The other day I saw a news story that caught my eye. I've been mulling over its idea for a good week or two. It said that a study shows that people who do a lot of social networking are more lonely than those who don't. Isn't that interesting? I think it is true, though. It seems like when I'm on Facebook a lot a care more about whether or not people like what I posted, and when they don't like it or comment I feel all lonely. And it's the same with other things in my life where I'm reaching out, seeking attention from people who are far away and not getting it. Why do I do that? Why don't I just be with the people I love who are right here?!
I guess the answer is that Facebook is a good, solid distraction from my frustrations. I often have my phone in my hand during school time, and when I am frustrated because school is taking too long or whatever I just flip over to Facebook, get my bit of distraction, and move on. It's essentially the same as walking away to cool down before tackling the problem again, except that I don't have to actually get up. The problem is, though, that often people aren't updating their statuses fast enough for me, and then I feel frustrated looking at the same thing over and over. I know! It's lame! I need to find me a new distraction. I don't need loneliness in my life. I am too busy for that, and I have too much to be thankful for.
So today I officially have 11 days left until this little guy comes unless he decides to try to come earlier. We have no indication that he will, but I still wonder. I believe that tomorrow will be my last doctor visit before the little guy comes. I like that. :) I'm not sure how it will go, but I'm hoping to leave early and squeeze in a trip to the Temple. I've got to get there. It has been too long, and a new little one complicates future Temple trips.
I keep thinking over and over again about how it is to give birth, particularly in the operating room since that's where it will happen again. I remember the sights and sounds. I remember that every time I am scared to death about being poked in the back. I remember the numb feeling and not being able to move my legs. I remember feeling pressure on my abdomen, and I remember the nice guy who sits up by my head monitoring my vitals and reassuring me that I'm doing great. (Last time I was especially nervous about the poke in the back because with Jill they had a hard time finding the right place, and it hurt! So to make me feel better the guy who sits by my head and the anesthetist started cracking jokes back and forth. I was very thankful!) I remember wondering what might be happening to me down there beyond the sheet they hung up and then hearing that first cry and melting into tears every time. And I remember that after a bit a nurse says, "If you look over that way you'll see your baby." Then a nurse walks past carrying a new little one, pausing to show him to us before whisking him away to the warmer to get cleaned up and tested. And then Jeremy goes over to see him while the doctor continues his work. After a while Jeremy brings him all bundled in a blanket and hat to see me. I love the feeling of his soft skin as I kiss the new, sweet face. That also makes me bawl.
I remember feeling impatient and nauseated as the stitching up is completed. I remember watching the funny clock on the wall that leaps ahead instead of ticking like a normal clock. I think it's actually a lap counter. They have somebody whose job is specifically to count how many laps go in and make sure the same number come out. (Laps are something they use to soak up bodily fluids.) Jeremy and the baby go to the recovery room, and I follow after I'm all clean and stitched up. My incision is covered in betadine (because Dr. Joe just likes that stuff, the nurses say) and tape. I still can't move my legs or feel any pain. And there I finally get to hold my baby and nurse him. And then I spend a few more days in the hospital, enjoying my new baby and getting to know him, loving him so intensely I think I might burst. And people come to visit and tell me how cute he is. ;) I love when our children come to meet their new sibling. That is heaven to me - having them all together.
Yep, that is about how it goes. I may be weird, but I actually look forward to that time in the hospital every time. (Just not the getting poked and cut or the times I wait too long for medicine.) The food is actually pretty yummy, and I don't have to cook it. I get pampered and taken care of, and I get to challenge myself, seeing how many laps around the place I can do in a day. And best of all, it's nice to be able to focus on healing and bonding without many other worries. For one thing, I don't have to be worrying about my other children. I know that Grandmas take good care of them, and it always makes me happy that my children are having a great time in the care of somebody who knows and loves them. It's like a little vacation for them. And by the time I get home I feel like I know the new little guy enough to see where he fits in and be able to learn to take care of them all again. And thank heavens for Grandmas' help then too! I wouldn't know what to do without them! And I am crossing my fingers that everything goes as well as it did last time, minus the colic. :)
So yeah, you know what's on my mind lately - school and Brom. I am pretty excited, and I'm thankful that time is short. I still have a lot to do and have been really frustrated. Not only do I lack motivation right now, but I'm worn out after school every day and I can't do much bending or lifting. I need to get things cleaned up, but it is not happening. Here I am at 38 weeks and my bag isn't even packed. What the...? I need to at least make sure the bedroom is rearranged just right and Brom's bed is set up and everyone has a clean bed, but I'm not sure how that will get done. I don't even have the car seat put together. What I do know is that I can't rearrange the bedroom. :P Oh, well. We'll figure it out. I do have Jeremy to help me right now. And I just try to focus on the fact that this frustration won't last. Soon I'll be recovering and be able to actually do things, and not only that, but I'll have a little Brom! That is super exciting! :)
Speaking of Jeremy, though, that trip to California may have been productive. He met Lilly and Os's home teacher who may be helpful in finding a job out there. It sounds like it could be a good place to live and that there are lots of jobs. It would be great because we could go and make lots of money and pay off all our debts with the money he makes. (We're not crazy in debt, to be honest. We just have that van loan and some student loans and then our mortgages. It just really grates on Jeremy's nerves to have any debt at all. It would be nice to erase at least the van and student loans.) And then we could move wherever we wanted. But we're not sure that is the Lord's plan. I guess we are keeping our bases covered. I'm a little worried about the possibility of moving there. (Ahem, liberals and drag queens.) I am not sure what kind of place it would be for kids. It sounds like it's more a place for adults. But I am sure we could be just fine if that is where God sends us. Of course we will go if we are supposed to.
And also speaking of jobs, Jeremy has been hired by a behavioral health place here in town. It is not a very good job at all. He'll be helping teenagers and adults with transitioning, and he'll be paid peanuts for it. I am worried about him working in that environment every day. It seems like something that would stress me out really badly! And I do wish it paid better. That sounds like a tough job! Needless to say, the job search will continue! Hopefully, we'll be able to move in the next few months. I have learned, though, that Brom needs to be born here - or maybe that we need to be here in Arizona while he's born. That's one reason why the job hunt hasn't turned up much, I am sure. So we will be patient. Anyway, if all the paperwork is in place on time Jeremy will start work on Friday.
Want to hear something funny? I woke up this morning at 4:30 to go to the bathroom. I had to actually turn on the light because the toilet paper was nowhere to be found. Then when I went back to bed I couldn't sleep. And not only that, but I felt an infection flaring up in the back of my nose. Oh, joy! Love it when that happens! Then I kept sneezing and having to get up and blow my nose. Finally, I brought a roll of toilet paper back to bed with me, which meant that I didn't need it but went right to sleep - until Timmy smacked my forehead with his head. Then I sat up in bed and cried, and I didn't quite know why. I just felt like crying. Then I blew my nose again and laid back down, all the while lamenting the lost sleep because I knew I'd need to be alert and happy for school today. Then after all that tossing, turning, nose blowing, dozing off, and waking back up again my alarm went off at 6:00. I got up and turned it off and then set it ahead to 7:00. I was too tired to be up. Then when it went off again I stumbled out of bed again and got dressed and all that. And here I am typing away now. I started feeling really guilty about sleeping in and then sitting at the computer instead of getting the boys up and going. But then about 2 minutes ago I realized it is a holiday! Duh! I could still be sleeping! Ha, ha! All that worry for nothing! Well, maybe I'll go shopping since I'm up and nobody else is.
Oo, before I forget - one of the things I love about this new computer is that I downloaded a puzzle app. It does feel like cheating because the pieces are all turned the right way, but I can sit and de-stress while doing a puzzle, not worrying about the pieces getting scattered if I get up for a minute. Plus, Timmy finds it fascinating to watch me put it together. He comes and sits with me while I do it. I love it. :)
Monday, September 2, 2013
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Well, guess what
Just a quickie here. I need to haul those boys outa bed!
Yesterday Jeremy gave me a really nice blessing, and then I went over to DES. I printed all out current bank balances to take with me and brought papers from our rental in Utah as well. (Those bank balances are a huge deal to get ready! Including the kids' savings accounts we have 15 bank accounts that have any money at all in them. Yes, we are crazy. I blame it on Jeremy, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind that. It was his idea. :) Those all turned out to be just what we needed. It turned out that whoever looked over the paperwork we brought in last didn't lose it. He/she simply didn't understand, even though I spelled it out in a signed statement that I brought with the documents. They didn't have time to try to understand, and since they had already asked for the documents they weren't obligated to ask for them again or to even ask for clarification. So there you go.
I went in to DES feeling like I was going to have to fight, but I didn't. The lady was very nice and understanding. We went through everything they were questioning one at a time until she was all satisfied. Then I signed a statement explaining what we discussed and she reinstated us! We are ok! I am very thankful.
It is a blessing, and it is a blessing to see God working in our lives. And though it has been hard to be without a job since June, it has been a blessing to have Jeremy here to help me. And I understand a little more about why we're here. I still hope we can move soon so that Jeremy can breathe and so we can get away from the hordes of bugs we've been dealing with and... well, you know. But I'm thankful for how we have been blessed throughout this hard year, and I am looking forward very much to soon holding my new little guy. I keep wondering if this will be our last. I always wonder that. My poor body has been through a lot and I just wonder every time if I'll come out able to have more babies or not. I do know that Brom is supposed to come to our family, and I'm so pleased that he's almost here! But will Jill ever get a sister? I don't know. But God will take care of the details and it will be ok either way.
And speaking of Jill, I'd better record this before I forget. I think Jill has been paying attention to her mother's aches and pains. Last night she was getting tired, and she started moaning, "Oh, my hip hurts!" I asked her, "Jill, do you know where your hip is?" She said no. Then the rest of the evening she wandered around saying, "My hip hurts! Mommy, do you know where my hip is? Can you help me find my hip?" I think Papa must have tried to explain because she put her hands on her waist and said, "This is my belly. Where's my hip?"
Yesterday Jeremy gave me a really nice blessing, and then I went over to DES. I printed all out current bank balances to take with me and brought papers from our rental in Utah as well. (Those bank balances are a huge deal to get ready! Including the kids' savings accounts we have 15 bank accounts that have any money at all in them. Yes, we are crazy. I blame it on Jeremy, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind that. It was his idea. :) Those all turned out to be just what we needed. It turned out that whoever looked over the paperwork we brought in last didn't lose it. He/she simply didn't understand, even though I spelled it out in a signed statement that I brought with the documents. They didn't have time to try to understand, and since they had already asked for the documents they weren't obligated to ask for them again or to even ask for clarification. So there you go.
I went in to DES feeling like I was going to have to fight, but I didn't. The lady was very nice and understanding. We went through everything they were questioning one at a time until she was all satisfied. Then I signed a statement explaining what we discussed and she reinstated us! We are ok! I am very thankful.
It is a blessing, and it is a blessing to see God working in our lives. And though it has been hard to be without a job since June, it has been a blessing to have Jeremy here to help me. And I understand a little more about why we're here. I still hope we can move soon so that Jeremy can breathe and so we can get away from the hordes of bugs we've been dealing with and... well, you know. But I'm thankful for how we have been blessed throughout this hard year, and I am looking forward very much to soon holding my new little guy. I keep wondering if this will be our last. I always wonder that. My poor body has been through a lot and I just wonder every time if I'll come out able to have more babies or not. I do know that Brom is supposed to come to our family, and I'm so pleased that he's almost here! But will Jill ever get a sister? I don't know. But God will take care of the details and it will be ok either way.
And speaking of Jill, I'd better record this before I forget. I think Jill has been paying attention to her mother's aches and pains. Last night she was getting tired, and she started moaning, "Oh, my hip hurts!" I asked her, "Jill, do you know where your hip is?" She said no. Then the rest of the evening she wandered around saying, "My hip hurts! Mommy, do you know where my hip is? Can you help me find my hip?" I think Papa must have tried to explain because she put her hands on her waist and said, "This is my belly. Where's my hip?"
Sunday, August 25, 2013
Another One Bites the Dust
I have decided to cut myself some slack again. I have been quite a whiner this year, but looking back on this last year I don't feel as bad as I did about whining. It has been a really tough year. We've just been going along trying to be good people as usual, but we've been repeatedly kicked in the face. I know that is not the reward for trying to be good. I know that this life is supposed to be full of challenges. But man! They just seem extra concentrated over the last year.
A year ago yesterday we moved to Globe. On the way our little car broke down. We had to pay a lot of money for it and didn't get it back for months. And we came home to this lovely old house that our tenants so badly damaged - after living in such a lovely home for the year before. A year later the bathroom floor still is not fixed. The boys' room light got replace but is now not working again. The hall lights don't work. The carport and shop lights don't work. We even have some lovely exposed wiring where the tenants pulled fixtures down in the hall and the shop. And the small bathroom still needs the cesspool pumped. We've been using it some anyway, just out of necessity. What else can we do?
The boys got bullied some last year at school. (You could argue that they should just live with it because it builds character. I say pooey. My boys are good people, and they don't need to live with emotional scars for the rest of their lives. That is not cool.) And we invited Elizabeth to live with us. Boy, is she the stinky gift that keeps on, well, stinking. We lived all school year with a job that pays peanuts, and now we've been without any job since the beginning of June.
And to top off all that (and others I don't need to mention), we've been fighting with DES all year, trying to get the help we need. We've hauled in tomes of documents - proof of everything from our cousin's cocker spaniel to how many times a day we blink our eyes. And every time I think they can't possibly ask for more, they do. And usually we end up bringing in the same documents repeatedly. So we struggled through getting approved when we got here. Then we struggled through recertification at the beginning of the year. And we were just struggling through recertification again when yesterday out of the blue (on the one-year-mark of this horribly hard year) we got some letters stating that we are being kicked off food stamps and AHCCCS (state health care) at the end of the month. Their reasoning is that we failed to bring in the latest tome of documents. What the...? I brought them in two weeks ago! I have no idea what to do now. One option is that we can apply for a fair hearing (oh, joy) or we can start all over with a new application. Well, guess what? I have no desire to go to court, and if we lose we're in trouble anyway. If I can't prove that they got those documents (I did turn them in. Just ask Jeremy! He watched the kids while I hurried over there to do it.), we'll just have to start over anyway. And if I do a new application, well, it takes them 30 to 60 days to process. (This is mostly because we are strange folks who were responsible with our tax return instead of just blowing the whole thing right when we got it. Because of that we have to prove how we're paying our bills or provide proof that somebody's helping us or that we're not paying them and our utilities are being cut off. And even after I prove all that I have to prove it again and write a letter stating how we're making it - again.) Well, guess what. I don't have 30-60 days! I have a baby being born in 2 weeks and 5 days!
So there you go. There is my latest rant. I am still praying my face off. I don't know what is going to happen. I am feeling pretty darn scared. I keep wondering if we have to hit rock bottom before things will get better. We are not quite there yet, but we've been tiptoeing on the line for a while now. I don't feel bitter against God. I know that there is a reason for this last year. I pray that we will see it someday. But I know that He knows what's going on, and I know that He is going to take care of us. I am clinging to that with all I'm worth.
A year ago yesterday we moved to Globe. On the way our little car broke down. We had to pay a lot of money for it and didn't get it back for months. And we came home to this lovely old house that our tenants so badly damaged - after living in such a lovely home for the year before. A year later the bathroom floor still is not fixed. The boys' room light got replace but is now not working again. The hall lights don't work. The carport and shop lights don't work. We even have some lovely exposed wiring where the tenants pulled fixtures down in the hall and the shop. And the small bathroom still needs the cesspool pumped. We've been using it some anyway, just out of necessity. What else can we do?
The boys got bullied some last year at school. (You could argue that they should just live with it because it builds character. I say pooey. My boys are good people, and they don't need to live with emotional scars for the rest of their lives. That is not cool.) And we invited Elizabeth to live with us. Boy, is she the stinky gift that keeps on, well, stinking. We lived all school year with a job that pays peanuts, and now we've been without any job since the beginning of June.
And to top off all that (and others I don't need to mention), we've been fighting with DES all year, trying to get the help we need. We've hauled in tomes of documents - proof of everything from our cousin's cocker spaniel to how many times a day we blink our eyes. And every time I think they can't possibly ask for more, they do. And usually we end up bringing in the same documents repeatedly. So we struggled through getting approved when we got here. Then we struggled through recertification at the beginning of the year. And we were just struggling through recertification again when yesterday out of the blue (on the one-year-mark of this horribly hard year) we got some letters stating that we are being kicked off food stamps and AHCCCS (state health care) at the end of the month. Their reasoning is that we failed to bring in the latest tome of documents. What the...? I brought them in two weeks ago! I have no idea what to do now. One option is that we can apply for a fair hearing (oh, joy) or we can start all over with a new application. Well, guess what? I have no desire to go to court, and if we lose we're in trouble anyway. If I can't prove that they got those documents (I did turn them in. Just ask Jeremy! He watched the kids while I hurried over there to do it.), we'll just have to start over anyway. And if I do a new application, well, it takes them 30 to 60 days to process. (This is mostly because we are strange folks who were responsible with our tax return instead of just blowing the whole thing right when we got it. Because of that we have to prove how we're paying our bills or provide proof that somebody's helping us or that we're not paying them and our utilities are being cut off. And even after I prove all that I have to prove it again and write a letter stating how we're making it - again.) Well, guess what. I don't have 30-60 days! I have a baby being born in 2 weeks and 5 days!
So there you go. There is my latest rant. I am still praying my face off. I don't know what is going to happen. I am feeling pretty darn scared. I keep wondering if we have to hit rock bottom before things will get better. We are not quite there yet, but we've been tiptoeing on the line for a while now. I don't feel bitter against God. I know that there is a reason for this last year. I pray that we will see it someday. But I know that He knows what's going on, and I know that He is going to take care of us. I am clinging to that with all I'm worth.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Timmy
My head is swimming a bit this morning. Last night I made a little trip to the grocery store with my two little ones. After we got home I took Jill and Timmy out of the car as usual. I set Timmy down and he ran off after Jill and his brothers. I figured he'd run right into the house. Except that his big brothers closed the door before he and Jill got there. Jill came in the back door because she and Timmy both have a hard time opening the front door. I asked those brothers to please go get Timmy. I kept wondering where he was, but I thought somebody was taking care of it.
Well, at least an hour later, I'd guess, I wondered where he was again when we all sat down for dinner. I had been wondering off and on, but somebody said he was with Papa in my bedroom, so I kept dismissing it from my mind. Well, he wasn't with Papa. We spread out and did a quick search, and where do you think he was? Papa found him asleep in his car seat in the car. I have no idea how he got in there. I've never seen him open those doors. They are too hard to open. He was in his car seat. He had tried to buckle himself in, and was sitting there asleep and drenched in sweat. The poor fella! I felt so horrible for him. I held him close and cried. I figure he probably realized he was stuck and cried, but nobody could hear him since he was in the car. So he probably cried himself to sleep. That is a long time for the little guy to be missing! I wish I had realized that he really was missing and saved him a lot earlier.
We sat around the dinner table talking about it, and I was sick to my stomach thinking of all the kids who die in shut up cars every year. Thank heavens it wasn't in the middle of the day with the car out in the sun! The boys all kind of tried to blame each other. The truth was that we all should have been more careful. I don't know what I would have done if he was not ok. Poor little guy.
Well, the good thing is that little guys are pretty resilient. He did want held for a while, but he was happy and running around, stealing hot dogs from the fridge before we knew it. I am so thankful he's ok.
Well, at least an hour later, I'd guess, I wondered where he was again when we all sat down for dinner. I had been wondering off and on, but somebody said he was with Papa in my bedroom, so I kept dismissing it from my mind. Well, he wasn't with Papa. We spread out and did a quick search, and where do you think he was? Papa found him asleep in his car seat in the car. I have no idea how he got in there. I've never seen him open those doors. They are too hard to open. He was in his car seat. He had tried to buckle himself in, and was sitting there asleep and drenched in sweat. The poor fella! I felt so horrible for him. I held him close and cried. I figure he probably realized he was stuck and cried, but nobody could hear him since he was in the car. So he probably cried himself to sleep. That is a long time for the little guy to be missing! I wish I had realized that he really was missing and saved him a lot earlier.
We sat around the dinner table talking about it, and I was sick to my stomach thinking of all the kids who die in shut up cars every year. Thank heavens it wasn't in the middle of the day with the car out in the sun! The boys all kind of tried to blame each other. The truth was that we all should have been more careful. I don't know what I would have done if he was not ok. Poor little guy.
Well, the good thing is that little guys are pretty resilient. He did want held for a while, but he was happy and running around, stealing hot dogs from the fridge before we knew it. I am so thankful he's ok.
Wednesday, August 14, 2013
It's the most wonderful time of the year
Did you guys know that allergy season is back? We had a mere month or so between our two allergy seasons. Isn't that great?! We've got our nose-blowin' and our nebulizin' and our eye-rubbin', all mixed up with some good ol' allergy-induced drowsiness! It's a rip-snortin' (literally) good time!
The greatest thing about this is that even though allergies were less and there was supposed to be no pollen in the area for that month or so, we were still feeling allergic. It's just worse now than it was during that month or so.
In other news, Brom is hurtin' me! Not only do I have those good ol' Braxton Hicks contractions (which usually feel like the beginning of labor - when it hurts but not as badly as at the end), but I've got a little fella boppin' around inside me during those contractions. Whee! And even better than that is when he bops around, punching my bladder during a contraction. :D Great fun. (Well, at least the contractions don't last or get worse or more consistent. And mostly they only happen in the evening.) I'm telling you, this little guy is strong! He kicks and pushes really hard. (I am glad he's healthy.)
Now I'm just whining, but my hips are aching today. It feels pretty miserable. I want to go back to bed.
The greatest thing about this is that even though allergies were less and there was supposed to be no pollen in the area for that month or so, we were still feeling allergic. It's just worse now than it was during that month or so.
In other news, Brom is hurtin' me! Not only do I have those good ol' Braxton Hicks contractions (which usually feel like the beginning of labor - when it hurts but not as badly as at the end), but I've got a little fella boppin' around inside me during those contractions. Whee! And even better than that is when he bops around, punching my bladder during a contraction. :D Great fun. (Well, at least the contractions don't last or get worse or more consistent. And mostly they only happen in the evening.) I'm telling you, this little guy is strong! He kicks and pushes really hard. (I am glad he's healthy.)
Now I'm just whining, but my hips are aching today. It feels pretty miserable. I want to go back to bed.
Sunday, August 11, 2013
A little somethin'
I feel like we are more or less kind of getting in the groove of things with school. It's still hard. In fact, just on Friday Joshua had one of his days where he simply could not focus. It was one of those days where he goes crazy and cannot stop. I still don't know what set him off, and I'm not sure how to help. I'm going to have to do some digging.
I keep getting hurt lately. A lot of it is because I'm tired and clumsy, but I like to tease Hyrum and say it's all his fault. See, the other day I went shopping, and I took the two little ones and the two big ones with me. Jill and Timmy were angelic the entire time. That was surprising. Jill likes to run everywhere and go crazy every time, but this time she sat in the car cart and was just so good. And Timmy did the same. Hyrum and Joshua, on the other hand, were nutso. They were playfully smacking each other and stuff. You know - they are really annoyed by each other at a moment like that, so they try to get back at each other without really hurting each other too bad. Hyrum kept trying to run Joshua down with the shopping cart. And Joshua kept running away screaming. Yeah, real mature like. Anyway, as Hyrum was pushing along, fuming about Joshua's teasing, he ran into me and scraped the skin off the back of my ankle. And then later he ran into the same ankle again! I tried to have him go ahead of me, but he was mosying a little too slowly for me. (That's saying something. I mosy pretty slowly these days.) And then the next day during school he needed help. I was sitting in my computer chair and figured I could just scoot my bum over there. I pushed off and my foot slipped, and I broke my toenail on the leg of the couch. Bleeding again! And then he almost ran over my foot too. See? It's all his fault! (I like to tell him that, and then he frowns and chuckles like he does every time we tease him.)
Timmy seems to be changing every day. For a couple of days this week he would growl at us if his answer to our question was no and also if he just felt like it. It was really loud. It was cute when he was playfully growling with me the day before, but it wasn't so cute when he was growling to be mean. Well, thank heavens that didn't last long. I hope he'll keep not doing that. We've been trying to get him to say, "Hi," instead, and so far it's working ok. He's learning new words all the time, and it's fun. Right now he has a huge bite on his foot. Poor fella. I felt bad putting his swollen foot in a shoe this morning, and we almost didn't at all. But he really likes shoes. I think he would have been sad if we left them in the car.
And speaking of shoes and church, last Sunday a bunch of us woke up feeling yucky. It was not cool. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to get us all ready, but it's hard when we're all feeling yucky. I got Jill's dress on her as she slept. I wrestled Timmy into his clothes (he doesn't like that - every Sunday) and then he fell asleep again while I was hemming and hawing about putting his shoes on. I knew it was going to be a struggle. I finally decided I'd just put them on when we got to church, except I couldn't decide if we were going to go. In the meantime, three of the boys got ready for church. I knew I didn't want to take some of them by myself. I didn't feel like I could. And for one thing, I knew I'd better not take Timmy to nursery because his eyes were goopy. I knew that I simply could not wrestle him or chase him through Sunday School and Relief Society. Not in this state. Well, I was about to say, "Let's all just go back to bed," when Timmy sat up, quite awake and happy and let me know that he wanted his shoes on and was ready to go. So that did it. I took Hyrum, Joshua, Michael, and Hyrum and went to church. And it's nice how every time it's especially hard to go to church I am especially blessed for doing it. There were some really nice testimonies, including one from our bishop that was just really good and had us all crying (including he himself).
Well, since I couldn't take Timmy to nursery I decided to go home after Sacrament Meeting. Hyrum (good boy that he is) really wanted to stay for the rest, so I picked him up later. But I took Joshua and Michael home with me because that's what they wanted. Timmy, though, was quite upset as I carried him to the car instead of class. He started crying and trying to squirm down as soon as we got to the door, and then he grabbed the door frame with all his might. Poor fella. It broke my heart. He wanted to be where he should be and I couldn't let him. I had to wrestle him down to get him buckled, and then he cried all the way home.
Well, anyway, I was thankful for my good boys who wanted to be where they should be. And I was thankful that at least Joshua and Michael came. I hope they see the good that comes from that sacrifice. It is a sacrifice to make it there every week, but it's very much worth it.
And while I'm on the subject of church - I remembered today that one day a few months ago we went to church in Globe 1st Ward. After classes were all done and we were getting all loaded in the car Jill turned to me and said in an excited voice, "Mommy! The Holy Ghost will help me!" I was so pleased! I hope she always remembers that. :)
And at Relief Society today I was trying to stay awake and squirming a bit because I'd sat so long and my bum was tired. And the teacher (Cathy Kinnard) talked for a bit about sharing our talents, and then after we were done she came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I want you to know that I was thinking of you when I said we needed to share our talents. I need to hear you sing! I know you have a lot going on with all your kids, but I want to hear you sing!" I wasn't sure what to say at that, but I like it nonetheless. She talked to me a few months about singing as well - something about what part do I usually sing because she thinks her voice is kind of like mine. I don't know. Still, I love Sister Kinnard, and I'm glad she likes my singin'. I sure enjoy singing. I may have to volunteer one of these days - just for her. :)
I keep getting hurt lately. A lot of it is because I'm tired and clumsy, but I like to tease Hyrum and say it's all his fault. See, the other day I went shopping, and I took the two little ones and the two big ones with me. Jill and Timmy were angelic the entire time. That was surprising. Jill likes to run everywhere and go crazy every time, but this time she sat in the car cart and was just so good. And Timmy did the same. Hyrum and Joshua, on the other hand, were nutso. They were playfully smacking each other and stuff. You know - they are really annoyed by each other at a moment like that, so they try to get back at each other without really hurting each other too bad. Hyrum kept trying to run Joshua down with the shopping cart. And Joshua kept running away screaming. Yeah, real mature like. Anyway, as Hyrum was pushing along, fuming about Joshua's teasing, he ran into me and scraped the skin off the back of my ankle. And then later he ran into the same ankle again! I tried to have him go ahead of me, but he was mosying a little too slowly for me. (That's saying something. I mosy pretty slowly these days.) And then the next day during school he needed help. I was sitting in my computer chair and figured I could just scoot my bum over there. I pushed off and my foot slipped, and I broke my toenail on the leg of the couch. Bleeding again! And then he almost ran over my foot too. See? It's all his fault! (I like to tell him that, and then he frowns and chuckles like he does every time we tease him.)
Timmy seems to be changing every day. For a couple of days this week he would growl at us if his answer to our question was no and also if he just felt like it. It was really loud. It was cute when he was playfully growling with me the day before, but it wasn't so cute when he was growling to be mean. Well, thank heavens that didn't last long. I hope he'll keep not doing that. We've been trying to get him to say, "Hi," instead, and so far it's working ok. He's learning new words all the time, and it's fun. Right now he has a huge bite on his foot. Poor fella. I felt bad putting his swollen foot in a shoe this morning, and we almost didn't at all. But he really likes shoes. I think he would have been sad if we left them in the car.
And speaking of shoes and church, last Sunday a bunch of us woke up feeling yucky. It was not cool. I wasn't sure what to do. I tried to get us all ready, but it's hard when we're all feeling yucky. I got Jill's dress on her as she slept. I wrestled Timmy into his clothes (he doesn't like that - every Sunday) and then he fell asleep again while I was hemming and hawing about putting his shoes on. I knew it was going to be a struggle. I finally decided I'd just put them on when we got to church, except I couldn't decide if we were going to go. In the meantime, three of the boys got ready for church. I knew I didn't want to take some of them by myself. I didn't feel like I could. And for one thing, I knew I'd better not take Timmy to nursery because his eyes were goopy. I knew that I simply could not wrestle him or chase him through Sunday School and Relief Society. Not in this state. Well, I was about to say, "Let's all just go back to bed," when Timmy sat up, quite awake and happy and let me know that he wanted his shoes on and was ready to go. So that did it. I took Hyrum, Joshua, Michael, and Hyrum and went to church. And it's nice how every time it's especially hard to go to church I am especially blessed for doing it. There were some really nice testimonies, including one from our bishop that was just really good and had us all crying (including he himself).
Well, since I couldn't take Timmy to nursery I decided to go home after Sacrament Meeting. Hyrum (good boy that he is) really wanted to stay for the rest, so I picked him up later. But I took Joshua and Michael home with me because that's what they wanted. Timmy, though, was quite upset as I carried him to the car instead of class. He started crying and trying to squirm down as soon as we got to the door, and then he grabbed the door frame with all his might. Poor fella. It broke my heart. He wanted to be where he should be and I couldn't let him. I had to wrestle him down to get him buckled, and then he cried all the way home.
Well, anyway, I was thankful for my good boys who wanted to be where they should be. And I was thankful that at least Joshua and Michael came. I hope they see the good that comes from that sacrifice. It is a sacrifice to make it there every week, but it's very much worth it.
And while I'm on the subject of church - I remembered today that one day a few months ago we went to church in Globe 1st Ward. After classes were all done and we were getting all loaded in the car Jill turned to me and said in an excited voice, "Mommy! The Holy Ghost will help me!" I was so pleased! I hope she always remembers that. :)
And at Relief Society today I was trying to stay awake and squirming a bit because I'd sat so long and my bum was tired. And the teacher (Cathy Kinnard) talked for a bit about sharing our talents, and then after we were done she came up behind me and put her hand on my shoulder and said, "I want you to know that I was thinking of you when I said we needed to share our talents. I need to hear you sing! I know you have a lot going on with all your kids, but I want to hear you sing!" I wasn't sure what to say at that, but I like it nonetheless. She talked to me a few months about singing as well - something about what part do I usually sing because she thinks her voice is kind of like mine. I don't know. Still, I love Sister Kinnard, and I'm glad she likes my singin'. I sure enjoy singing. I may have to volunteer one of these days - just for her. :)
Thursday, August 8, 2013
How's Things?
I haven't written in too long. I keep wanting to and being too busy or too far away from the computer. (It's hard to get my bum out of my recliner when I'm not busy.) So here's a little update on what's going on in our little world and in my head - because I know you all always want to know what's going on in my head, right? That is surely your best part!
On Monday I had another doctor appointment. It was in the morning. I got up and headed out just as the boys were starting to wake up, and I listened to Conference on the way again. Something in President Uchtdorf's talk got me thinking about the subject of complaining. This is something I've mulled over a lot. Even back in high school I thought about it. I found that I had certain people I'd just complain to. And these days I find myself complaining to Jeremy, on Facebook, and other places. When I realize how often I'm complaining it kind of makes me uncomfortable, and then I wonder why I do it so much. Well, yesterday I realized that sometimes I do it just because I can, and maybe also just because I know somebody will validate me. As nice as it is to feel validated, is it something I really need so often? When I look at it like this, it makes me feel kind of ashamed of myself. I don't want to be a whiner. How lame is it if that is what I'm known for? Well, I realized that while the occasional validation is nice, I want to be more careful. Being a whiner is not fun.
I have also been thinking and realizing that a lot of my complaining comes from fear. You all know my worries (or at least some of them), so we don't need to rehash. Long story short, I often complain because I'm afraid.
So here's what happened. I got to the doctor and they said it would be at least an hour wait because Dr. Joe was delivering a baby. Then another lady came into the hospital and needed him. So the wait was a little longer. After I'd waited like an hour and a half they said yet another lady had come in to deliver, so he wouldn't be in at all that morning. Argh! I stood in line to reschedule for later that day. It turned out that I'd have about 4 hours to wait. I wished I was dressed for the Temple and had my Temple bag. But then I realized they're closed on Monday anyway. I decided to go to the mall and look at christening outfits to get some ideas or something. I went to Fiesta Mall because I hadn't been there in a long time. As I walked in I thought, "Hey, I have time to see a movie? Doesn't this mall have a dollar theater?" It turned out that it didn't. I looked around quickly in Sears but didn't find any baby stuff at all, and then I hurried over to Superstition Springs where there was a dollar movie. I hurried in and got into After Earth within 10 minutes after it started.
I had been wanting to see that movie since I saw the preview. I wished all the way through that Jeremy was with me. It's just more fun that way. :) The best part of the movie for me (besides the flying) is a quote about fear. I think it is something I needed to hear. Here it is:
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice."
Isn't that awesome? It made me sit and think about all the fears I have in my life. Why do I worry so much about things that probably will never happen? I don't know. I've been trying ever since to just not, and to some extent I've been succeeding. I think it's helpful to keep that quote in mind especially as I have started school with the boys. It is a big, scary undertaking.
Speaking of school, it is going all right. It is quite overwhelming. I've just done a quick count, and it appears that between our four boys we have 23 teachers. Michael only has one, but the three older boys have a different teacher for each subject as well as a homeroom teacher. They all want things done a certain way. That first day I couldn't quite understand how it all works. (It's changed since I was doing AZVA last.) Lots of the teachers have had welcome sessions on Blackboard (a place where some of the older boys' lessons will be given), and that first day some of them were scheduled so that I had 2 or 3 boys on them at the same time. I was sitting there kind of trying to listen to what I could, but man! All these teachers and their expectations... I couldn't quite get it. I just wanted to roll over and die. I think it's starting to come together now that we've done it a few days. We're still not getting every subject on the days they're assigned, but we're sure getting our hours in. I do a lot of jumping back and forth between Michael and Benji and wishing I could help Joshua as well. Joshua and Hyrum are able to do most of their stuff on their own, but Joshua is kind of lost when it comes to figuring out what to do next. I need to start helping him make a list every day. I think that will help. But either way, I have this or that boy waiting while I finish up this or that with another boy. But we are working on it. It will all work out somehow.
Also, Jeremy gave us all blessings on the first day of school, and his dad gave him one as well. I keep remembering the things that were said and feeling certain that we're going to succeed. I think we made the right choice and that it will be ok. I am thankful for that, and I'm thankful that Jeremy can do that! The Priesthood is a great blessing in our home.
And since I talked about the doctor, I should tell you all that he says things are all looking good. 3 weeks ago when I went I had lost a pound. This time I gained it back. I really haven't gained very many pounds at all, but we all know I was overweight to begin with. I'm still on track somehow. Plus, the baby is growing (he was even bigger than we expected for his age at his last ultrasound), my tummy measures good, and the baby's heartbeat is good. I'm thankful for that. :) I am excited. I'm working on my to-do list and it's coming together.
We still haven't had any good word on jobs. We're still waiting and working on it, but so far - nada. I know it will work out. We'll just wait and see how. We're also still waiting on that renewal for food stamps and health insurance. It still makes me sick to have to rely on those. But I admit I'm thankful that it's available, and I'm thankful for people who paid their taxes so we can have this help. I guess we all rely on each other once in a while in some way or another.
On Monday I had another doctor appointment. It was in the morning. I got up and headed out just as the boys were starting to wake up, and I listened to Conference on the way again. Something in President Uchtdorf's talk got me thinking about the subject of complaining. This is something I've mulled over a lot. Even back in high school I thought about it. I found that I had certain people I'd just complain to. And these days I find myself complaining to Jeremy, on Facebook, and other places. When I realize how often I'm complaining it kind of makes me uncomfortable, and then I wonder why I do it so much. Well, yesterday I realized that sometimes I do it just because I can, and maybe also just because I know somebody will validate me. As nice as it is to feel validated, is it something I really need so often? When I look at it like this, it makes me feel kind of ashamed of myself. I don't want to be a whiner. How lame is it if that is what I'm known for? Well, I realized that while the occasional validation is nice, I want to be more careful. Being a whiner is not fun.
I have also been thinking and realizing that a lot of my complaining comes from fear. You all know my worries (or at least some of them), so we don't need to rehash. Long story short, I often complain because I'm afraid.
So here's what happened. I got to the doctor and they said it would be at least an hour wait because Dr. Joe was delivering a baby. Then another lady came into the hospital and needed him. So the wait was a little longer. After I'd waited like an hour and a half they said yet another lady had come in to deliver, so he wouldn't be in at all that morning. Argh! I stood in line to reschedule for later that day. It turned out that I'd have about 4 hours to wait. I wished I was dressed for the Temple and had my Temple bag. But then I realized they're closed on Monday anyway. I decided to go to the mall and look at christening outfits to get some ideas or something. I went to Fiesta Mall because I hadn't been there in a long time. As I walked in I thought, "Hey, I have time to see a movie? Doesn't this mall have a dollar theater?" It turned out that it didn't. I looked around quickly in Sears but didn't find any baby stuff at all, and then I hurried over to Superstition Springs where there was a dollar movie. I hurried in and got into After Earth within 10 minutes after it started.
I had been wanting to see that movie since I saw the preview. I wished all the way through that Jeremy was with me. It's just more fun that way. :) The best part of the movie for me (besides the flying) is a quote about fear. I think it is something I needed to hear. Here it is:
"Fear is not real. The only place that fear can exist is in our thoughts of the future. It is a product of our imagination, causing us to fear things that do not at present and may not ever exist. That is near insanity. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real, but fear is a choice."
Isn't that awesome? It made me sit and think about all the fears I have in my life. Why do I worry so much about things that probably will never happen? I don't know. I've been trying ever since to just not, and to some extent I've been succeeding. I think it's helpful to keep that quote in mind especially as I have started school with the boys. It is a big, scary undertaking.
Speaking of school, it is going all right. It is quite overwhelming. I've just done a quick count, and it appears that between our four boys we have 23 teachers. Michael only has one, but the three older boys have a different teacher for each subject as well as a homeroom teacher. They all want things done a certain way. That first day I couldn't quite understand how it all works. (It's changed since I was doing AZVA last.) Lots of the teachers have had welcome sessions on Blackboard (a place where some of the older boys' lessons will be given), and that first day some of them were scheduled so that I had 2 or 3 boys on them at the same time. I was sitting there kind of trying to listen to what I could, but man! All these teachers and their expectations... I couldn't quite get it. I just wanted to roll over and die. I think it's starting to come together now that we've done it a few days. We're still not getting every subject on the days they're assigned, but we're sure getting our hours in. I do a lot of jumping back and forth between Michael and Benji and wishing I could help Joshua as well. Joshua and Hyrum are able to do most of their stuff on their own, but Joshua is kind of lost when it comes to figuring out what to do next. I need to start helping him make a list every day. I think that will help. But either way, I have this or that boy waiting while I finish up this or that with another boy. But we are working on it. It will all work out somehow.
Also, Jeremy gave us all blessings on the first day of school, and his dad gave him one as well. I keep remembering the things that were said and feeling certain that we're going to succeed. I think we made the right choice and that it will be ok. I am thankful for that, and I'm thankful that Jeremy can do that! The Priesthood is a great blessing in our home.
And since I talked about the doctor, I should tell you all that he says things are all looking good. 3 weeks ago when I went I had lost a pound. This time I gained it back. I really haven't gained very many pounds at all, but we all know I was overweight to begin with. I'm still on track somehow. Plus, the baby is growing (he was even bigger than we expected for his age at his last ultrasound), my tummy measures good, and the baby's heartbeat is good. I'm thankful for that. :) I am excited. I'm working on my to-do list and it's coming together.
We still haven't had any good word on jobs. We're still waiting and working on it, but so far - nada. I know it will work out. We'll just wait and see how. We're also still waiting on that renewal for food stamps and health insurance. It still makes me sick to have to rely on those. But I admit I'm thankful that it's available, and I'm thankful for people who paid their taxes so we can have this help. I guess we all rely on each other once in a while in some way or another.
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