish I knew what to do.  I feel stuck.  And at the same time I'm trying very hard to be patient because I think that Jeremy needs to be here for Joe at this moment in time.  It's going to work out, though.  I just know it!

We've had a few changes around our house lately.  Joe was looking for some jobs to do to earn money to buy a truck.  He did end up buying the truck, but it's been giving him trouble ever since.  In fact, right now it's sitting outside our house in need of at least a new starter.  Anyway, before it was broken in front of our house he used it to clean up our yard.  It's starting to grow back here and there, but for a bit there it looked a lot better. :) And then Jeremy had him help clean up the shop.  He also cleaned our fridge.  Jeremy's been looking our house over and coming up with little projects that he wants to get done, and the current one is carpet.  So the day before yesterday Joe came after school and ripped the carpet out of our hall.  It was horrible and matted, but to tell the truth I kind of miss it.  The hall is weird and it echoes.  And under the carpet we found old tile, which we figured was probably there.  The was under the living room carpet that we ripped out before we moved in.  It seems to have been kind of glued in lace on this black lining of some sort. Anyway, the tiles are coming up, and I hate it.  And because the carpet is out of the hall, we're going to have to take it out everywhere else too, and that means moving every single thing out of all three of the bedrooms.  Spare me!  I don't know, though.  Maybe it'll help me de-clutter.

We also just got Jill, Timmy, and Brom a new bunk bed.  It's one of those that has a twin size mattress on top and a full size on the bottom.  It's red.  We set it up last week, and so far Bubby has slept all night on his own bed (he shares the bottom with Timmy) every night that we've put him there.  Timmy still comes to our bed in the middle of the night.  He just kind of sneaks in.  And then sometimes he wets our bed.  Like last night.  Argh!  I figure he'll grow out of it because I have a list of people I know who did, but for now I just wish he'd at least not wet OUR bed.  Ha ha!  Still, it's nice to have the new bed.  I'm thankful.

We got a new monitor too, so now all 4 computers can run.  That's also nice.  We set up the big table in the living room and put 2 of them on it.  I just wish they didn't take up so much room.

Yesterday Jeremy had to go to the rod plant (Or was it the smelter?  I can't remember.) for something or other, and he found that breathing the acid was pretty bad for him.  He kind of suffered from that for the rest of the day.  It made us realize that maybe that's one reason why he's so allergic to Globe.  The mine uses A LOT of acid.

Yesterday I made a mermaid tail for Jill's Ariel Barbie.  It came out a little wonky, but she was pretty pleased.  My next project is to make a dress for the Barbie that somebody gave her on Sunday.  That Barbie isn't dressed as modestly as I'd like.  And it's fun to have Barbie clothes. :) I remember how much fun I had playing with my Barbies.  I definitely need to make a Barbie wedding dress if nothing else!

Well, that's it for now.  Love you all!

Little Update

At least I hope it will be little!

Hyrum has a final today, and then tomorrow is his last day of sculpture class.  He has made some fun stuff, and I can't wait to see what he has left to bring home. :) I asked him to make me a turtle to hang on a wall, and that and a fish are in the works.  I've started him working on a little high school language arts curriculum.  I know he tested into English 101, but I need to be able to put something on a transcript someday, so I'm trying to work on that a bit.  I think he might be interested in learning Latin with me, so there's a foreign language. :) I wish I knew that we were going to be in Cedar City next school year because that high school has some pretty amazing classes!  Even if he didn't go full time, he could fill in gaps here and there and take some fun things too.

Here are some things he made.  That triangle is separate from the dish.  I think that face with legs is my favorite thing he's brought home so far. :) And here's a picture of him with his new cousin Jacob (Becca's boy) just for good measure.

 

Joshua is 13!  He has been for more than a month, but it's still shocking!  He is still really into computer programming.  He has taken over my old computer.  (Boo that it has a much better video card than my new one!  I can't even ChromeCast anything from my new one and have it work very well at all.) He wiped the hard drive and found a spare mouse and keyboard.  The only thing he lacks is a monitor, so he pilfered the one from the other computer we have, and so the other computer just sits there mostly.  And really I'm ok with that because 3 computers all running take up a lot of space as it is!  But if we did get another monitor we could set up the big table for computers.  Anyway, Joshua is really into computers!  He learns so much stuff! He's getting to the point where I'm scratching my head and nodding because I'm not quite sure what he's talking about.  (You know that point.)  He is most interested in game programming right now, and he has 2 different programs for that.  With some of his birthday money he bought a game called Gary's Mod. You can download scenery from movies and skins from them as well.  So he'll have the Tenth Doctor from Doctor Who running around in Andy's Room from Toy Story and shooting who knows what.  He's had lots of fun making Link from the Zelda series look fat, and he and his brothers have spent a good deal of time gathered around that game giggling. :) Good times.  He sat by me at church for a bit yesterday and told me, "Mommy, I don't want to grow up and get a girlfriend and then a wife and have to move away from you."  As you can imagine, I quite agree with that sentiment.  But he has it in his plans anyway. :) After a mission, of course.  I told him he can live near me and that will be ok. :) Also, he's officially taller than me and other than computers, his favorite pastime is teasing his mother. Argh!

I'm not sure what to do with Benji.  Some days he jumps out of bed and starts right on his school list and gets it all done really quickly, and also some days he'll even do his job.  Other days he likes to play victim on me.  Actually, every day he plays victim.  I'm kind of at my wit's end.  I worry because he has a completely unhealthy relationship with food.  It's like he never can get enough, and when you add in the victim mentality where everybody always gets more than him, it's just not good.  I  have wondered if I should try to get a depression diagnosis or maybe tweak his diet so that he's avoiding foods that might trigger depression.  Honestly, I'd go the diet way first because I'm not really into pills, you know.  (And, honestly, too many of us here are overweight and it scares me, but I feel so stuck at the same time.  Too many of us here have an unhealthy relationship with food.  And when part of the problem is me and I don't see my way clear how to change it, well...)  He likes to tell me about every little hurt and every little injustice.  Sometimes it's matter-of-fact, but often he cries when he tells me, even if it's not something most people would cry about.  We thought that taking him to the gym would help, and he does like to go, but when he goes he likes to just play around, mostly going about as slow as he possibly can go on the treadmill.  I'm so puzzled.  That's no good.  If he could learn to exercise and feel the good it does maybe he could do it on a regular basis, but so far that's not happening.

Yes, and this is the kind of picture he gives me, even though he was technically having a good time.

Here's a happy one, though. :)

 

Sorry that was such a downer of an update.  I guess I've been trying to wrap my head around it all and freaking out at the same time for longer than I care to admit.  Today was kind of interesting, though.  He got going on his math and then asked me for help.  I really like the math series we have.  It's called Life of Fred.  It's not busy work, and it teaches all sorts of things right along with the math.  And it's fun.  I read all the books before I pass them on to the boys because they're fun to read.  Anyway, today Benji was going along and came to the part where he has problems to work out, and you'll never guess what two of them were.  They were sigma notation!  In an elementary math book!  I'd completely forgotten about sigma notation.  But we figured it out really easily and moved on.  See what I'm saying?  He mixes in more advanced math with really basic stuff because really it's one and the same.  It's all math.  Anyway, it's fun and exciting!

Michael and Benji are still best buddies.  I like how they help each other out now and then.  They play GameCube together, and they scheme things together.  I love it.  I think Hyrum and Joshua are better friends now that they're both teenagers and kind of speaking the same language again, but they still really get on each other's nerves a lot.  It's funny!  You can tell that they're friends, but they pick at each other quite often.  It's all very brotherly.  Very funny.

Anyway, Michael is such a caring little soul.  He voluntarily takes care of Bubby all the time!  He likes to baby him and play with him and laugh with him.  It's pretty cute and sweet.  That's just his disposition.  He's a sweet, caring guy.  Michael was hoping that he could be done with glasses by now.  He figured when the eye doctor said he'd check him again in March that he'd be done then, but nope.  His eyes have gotten a bit better, but he still needs the same prescription.  He figured he should at least get some new glasses, but nope.  I did have them tighten them, though, and he complained that they squeezed his head for a while.  Poor guy!  They're plastic frames, so the optometrist not only tightened the screws but heated the earpieces and bent them a bit.  They'd been falling down a lot before, though, and I figured that would be annoying.  Apparently, plastic frames get stretched out.  And then he ran into the screen door a few days ago and got a big scratch on them.  They're under warranty, though, so new lenses are being cut, and they'll soon be all fixed.  Jeremy says I should order him a backup pair because he can get a pair a year, but he's supposed to go back in October, and then will he need a whole new prescription then?  I don't know.  But the other consideration is - will we even be here in October?  I don't know.  I kind of think we will, though.  Anyway, Michael is doing pretty good.

Here's Michael on a recent campout. :) That was a good time!

Jill is so excited about her birthday coming.  She's always excited about her birthday coming, even when she just had one.  She wants a horse cake.  She also really wants to take swimming lessons.  She likes to dress up in her swimming suit.  Somebody gave us another copy of The Secret Garden, and we sat down and read some of it right then and there.  I'm not sure if we'll get much further before I give up.  That first reading, she only did so good because she was sleepy.  I've had fun reading it a bit, though.  I like that book.  For our second reading I couldn't find that book we'd just been given, so we found another that I had, which turned out to be abridged.  Boo!  So I went and found the one I got for my 10th birthday and read to her from that.  It's such a beautiful copy!  It has pretty pictures all the way through.  And it's not abridged. :) I may end up reading it to the boys or to myself.

Anyway, the other day we went to the library, and guess what books Jill picked.  She picked a princess cookbook and a book about planets.  I am guessing she's been watching me lately because I've been trying lots of new recipes lately.  It's fun!  That maybe why the cookbook.  I'm not sure why the space book, but that's ok. :) We sat down together and looked at the recipes.  There are only like 5 in the whole book, but they're pretty easy.  There are sandwiches cut with a glass slipper cookie cutter (we don't have one, so we used a knife, but it didn't work very well.  Ha ha!  There are magic wands (pretzel rods with frosting and sprinkles).  I don't like pretzels, but I figure that's easy, so maybe we'll try that before we take the book back.  Another one is yogurt parfait.  We didn't have any more granola, so I got the ingredients, and she helped me make some.  Now she still needs to make her parfait.  Too bad we don't have one of those fancy ice cream glasses. ;) It's fun cooking with Jill, though, even if it's a little stressful.  Bubby likes to help too, and that means he climbs up on the counter.

Timmy is still working on speaking.  He doesn't answer yes or no to my questions unless I ask him, "Yes or no?" afterwards.  It's like he doesn't realize that I'm asking for a response unless I do that.  But this way I can ask him if he went potty at bed time and he can answer me. :) He's had some issues with potty training lately.  He still wets the bed a few times a month, and sometimes when he's too busy to remember he'll wet his pants in the day time.  I think he might be starting to be a little afraid of the dark bathroom in the evening or something because he likes to take me with him then.  The other evening he went to just outside the door to the bathroom and pooped right there on the floor.  It could have been so much worse, though.  Somebody had left a pair of pants there, and a lot of the poop went on them.  Plus, it wasn't smashed into the carpet, and he helped me find it all so we could get it cleaned up.  Silly boy!  I sometimes have quite a hard time keeping clean underwear on him!  He's learned that he needs to wipe before he pulls his underwear back up, though, so he'll either just leave his pants off and go running or he'll come to me with his pants off and say, "Need a wipey."  That's at least progress.  Next we'll try to get him to wipe himself and not use a whole roll.

Timmy was eating an apple.  He kept doing this face and then giggling. :)

Speaking of laundry, I've had such horrible luck getting things folded lately.  I need to send the boys to tackle it.  Every time I sit down with a basket I get pulled away for something or other.  It's so frustrating!  I never get more than a few things folded!  I have growing mountains upon mountains of clean laundry just waiting to be folded, and that also means that I have a bajillion white Sunday shirts that are certainly going to need to be ironed now.  Ugh!  Well, at least I got me some starch! :)

Brom (who we usually call "Bubby" lately - not sure how long that will stick) is really growing!  I know some of you might have wondered about this, so just so you know, we see no signs of autism in him.  He's been learning little words.  Lately, his favorite are chocolate, bear ("bye") (oh, how he loves his stuffed animals!), bye (when we're going bye-bye), dog ("gog") (He usually pairs that with "wuff, wuff."), and Mommy.  He runs around looking for me and saying that.  It's so cute!  And then he says it when he runs to me and I pick him up.  He also knows up and down and bird. :) He's so little and cute.  I have a lot of fun watching him just run around being his cute self all day.  He did have kind of a rough winter.  He (and it sounds like pretty much everybody else in this town) was sick all the time.  He got a fever that lasted more than 24 hours, and I was so fed up with his being sick I finally took him in to the doctor.  It really was nothing major, all this sickness he's had.  It's just been a general not feeling well.  But it had sure persisted.  Anyway, the doctor said that in all his years he's never seen a phenomenon like this winter here.  Everybody's been sick all winter.  He says, though, that with the heat coming in things will settle down.  He thought Brom might have hand, foot, and mouth disease, which, as it turns out, is really not a biggy, but I didn't see any symptoms develop of that.  And his fever was gone quickly after that.  Phew!

We were hoping to move to Cedar City this summer, but we're not sure anymore.  We finally got our house there sold.  The buyers were kind of stinkers about it.  They hired a person to do their inspections, and he got super nit-picky, and that meant that we had to sell for less than we wanted to.  It made me kind of mad.  This is a rich couple who were paying with cash.  What is a few thousand to them?  Anyway, it's done, though, and we paid off the biggest student loan.  The other will get paid down more aggressively now.  We were planning to make an offer on a particular house up there and were all excited.  And Jeremy was looking into a job he almost took when we lived there before.  But now we're just not sure that's what we want to do.  I still really, really want that house, and we could get it, but it would be for more than we want to pay.  And there are a couple of things Jeremy didn't like before and still doesn't like about that job: working for commissions and selling insurance.  He'd be setting up his own wealth management company in Cedar City, which sounds good until you figure in that he'd work for commissions and selling insurance.  He's always wanted to own his own business, but he doesn't like insurance.  Anyway, so we're still thinking about it.  We still want to go, but we may wait until February or so, which seems a billion years away! ;)

Teenagers

Joshua turned 13, and Hyrum is 14, and they have both been picking on me! Stinkers! I love 'em both, but they're stinkers! Joshua needs his ears cleaned out. He likes to take whatever I say and twist the words all around because he didn't understand me. And he does it extra bad just to tease me. Sometimes he understands and does it anyway just to annoy me.

Both of them are going through voice changes. Hyrum has been experimenting with his voice, and it's loud! When I pick him up from Seminary he's always on such a high, so there I am sitting quietly in the car, and he suddenly opens the door and bellows, "Hi!" at the top of his lungs, feeling quite pleased with himself. It sure makes me jump! I had to ask him to stop it, but a little part of me feels sad that I did.

And they both like to lean on me! Tonight Joshua was leaning on me on one side, telling me he wanted to go home and also trying to annoy me, while Hyrum was just leaning on me trying to annoy me. Woe is me! Plus, every time Hyrum sees me feeling upset he comes over and says, "Mama needs a hug," and bowls me over. It proves, though, that teenagers need hugs too. (Because the truth is that whenever he says that it's usually because he needs a hug.) So I try to just regain my balance and hug him back. Ha ha!

So anyway, it gets me thinking. I never would tease my Mama like that! I tell you, I take things much too seriously! And I am not male even a little. ;) But I also think this tells me I maybe did something right. :) So, I suppose that, though they do bowl me over and tease me, I wouldn't really trade it for anything.

Also, it's funny watching them trying to get used to their newly acquired long limbs. It's kind of awkward. And Hyrum has actual whiskers in his sideburns! I'd better get him to shave before church tomorrow!

Timmy

Tonight Timmy was sitting by me at scripture time, and we tried again to have him repeat and "read" a verse. Well, this time he did it! He did a while verse! And when we call roll in the car he often says, "Here!" when his name is called. :) And a few weeks ago he said a prayer on the good with help. He hasn't done it since, but hooray for progress!

Lately, when he wants something, he'll come and say, "Can you have a ________?" Yeah, we need to work on pronouns, but hooray! And he can string two sentences together! "Can you have a apple? I'm so hungry." :) I'm not sure where he picked up that second sentence, but it's obvious that he knows what it means, and hooray that he can use it! He's been playing video games with his brothers, and one of them that he likes a lot is The Incredibles. He calls it "Nister and Credible" (Mr. Incredible). Cute!

Now, please understand, I'm not trying to complain in this next part. I'm just expressing feelings, and I'm sure I'm more alone in feeling thus way.

Lately, when I'm on Facebook and I have something to share that's religious, I often talk myself out of it because we have certain members of our families who think religion is dumb. It makes me sad, and I worry about what they might say in response. I can't handle the thought if their saying something mean and, basically, "interrupting [my] rejoicings." Such things haven't been said to me, but they have been said to Jeremy and to others by these certain people. They've said some mean, insensitive things. I don't know what I'd do if those things were said to me. (Ok, I do know. I'd cry.)

I've decided that maybe a change in attitude/perspective is in order. I can't change these people or what they think anymore than I can change the fact that Jill went with me to the store tonight even though I wanted to just hurry up and go alone, all because she wanted to go so badly. She even hurriedly brushed get hair and got her "glass slippers" (her hand-me-down brown heels) on. I couldn't change that I'd taken her, but I realized as I walked in the store feeling all sourpuss that I'd better change my attitude our it would be a miserable shopping trip when it could be a fun one. I couldn't change her desire to go, and really there was nothing wrong with her going. I was just hungry and grouchy and in a hurry. I could change my attitude, and I did.

Now, this with Facebook is different because it's something I'm actually afraid of. But I don't need out want to live in fear. In fact, I want to eliminate fear from my life wherever I can find it because it's much too prevalent. I need to trust God more than man and worry about what He thinks more.

So I'll work on that. :)

And I'm super excited about General Conference coming up on the first weekend in April! :D It's going to be great! It always is. 8 hours of listening to wonderful talks from wonderful church leaders with my family. Such a blessing!

A Farewell to Scratchy

Last night Joshua discovered that his beloved rat, Scratchy Charles Burk, had passed away.  And so I think it's appropriate that I write about Scratchy today.

Joshua got Scratchy for Christmas in 2012.  We all went down to the valley one day just before Christmas for the express purpose of going to Petco to let Joshua pick a rat.  He'd been asking for one for a long time, and praying for one as well.  Finally, Jeremy made a deal with Joshua where if Joshua would do his job faithfully every day for a set period of time he could get a rat.  Joshua did his part, and so there we were at Petco one day.  We looked at all the rats and mice they had.  Joshua ended up picking a grayish medium sized one.  And forever after he wished he knew how old that meant he was because he wanted to celebrate his birthday.  Joshua had picked out the name long before we went to find him.  He waited for a few minutes after we got him, as we were driving home, to decide that that was really his name.  The middle name came later.

 



At first, Scratchy wasn't too sure about being held.  He wet and pooped a lot at first out of fear, but within the first day he decided he liked Joshua.  Joshua was sitting on the couch with him the day after we got him, just petting him.  When he stopped, Scratchy crawled over and gently grabbed his finger in his teeth and pulled his hand back over to him.  It was so sweet and endearing.

 

We bought an exercise wheel for Scratchy, and Joshua had planned to teach him to do all sorts of tricks, but in the end, the only trick he mastered was sitting on Joshua's shoulder. ;) He was scared of how the wheel moved, but as he grew he decided it was a great place to lay down.  Aaron donated a cage, a dome-shaped piece of wood for a house, and a food bowl.  We bought rat treats and chew toys.  We all had a lot of fun giving Scratchy food.  We'd hold a rat treat in between the bars of his cage, and Scratchy would sniff around for a bit and then run right over and grab it.  And then he'd immediately scurry off to his house and hide it in the bedding or hold it in his cute little hands and eat it.

 

At first, Scratchy got out of his cage a lot!  He could squeeze right between the bars, and he did so often.  His cage sits on Joshua's dresser at the foot of his bed, so he'd squeeze out of the cage and onto the bad with ease.  One morning while Joshua was at school Scratchy was suddenly not in his cage.  We searched the whole house, including Joshua's bed, several times.  I was just about to give up in despair, but I decided to check his bed more thoroughly one more time.  I started taking the blankets off and throwing them on the floor.  It turned out that, even though I'd looked a hundred times, Scratchy was in one of the blankets!  He dropped to the floor and then ran under the bed.  I coaxed him out with a rat treat and then scooped him up and put him back in his cage.  Apparently, Joshua had forgotten to feed him before he went to school.  After that we always made sure he got fed!

 

Scratchy used to get lonely at night, so he'd squeeze between the bars and crawl up to Joshua's head and wake him up.  One night Joshua left his pants at the foot of his bed, and the next morning as we were walking down to the bus stop I suddenly realized that Scratchy had chewed a bunch of holes in the seat of those pants!  Neither Joshua nor I had noticed it before!  I had Joshua pull his shirt down or something to cover it up, and then I loaded the little ones in the car and ran to Wal-Mart to get some new pants.  I delivered them just as Joshua was finishing breakfast at school. (I found it was easier to have them eat breakfast at school, and since we had reduced-price breakfast, why not?) After that we finally started taking the cage out to the kitchen table at night.  He stayed in it then.  We did that until he was too big to squeeze through the bars anymore.

 

 

Joshua did a science fair experiment with Scratchy that year at Bejarano Elementary.  He played different kinds of music for him at night while we slept and then tracked his weight.  We didn't do a very good job of it.  If we'd wanted to do it right we'd have been more consistent.  I remember that one night I took him out to the shop so that we could have lights on above him all night too.  I set a lamp or two next to his cage.  I don't think we found anything conclusive from that project, but we did the dang science fair project! ;) 

 

Here is a picture Joshua took of Scratchy just before Christmas 2014.  Joshua loved Scratchy so much.  Scratchy went with us every place he possibly could.  He went on trips, he went camping, he went to Sunday dinner - all that kind of stuff.  Joshua held him pretty much any time he could.  He'd bring him out every morning and sit with him and rub his belly and tell him he was so cute over and over again.  I don't know if there was ever a rat that was more loved.

 

This was the day we got our newest family pictures back in November 2014.  Looking back, I'm thankful that we have Scratchy in them.  We couldn't have known that he would be gone so soon.

 

 

This was at one of the family campouts in June 2014.  Joshua loved to put Scratchy in his hood and carry him that way.  Scratchy loved hiding under the car seat in the car, in Joshua's hood, in the neck of his shirt, or in his sleeve.  He liked to sit on the window sill behind Joshua at the dinner table and eat bits of food that Joshua gave him.  He liked running back and forth across the back of our old couch, and once or twice when he was hungry he chewed holes back there.  Argh!

 

For the last month or so Scratchy was getting weaker and weaker.  He couldn't run like he used to.  His feet didn't work the same.  One day last week Joshua discovered that Scratchy couldn't even reach up to his water bottle, so he started bringing it out with him and holding it for him.   Scratchy hasn't looked well in the last few weeks.  His eyes were never all the way open anymore, and he just looked like he was suffering.  Poor fella!

 

The last thing I remember about Scratchy being alive yesterday was when he wet and pooped on Joshua (again!) in the morning or early afternoon, so Joshua took him to his cage to finish up.  I think that was the last thing Joshua knew as well.  He went to check on him at bedtime, and picked him up thinking he was just sleeping.  He wasn't.  Joshua cried and cried.  We found a shoe box and lined it with paper towels.  Jeremy dug a deep hole in the backyard, and Joshua laid the box in it.  We had a little funeral with just Jeremy, Joshua, Benji, Brom, and me.  The other children were in their beds, mostly asleep by then.  Jeremy talked about Scratchy and how he was more of a family pet than any we've had so far and how he was such a good friend.  Joshua said a prayer of thanks, and Jeremy filled up the hole.  Today we'll find a rock for a grave marker.

 

We're so thankful for Scratchy, for the good friend that he was to Joshua.  It breaks my heart to look over at Joshua and not see the little fella snuggled up to him. 

 

Rest in peace, Scratchy.  We are glad that you are not suffering anymore.  You are sorely missed.