Little Brom

Brom is two weeks old today.  I figured I ought to put something on here about his birth!  I want to officially record his birth story (I wrote down snippets at the hospital), but I don't think I'll have time today.  In fact, I'm not sure when I'll have time, but I will try.

 

For the record, though, Abraham Elijah Burk, who we call Brom, was born at Banner Desert Medical Center in Mesa, Arizona on Friday, September 13, 2013 at 12:52 PM.  (I like that it's 9-13-13.  I should be able to remember that pretty good. :) He weighed 8 lbs. 13 oz. when they weighed him in the operating room.  Then the nurse in the recovery room weighed him again, saying, "He feels a lot heavier than that!"  The second scale put him at 8 lbs. 13.4 oz., which makes him our heaviest baby if you go by that scale.  Hmmm...  I'm not sure which to believe.  Anyway, he was 21 1/2 inches long and cute as can be.  Here are some pictures.  I tried to put them in order.  They are from 3 different cameras. :O

 

Welcome to the world, little Brom!

 

 





Right after he was born they held him up to show Jeremy and me as they whisked him over here to the warmer.  As soon as they set him down he pooped!  I liked that in this room the warmer was in my line of sight, so I could watch him while I got sewed up.  Cute fella!

 

 

 

 

 

Back in the recovery room.  They call this something like "skin to skin time."  The nurses insist on doing it.  It's awesome how it calms my babies right down.  What a cute, sweet fella!

 

 

 

This one is my favorite!  He is so darn cute!

 

And here he is all dressed to go home.  It always feels strange to see them in real clothes and not just the white hospital shirt for the first time.  And it still surprises me every time I pick him up how little he is.  I like that this picture shows how little he is. :) It sure doesn't last.  His skinny little legs are already filling out and I think he's a little longer now too.

There is a lot that I could say about this experience.  It has been as otherworldly as our other births have been.  I could tell you that even the fifth time it is still terrifying to get poked in the back and cut open.  And I could tell you that the anesthesia I get being poked in the back shuts down pretty much everything below my chest.  That means that peeing for the first time after the catheter was removed was quite traumatic.  And it means that the first time I passed gas was a time to celebrate because it meant I could eat things that have fiber in them.  And it also means we had lots of tries with stool softeners and milk of magnesia and stuff, which, of course, didn't seem to do a thing until I'd been home something like between 24-48 hours.  Whee!  (Thank goodness that stage doesn't last forever!)

But it also means that I have a new guy to get to know, who I already love beyond all reason.  He is so like his brothers in looks and reminds me of this of that one of them on different days.  I think his hands are like Michael's, and he's looked like Benji, Michael, Timmy to me at different times.  But his little features are his own.  I love the little swirly cowlick on his forehead.  I love his little nose that seems so familiar yet I can't quite place it.  I love how his mouth looks small until he starts crying, and then it gets stretched into a wide line.  I love his dark eyes that sometimes look a different color every day pretty much.  It's a fun guessing game to try to think what color they'll end up.  I love his skinny little legs.  They remind me of Paul.  I just love everything about him, and I am thankful for all he has brought to our family.  I am overwhelmed by the love I feel, and I am so thankful that God trusted us with this new little one.  It is absolutely incredible.

Gah!  Always have to cry!

It has been quite an adjustment back here at home.  School has picked up where we left off.  We have our up days and our down days with it, but it's moving forward somehow every day.  My Mama has been here for all of this.  She is going home today after two weeks of chasing Jill and Timmy, washing clothes and dishes, and all the billion other things she did.  I'm going to miss her!  But I am really glad she can go back home to Dad.  Things are just better when you have your husband, ya know?

Everyone asks how Timmy is doing with Brom around.  Well, in true Timmy fashion he goes on with his life like nothing has happened.  Except that something really has happened and it kind of traumatizes him a bit.  He hasn't been able to sit with me and pull my hair as often as he would like.  And he acts out just like a little boy does who needs his mommy to pay more attention to him.  It is quite a juggling act for me, but, man, I love my little ones!  (Of course, some of my little ones are not so little anymore.  And one of them is now taller than me!)  I know it will all work out somehow.  It always does.

I know, I know.  I hear ya: "What are you doing here on Blogger today of all days?!"  Well, I should think the answer to that is pretty obvious.  I'm blogging.  Duh!

I feel like I should be writing a letter to my soon-to-be-born son, but for some reason I feel like waiting this time.  Maybe I'll do it in the hospital.  I think that's what I did with Timmy.

I keep thinking about how our world is going to be turned upside down again.  I have actually been feeling apprehensive about it.  In fact, I spent most of yesterday feeling apprehensive.  I'm not sure how it's going to be trying to take care of 7, let alone home school 4 while making sure the younger 3 are happy, fed, and clean diapered.  That and my house was a disaster.  It's a lot better now.

So yesterday morning I sat down and made a list of all the assignments the boys have that will fall due on Sunday.  (They have to do work samples once a month.)  It wasn't a huge list, but it sure took some doing!  And on top of work samples, Joshua had some testing for National Math Lab.  He protested pretty good about that.  (I'm not doing National Math Lab!)  I think he has a tendency to fear the unknown quite a bit sometimes.  He was way worried about those pretests, and he fussed about them for a good hour while getting them done at a snail's pace.  But then he suddenly realized that he knew how to do most of it, so he did.

Anyway, I am not kidding when I tell you that school took all day yesterday.  We were at it with Joshua and Benji until about 7:30 PM.  I really had planned to cut school short and make up later so that I could get some work done.  In the end, I did get some laundry done, and I did bathe the little ones because Timmy pooped up his back.  Of course, I didn't realize he'd pooped up his back until I laid him on my bed to change him.  We ended up with a nice, long poop stripe on the bottom sheet. Thanks, buddy! ;) Anyway, we did get school work done.  I made the boys clean up after dinner because I'm mean, but really it made me feel so much better.  And we got everyone packed.  It was midnight when I climbed into bed.  That wasn't how I pictured the day going at all, but, well, things often don't come out how you picture them.

I kept thinking all day yesterday, too, about how today I won't get food until who knows when.  I had to stop eating (can't even have water) at midnight.  My tummy is already gurgling.  We show up at the hospital at 10:30, and surgery is at 12:30.  No food all day really is in the forecast.  They will give me an IV, and that will help some, but sometimes it doesn't help all the way.  And after we show up I get to sit in a super hard triage bed for 2 hours before getting poked in the back and cut open.  Pretty disturbing.  Take it from me, guys - don't have a C-section if you don't have to.

So yeah, I was worried about all that.  And Jeremy came home happy and excited.  I didn't quite understand how he could be happy and excited with school still left to finish and dinner to figure out and the house to clean and the kiddos to pack and everything that will happen today.  But this morning I woke up and got in the shower and thought about how today I'm going to kiss my sweet new baby boy, and that made me cry.  I think I'm ready for this.  (Well, that and the last couple of nights have been kind of hard and left me pretty sore - just trying to sleep while being huge.)

I'm not sure what is going to happen.  Part of me suspects this may be my last baby, but part of me always suspects that since Michael.  I suppose we'll see.  But I do feel thankful for this opportunity. I feel at peace about the thought of maybe being done.  We will see what happens.  If I'm done, I may be kind of sad, but my body has done a pretty dang good job and I have a truckload of beautiful, wonderful children to show for it.

OK, last thing.  Last night I went to the store because we hadn't had dinner and I had nothing quick to make.  People keep being surprised seeing me out and about when I have such a short time left.  Well, last night was no different.  There was a lady standing by the ice cream (I just needed ice cream all day yesterday), and she said the usual:  "When are you due?  You look tired!"  She was surprised that I was out shopping right then, of course.  Then her friend came down the aisle and said, "Man!  That's a big baby!  Are you having twins?"  She said it in such an excited tone.  It made me laugh.  Then the first lady told her to get out of the way so I could get my ice cream.  It was awesome.  :) And the funny part is that I was feeling huge just before I left for the store, but then I took a picture because I hadn't taken a belly picture yet.  I looked at the picture and thought, "Well, maybe I'm not so big."  But then I went to the store and was informed.  Ha, ha!

Well, guys, catch ya later.  Gonna go have a baby.

Oops

It's really silly how often I forget to write about the big things and end up rambling on forever about the small things.

Here's one:  Jeremy started a new job last Friday. He is working for Southeastern Arizona Behavioral Health Services (SEABHS) here in Globe.  He'll be helping counsel people young and old who have behavioral health problems.  It sounds like a stressful job to me, and he's not allowed to talk to me about it for privacy reasons.  Poor guy.  He's going to have to rely on his coworkers for that - working around their schedules.  Another thing about this job is that it kinda pays peanuts.  But it's a job...  We are still praying that we can get out of Globe away from the allergies so Jeremy can breathe, so that means that, of course, we are praying to find a job somewheres else.  For now, though, we are thankful to have a job and to be taken care of here in Globe.  God knew what He was doing sending us here, and I'm thankful.

Then last weekend (I think it was Friday night) I was rocking Jill in my bedroom and Jeremy was in the bathroom with Timmy kicking away at the door.  Those stupid sliding doors!  They get a lot of abuse, and that makes them prone to getting stuck a bit.  Whoever thought that sliding doors were a good idea should be strung up by his toes.  (Because that person is the same person who did his own wiring and plumbing that all really needs replaced.  Thanks a lot!)  Anyway, Jeremy came out to get Timmy to stop, and in the process something on the floor gouged a deep trench in the ball of his foot.  We're still not sure what it was.  My guess is a carpet tack or something.  I've felt something poky there with my foot before, but I've never been able to find it when I go looking.  Either way, it has been horrible.  I thought I really should take him to get stitches, but he said no.  He bandaged it up with pads from the first-aid kit and all the sports tape we had.  A few hours later, blood had soaked through the pads and a bunch of layers of tape.  (He had bandaged a little too tightly and his pinky toe was going numb, so he had to rip it all off in the middle of the night.)  He bandaged it again and this time was a little better.  For a few days he and I both were hobbling around.  For me that is the norm of late due to this little guy who is getting huge inside me.  To have both of us hobbling was quite a change.  He is doing some better now.  He's been changing the bandages every day.  The cut is still pretty deep, he says (I still haven't seen it).  It helps to have it bandaged and keep his socks and shoes on.  It doesn't hurt nearly as much that way.  I just hope it'll be ok.  I still think I should have made him go get stitches!  Oh, well...  They probably would have given him a tetanus shot as well.  Wouldn't that be fun?

So there you go - 2 things going on with Jeremy that somehow I forgot to write up yesterday.  It's funny, too, because I've had this mental list going of all the things I needed to write about, and these were at the top of the list.  But then I sat down to write and my mind pretty much went blank.  I think there's even one more thing I am missing.  Hopefully I'll remember eventually. 

Life as I Know It

Man!  I've been thinking of so many things!  I'm not sure I can remember them all.

I thought maybe I should tell you what a typical day is like around here, just for posterity's sake.  Homeschooling has turned the world upside down, but it has been good.  There is a certain satisfaction that comes with sticking with it and getting things done.  And one thing I've noticed as well is that the boys haven't been fighting as often.  The two that still do the most are Hyrum and Joshua.  When Hyrum is bored he starts picking on Joshua, and Joshua gets mad super fast.  He often gets mad when Hyrum isn't even trying to bother him.  He just expects that all he'll get from Hyrum is negative.  There's a scripture somewhere that says that we should believe good of each other.  I've tried to instill that in my children.  We all need to calm down and not be so quick to think people are out to get us.  That's probably something most people need.

Phew!  Tangent!

Anyway, one thing that has been quite satisfying is to work with Joshua on algebra.  I always did like algebra.  It's fun to see the lights come on in his brain, even though sometimes I'm not sure if I've seen it or not.  He is just really good at making blank expressions. ;) I'm never sure if he's figuring or if he needs me to bring him to and repeat myself again.  Still, he is getting it, and it's fun. :)

Another thing that has been neat to see is how sometimes they learn things on their own.  Just in the last couple of days both Joshua and Benji have been learning that it's good to get at least 2 subjects done before lunch.  That's quite a good thing for them to learn.  I have been struggling with those two the worst, trying to keep them on-task.  Some days I just want to give up and send them all back to school.  For one thing, Joshua, Benji, and Michael are all behind in every one of their subjects, and I'm not sure how we'll get caught up.  And Joshua and Benji have been so easily distracted.  I know to expect that from Joshua, but Benji?  It seems like Benji was always one to hop right on his homework and get it done.  Anyway, I am hoping Joshua and Benji will keep working on that.  As for Michael, he likes to give me attitude and hide in the couch cushions every time I give him an assignment.  Not only does that mean that I have to put the couch together for the umpteenth time, but it means I have to coax him out of the cushions and somehow get him to get his work done.  It's not the difficulty that gets to him.  He's understanding things easy enough.  He just wants to do no work.  I am going to have to figure something out for him.  Bribing doesn't work consistently with him, so I'll have to see what I can come up with.

Anyway, so in the morning I get up at 6:00 or 7:00.  It depends on how tired I am.  If I'm too tired at 6:00 I set the alarm ahead.  Ha ha!  Anyway, I sit down and work on email and write out the schedule and anything extra we need to do for the day.  It all takes longer than I mean for it to.  Sometimes Timmy wakes up and just needs me to sit and hold him, so that means it'll be later when I get the boys up than I hoped.  Anyway, I get the boys up.  We have family prayers, breakfast, and scripture time.  Scripture time hasn't been working out how I pictured.  The boys get talking to each other or they get fighting.  Usually they just get talking and can't quit.  They've been doing that at night sometimes too.  Anyway, so finally I have to give up and tell them it's time for school.

I usually let them pick the order they do their subjects in.  They have a few subjects that have lessons every day, and the rest are rotated throughout the week.  So they just pick from their daily list what they'd like to do first.  Hyrum gets going on his own and just breezes through his subjects.  One thing he has had a lot of so far is writing essays, but that also means he's getting really good at it.  I like that. :) So mostly Hyrum needs help once or less every day.  And usually the help he needs is with vocabulary.  They have some tricky words!  But it's fun to learn them and demonstrate my knowledge about the big words I do know. ;) If the other boys have a hard time choosing I'll tell them they'd better pick or I'll pick for them.  Usually that gets them to hurry up and pick.  Sometimes they'll say, "Oh, no!  I don't want to do History!"  So I'll suggest that they do that first and get it done.  Usually they do, and that is a good thing.  I like it when they work on the longest lessons first.

So here are the subjects they have:

Hyrum has math, literature, history, composition, science, art, GUM (Grammar, usage, and mechanics), vocabulary, and Spanish.  Spanish is an elective, and so it's optional.  He hasn't been able to get his account on the Spanish website to work very good, but Jeremy's been working with him on Spanish a bit.

Joshua has the same subjects as Hyrum, but he's been learning Chinese instead of Spanish.  His account hasn't been working right either, and he actually hasn't worked on it at all in the last few weeks.

Benji has math, literature, test readiness, spelling, composition, history, art, GUM, vocabulary, science, state history, and German.  His German account works pretty well, but he hasn't had a lot of time to work on it.  Test readiness and state history are short courses.  He actually has only one test readiness lesson left.  It seems to be practice for AIMS testing.  I'm not sure why the other boys don't have it, but I'm glad they don't.  That would be just one more thing to do!

And Michael has math, handwriting, literature, spelling, vocabulary, writing, history, art, science, PE, and music.  Music is his elective.  They didn't let him choose his elective.  I remember this music course.  Michael turned on the first lesson and was so embarrassed he turned it right off and has never wanted to do it again.  I don't blame him.  I was always embarrassed doing it myself.  I really should sit them all down and really teach them music... and math facts...  I'm not sure when I'll ever have time for any of that.  And Michael's PE is not only embarrassing but stupid.  For our first lesson he had to walk to four or five word cards around the room and act like the animals written on the cards.  Dumb!  How is that PE?!  It took all of 1 or 2 minutes.

Next week Joshua is starting a new course.  I hate to add more when we struggle to get through things already, but this one should help something in the end.  I hope!  I did feel good about signing him up for it.  It's called National Math Labs.  He'll be working with a teacher and other students from around the country.  The students have all demonstrated a need for extra math help.  Joshua has some gaps in math that he's never been able to catch up on.  This should help.  Anyway, it's an hour a day, and all the work is done in class.  It's in an online classroom.  I guess we'll see what happens.  It's really going to change things up schedule-wise.

So we just drag ourselves through all these lessons every day and that's that.  It gets really stressful every once in a while.  I try to remind myself that it won't hurt them to wait for a few more minutes while I work with somebody else.  Sometimes I have 3 of them needing help at the same time. Often I'm working with at least two at once.  I sit on the couch with stacks of books and alternately sound off spelling words to Michael while explaining to somebody else about all the different kinds of verbs.  Sometimes I think I will explode if I have to enter my password one more time.  (I have to enter my password to enter grades for tests and things.)  It all gets really complicated, but somehow we seem to get something done every day.  I need to sit down and consolidate some of the units one of these days so we can breeze through them and catch up.  I know I can do it, and I'm certain the boys can as well.  And thank heavens Hyrum is pretty much spot on with all his lessons (as in not behind and getting good grades).  He is even way ahead in math.  If a subject is too easy he is allowed to just do all the assessments up to the point where he is feeling more challenged, as long as he can pass them. (80% or better his passing.)  So when he has extra hours left after his subjects are done, he'll sometimes take assessment after assessment to that end.

So that's a little of what it's like to do school here.  It's fun to see first-hand as the boys learn things, and I sometimes wish I could sit in on every one of their lessons.  They are learning a lot!

School means that we always have boxes strewn around the living room in the day time, and it means that I have a harder time getting around to housework.  But once lessons are done and I'm making dinner I try to get the boys to get their jobs done, and that helps a lot!  They are at a point where they really don't complain much about doing their jobs, and I've been thankful for that!  It is thanks to them that our sanity is preserved and that our house is ever presentable.  They are good boys. :) Jill's jobs are to make her bed and clean out the dryer's lint trap.  She is really good at keeping that lint trap clean.  She has fun seeing what color the lint is and how much there is.  I love it when she says out of the blue, "Oh!  I need to do my job!"  Then she'll hurry off to the laundry room and clean out that lint trap.  It's cute. :)

And school also means that Jill and Timmy are using the iPad a lot.  Not only does it keep them busy and happy, but there are some good educational games on there.  Jill has been learning numbers and letters.  It's fun. :) (Yes, we do work with her one-on-one to that end as well, but the iPad certainly helps too.)  She has learned to write her name, and now that's what she writes almost every time she has a pencil and paper.  She likes to draw people too.  Usually they are a face with arms and legs, and she may or may not draw a circle around the face.  Cute!  Timmy is still learning new words.  That's fun!  I often wonder if I should worry about his speech delay.  I know it isn't because he can't hear.  It's because he's busy thinking.  But I wonder if I should try to get him some help in that area or if he's just going to be fine.  I still love how he talks.  He kind of grunt/talks a lot of the time when he comes to babble to me.  He also grunt/talks "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star" (his favorite song) too.  I love that.  When we cuddle at bedtime he'll start "singing" it as soon as he gets settled.  So I sing it with him a few times.

And, as always, every day all day I think about this new baby coming.  It still seems so surreal.  Tomorrow will be a regular day of school, and the next day we'll be at the hospital where I will get cut open again.  And then we'll have a new little guy to get to know.  I don't know why this time seems so different.  I know that since this is #7 I haven't thought about the upcoming birth as much.  That sounds horrible to say.  It doesn't in any way mean that I don't think about this sweet new little guy or that I don't already love him indescribably.  It just means that I have so much else on my mind and have been through pregnancy enough times to know that a pregnancy is waiting and waiting.  Maybe I am feeling impatient, so I don't let it dawn on me as often that I'm about to add another little one to the group.  Goodness, I just don't know what it is.  Either way, I am still feeling kind of floored by the fact that we're about to have another baby.  I've felt the full weight of this pregnancy, but it is just different this time.  I am really excited, though.  I've been counting down several times every day for months, and I'm always so happy that I'm as far as I am and not just back at the beginning!  It's kind of neat to see our bedroom rearranged with a cradle and recliner in it (even if it makes our bedroom feel really crowded) and a baby swing in the living room.  I keep thinking about nursing again.  It is just such a very nice thing.  I feel so thankful for the new guy coming.  God is so good to us.

Social Networking and Other Stuff

The other day I saw a news story that caught my eye.  I've been mulling over its idea for a good week or two.  It said that a study shows that people who do a lot of social networking are more lonely than those who don't.  Isn't that interesting?  I think it is true, though.  It seems like when I'm on Facebook a lot a care more about whether or not people like what I posted, and when they don't like it or comment I feel all lonely.  And it's the same with other things in my life where I'm reaching out, seeking attention from people who are far away and not getting it. Why do I do that?  Why don't I just be with the people I love who are right here?!

I guess the answer is that Facebook is a good, solid distraction from my frustrations. I often have my phone in my hand during school time, and when I am frustrated because school is taking too long or whatever I just flip over to Facebook, get my bit of distraction, and move on.  It's essentially the same as walking away to cool down before tackling the problem again, except that I don't have to actually get up.  The problem is, though, that often people aren't updating their statuses fast enough for me, and then I feel frustrated looking at the same thing over and over.  I know!  It's lame!  I need to find me a new distraction.  I don't need loneliness in my life.  I am too busy for that, and I have too much to be thankful for.

So today I officially have 11 days left until this little guy comes unless he decides to try to come earlier.  We have no indication that he will, but I still wonder.  I believe that tomorrow will be my last doctor visit before the little guy comes.  I like that. :) I'm not sure how it will go, but I'm hoping to leave early and squeeze in a trip to the Temple.  I've got to get there.  It has been too long, and a new little one complicates future Temple trips.

I keep thinking over and over again about how it is to give birth, particularly in the operating room since that's where it will happen again.  I remember the sights and sounds.  I remember that every time I am scared to death about being poked in the back.  I remember the numb feeling and not being able to move my legs.  I remember feeling pressure on my abdomen, and I remember the nice guy who sits up by my head monitoring my vitals and reassuring me that I'm doing great.  (Last time I was especially nervous about the poke in the back because with Jill they had a hard time finding the right place, and it hurt!  So to make me feel better the guy who sits by my head and the anesthetist started cracking jokes back and forth.  I was very thankful!)  I remember wondering what might be happening to me down there beyond the sheet they hung up and then hearing that first cry and melting into tears every time. And I remember that after a bit a nurse says, "If you look over that way you'll see your baby."  Then a nurse walks past carrying a new little one, pausing to show him to us before whisking him away to the warmer to get cleaned up and tested.  And then Jeremy goes over to see him while the doctor continues his work.  After a while Jeremy brings him all bundled in a blanket and hat to see me. I love the feeling of his soft skin as I kiss the new, sweet face.  That also makes me bawl.

I remember feeling impatient and nauseated as the stitching up is completed.  I remember watching the funny clock on the wall that leaps ahead instead of ticking like a normal clock.  I think it's actually a lap counter.  They have somebody whose job is specifically to count how many laps go in and make sure the same number come out.  (Laps are something they use to soak up bodily fluids.)  Jeremy and the baby go to the recovery room, and I follow after I'm all clean and stitched up.  My incision is covered in betadine (because Dr. Joe just likes that stuff, the nurses say) and tape.  I still can't move my legs or feel any pain.  And there I finally get to hold my baby and nurse him.  And then I spend a few more days in the hospital, enjoying my new baby and getting to know him, loving him so intensely I think I might burst.  And people come to visit and tell me how cute he is. ;) I love when our children come to meet their new sibling.  That is heaven to me - having them all together.

Yep, that is about how it goes.  I may be weird, but I actually look forward to that time in the hospital every time.  (Just not the getting poked and cut or the times I wait too long for medicine.)  The food is actually pretty yummy, and I don't have to cook it.  I get pampered and taken care of, and I get to challenge myself, seeing how many laps around the place I can do in a day.  And best of all, it's nice to be able to focus on healing and bonding without many other worries.  For one thing, I don't have to be worrying about my other children.  I know that Grandmas take good care of them, and it always makes me happy that my children are having a great time in the care of somebody who knows and loves them.  It's like a little vacation for them.  And by the time I get home I feel like I know the new little guy enough to see where he fits in and be able to learn to take care of them all again.  And thank heavens for Grandmas' help then too!  I wouldn't know what to do without them!  And I am crossing my fingers that everything goes as well as it did last time, minus the colic. :)

So yeah, you know what's on my mind lately - school and Brom.  I am pretty excited, and I'm thankful that time is short. I still have a lot to do and have been really frustrated.  Not only do I lack motivation right now, but I'm worn out after school every day and I can't do much bending or lifting.  I need to get things cleaned up, but it is not happening.  Here I am at 38 weeks and my bag isn't even packed.  What the...?  I need to at least make sure the bedroom is rearranged just right and Brom's bed is set up and everyone has a clean bed, but I'm not sure how that will get done.  I don't even have the car seat put together.  What I do know is that I can't rearrange the bedroom. :P Oh, well.  We'll figure it out.  I do have Jeremy to help me right now.  And I just try to focus on the fact that this frustration won't last.  Soon I'll be recovering and be able to actually do things, and not only that, but I'll have a little Brom!  That is super exciting! :)

Speaking of Jeremy, though, that trip to California may have been productive.  He met Lilly and Os's home teacher who may be helpful in finding a job out there.  It sounds like it could be a good place to live and that there are lots of jobs.  It would be great because we could go and make lots of money and pay off all our debts with the money he makes.  (We're not crazy in debt, to be honest.  We just have that van loan and some student loans and then our mortgages.  It just really grates on Jeremy's nerves to have any debt at all.  It would be nice to erase at least the van and student loans.)  And then we could move wherever we wanted.  But we're not sure that is the Lord's plan.  I guess we are keeping our bases covered.  I'm a little worried about the possibility of moving there.  (Ahem, liberals and drag queens.)  I am not sure what kind of place it would be for kids.  It sounds like it's more a place for adults.  But I am sure we could be just fine if that is where God sends us.  Of course we will go if we are supposed to.

And also speaking of jobs, Jeremy has been hired by a behavioral health place here in town.  It is not a very good job at all.  He'll be helping teenagers and adults with transitioning, and he'll be paid peanuts for it.  I am worried about him working in that environment every day.  It seems like something that would stress me out really badly!  And I do wish it paid better.  That sounds like a tough job!  Needless to say, the job search will continue!  Hopefully, we'll be able to move in the next few months.  I have learned, though, that Brom needs to be born here - or maybe that we need to be here in Arizona while he's born.  That's one reason why the job hunt hasn't turned up much, I am sure.  So we will be patient.  Anyway, if all the paperwork is in place on time Jeremy will start work on Friday.

Want to hear something funny?  I woke up this morning at 4:30 to go to the bathroom.  I had to actually turn on the light because the toilet paper was nowhere to be found.  Then when I went back to bed I couldn't sleep.  And not only that, but I felt an infection flaring up in the back of my nose.  Oh, joy!  Love it when that happens!  Then I kept sneezing and having to get up and blow my nose.  Finally, I brought a roll of toilet paper back to bed with me, which meant that I didn't need it but went right to sleep - until Timmy smacked my forehead with his head.  Then I sat up in bed and cried, and I didn't quite know why.  I just felt like crying. Then I blew my nose again and laid back down, all the while lamenting the lost sleep because I knew I'd need to be alert and happy for school today.  Then after all that tossing, turning, nose blowing, dozing off, and waking back up again my alarm went off at 6:00.  I got up and turned it off and then set it ahead to 7:00.  I was too tired to be up.  Then when it went off again I stumbled out of bed again and got dressed and all that.  And here I am typing away now.  I started feeling really guilty about sleeping in and then sitting at the computer instead of getting the boys up and going. But then about 2 minutes ago I realized it is a holiday!  Duh!  I could still be sleeping!  Ha, ha!  All that worry for nothing!  Well, maybe I'll go shopping since I'm up and nobody else is.

Oo, before I forget - one of the things I love about this new computer is that I downloaded a puzzle app.  It does feel like cheating because the pieces are all turned the right way, but I can sit and de-stress while doing a puzzle, not worrying about the pieces getting scattered if I get up for a minute.  Plus, Timmy finds it fascinating to watch me put it together.  He comes and sits with me while I do it.  I love it. :)

Well, guess what

Just a quickie here.  I need to haul those boys outa bed!

Yesterday Jeremy gave me a really nice blessing, and then I went over to DES.  I printed all out current bank balances to take with me and brought papers from our rental in Utah as well.  (Those bank balances are a huge deal to get ready!  Including the kids' savings accounts we have 15 bank accounts that have any money at all in them.  Yes, we are crazy.  I blame it on Jeremy, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't mind that.  It was his idea. :) Those all turned out to be just what we needed.  It turned out that whoever looked over the paperwork we brought in last didn't lose it.  He/she simply didn't understand, even though I spelled it out in a signed statement that I brought with the documents.  They didn't have time to try to understand, and since they had already asked for the documents they weren't obligated to ask for them again or to even ask for clarification.  So there you go.

I went in to DES feeling like I was going to have to fight, but I didn't.  The lady was very nice and understanding.  We went through everything they were questioning one at a time until she was all satisfied.  Then I signed a statement explaining what we discussed and she reinstated us!  We are ok!  I am very thankful. 

It is a blessing, and it is a blessing to see God working in our lives.  And though it has been hard to be without a job since June, it has been a blessing to have Jeremy here to help me.  And I understand a little more about why we're here.  I still hope we can move soon so that Jeremy can breathe and so we can get away from the hordes of bugs we've been dealing with and... well, you know.  But I'm thankful for how we have been blessed throughout this hard year, and I am looking forward very much to soon holding my new little guy.  I keep wondering if this will be our last.  I always wonder that.  My poor body has been through a lot and I just wonder every time if I'll come out able to have more babies or not.  I do know that Brom is supposed to come to our family, and I'm so pleased that he's almost here!  But will Jill ever get a sister?  I don't know.  But God will take care of the details and it will be ok either way.

And speaking of Jill, I'd better record this before I forget.  I think Jill has been paying attention to her mother's aches and pains.  Last night she was getting tired, and she started moaning, "Oh, my hip hurts!"  I asked her, "Jill, do you know where your hip is?"  She said no.  Then the rest of the evening she wandered around saying, "My hip hurts!  Mommy, do you know where my hip is?  Can you help me find my hip?"  I think Papa must have tried to explain because she put her hands on her waist and said, "This is my belly.  Where's my hip?"

Another One Bites the Dust

I have decided to cut myself some slack again.  I have been quite a whiner this year, but looking back on this last year I don't feel as bad as I did about whining.  It has been a really tough year.  We've just been going along trying to be good people as usual, but we've been repeatedly kicked in the face.  I know that is not the reward for trying to be good. I know that this life is supposed to be full of challenges.  But man!  They just seem extra concentrated over the last year.

A year ago yesterday we moved to Globe.  On the way our little car broke down.  We had to pay a lot of money for it and didn't get it back for months.  And we came home to this lovely old house that our tenants so badly damaged - after living in such a lovely home for the year before.  A year later the bathroom floor still is not fixed. The boys' room light got replace but is now not working again.  The hall lights don't work.  The carport and shop lights don't work.  We even have some lovely exposed wiring where the tenants pulled fixtures down in the hall and the shop.  And the small bathroom still needs the cesspool pumped.  We've been using it some anyway, just out of necessity.  What else can we do?

The boys got bullied some last year at school.  (You could argue that they should just live with it because it builds character.  I say pooey.  My boys are good people, and they don't need to live with emotional scars for the rest of their lives.  That is not cool.)  And we invited Elizabeth to live with us.  Boy, is she the stinky gift that keeps on, well, stinking.  We lived all school year with a job that pays peanuts, and now we've been without any job since the beginning of June. 

And to top off all that (and others I don't need to mention), we've been fighting with DES all year, trying to get the help we need.  We've hauled in tomes of documents - proof of everything from our cousin's cocker spaniel to how many times a day we blink our eyes.  And every time I think they can't possibly ask for more, they do.  And usually we end up bringing in the same documents repeatedly.  So we struggled through getting approved when we got here. Then we struggled through recertification at the beginning of the year.  And we were just struggling through recertification again when yesterday out of the blue (on the one-year-mark of this horribly hard year) we got some letters stating that we are being kicked off food stamps and AHCCCS (state health care) at the end of the month.  Their reasoning is that we failed to bring in the latest tome of documents.  What the...?  I brought them in two weeks ago!  I have no idea what to do now.  One option is that we can apply for a fair hearing (oh, joy) or we can start all over with a new application.  Well, guess what?  I have no desire to go to court, and if we lose we're in trouble anyway.  If I can't prove that they got those documents (I did turn them in.  Just ask Jeremy!  He watched the kids while I hurried over there to do it.), we'll just have to start over anyway.  And if I do a new application, well, it takes them 30 to 60 days to process.  (This is mostly because we are strange folks who were responsible with our tax return instead of just blowing the whole thing right when we got it.  Because of that we have to prove how we're paying our bills or provide proof that somebody's helping us or that we're not paying them and our utilities are being cut off.  And even after I prove all that I have to prove it again and write a letter stating how we're making it - again.)  Well, guess what.  I don't have 30-60 days!  I have a baby being born in 2 weeks and 5 days!

So there you go.  There is my latest rant.  I am still praying my face off.  I don't know what is going to happen.  I am feeling pretty darn scared.  I keep wondering if we have to hit rock bottom before things will get better.  We are not quite there yet, but we've been tiptoeing on the line for a while now.  I don't feel bitter against God.  I know that there is a reason for this last year.  I pray that we will see it someday.  But I know that He knows what's going on, and I know that He is going to take care of us.  I am clinging to that with all I'm worth.